Minerva's Crusade

Minerva’s Journal

December 15, 1998

I am guilty of an appalling breach of ethics… I eavesdropped on a colleague’s most private thoughts. Yet I cannot apologize, as he would be horrified to know what I had overheard and would never trust me again. I don’t know what to do to remedy this transgression, as well as the situation it revealed.

It began accidentally, of course. I was to sit with Hermione while Severus went out hunting amorous students (truly, dear journal, I believe it is his only pleasure, despite his claims to the contrary), and I arrived early. I was eager to learn whether there had been any change in Hermione’s condition after they administered the new potion tonight. Poppy must have left the door unlocked when she left; it was open so I just tapped and went in.

Severus was in the bedroom with Hermione, bathing her. He clearly hadn’t heard me enter, as he did not stop what he was doing. I was touched and amazed by his tenderness in dealing with her. Poppy had told me that he insisted on caring for her himself, but I never imagined how gentle he could be… I digress. I was so shocked by some of the things he revealed, my mind (and my pen, dear journal) keeps shying away.

That poor boy. That poor, dear boy. I remember his Sorting, how terrified he was. An ugly, scrawny little duckling sent to the House where status was everything. He lacked all outward signs of the qualities that would mark him a true Slytherin, yet he became one. His Sorting I attributed to his mother’s heritage as the last pureblooded descendant of an ancient house. As I grew to know him, I could see his hunger to learn and to use that knowledge to advance his own cause. The Hat had seen what I could not; the boy’s ambition was immense.

And to think I was pleased that some of his housemates had taken him under their wings. If Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black were still living, I’d kill them myself for what they did to him! That poor child… even his Head of House is gone, else I’d go looking for him. To allow such a thing to occur. No wonder the boy wept for most of his first week at Hogwarts, earning that awful nickname he carried throughout his seven years. I am ashamed for Hogwarts and for every student and teacher (including myself) who chuckled when we heard it. Yes, he became a monster, but it was a monster we all had a hand in creating, either through tormenting him or allowing him to be tormented.

The man I heard today, though, was his mother’s creation. I remember Eileen Prince. A sweet girl, but not overly bright. She gave him love, though, and it’s clear that he loved her as well. All his tender care for Hermione is due to what he learned from her. He may believe intellectually that there is no such thing as love, but his every action, his every word towards his wife shows the lonely, loving boy he remains.

Looking back, I wonder at my surprise. After the battle in the Great Hall, when Harry finally defeated Tom Riddle, it was Severus who assisted the exhausted boy in his search for his friends, Severus who carried Hermione’s limp body to the Hospital Wing and kept her alive until the Healers could come. Although he resisted marrying her, pointing out that when she awoke she would hardly thank us for joining her to him for the rest of her life, he did what was necessary to keep her here. And, as it turns out, that is what has preserved her life, as Lucius Malfoy’s curse appears to feed off of magic. Had she been removed to the Muggle world, as her parents intended, the curse would have consumed her magic and then her life force. She’d be dead by now.

We had all hoped that, should Severus survive the War, he would have the opportunity to rest. Instead he maintains a full teaching schedule, cares for Hermione day and night, and spends every spare moment researching the curse that Malfoy used on her. Tonight’s potion was the first step in what we hope to be a definitive cure. It is designed to lift her from her deep coma. Whether she will awaken is uncertain, although Severus explains that it is more likely that she will merely gain awareness of her surroundings and perhaps be able to respond. While he clearly hopes that she will awaken as a result of the potion’s administration (a hope he has been careful not to encourage in any of us), it is unlikely that will happen unless the curse is fully lifted. We do not expect that she will be in pain; if she is, Poppy stands ready to address that. We hope that, at the very least, Severus, Albus, and Harry will be able to communicate with her through Legilimency. If they are able to do so, perhaps I will attempt to refine my very crude skills as well. The poor girl will need a woman to help her cope, and with Ginny Weasley Potter happily gestating and Molly Weasley still recovering from the deaths of young Ronald and Percy, I may be her best option.

Malfoy’s curse is designed to renew itself every year, at the same moment of the original casting. It will be at its weakest at that moment of regeneration, and William Weasley has promised to come to Hogwarts on the anniversary of the battle to attempt to break the curse altogether. I pray that he will succeed.

But what to do about Severus? I must somehow make it up to him, that I eavesdropped on his most personal revelations. I could have left at any time, but instead I stayed until he had finished bathing her, then made a show of knocking on the door and calling out to him. I cannot ever betray to him what I know. I suppose the only thing that is left to me is to see that he receives the care and honor that has been denied him since he first appeared at Hogwarts nearly thirty years ago.

Severus himself has begun the process of rehabilitating his image among his peers. His assistance to Harry Potter during and after the battle his been remarked upon approvingly. He and Harry formed an alliance regarding Hermione’s care which remains strong to this day. Remus Lupin is the only person from his school days that he remains in contact with; they are not close friends, but Remus could be encouraged to look beyond Severus’s defensive cruelties. If he were aware of the injustice that we all perpetrated on this man, he would move heaven and earth to right the wrong.

Of course we must be subtle. Severus always sneers at Gryffindors, saying that we are incapable of subtlety. That may be his weakest point…he will never look for anything other than blunt honesty from any of us (except Albus, who should have been a Slytherin himself). He will reject what he sees as pity, and I cannot deny that pity is a component of what I feel.. pity for the child, married to a profound respect and regret for the man who that child has become.

My greatest ally may turn out to be Hermione herself. She is an intelligent and fair-minded young woman. I know that she will not condemn Severus for his actions on her behalf, regardless of his own fears. I must set in place a plan for her awakening, whenever it occurs.

That is all for tonight, dear journal. I will give this further thought. As always, thank you for being the recipient of my thoughts. Hold our secrets tightly…

MM