Forgivness

Dick Bates looked warily across the top of his desk at his dour and difficult patient. Never before had he been faced with such a complicated man, and to his surprise, he found himself full of compassion for him. Since their first (and he had assumed last) consultation, Dick had done a fair bit of research into Snape's background. From his miserable upbringing to his life at Hogwarts, Severus Snape hadn't had much in the way of companionship. From what he could gather, there hadn't been much love, either. There was no wonder the man was so uptight and conflicted.

'Tell me about her,' Dick said softly.

Snape sighed, and Dick noted the brief flash of a spark in his eye with interest.

'Her intelligence is what immediately springs to mind. Inquisitive, always asking questions. The conversation flowed between us, and I found myself captivated by her. Her interest in potions; her insights. So bright and quick thinking. The fact that she found me fascinating...'

'And Miss Granger?'

Snape stared back at him, his face a picture of sadness. 'All of that and more,' he said morosely.

Dick lifted his pen jotted down a few notes before looking pensively at Snape again.

'Indulge me for a moment, Severus. Close your eyes and think about Miss Granger, and tell me how you feel.'

Snape scowled for a moment but then complied, closing his eyes slowly as if still not entirely trusting of Dick Bates.

'Are you thinking of her?' he asked.

'I am.' Snape's face had relaxed into soft lines, and Dick Bates noted with interest how much younger he looked.

'And you feel?'

'Enthralled. Excited. And it hurts.' Snape snapped his eyes open and glared at Dick. 'What exactly is the point of this?'

'Trust me, Severus. I wouldn't be prying unless I had to. What you have to understand, you see, is that sexual arousal is never purely physical. Your emotions play a part, too. Lily and Miss Granger seem to be similar on many levels, but you seem to have forgotten the most important thing they have in common.' Dick took a breath and steeled himself.

'Don't beat around the bush, Bates, for god's sake. Haven't I already laid myself bare to you? You may go for the jugular at any time.'

'Severus, the main thing these wonderful women have in common is you and how you feel about them. You do realise that you were in love with Lily, don't you?'

'I fancied myself to be in love with her, yes. It was futile.'

'Because she fell in love with someone else. But Miss Granger remains single, I believe.'

Snape laughed incredulously. 'You're trying to suggest that I'm in love with Hermione Granger?'

'Is that so hard to believe?' Dick smiled softly.

Snape looked at him blankly and Dick watched with satisfaction as the sickle dropped.

'Fuck,' he muttered.

'You might get more than one if you act rather than sit on your laurels. Good luck with it, Severus. You deserve to be loved, even if you don't believe that yet.'

***

Three days later, Severus Snape found himself skulking around Diagon Alley. He had watched as his prey went into Flourish & Blotts, and then followed at a discreet distance as she headed for Slug & Jiggers. It was late in the afternoon and most shoppers had left. As she stepped out of the apothecary into the balmy sunshine, he took his chance before his inner killjoy talked him out of it.

'Mrs. Potter? If I may speak with you a moment?' Severus felt his mouth go dry under the smirking scrutiny of his former student, and although he wanted to run away very fast in the opposite direction, he stood his ground, pulling himself up to his full height.

'I wondered when you'd speak. I saw you, following me like you were waiting for a chance to give me detention.' Ginevra Potter smiled warmly, which took the sting from her words and made Snape almost want to laugh out loud with relief.

'Forgive me. Old habits die hard. I didn't know how you would react to your evil old Potions master, and I prefer not to be hit with an expertly executed Bat Bogey Hex at four in the afternoon.'

Ginevra Potter laughed. 'This is about Hermione, I take it?' At Snape's shocked face she laughed again. 'We're best friends, sir. We share important information. Buy me a firewhisky and I'll tell you what you want to know.'

Severus Snape seemed to be constantly wrong-footed by feisty Gryffindors, but he bit the bullet and held his arm out like a true Slytherin who had something to gain through chivalry. He was heartened when she slipped her hand around his forearm and squeezed gently.

'It's very nice to see you, sir,' she smiled.

***

Two hours later, Snape was deep in his cups. His conversation with Ginevra Potter had been surprising to say the least, and here he was, teetering on the edge of what could be an incredible rest of his life. Getting pissed was the only way any sane man would react, and Snape was on the cusp of sane most of the time, or so he thought. In his darker moments he thought he would only have to dip a toe over the line and insanity would be his one and only friend.

According to the beautiful Mrs Potter – and she was beautiful, Snape decided, both inside and out – Hermione Granger had mentioned his name and being 'in love' in the same sentence, and on more than one occasion. No one had ever thought him loveable before. Dammit, he didn't even think he was loveable, but perhaps the amazing night they had shared together had clouded her judgement. Snape didn't care. If he meant she would be open to further sexual contact, he was happy to let her believe that she loved him and that he was worth it.

Mrs Potter had then casually slipped into the conversation that Hermione was living with them currently, and also mentioned that the following night was Ginevra's birthday. Hermione had offered to baby-sit so that Harry could take her out and the baby would be asleep by seven, leaving Hermione free for visitors. Snape's mind had raced forward to bare limbs entangled on the Potter family sofa before Ginevra Potter had bid him goodbye with yet another smirk on her face.

Now all he had to do was convince Hermione Granger that more sex was the best idea he had ever had, and he would be sorted.

***

When Snape finally knocked on the door of the austere old house in Grimmauld Place it was seven fifteen in the evening. He had been waiting outside for much longer, pacing at first as he waited for the Potters to leave. He had thought he was being discreet until the Boy Wonder had given him a wave from the doorstep. Snape had even raised his hand in response, something he hadn't meant to do at all. He hoped the rest of his anatomy was going to behave appropriately; otherwise all his hope would be lost.

He held his breath as he knocked loudly on the door again, and listened intently as the sound of footsteps came closer. The door opened to an exasperated-looking Hermione Granger who was hold a screaming baby of what seemed to be the male variety.

'I heard you the first time! Look what you've bloody done now!' Hermione pursed her lips. 'What do you want, anyway?'

Snape stared at Hermione aghast. This wasn't what he had imagined. He had envisioned shy smiles, soft kisses, a contrite apology (from him, naturally) a gracious acceptance of the apology (from her), followed by intense and frequent shagging on the Potter sofa.

'I, er... that is, I came to... I wanted to...' to shag you senseless... Snape was suddenly tongue tied and couldn't string two words together, and he was being inept and clumsy in full view of the general public to boot.

'For goodness sake, Snape, come in and close the bloody door.'

Snape did as he was told. Hermione Granger used the same tone as his mother, and he had never disobeyed her either.

'Hurry up and spit it out, Snape.' Hermione glared at him as she jiggled the still grizzly baby on her hip.

'I came to say... that is I... oh, for fuck's sake, Hermione! I love you, alright?' Damn, damn... that wasn't what I wanted to say AT ALL...

For a long moment they stared at each other open-mouthed, and Snape took a step towards the door, ready to run. Then Hermione smiled.

'Really?'

Snape stared into suddenly sparkling, deep, warm eyes and traced the curve of her bottom lip with his finger. He found himself unconsciously smiling back.

'Really,' he whispered, and then bent to kiss her deeply.

Neither of them noticed that baby had stopped crying.