Chapter 14

Sirius was waiting upstairs for his friend. "Good. You're alone."

Remus collapsed onto the bed. "Unfortunately, yes."

"What do you mean 'unfortunately'? That was a bad situation." He still couldn't understand what Remus had seen in Wendy. Sirius had known she was nothing but trouble.

Remus buried his head in his hands. "I love her, Sirius. I don't know why and I don't know when it happened, but I love her."

Sirius had no idea how to respond to this. He had heard Remus talk about this before and had half-expected Remus to take her back if her explanation was even slightly plausible. "Then why aren't you with her?"

"Because I don't think she returns that love. She said she did, but how can I believe her? Especially after she admitted how she was raised." He then recounted their conversation. He finished with, "I know you were right and that I should have listened to you. You tried to tell me it was a bad idea, but I thought she had changed."

"I'm sorry you had to learn this the hard way, mate," Sirius said sympathetically. While he was calm outwardly, inwardly, he wanted to make Wendy pay for what she did to Remus.

Remus tried to go about life as normally as possible. Wendy seemed to have gotten the message and hadn't been around headquarters since their last meeting. He was still running errands for the household, mostly on the way home from work. In a way, he was thankful there were no more leads to investigate, even though it was unnerving that the number of reports of Death Eater activity had gone down.

He was glad to see Harry and the other children return to Hogwarts where they would be safe. The Order headquarters was no place for them with the gathering storm and he strongly suspected this was the calm before the storm. Of course, Harry's departure meant that Sirius' mood now matched his, and he decided to work as many hours as he could, just to get out of the house.

The Tuesday after the children left, he was trying to make the most of the day. Sirius was refusing to come out of his room, which actually suited Remus quite well after the unpleasantness of the previous night. They had gotten into an argument about Harry. Sirius, naturally, did not trust Snape and Remus, strangely enough, found himself sticking up for the Potions Master.

The only problem with not having Sirius around to talk to, was that he was quite bored at breakfast. They didn't take the Daily Prophet in order to protect their location. Normally, someone from the Order would stop by and drop a copy off sometime in the afternoon. Seeing as it was still early, he was quite surprised to hear someone banging at the door and ringing the bell. This, of course, set Mrs. Black off on one of her tirades.

As the beating at the door became more insistent, he knew he had to answer the door first and deal with her later. "Kingsley? What brings you here at this hour?" he asked over the shouting portrait.

Kingsley slipped inside. "I can't stay long. I thought you might want to see this. I don't think you're going to be seeing any of the Aurors in the near future." He handed Remus the paper and began working on closing the curtains.

Remus almost dropped the paper when he saw the pictures of the ten Death Eaters on the front page. "By Merlin, they didn't?"

"They did. It was as Albus feared. We've lost control of the dementors. The Prophet isn't reporting that, though. Gets worse. Bode was killed, too. It's on page ten. I really have to go." With that, Kingsley slipped back out the door, the curtains only half closed.

Remus was reading the Azkaban breakout article, completely oblivious to Mrs. Black's screaming.

Sirius came storming downstairs. "Shut that old bat up!" he yelled. "Remus, don't tell me you've lost your hearing?" he snapped.

Remus handed Sirius the paper and closed the curtains around Mrs. Black.

"By the gods, they're loose," Sirius said quietly. "How did it happen?"

"Kingsley didn't say exactly, but he did say the dementors seem to be outside Ministry control now. And Bode's dead, too. Page ten. I haven't read it yet. Coffee?" he asked as he headed back down to the kitchen.

The next week passed in a daze. Most of the members of the Order were busy with their Ministry jobs in the wake of the escape. Wizarding London was very nervous and Remus was beginning to feel as helpless and useless as Sirius. The only escape he found was in his job at the bookshop. He was reorganizing the books on the shelves when he heard a familiar voice.

"Hi, Sally," came Wendy's cheerful voice.

Sally embraced Wendy warmly. "Wendy, good to see you, though I'm a bit surprised. Andy's been too busy to come by and see me."

"I'm on my lunch break and I don't have a lot of time. Is John around?"

"Back there," Sally pointed toward the back of the store.

Remus immersed himself back in his work, wishing he could have made it to the back room, but Sally would have probably just let Wendy go back there.

