Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged) Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Chapters Menu

Chapter 4

Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged)

Chapter 4 of 6

Proulxes

In which Slytherin plotting fails....

Humor Mystery/Suspense Romance Potions Under Duress 17,020 Words 6 Chapters Complete

Reviewed

Previous Chapter Next Chapter
↓ See Reviews & Actions ↓

Chapter 4

[Torn scrap of parchment]

What the hell are you playing at, Snape? Lucius-Bloody-Sodding-Malfoy? You sent Lucius-Bloody-Sodding-Malfoy to spy on me and hex Jerry?

What on earth possessed you to do it?

Perhaps you'd care to explain your bizarre actions to me in writing, as you are unwilling to speak to me in person (nice Wards, by the way; I see that you've strengthened them since the last time I was here).

On second thoughts, there is no possible explanation that a normal, sane person could offer. I have tried to be mature about our... situation. I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, as always.

Do. Not. Speak. To. Me.

H. Granger

Glebe Cottage

Hogsmeade

3rd August 2008

Dear H,

Okay details! I want details! How did the date go? What was 'Boom Boom' like up close and personal?

I can't get out to meet you. Al has got an upset tummy, and when he throws up, the vomit turns fluorescent green and moves about the room. Don't come over it could be contagious!

Harry is out practicing for his next Quidditch training session with the Summer School. He claims that he's very nervous about being a teacher and needs the practice.... It's sweet really. Lots of people have signed up for the training, staff and students alike! Did you know that Professor Snape is joining the group this week? He used to referee Quidditch when we were at school, didn't he? I don't suppose he had much time for flying about when we were younger. Too busy being gloomy and tortured in the dungeons.

Are you coming down to the session? Please say that you will Harry could do with the support, and I can't go down there because of the creeping vomit menace....

Harry says that Snape is quite different in lessons now. He is still the acerbic b*****d he always was, but he does explain things more carefully and seems to have more time for his students than before. Maybe age has mellowed him...?!

Anyway, enough about Harry...details! Did you get home last night?!!

Gin

Griffindor Tower

Hogwarts

3rd August

Dear Gin,

Sorry to hear about vomiting godson. Please find, attached to the owl that has delivered this letter, a little herbal potion that I developed a while ago for settling the stomach. It's perfectly safe for Al to take. Three drops in water, then repeat every time he throws up. Not sure whether it will work on mobile stomach contents, but nothing ventured...try sprinkling it over the roaming sick, and see what happens. Good luck.

Will tell you about the date when I have calmed down about it. Suffice it to say that:

a) I got home safely, although unaccompanied.

b) Jerry is recovering from an unpleasant magical reaction to holding hands and attempting to kiss me.

c) It is possible to cast a Hominus Revelio, Petrificus Totalus and a defoliating charm simultaneously when totally furious.

d) Severus Snape is an unconscionable bastard.

Of course I will go and support Harry. Jerry has signed up to take his Quidditch training course this week, and I'm really looking forward to seeing him in action. Harry, too, of course.

Much love,

The Dungeons

Monday 4th August 2008

Dear Professor Granger,

Further to your recent near-hysterical attempts to enter my rooms this morning.

I have no idea what you are raving about in the letter that you spelled to my door.

If Lucius Malfoy wishes to spend his evenings watching you cavort around with your new I shudder to use the word 'boyfriend', then it is of no interest to me. I suggest that you are developing an irrational paranoia. Have you considered hormone replacement therapy?

Griffindor Tower

4th August

Nice try, Snape.

Your note was in his pocket.

The Dungeons

Hogwarts

4th August

Lucius

Why in all the festering Hells of Satan and his little minions, did you put the letter that I sent to you in your pocket?

(By the way, that dry scraping noise you can hear is the shade of Salazar Slytherin turning over in his grave, as one of the sons of his House is revealed to be a blithering incompetent.)

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Lesson plan: to be completed by all professors

Activity: Quidditch

Professor: H. Potter

Date: 4th August 2008

Learning objectives: Reintroduction to Quidditch, top tips for success!

