If I Am Brave And Bare My Soul, Love Me Still

Hermione awoke in a state of mild panic. Something heavy was keeping her from moving her legs, and she couldn't remember where her wand was. It was only as she wriggled and a warm, smooth hand came around her waist and upwards to cup her breast, that she remembered Severus was with her.

'I'm Mrs Snape,' she whispered, smiling to herself.

'Mmm,' he murmured, nuzzling her neck. 'Actually, you're Mrs Aspen, but Mrs Snape sounds just as good to me.'

Hermione tried to formulate a question, but his tongue was doing delicious things to her throat, and his fingertips were caressing her nipples and clouding her thought processes with other, more relevant ideas. She turned her head and their lips met, and this time Hermione did get the passion she had expected the night before. Severus plundered her mouth with his tongue and turned her onto her back, his fingers exploring her body like a virtuoso playing a piano. He dropped his head to her throat and began to suck gently, and Hermione moaned and let her hands drift to his buttocks. She had no experience in touching a man's body, but she knew what she wanted to do. Carefully, she caressed his skin and moved her hand to where his hard penis lay against her thigh. Tentatively, she wrapped her hand around his length and started to masturbate him, sighing as he adjusted his position to give her more space. He looked down into her face, his eyes intensely boring into hers as he bent to kiss her tenderly.

'I want to feed from you,' he whispered in her ear. 'It will be pleasurable for us both, I promise,' he murmured, his teeth nipping her lobe as his fingers drifted between her legs.

'I want you to, Severus. I want to know all of you,' she said hoarsely.

There was no preamble this time, just soft groans as he entered her and began to move inside her. They soon found their rhythm, and Hermione knew her orgasm was close.

'I'm coming, oh, God... Severus...' she moaned.

Severus grunted, and his hair fell across her chest as his mouth lingered at her throat. His thrusts became more urgent, pounding her firmly into the mattress, and she felt herself start to unravel beneath him. Her orgasm began, and at the same time she felt a sharp nip from his teeth, followed by the sensation of floating. She was vaguely aware of him drinking her blood and could feel it flowing into his mouth slowly, and she was overwhelmed by the intensity of her orgasm, which seemed to last far longer than before. Her whole body was caught up in the feeling of pleasure and pain melded into one, until she slowly came down from her peak.

Severus moaned deeply and pushed himself up on his arms. Hermione looked into his face dreamily and caught a glimpse of sharp, pointed teeth tipped with her blood. His face was alive, his skin glowing from the inside and his eyes sparkling with ecstasy as he looked down at her. He bent his head and kissed her with his open mouth, and she tasted her own blood on his tongue as he explored her eagerly. He pulled away suddenly, his face twisted in uncontrolled pleasure, and she felt his cock go harder within her.

'Fuck, Hermione!' he shouted, thrusting once more as his orgasm overtook him.

Hermione locked her ankles behind his buttocks and pushed Severus deeper inside her, feeling his cock as it pulsed and his semen as it gushed from him. Severus opened his eyes and gazed at her face, her hair splayed across the pillow, a warm smile on her lips. He caressed her neck, and Hermione felt a gentle healing spell flow from his fingertips.

'That was wonderful,' she whispered.

'My witch,' he murmured, capturing her already swollen lips with his own. He looked down at her, and she watched his emotions play over his face. His eyes became troubled, and Hermione felt him pull away from her as his mood changed.

He rolled away from her and swung his legs to the side of the bed, then hung his head in his hands.

'Severus?' Hermione sat up in concern and scooted over to his side. She caressed his bare shoulders until he stopped her movements with his hand. 'What's wrong? Did I do something I shouldn't have?'

Severus turned to her with a pained look on his face. 'No, not at all. You have been perfect, so much more than I could have imagined,' he said softly. 'I feel I have cheated you, however.'

'What do you mean? Don't tell me you're seeing someone else!' Hermione laughed.

'No. Never.' He kissed her gently and ran his thumb along her lower lip. 'You know so little about me, and yet I know everything about you. I should have taken the time to share more about my life before we took this step, but The Calling clouded my judgement in so many things. You haven't even had a wedding befitting your status as my wife,' he said sadly.

'We can have another wedding if that would make you happy, Severus. And as for knowing everything about you, I know enough. I know what Death Eaters had to do, Severus, and I'm not so stupid that I didn't think about that before I made my offer to Dumbledore.'

'You are so innocent still,' he said. 'Today will change all of that. I must see Albus, but get ready for a journey, Hermione. It's time you knew the truth of me.'