"Hi, John. I don't have a lot of time and I wanted to talk with you." He had agreed to go by his more Muggle middle name for this job, even though Sally might know he was a wizard, the other employees did not.

"Well, I'm quite busy right now. Maintaining these books in order is never ending work," he replied without making eye contact.

Wendy was mindful of the others in the store. "John, please. After the events of the thirteenth I had to talk to you again. I actually wanted to talk to you before then, but the escape happened and this was the first chance I've had to get away. We've been working almost non-stop."

"Oh really? You wanted to come talk to me?" he asked incredulously.

"Look, this is hard for me, okay? I'm not the type of person that has done a lot of apologizing. You taught me about emotions I wasn't even aware of. You were right when you said I was taking my first step towards emotional maturity. And as such, I'm going to make mistakes. I miss you. My home and my heart are empty without you."

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. The apology sounded sincere, but he would move cautiously. "But do you really mean it? I know how easy it is for you Slytherins to lie."

"I'm not lying to you." She placed her hand on his bicep. "I do love you."

"And how many times have you seen him?"

She knew he was referring to Lucius. "Just once."

"So that hasn't changed?" he asked coldly.

She replied sadly, "No. And now is not the time to alienate him. If what Harry has said about who his associates are is true, I may be the best chance to find out some more information about the escapees. Add to that the fact that one of them was at one time my best friend, and there is a definite chance I could provide us with the information to capture them. I can't stop seeing him."

Remus leaned his head against the bookshelf. He sighed. "That doesn't make it hurt any less."

She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I know that. It hurts me, too. The only way I can stand it is by telling myself that I am doing it for the greater good. He's incredibly shallow and arrogant; traits that I find I can no longer stand. You, on the other hand, embody the traits I now appreciate. You are warm, compassionate, thoughtful, loving and so much more. All the things I had never known. I think it's a secret you commoners like to keep from us. In that way, you are richer than we are. We are the Ebenezer Scrooges of the world. All we care about are our fortunes and political influences. You are my three spirits and I've changed."

"Have you? Have you done anything out of the goodness of your heart?" She was saying exactly what he wanted to hear, and that was why he had such a hard time believing her.

"I've loved you. Prior to that, no. I didn't become an Auror to serve the greater good. I did so because of the role my husband and family had during the last war. It was purely for revenge. That has led me to do some rather unscrupulous things. That's pretty much the same reason I joined the Order. To get back at those that destroyed my life." She kissed his cheek and whispered, "Remus, I am so very sorry I hurt you. I have to go now. We don't get very long for lunch. I am home late most evenings and I've not changed the warding, so if you wanted to visit and talk longer, you still can." With her fingers she turned his head so she could kiss his lips gently. "I've missed you so very much." She really wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him passionately, but she knew that would be too much for him to handle.

Remus watched her go. Why does she torment me so? I was finally getting over her and now she had to come here sounding so sincere. I want to believe her, but should I? He went back to his books, burying himself in his work.

Sally came over and saw he was agitated. "Is there something I can help with?"

"No, thank you, Sally. It's rather complicated." He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"You know, from the first time she came to see me about hiring you, I knew that she had it bad."

"Had what bad?" he asked innocently.

"Had you bad. She's absolutely smitten with you, John. Don't tell me you're too blind to see that." She leaned against the stack of books and smiled at him.

"Perhaps I am," he replied sadly.

"Oh, don't tell me you've broken up. You two make such a nice couple."

Remus studied Sally. That woman really had no idea what station either of them held in wizarding society. "Thank you for your kind words, but we've a bit of a difference of ideology that we don't seem to be able to work through."

"That's truly a shame. Though, I don't know everything about your type, I hope you can work through it. Well, I'd best get back to the register. Let me know if you need some time off." She smiled warmly before heading back to the counter.

He found himself contemplating exactly what he knew he shouldn't do, what he knew Sirius would tell him was a very bad idea.

When Remus returned home, he found that Sirius had dinner prepared. Unfortunately, he didn't feel much like eating. Instead, he pushed his food around on his plate.

"Now, I know I'm not that good a cook, but it's edible," said Sirius.

Remus pushed his plate away. "I'm sorry. I'm just not hungry."

"Are you sick?" Sirius asked as he tried to determine if his friend showed an outward signs of illness.