Lesson Activities:

- Broom awareness (bristles and shaft, footrests and how to mount)

- Warm up (should take about 5 minutes if everyone can mount a broom properly!)

- Introduction to basic drills:

- Over- and under-arm Quaffle control

- Quaffle passing without the panic

- Bludger dodging

- Goalie confidence - some tips and tricks

- Snitch awareness

- Quick-response snitch capture

- Scratch Game

Lesson evaluation:

Pretty pleased with most of the session. The group was focused on task throughout the drills and practice exercises and seemed to be enjoying themselves. Everything went according to my lesson plan until the scratch game during which, unfortunately, Professor Snape became distracted by a Bludger (struck by Professor Bloomberg) while attempting to execute the Wronski Feint and collided with the opposing team's goal post, the sidewall of the upper stands, and the ground. Proper first aid was applied at the scene, and then he was removed to the Hospital Wing for further treatment.

Signed: Harry Potter

Dear Severus,

GET WELL SOON!

I am sorry that you have been injured. Trying to execute the Wronski Feint while travelling upside down is never a good idea, even for the fittest seeker. What were you thinking of? If I didn't know you better, I would have said that you were showing off...! We're none of us getting any younger. Please do not endanger yourself again...good Potions masters are hard to come by!

Your concerned friend,

Minerva

GET WELL SOON!

From your Summer School Potions Class, 2008

You rock, Professor!

Get well soon, Professor Snape!

I hope your leg feels better soon, Prof!

Potions won't be the same without you!

Quidditch is bad for your health!

Hope you feel better soon, sir!

Nice Feint. Shame about the landing! (Only kidding, Prof!)

Glebe House

Hogsmeade

Dear Severus,

I hope that you are feeling better. I blame myself for your accident, of course. If I had only made it clearer what manoeuvres I was expecting you to practice.... After so much time away from the game, it wasn't safe for you to try to execute such a difficult... Oh, well...I'm sure you know all that and you are sitting in the Hospital Wing, reading my letter and thinking 'what an idiot'. So I'll just end by saying how much I sincerely apologise for your injuries and I do understand what you are going through as Poppy helps you to mend your leg and hip.

GET WELL SOON!

Earnestly yours,

Harry Potter

Malfoy Manor

My dear fellow,

I heard about your unfortunate sporting injury. Really, Severus, haven't you grown out of such childish displays? Don't think I have any sympathy for you; that bloody woman hexed my hair out.

GET WELL SOON!

I hope your recovery is long and painful.

Lucius

GET WELL SOON!

I guess that makes us even, Buddy

Boom Boom

The Hospital Wing

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Tuesday 5th August 2008

Dear Professor Granger,

As I am somewhat indisposed for the moment, would it be imposing too much on your kind and generous nature to ask you to teach my class for the next two days? I am sure that someone with your undoubted capacity for sympathy and understanding cannot stand by and watch the students suffer in my absence.

Poppy has confirmed that my resistance to healing spells has lengthened the time of my convalescence by forty-eight hours. I should be back at my desk by Thursday.

Professor S Snape

Gryffindor Tower

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Tuesday 5th August

Dear Professor Snape,

Do not try to play the sympathy card. I am still very angry with you, you unbearable man.

Of course I will teach your classes while you are still injured...I had already volunteered to Minerva to do so.

Professor Granger

A/N Despite my best efforts at memory charms, I cannot persuade anybody that I own these characters. Beaweasley2, Clairvoyant and nagandsev continue to make up for my incompetence.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter
↑ Back to the Top ↑

Story Actions

To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.