***

Hermione had no idea what to expect when Severus told her he was taking her to his ancestral home. His Uncle Nikolai had left him everything in his will, including the house. Hermione sensed that this was not necessarily a good thing. They walked down the tree-lined street in silence, with Severus a good few paces in front as she tried to keep up with him.

At the door, Severus paused and turned towards her. 'I hope you are feeling strong, witch. This is likely to be a difficult,' he said coolly.

'I will be fine, Severus. Whatever you need to tell or show me, I am sure to have known much worse,' she said firmly. Her thoughts immediately went back to her torture at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, and she took a deep breath to steel herself. She had done well to keep the memories at bay, but occasionally they haunted her dreams and reminded her that her life had not always been safe.

Severus nodded once and unlocked the imposing wooden door, pushing it open and allowing Hermione to walk ahead. The hallway was dark, and Hermione jumped as the candle sconces sprang to life. Hermione's eyes grew wide at the opulent splendour that surrounded her. Gilt-framed oil paintings hung on both sides of the wide entrance hall, and the walls were covered in deep red-flocked wallpaper. The dark, wood floor shone, and the intricately woven rugs just added to the sense of stateliness and money.

'You must be quite rich, Severus,' she said in awe.

'Not particularly, although we shall be comfortable if I decide to sell the house. This way,' he said, walking across the hallway and into a room on the right.

Hermione had thought that the entrance was impressive, but the next room totally took her breath away. It was obviously a dining room, dominated by a large mahogany table that would probably seat sixteen, resplendent with a grand candelabrum at its centre. Severus walked along the length of the room and stopped abruptly to face a large portrait on the far wall.

'My father, and the reason we are here,' he said sharply. Hermione realised he wasn't looking at the man in the painting but at her, and she cast a wary glance at him before looking up into the face of the man who had produced her husband.

A thin, angular face stared imperiously from the canvas, and it was immediately obvious that the Snape nose was genetic. Other than this, there was little resemblance, and Hermione noticed with interest that the man's hair was sandy brown. Severus must have inherited his colouring from his mother. She peered closer and read the nameplate, etched deeply in ornate scrolling script.

'Tobias Aspen, Strigoi Lord'.

Frowning, she looked at Severus in confusion. 'Aspen? You said I was Mrs Aspen earlier, too. What does that mean, Severus?'

'The family name is Aspen. Snape is simply an anagram, a useful device should one wish to hide from a pursuer.' Severus's lips tightened, and his eyes became dark.

'An anagram? How clever,' she whispered. The whole thing was very intriguing indeed.

'Come. We should find somewhere more comfortable to continue the tale.' Severus strode ahead of her again, back into the entranceway and across into a smaller and very comfortable sitting room. Severus withdrew his wand and lit the open fire, gesturing to Hermione to sit. Two large, overstuffed sofas sat opposite each other, and she sat on the nearest one and watched as Severus rested his hand on the marble mantelpiece. He looked every inch a noble Lord, and she wondered if he had inherited the title from his father. She was mesmerised by the firelight as it cast him into silhouette, and when he began to speak, she was enraptured.

'I was a babe in arms when I left this house. I returned as a young and impulsive teenager with one wish. It can be a wonderful and terrible thing to fulfil your deepest desires, Hermione,' he sighed. With measured movements, Snape put another log onto the fire and then sat beside Hermione, his face a mask.

'What happened, when you came back here?' she asked quietly.

'I will tell you, but you need to understand the whole story first. I have never told another soul what I am about to tell you. Albus only knew what I chose to tell him. I owe you this, Hermione. I only hope that you don't regret my decision afterwards.' He turned to face her, and Hermione saw that he was unsure about sharing his past with her. Moving closer, she took his hand in hers.

'You need to trust me, Severus. Just start at the beginning,' she said firmly.

'My father and mother had a traditional Strigoi match. Mother was young, only sixteen, when they met, and my father was completely smitten with her. I imagine they were happy in the beginning. His love for her was overwhelming to the point of obsession. I imagine such a thing would be flattering for a young girl newly wed. But when she fell pregnant with me, everything changed.' Severus paused and took a breath. 'His temper was terrifying, as my mother and I discovered to our cost. The Aspen nose was not the only thing I inherited from my father, and I am more like him than I would care to admit. My father became jealous of the child my mother carried. He was unwilling to share her with another.'

Hermione felt a lump in her throat and a real sense of dread. 'What did he do?'

'Initially, he tried to persuade her to abort the child. He told her it would ruin her looks, for she was incredibly beautiful when she married. He threatened to leave her if she became too fat, and instead of making love to her as a husband should, he took what he wanted, when he wanted. He handled her roughly in an attempt to make her lose the child, and the situation would have continued if Nikolai hadn't become aware of it.'