"No." Remus tried to decide how to explain it all to Sirius. He didn't think it was likely Sirius would understand. "Wendy came by the bookstore today," he said simply.

When Sirius realized Remus wasn't going to elaborate, he asked, "What happened?"

"She tried to apologize, once again claiming that she loves me, that she wants me back."

"And you told her to bugger off, right?" Sirius asked optimistically.

"It's not that easy. You've already admitted you've never been in love and this isn't something I can really explain. I know what she did is wrong, but I still miss her, and seeing her today only made it that much worse."

"Did you ask her about Malfoy?"

"I did, and it hasn't changed, but the way she explains it..."

Sirius interrupted. "There isn't an explanation for it. She's a Slytherin, through and through. Her behavior confirms that. You said she admitted she and Malfoy were long time lovers. What proof do you have that this isn't something she wants? Or that she would really give him up? Don't think about it, mate."

"I can't help it. I felt as though she accepted me for who I am. I felt normal. I know that doesn't mean much to you, but it meant the world to me. I'm used to being shunned and living in poverty. With her help, that has changed. If she doesn't care for me, why would she go through the trouble to get me a job?"

"Well, er." Sirius had to admit he didn't have an answer for that.

"Exactly. And then Sally told me that she could see how much Wendy loves me. You know, she doesn't think like us. I thought you would appreciate that growing up with your family."

"Yeah, well, I didn't exactly like them. But you're right; they aren't normal. What are you going to do?"

Remus ran his hands over his face and through his hair. "I don't know. I can't seem to talk her out of Malfoy. If she would agree to give up her foolish idea of getting information from him, I think we could make it work."

Sirius stood and placed his hand on Remus' shoulder. "You're better than her, mate. The two of you have too many ideological differences. It's time to just move on."

"I suppose you're right," Remus replied, though he didn't really believe his words.

Over the course of the next week, he almost went to her house on three separate occasions, but resisted. Finally, as the full moon approached, he used the wolf inside to muster the courage to talk to her. He would break it off once and for all. He had to leave no doubt in her mind that he was not willing to make the sacrifices she asked of him.

When he arrived at her house around eight, she was not there. Cappa seemed extremely pleased to see him and kept offering him food and drink. He was too nervous to accept either.

It was nearly ten when he heard the familiar crack of Apparition. He was leaving the library to go talk to her, when they collided in the doorway. "Wendy..." he started soberly.

At the same time she wrapped her arms around him and proclaimed happily, "Remus."

He pulled her arms away and backed out of her embrace. "Please, let me speak first," he said soberly.

She didn't like the tone of his voice, but entered the library to hear what he had to say. "Okay." They took seats on opposite sides of the couch.

"I came over to tell you that it has to end. We are too different. I cannot accept what you are doing with Malfoy. Even if it ends when he is captured, I will always wonder if there could be someone else in the future. You have already mentioned renewing ties to those from your old social circle and you have mentioned the questionable morals of those people. I need to be in a committed relationship, and I don't think it's something you can do." He put up his hand to stop her from interrupting. "Let me continue. Add to that the fact I would be doing you a great disservice. You deserve a normal life with a normal man. I cannot give you that. I will be forever linked with the moon.

"In addition, you have no doubt noticed my premature aging. That is a side effect of the transformations. They put an incredible strain on my body. I won't live a normal lifespan and to pretend otherwise would be horribly unfair to you."

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "I can understand you're unhappy with the current arrangement I have with Lucius, but that is only until this is over. I have no interest in him or any of my other old friends. I don't fit in with that group anymore. Sure, I can pretend, but I'm not happy around them. Now, to bring up your lifespan as a convincing argument against a relationship is a pretty flimsy excuse. I could die tomorrow. As a matter of fact, we've already lost an Auror in our quest to recapture the escapees, though you won't see that in the Prophet. Not to mention the brewing war that will undoubtedly cause us all casualties. You would give up fifty or sixty years of happiness in order to spare me the pain of having to bury a husband? I wouldn't. I would suffer any torment in order to experience a life of happiness with you, no matter how short it might be. You have shown me what it means to be in love, to be truly happy."

She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. "When I would lie in your arms I would feel safe, happy and think of nothing but you. I want that feeling back. I've missed you terribly since you left. I know I hurt you and I know I do things that you don't understand. I wish it could be different, but this isn't a perfect world and we have to accept the imperfections."