Leave a Review

Latest 25 Reviews for Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged)

85 Reviews | 6.81/10 Average

9/10

Lyght816

Loved this one! So glad I found it again to re-read! :)

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Oh - hey! Thank you. I'm sorry I have only just found this review on my profile. Thank you for takign the time to review the story - I'm really glad you liked it. Pxx

10/10

braye27

I just reread All Hallows Reckoning, and came back to reread Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged), only to realize that I had not read or reviewed this last chapter! *hangs head in shame* I have no excuse for my abysmal behavior, but I will plead for forgiveness so that I can once again hold my head high as a member in good standing of the Proulxes Fan Club Extraudinaire.That fund raiser of a Quidditch match will surely be spoken about on many lips when the words make it plain to one and all that the lovebirds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry are now in residence and brewing all kinds of lemony magic as they Keep Calm and Carry On –With LOVE!I don't believe there is a single thing you've written that I haven't fallen head over heels in love with... and this one is no exception!Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent. It is so very much appreciated. Beth

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Oh crikey! *Blushes furiously* I'm sorry I didn't catch this review when you left it. I confess that I really enjoyed writing this story. It was for an exchange... and the prompt just set firecrackers off in my imagination. THANK YOU for taking the time to review Summer School! Pxxx

10/10

Helena Rickman

This story is beyond the point of charming and entertaining. It has no equal. I loved it and plan to read it over and over again for years. Thank you for a great tale.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thank you so much! Summer School was great fun to write and I am so pleased that you enjoyed it! Best wishes, Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thank you so much! Summer School was great fun to write and I am so pleased that you enjoyed it! Best wishes, Pxx

0/10

TheCopperDragon2004

Haha, love it so far. Wasn't Dracula worn this easy as well, with letters between the characters? Anyways, love that he got a quill anyways lol.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thanks again! Pxx

0/10

TheCopperDragon2004

Ha, I thought that Jerry guy seemed to much like a fake lovechild of Trelawny and Lockhart from the moment I heard him sputtering about arithmancy. Glad his fraud was revealed. And I LIVE that poor Snape blew up something like thirty cauldrons lol. I guess even Masters aren't perfect.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Yes - this story was great fun to write. I like my comedy!Snape to be in character and yet faintly hopeless at the relationships thing. Can't abide LoveGod!Snape at all! So pleased to have entertained you!! Pxx

0/10

TheCopperDragon2004

Haha, love it so far. Wasn't Dracula worn this easy as well, with letters between the characters? Anyways, love that he got a quill anyways lol.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thank you! I'm so pleased you are enjoying it! Best wishes, Pxx

10/10

OzRatbag2

I do like a happy ending, made all the more so by the fact that Jerry was dragged away and charged all thanks to Luna and Cissy.I enjoyed this so much, I really would have liked it to be longer, and should you ever write a sequel to it, I'll very happily enjoy every word. :)

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to write to me! I am so pleased you enjoyed it... It means a huge amount to get feedback from readers. Sequel? Mmmmm... Only if I can think of another suitably awful thing to do to Lucius... :) Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

10/10

OzRatbag2

Between Cissy and Ginny, hopefully one of them will grow up and try and sort out whatever happened in the past. As for 'Boom, Boom,' he is seriously irritating (as he was meant to be).Just what Pomona saw down at the Greenhouses would have been most interesting if Severus had kept his powder dry and not exploded.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Yup... Love Narcissa... She has the measure of Boom Boom alright! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Yup... Love Narcissa... She has the measure of Boom Boom alright! Pxx

10/10

OzRatbag2

~dies laughing~ Lucius completely depilated of all his body hair. He'll be a pale frothing Slytherin at that I would think, and his card to Severus confirms as much.Poor Severus, trying oh so hard to impress and unfortunately ending up being scraped off the architecture. ;)I think Minerva would do well to reinforce the Room of Requirement, stick Hermione and Severus in there, and let them either due out their issues or shag like rabbits. Al's flourescent vomit is so icky, but I think it's probably the first time I've ever seen a magical child have magically revolting vomitus in a story. :p

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

So pleased you liked this chapter! I thought... What's the worst thing I could do to Lucius...?!! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

So pleased you liked this chapter! I thought... What's the worst thing I could do to Lucius...?!! Pxx