Severus summoned a dusty bottle and a crystal glass from the sideboard and poured himself a measure of whisky. He drank it in one go and then stared at the empty glass in deep thought.

'How did Nikolai find out what was happening?' Hermione said.

'My mother ended up in hospital the night my father threw her down the stairs,' he whispered.

'Oh, no,' she whispered. Tears filled her eyes and she brushed them away with the back of her hand.

'Nikolai moved into the house to keep an eye on my mother until I was born, and my father changed his behaviour to that of attentive husband and excited father-to-be,' he said flatly. 'It was an act, of course.'

'Bastard,' Hermione whispered.

Severus laughed harshly. 'Precisely so.'

'What happened when you were born, Severus? Wasn't he happy?' Hermione felt such empathy for Severus' mother; she was almost too scared to know what happened next.

'You know in the Strigoi culture, Hermione, that a female cannot bear children once they are Turned. Families tend to be small by choice, because it is far easier for a female to be Turned at a young age. My mother wanted another child; my father did not. He only tolerated the one he already had. He insisted that my mother was Turned, but she refused. He beat her for daring to refuse him, but Nikolai arrived just in time. He saved her life again that night.'

'How did Nikolai find out?' she said faintly.

'I told him,' he said, his voice low. 'I was five years old, and I ran to his house two streets from here. It was late at night, and I had to hammer on the door so hard, my knuckles were bleeding by the time I roused the household,' he whispered.

'Oh, Severus,' Hermione choked out. Tears were falling openly down her cheeks. 'What happened then?'

'Nikolai knocked my father unconscious, and while he was out cold, he helped me gather enough belongings for myself and my mother, and we left the house that night. Nikolai hid us in his own home for a while, but my father visited so often in his search for my mother that it became unsafe. Nikolai created new identities for us, and a friend found us a new home in England.'

'That must have been very frightening for you,' Hermione said, her voice full of emotion.

'You would have thought so, but it was actually the happiest time of my childhood. Mother and I had our own house, and it was safe. She would sing every day while baking bread in the kitchen, and at night, we would sit and read together. It was a simple life to many, but for us, it was wonderful,' he said softly. A small smile played on his lips at the memory.

'What happened to your father, Severus?' Hermione asked tentatively.

'When I turned fifteen, my mother died from a brain haemorrhage. It was quick, but nevertheless a great shock,' he whispered. 'I was at Hogwarts, of course, and Albus took me out of Arithmancy class to tell me. I fainted with shock, and when I woke, Nikolai was there. I hadn't seen him since the time we left Bucharest, but he came to me when I needed him the most.'

'He sounds like he was a lovely man,' Hermione said with feeling.

'He helped me to sort everything out after Mother died, and during the holidays, I would visit him in Bucharest. My father went travelling for years after we left. I sometimes wonder if he was still searching for us after all that time,' he said quietly. 'Then, when I was just seventeen, I came to visit Nikolai. He had sold his house and moved back into this one. This has always been the family seat, but with my father away, someone needed to look after it. I had been here but a few days when my father returned.'

Hermione ran her thumb across Severus' knuckles and smiled at him to continue.

'I had gone to my room to get a book we had been discussing and then went to join Nikolai in his study. I heard raised voices, and as I pushed the door open, my father lunged at me. I was more powerful than him, however. He was no wizard, only Strigoi. I hexed him so hard he flew across the room and hit his head against the fireplace.'

'Was he dead?' Hermione whispered.

'As good as. The idea that Strigoi live forever is a myth, as you know. However, we do have a marvellous capacity for recovery from injuries that would kill a mortal. My own situation proves that, I think.' He gestured towards the snakebite scar on his neck, and Hermione nodded in understanding. 'Nikolai gave me the option. To allow my father to survive, or to truly end his life.'

'Oh, my God...' Hermione felt her mouth go dry.

'As I looked at him, all I could think of was the way he had treated my mother, and I hated him. Hate is a powerful emotion, particularly for an angry seventeen-year-old. I made the ultimate choice. Late that night, we took my father to a crossroads deep in the country, and I stabbed him through the heart with his own silver dagger.' Severus turned his face to Hermione, and the firelight danced deep in the depths of his hard glare. 'I have never regretted it. That night, Nikolai Turned me, and my place within the family line was established.'

He turned to her, his face ashen, and took her other hand in his. 'You see why I had to tell you, Hermione. I murdered my father.'