"Wendy, I know this isn't a perfect world. I've lived a less than perfect life." He looked away from her. "The thought of you with Malfoy tears me up inside. I know you tell me there is no emotion in that relationship, but it doesn't matter. It's a hard thing for me to accept, since fidelity in a relationship is part of my culture." He felt her slide closer to him and he shifted away from her. A part of him knew that letting her get too close was bad. When she had hugged him, it had been very hard for him to pull away.

She wrapped her hand around his and looked into his eyes. "I know that. And I never intended to be unfaithful, something unexpected happen; something I'm still investigating. In any case, I never imagined he would want me back." She moved closer and ran her free hand through his hair, never breaking eye contact. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I never took into account how different we are. I just used all the resources at my disposal, as distasteful as it might be."

He pulled away and stood up. "Perhaps when this is all over. But for now, I can't. I'll see you at the meetings, and if we are told to work together, I won't protest. I'll see you around." Walking out of the library was one of the hardest things he had ever done.

After nearly a month of searching for the escaped Death Eaters, neither the Ministry nor the Order had turned up anything. The manhunt ordered by the Ministry was dramatically scaled back, much to the relief of all involved. None of the Aurors had been given any time off, and, as one of the more senior members of the department, Wendy found herself as one of the first getting a couple days off. They would soon return to their normal schedules.

She wandered into the library and took a look at the stack of mail burying her desk. She really wasn't in the mood to go through any of it, but it had been ignored for far too long. She poured herself a drink and started sorting it into piles. When she was about half way through the stack, she noticed Cappa standing in the doorway.

"Mistress, you are having a visitor."

Before Cappa could say anything else, Lucius swept into the room. "Forgive me for disturbing you."

Even though she was tired, she put on her most polite demeanor. "Not at all. Please, have a seat. What brings you by this evening?"

"I've missed you terribly and I heard that the Ministry was finally scaling back its use of the Aurors and that you had some time off." He flashed a smile at her. "As I had business in London today, I thought I'd stop by." Moving behind her, he started rubbing her shoulders.

She wouldn't have been at all surprised to learn he was responsible for her being one of the first with time off. "You don't know how good that feels," she said quietly. "It's been very hectic and we haven't got a clue how the escape happened or where they've gone. I had the privilege of spending three days combing around Azkaban for clues."

"And you didn't find anything?"

She thought she could hear a little bit of nervousness in his voice, but she was so tired she wasn't sure. "There wasn't really anything to find. The dementors made sure of that. Even without them there, it's still a dismal place. I really don't want to talk about it."

"I'm surprised they let you conduct the investigation, given your past." He sat on the edge of her desk.

She shrugged and leaned back in her chair. "I think they've hit the point where they've forgotten. They sent me because of my affinity for rooting out Dark Magic. Of course, since it was less of a breakout and more of a release, there really wasn't anything to find." She had an idea, which she didn't believe was truth, but might serve to convince Lucius to draw her into his confidence. "Perhaps they wanted to give me a nice lovely waste of time to keep me out of the way. Maybe they haven't forgotten?" she mused.

"Interesting thought," he purred and led her over to the couch. "Do you think it's true?"

"Now that I think about it, there is a strong possibility it is." She continued to try to earn his trust.

"Have they questioned you about your past associations?" he asked.

"Not in a very long time. Have they questioned you?"

"Do you honestly have to ask that question?" he replied coyly.

She laughed along with him. "No, I guess not. You are above reproach, aren't you?"

"That I am," he replied as he brushed her cheek. "You look tired; perhaps I should take you up to bed?" He leaned over her, pinning her against the arm of the couch as he nibbled on her neck.

"I somehow doubt you'd let me get any rest," she replied playfully.

"Not at first. It's been far too long."

"Narcissa hasn't provided you any relief?" She tried to sound shocked.

"The Ice Queen? Not bloody likely since my birthday isn't until May and she has long since ceased considering Valentine's Day a worthy holiday. You know that," he teased.

She ran her finger down his nose. "Just checking to see if perhaps she had changed."

"I don't think any of us have really changed. I, for one, am quite glad that you have not." He helped her up from the couch and kissed her passionately as he began undoing her clothes. The two of them left a trail of clothes from the library to the bedroom.

