Chapter Five

Hermione handed the rejects back to Kreacher; she'd made it quite clear that bits of peel, black bits and fingerprints weren't acceptable on potatoes. The first potful he'd produced had looked all right, until she made him turn them over so she could examine the undersides. He had retreated under the sink with the pot and a paring knife, muttering about the duplicity of mudbloods who thought they could reduce a house-elf, as indubitably fine as he was, to menial chores. Hermione suspected that explained the fact that no one had actually cleaned the Noble House of Black for a century.

'I wonder if Sirius will be back for dinner,' she asked of no one in particular.

'Sling in a few extra spuds in case,' Ron replied. 'I don't want him eating my share.'

'I wonder where he is,' she said more directly to Ron this time, as she passed the reluctant Kreacher another six potatoes. 'Severus too. I wonder where he is. I hope he's all right.'

She looked to Dumbledore's portrait, but the dead headmaster was snoring gently with his annoyingly benign smile on his face.

'He'll be fine,' Lupin commented mildly. He was hoping Sirius would be back soon too; he was beginning to run out of cigarettes and he couldn't find where Sirius had stashed them. Lucius only smoked ghastly little cheroots, and Harry, Draco and Ron had given him almost hostile looks when he'd asked them for some cigarettes. The horrible alternative of actually leaving the dubious comfort of Grimmauld Place and going out to buy some beckoned; maybe he could send Kreacher. Lupin wasn't usually lazy; he wondered if he'd caught it off Lucius.

Harry looked up from where he was almost asleep on the elbow he'd propped on the table. 'Can I ask you something?'

Lupin looked at him, wondering how many cigarettes his secrets were worth; he discarded the idea. 'Not if it's anything to do with Sirius and Severus,' he replied with his calm smile. 'Or Lucius, for that matter.'

'That doesn't leave much,' Draco replied.

'Come on, Lupin.' Harry grinned, fully awake now. 'Entertain us; it's nearly Christmas.'

'Not likely.' Lupin laughed.

Draco gave him a sly look and nudged Harry. He produced an unopened packet of cigarettes from his pocket, and slapped them on the table. 'This says you haven't got the balls to tell us what went on between Severus and Black.' Draco raised his eyebrow in challenge.

Lupin was wavering; he really needed the cigarettes, and he knew it was raining. He watched Draco look across to the kitchen door as they heard Mrs Black shriek her dubious welcome, and took the opportunity to slip the blond boy's bribe into his pocket with a wink at Harry. He felt much better; he'd got his smokes without betraying any secrets, it left his conscience remarkably untarnished. It wasn't his fault if people didn't look after their belongings.

Sirius walked into the kitchen and dumped a large parcel onto the table. He was a bit put out that everyone seemed to be expecting someone to follow him, so much so that they hadn't even greeted him.

'Are you alone?' Harry asked when it eventually became apparent that he was.

'Not now,' he said, grinning. 'You're all here.'

'Where's Severus?' Draco asked almost accusingly.

'How should I know?'

'Where were you?' Harry asked.

'Getting the turkey,' Sirius replied with another grin, and nodded to the huge parcel. 'It's Christmas tomorrow.'

'That didn't take you all of last night,' Draco said.

'Tricky things, turkeys,' Sirius said evasively, enjoying the game; Draco and Harry's hostility, and Lupin's reproach, even Dumbledore's confusion. 'Have we worked out who's cooking what for Christmas dinner?'

'Didn't you find him?' Draco asked.

'You couldn't care less about anyone, could you?' Harry accused.

'I'm disappointed in you, Sirius.' Lupin frowned at him, as Malfoy shot him a worried look.

'If you're all so concerned, why was I the one to have to go looking for him?' Sirius replied with yet another grin, as Hermione came into the kitchen.

'You had better have brought Severus back, Sirius,' she warned.

'He was back here hours ago,' Sirius replied when they had all vented their disapproval. 'At least he said he was coming back here. Has no one bothered to check? Shame on you all,' he said, flashing a final grin of triumph as he left the room.

*****

Sirius watched as Snape put the finishing touches to the chestnut stuffing, and Lupin chopped the vegetables for the soup. He noticed Lucius hadn't appeared downstairs yet; he couldn't have smelt breakfast. When they'd divided up the chores for Christmas Day the blond Slytherin had slapped twenty Galleons on the table and told them to stop annoying him, saying that it was bad form for a man of his standing to gain a reputation for working. Sirius had to admit it to himself, the big snake had style; he was one lazy bastard, but he did have style.

'Where is the turkey?' Severus asked.

'What?' Sirius blinked; he'd assumed that buying the damned thing and carting it home was enough. He hadn't expected to touch it again until it was hot and lying beside roast potatoes.

'I have made the stuffing, now stuff the damn thing; that's your bit.'

Sirius opened the larder and found the huge bird sitting in a basin of pink water. 'What end do I stuff?' he asked when he manhandled it onto the kitchen table and found a hole at both ends. 'Maybe I should do them both; there's a lot of us.' He dug his hand into the body cavity and drew it back with a yelp. 'There's something in there,' he said with a look of trepidation as he lifted the flap of soggy pink skin and peered inside. 'Oh, God, I think it's pregnant.'

'What are you talking about?' Harry shoved him out of the way and looked inside. 'Ugh, what's that?'