10/10

OzRatbag2

Oh dear, poor Severus, he's got it bad. But I do love his suggestions for Jerry to enthrall Hermione, as well as Pomona fishing for information. Sending Lucius to spy is like making Neville the sole person able to work in the potions lab with Severus, and yes, in the end, Lucius appears to have buggered it up probably quite spectacularly. :)

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Glad you liked it! Lucius is a tough character to write -- one day I'll engage with him properly, but for now I see him in this story as a waspish survivor... With a VERY clever wife...! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Glad you liked it! Lucius is a tough character to write -- one day I'll engage with him properly, but for now I see him in this story as a waspish survivor... With a VERY clever wife...! Pxx

10/10

OzRatbag2

Definitely something happened when Hermione was his apprentice, but I love the idea of Severus getting a quill in a plain package. After all, he'd never hear the end of it otherwise.Bloomberg seems like a Lockhart type figure, and I laughed out loud at Severus' annotations to the serious research he was doing, as well as the insight into Pomona and Sybil's own chemical reactions. ;)Hermione's threat to Harry was short and to the point, but it's a wonder Harry and Severus can stand being in the same lab. I'm still waiting for the explosion. :p

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Aaaaaah! I'm trying to confound some expectations here... Perhaps both Harry and Severus can learn to live with each other now that they are both free of TDL... As for Pomona... She is my favourite character after Severus and Hermione. She will feature more....! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

10/10

OzRatbag2

I love the back and forth of the correspondence. It says so much in so few words, with Severus' pain and rancour at the absurdity of the idea only too apparent. The idea that he and Hermione have a past will be interesting to unravel, or maybe they'll just hex each other until the dungeons go 'boom!' ;)

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Hi Oz! Lovely to hear from you -- and a marathon review-fest too! Yes... I was setting up a mystery here and trying to say far more than is actually said (if that makes any sense!) in this chapter in particular.... Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

0/10

moor

You are hilarious!

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

*Bows very low* Thank you!! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

*Bows very low* Thank you!! Pxx

10/10

mick42

I knew Narcissa had a plan,and Luna was the perfect person to put it into action. Thank you best laugh I've had in a long time.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

So pleased you liked it, mick! Delighted to have brought you laughter *disapparates to the theme tune of Morecombe and Wise".... Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

So pleased you liked it, mick! Delighted to have brought you laughter *disapparates to the theme tune of Morecombe and Wise".... Pxx

10/10

mick42

I laughed till I cried at the staff meeting.

Awww don't worry Severus, I'm sure Cissa has something up her sleeve, to make Boom Boom go bye bye.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Yes. Fear not, fair reader... Narcissa was not sorted into the House of Slytherin without good reason! Glad you liked hte staff meeting. I have actually sat through one like that. Although without the explosions. Or the references to flaming quintupeds.... Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

10/10

mick42

NOT THE HAIR! Hermione how could you He does deserve it for breaking the the first rule of Slytherin Thou shalt not get caught.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Ahhh - c'mon! It HAD to be the hair!!!! But Lucius did utterly deserve it. Snigger. Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Ahhh - c'mon! It HAD to be the hair!!!! But Lucius did utterly deserve it. Snigger. Pxx

10/10

mick42

Severus you bastard, wait till Hermione finds out about your "dating advice" . Boom Boom is soooo out of his depth { poor baby} And why has Severus signed up for Quidditch ?

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Yes. Completely out of his depth. Completely. But I think Severus is not waving but drowning also..... Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Yes. Completely out of his depth. Completely. But I think Severus is not waving but drowning also..... Pxx

10/10

mick42

Lucius stole the show in that chapter, but only just, Severus' "dictation" runs a close second.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

- apologies for the late reply (I've been away from the computer!). Glad you're enjoying the story so far! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

- apologies for the late reply (I've been away from the computer!). Glad you're enjoying the story so far! Pxx

0/10

Stella Stargazer

"throbbing", Boom-Boom....? Really?