By early March, Lucius had made quite a habit of coming by Wendy's house. She was dismayed that he was not more forthcoming about any illicit activities. Over the past few weeks, she had carefully hinted about her growing dissatisfaction with the Ministry and their pandering to the less worthy. She had even danced around the subject of the dementors' defection. While she didn't care for them and wasn't really surprised that they had rebelled against Ministry control, she had made it sound like they were being mistreated by the Ministry and rebelled because they had no choice.

In return, all she had gotten from Lucius were hints of business deals and how they would make things so much better for all true wizards. She continued to try to pry information out of him, but he continued to remain evasive.

They were lying together in bed after one their marathon love making sessions. He had come over for dinner, but they never made it to the dining room. Exhausted, she was starting to drift off to sleep when she felt him stirring. Surely, he couldn't be ready for another go? She began to suspect he was taking some sort of potion to enhance his performance. "Lucius, where are you going?"

"I have a meeting that I can't miss," he replied apologetically.

"At this hour? Make them wait until morning." She grabbed at him to keep him in the bed. If he wanted to get up, he would have to do better than that. Besides, it would force him to divulge more information.

"I can't do that, my dear. He's a very important... colleague," he replied evasively.

She started to suspect something in the way he carefully chose his words. "Is it at your manor?"

"No."

"Oh, good, then you can take me with you and I can entertain you afterwards," she said playfully as she pushed him back on the bed and straddled him.

He placed his hands on her waist. "As enjoyable as that would be, I'm afraid not. This isn't exactly the sort of place I can bring a guest."

She leaned across his chest. "Even if I promise to dress well and act respectable? Or I could always Apparate directly to your room. Then, no one would know I'm there." Trying to further confuse his thought process, she licked his chest and started trailing her tongue lower. "I would be very discreet."

Reluctantly, he pushed her away. "It isn't a place for you. It's quite cold there and you've been exposed to the elements enough already. I'll return when I can."

"Are you sure? I'm really quite good at warming charms, so I wouldn't feel the cold." She hoped her persistence would pay off with more specific information.

"Now, now, my dear. You know I make it a rule not to mix business and pleasure. Now you are going to make me late and my mas... It would be bad form for me to be late," he corrected as he once again pulled away from her and went to the bathroom.

She tried not to react to his gaffe. It looked like the last several weeks of pouring through the books she had salvaged from the Black library might pay off. It was obscure Dark Magic and she hadn't had the opportunity to test it, but now was as good a time as any to try it. She pulled on her dressing gown and waited for Lucius.

Lucius was surprised to find her out of bed when he emerged. He took his clothes off the valet and began to dress. At least her house-elf was competent. Dobby had been the most capable of his house elves and, in reflection, that didn't say much for the quality of his elves. "You don't need to see me off," he said.

"The weather outside is frightful. I thought I'd let you Disapparate from the foyer," she replied casually.

"That's very thoughtful of you," he replied. He was still somewhat perplexed that she had not changed the warding on her house to allow him direct access. He knew that she was capable of that, unlike most other wizards and witches.

She followed him downstairs and once he was in the foyer, she lazily waved her wand and muttered two soft incantations. The first was to allow him to Disapparate. The second was a subtle tracking spell that would tell her which direction and how far he was traveling. She could have used a more complex tracking spell, but that one would leave a magical trace that a strong wizard could sense. If he was indeed meeting with the Dark Lord, the trace would no doubt be discovered.

"I'll see you soon," he said cheerfully before vanishing.

As soon as she had what she needed from the tracking spell, she raised the full warding and ran back upstairs to shower and change as quickly as she could. Once dressed, she left for Order headquarters. Hopefully, there would be someone there. She would definitely need backup for this mission.

While it was late, she still knocked gently on the door, hoping someone was awake. When there was no answer, she rang the bell. If the bell didn't draw someone's attention, Mrs. Black would.

Remus threw the door open, "What the bloody hell," he started off shouting and continued in a more reasonable tone, "are you doing here?" She had made Order meetings when she could, but he had not seen much of her since their falling out in early January.

Wendy shoved past him to come inside, out of the weather, and saw Sirius wrestling with the curtains to cover the portrait. "I need you to get dressed. I think Lucius is meeting with the Dark Lord tonight and I have a very good idea where, but we have to hurry."