'I think it's a baby turkey,' Sirius said sickly. 'Oh, God, we've killed a baby turkey inside its mother.'

Snape rolled his eyes. 'I sure you'll all eventually realise that turkeys lay eggs.'

'Oh,' Sirius remarked and peered inside the turkey again, 'so they do. Something's crawled inside it though. Give me a hand, Harry, it's stuck,' he gasped, as he tried to free the packet of giblets from the cavity.

Harry took hold of one end of the turkey, which by now was a little slippery, as Sirius tried to grasp the giblets. They both heaved at one time and Sirius fell backwards in a spray of icy pink particles, as Harry and the turkey went in the other direction; the turkey eventually making its own bid for freedom, only to be stopped by the kitchen door. Unfortunately, Lucius took that moment to come in, and skidded on the pink water onto his arse.

Hermione had followed him in, and looked from Harry to turkey, to Lucius, to Sirius, and to the plastic-wrapped packet of giblets. She looked back at Sirius with suspicion.

'Where did you get the turkey, Sirius?' she asked with her eyes narrowed. 'And don't bother to say that you got it from a farmer. That's a Muggle turkey; wizards don't stamp a "sell by" date on a plastic-wrapped packet of giblets. And it's been frozen.'

'I ... I bought it,' Sirius stammered, 'in Diagon Alley.'

'You got it from Mundungus in a pub, didn't you?' she accused. 'How could you, Sirius? He probably stole it from a supermarket.'

Lucius had sat upright. 'Please don't tell me that is Christmas dinner.' He nodded to the great pink lump.

*****

It could have been worse, Snape reflected; not much, but it could have been worse.

Lupin had put too much pepper in the soup and no one could eat it; only Ron seemed unconcerned that the turkey had used the rather grimy kitchen floor as a skating rink before its sojourn in the oven; and the pudding had so much brandy in it that Lucius had jumped up from the table, as his hair threatened to catch fire along with it when Sirius put a match to the pudding. When the fire eventually went out with the help of a bucket of water, there wasn't much left of the pudding, nothing edible anyway.

Draco sat munching a packet of potato crisps, and Lupin had put on some toast as Dumbledore cooed and slurped over the delicious plate of turkey and trimmings that a fat angel had put in front of him.

Snape caught Sirius's eye; the Gryffindor grinned at him, and it took all of Severus's control over his facial muscles not to smile back. He watched Sirius stand up and begin to top up the wine glasses. Lupin and Lucius were taking quietly together; the werewolf was shaking his head vehemently as Lucius tried to put something across to him. Snape wondered, with something bordering on affection, what staggering piece of political incorrectness Malfoy was trying to justify. Draco and Potter were chatting across the table to Hermione and Ron. It was all very cosy.

'Oh, that bottle's empty,' Sirius remarked quietly, and Snape smirked to himself again. Black was doing well; his remarks were just offhand enough not to cause alarm yet. 'You and I can have this, Severus. I think it's absinthe; it looks like it.' Sirius poured half of the green liquid into Snape's glass and the rest into his own. Both men drank off the spirit as Harry and Draco spluttered in belated realisation.

'Don't drink that,' Harry gasped.

'Fuck, don't,' Draco added.

'Why not?' Sirius asked, his eyes watering at the strength of the fiery spirit.

'It doesn't matter,' Ron said weakly.

It could have been worse, Severus reflected again as he stood up. 'Thank you all for your company. I shall treasure the memories of this Christmas dinner. I am going upstairs to read; kindly don't make too much noise.'

The three boys watched him go; Ron was biting his lip, and Draco and Harry were casting none too covert looks between Sirius and Severus's disappearing back.

'I'm tired.' Sirius stood up, once the kitchen door had been closed for a few moments. 'All that messing about with the ruddy turkey. I'm going for a sleep.'

Dumbledore nodded in satisfaction, maybe at the Christmas pudding and brandy sauce he'd just been served, maybe not. Whatever it was, he looked enormously pleased with himself.

*****

'Serves the little fuckers right.' Sirius grinned at Snape as he pushed open his bedroom door.

'Actually I don't care for absinthe,' Severus remarked coolly, as he eyed the flagon of green potion Sirius had swapped for the absinthe earlier in the day.

'It's better than the crap they fed Lucius and me though,' Sirius replied as he began to unbutton Snape's frock coat, starting at the throat and working down at an ever increasing pace until he ripped the last few buttons apart, and they went skittering across the floor.

'I suppose so, and at least they won't come anywhere near here for a while.' Snape raised his eyebrow as he pulled his Gryffindor to him. He felt the sense of belonging to someone, and having someone belong to him sweep over him, catching his throat and stifling his chest until he had to gasp.

Sirius drew away from him and held him at arm's length. 'Me too, Severus.' For a moment his eyes looked a touch glassy. He blinked quickly and looked out of the window. 'Pity,' he mused, 'it's not going to snow again. I thought it might have been a white Christmas.'

Snape said nothing; he doubted he was capable of speech. He crossed the short space to stand behind Sirius, and put a hand on his shoulder. He felt his passion rising as he moved in close and put his arms around Sirius's waist to pull him even nearer, dropping his head to his neck. He supposed a Black Christmas was the best he'd ever hoped for.

*****