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Uh... Yeah... Uh... *shuffles feet in embarrassment *..... ;) Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Uh... Yeah... Uh... *shuffles feet in embarrassment *..... ;) Pxx

0/10

mummsy

Loved it - well done on another pleasing story.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thank you! *Bows low* Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thank you! *Bows low* Pxx

10/10

Elisabeth

This was just a delight from start to finish. The voices were so vivid and I loved all the deft devices you used to open up the narrative and keep the epistolary format from becoming too rote -- the Quick Quotes Quill, the staff-meeting minutes, the Quidditch match transcript. Great job!

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

- thank you for your review! I'm so happy you enjoyed the format and enjoyed the characters in the story. Delighted! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

- thank you for your review! I'm so happy you enjoyed the format and enjoyed the characters in the story. Delighted! Pxx

0/10

heartmom88

Awwww... perfectly charming, P!I'm more than a little in awe of your Quidditch play by play reporting skills (not that I'd know the difference if you bungled it). I felt like I was watching Monday night football. ;)Any more stories in the works? I think I'm irreparably hooked...Until next time--hm88

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Thanks, hm88!! So pleased you enjoyed it. The Quidditch game was fun to write (I took inspiration from listening to a football game on the radio!).... The next story is a one-shot which is a sequel to another story on TPP (I know - another different type of story, but we'll see if it works!) and that will be up in a short while as it's currently with my beta for ripping into shape! then it's full steam ahead to the planning and writing of my next multi-chapter called Time's Arrow (which is much more in the style of Anima Mea again..... thank you so much for reviewing! Best wishes, Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

10/10

JudithsFancy

Forgive the delay in this review as I had to recover from the Quidditch game. I think I hallucinated that I was a bludger! I confess to disappointment that 'Boom Boom,' an obvious player of intimate games, was not punched in the face or other lower parts of his anatomy. He is a true solipsistic S...! I have devised a cocktail of elf wine, 6 drops of butterbeer and a half bottle of firewhiskey, which I raise in your honor. I may not get back to you for a time, but know that your humor makes me widdle in my knickers. My grin isn't fading. JK

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Hi there

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

. I am glad to read that you have recovered from the Quidditch game. I have sampled the coctail that you have recommended this evening (or as closely as I could recreate it) and pronounced it superb (*hic*). I believe that Hermione did her best to gain physical resititution from the 'serial charmer' Mr BB and imagine a very satisfying punch to the chops (a la Draco) in the Quidditch stands.... Causing someone to widdle in their knickers is truly one of the greatest compliments I have received in this fabulous world! Best wishes and happy travelling, Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Hi there

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

0/10

Minerva

What happended 6 years ago? Will your devoted readers be told in the epilogue?(hint hint)Lovely story, thank you.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Aaaaahhhh.... What did happen, indeed? I deliberately left this to the reader's imagination,

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

. Clearly they became close... Then it went bad. Take another look at my story All Hallows Reckoning and perhaps go from there.... Thanks for all your reviews! Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

Aaaaahhhh.... What did happen, indeed? I deliberately left this to the reader's imagination,

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

. Clearly they became close... Then it went bad. Take another look at my story All Hallows Reckoning and perhaps go from there.... Thanks for all your reviews! Pxx

0/10

Bettina

Considering the pair's ineptitude, they (and we) have to thank Mr Boom Boom for this scheme. Yes, I assume Hermione was not any better than Severus. All clear-headed, Minerva? Didn't you ever look at Pomona or Hermione? Loved the background of the quidditch players, too. Good story, and esp excellent handling of this rather challenging narrative style. I admit, though, that this last (??) chapter leaves a bit too much open for me.

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))

! Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate the feedback. I deliberately left the previous incident open, to the readers imagination -- although I must tell you that an early draft of the story contained a desperate letter from H to Luna, in which she explained what had happened and what went wrong... But the tone of that letter was just too serious for such a lighthearted and frothy tale, so it actually morphed a little and became the story All Hallows Reckoning, which is also archived here. Once again, I really appreciate the constructive feedback and I'm glad that despite the open ended nature of the end, you still enjoyed the story. Best wishes, Pxx

Response from Proulxes (Author of Summer School (For The Romantically Challenged))