Remus hurried upstairs and Wendy moved over to help Sirius with the curtains. "And how would you have gotten that information?" he asked suspiciously.

"He was at my place this evening and when he left, I used a tracking spell to get an idea of where he was going," she replied.

"A tracking spell? Are you daft? They'll be able to sense that." Sirius had never thought she could be that stupid.

"Not the one I used. Do you think I'm that stupid? I know an awful lot of Dark Magic and part of Dark Magic is being tricky. I don't know exactly where, but I have a very good idea."

They stared at each other in silence while they waited for Remus to return. It didn't take him very long and he was tucking in his shirt as he descended the stairs.

Wendy pulled a cloak off her shoulders that she had been wearing over hers. "Put this on. It'll be very cold where we're going."

"Where are we going?" Remus asked as fastened the cloak.

"Can you Apparate by direction?" Wendy asked.

"Yes." This question made him nervous. It was always disorienting to Apparate purely by direction.

She placed her wand on her open palm and muttered a quiet incantation. The wand rose and spun to point in a north-northwesterly direction. "One-hundred-seventy-two miles that direction."

"Do you even know what you are getting in the middle of?" Sirius asked. He was more concerned about Remus' well being than hers.

"Not exactly. For all I know we will find the Dark Lord, a number of his current supporters and the ten escapees."

"And the two of you are going to take them all on?" he asked skeptically.

She shook her head. "No, I don't intend to fight anyone. I intend to take names and perhaps find out if they are hiding in the area. If I figure out where they escapees are hiding, I'll come back with a full contingent of Aurors. Until I have something firm, I'm not likely to get any Ministry backing." It was still risky for just two people to Apparate at a potential Death Eater meeting with the Dark Lord, but it was the only course of action they had. There was no time to find more help or to ask for advice.

"Be careful out there, Remus," said Sirius.

Wendy and Remus walked outside. "Do you need me to show you the direction again?" she asked.

"No. I've got it." He pulled his wand out of his pocket. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'm going to get." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss for luck before Disapparating.

He quickly followed and found himself in a wooded area. Looking around, he saw no sign of Wendy. He held out his palm and placed his wand on it. "Quaero Wendy." He watched as the wand spun before steadying. Using his heightened senses to search for any signs of danger, he went the direction his wand pointed.

After five minutes, he found Wendy doing much the same thing he was doing. "What do we do now?" he whispered. She had been right about it being cold, and he was glad she had brought the heavy cloak for him.

"I'll use the Seeker Spell to find Lucius. I think it's more prudent for you to use your senses to look out for danger."

"Of course," he whispered back. Once her wand was pointing towards Lucius, they began their journey. "How far do you think it is?"

"Can't be too far, the Seeker Spell found him fairly quickly. That's a distance dependent spell."

They were walking for perhaps ten minutes when Remus placed his hand on her shoulder to stop her. "Something's not right." He looked around and sniffed the air trying to determine what he sensed. Both of them had their wands at the ready.

Only now, was Wendy beginning to contemplate how truly stupid this was. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck standing on end as she had a very bad feeling about the mission. She started pushing him back the way they had come and shoved him hard against the ground as she felt the crackle of magic.

The spell flew over their heads and she rolled back to her feet, wand at the ready and launched a spell of her own. "RUN!" she shouted to Remus. If they split up, they might stand a better chance. Blindly, she launched another series of hexes, hoping to keep whoever had been attacking on the defensive. After about a half dozen spells, she ran in the same general direction Remus had.

She could hear more magic coming from her right, but had no time to worry about that. Thankfully, the trees were thick enough to provide some cover. She wasn't sure how far she had run, but the explosions of magic had stopped. Finding a somewhat sheltered place, she crouched down to catch her breath.

Once her breathing had almost returned to normal, she felt a darkness descending. It took her a few seconds to comprehend what it was. It was a dementor. Her mind went momentarily blank. "In the name of the Minister of Magic, I order you to stand down," she said as she flashed her Auror badge.

Of course, since the dementors were outside Ministry control, it did not back down. She tried to summon a happy thought and pointed her wand at the dementor. "Expecto Patronum!" she shouted but only a faint silver glow escaped her wand, not enough to deter the dementor. "Expecto Patronum," she said again, but this time it was nowhere near as forceful and she found any sort of happy memory slipping from her mind. She started descending into darkness and despair.