Chapter Eleven

T/N: Many thanks to exartemarte for the beta and Britpick.

Severus was in a state of profound peace. He lay naked in the bed, his arms around Hermione...equally naked, and asleep. She had finally succumbed to longstanding exhaustion and satisfied desire.

But Severus himself resisted sleep. It seemed like a dream to have her here, so trusting and confident, sleeping in his arms. Her young skin, firm and soft, felt wonderful under his fingers when he caressed her, and the jasmine aroma of her hair penetrated his nostrils, a feast of Hermione for his senses. Plus she was snoring softly...a sound more like purring than anything else. His little kitten, soft and smelling of jasmine.

Despite the savagery with which they had begun, they had ended by making love tenderly, kissing and stroking as if neither could believe that the other was there, and this constant touching was necessary to believe that this was real, that this was really happening. When it was over they murmured each other's names. He would never forget Hermione, flushed and breathless, squeezing her eyes shut and throwing her head back to cry, "Severus!" her voice strangled with passion.

And now he didn't want to fall asleep, because he had the irrational fear of waking to find that it had all been a dream; as well as the much more valid one that morning would arrive and snatch away from him the prize now lying asleep at his side. He wanted to take advantage of every last minute with her. Engrave her forever in his memory.

She had never seemed more beautiful to him than at this moment, naked and deeply asleep in his arms. His rational mind told him that she was no beauty, and nevertheless he could not remember any woman more beautiful. Leaning down, he softly kissed the parted lips that seemed to him to be always begging to be kissed.

This is what it felt like to kiss the lips of the woman he loved.

And she, like a fairytale princess, woke when she felt his lips on hers, and smiled sweetly as she raised a hand to stroke his face and tuck a stray lock of his hair behind his ear.

"So it wasn't a dream, after all," she said. "You're still here."

"Like your worst nightmare." And he kissed her again.

For a moment they remained lost in ecstatic contemplation of each other, until she spoke.

"Thank you. Thank you for giving me this, Severus. I'll keep it in my heart always."

"You're going ahead with this ridiculous marriage? I can't believe it."

"I have to," she said gently, as if explaining a lesson to a child. "My place is at Ron's side. There's no going back now, I have to do what's expected of me."

"Hermione, no...you don't have to do that . . . you don't have to marry Weasley to be someone, you . . . you're doing this to belong to that family?"

"What choice do I have? They'll hate me if I don't, and they're all I have in the magical world."

Severus wanted to offer himself as an alternative, but within himself he knew that was not the solution. He had to make her open her eyes, make her see her own worth.

"Why do you need to be Hermione Weasley? Don't you realize that Hermione Granger is much more valuable and worthy of admiration? It was Hermione Granger who made the Polyjuice Potion in second year; it was Hermione Granger who broke all the NEWT qualification records; it was Hermione Granger who rode the back of a dragon; it was Hermione Granger who fought in the Battle of Hogwarts . . . and it is Hermione Granger who has a brilliant future in magical diseases research. You can do that by yourself, and you're valuable for who you are. Do you think he'll be happy to have you as a wife, that he'll know how to appreciate your achievements in research? How much time do you think will pass before he starts pressuring you to have seven children, just like his parents? To abandon your career to take care of them? No, Hermione. You don't need to be Hermione Weasley . . . or Hermione Snape. You should be Hermione Granger. That's the only way you'll be happy...being yourself first."

When he finished this speech, Severus realized she was looking raptly at him with eyes glittering with tears, and he was afraid he had hurt her. The last thing he needed now was for her to run out of the room weeping. But it had to be said. He had been swallowing those words for too long now, and was incapable of holding them back any longer. She ought to hear the truth from someone.

"Is that how you see me?" she asked in a shaky voice, and then gave him no time to answer, but kissed him bruisingly on the mouth.

He returned the kiss with desperation, knowing that despite his words she would escape like water through his fingers, wanting this kiss to be strong enough to change her mind, but at the same time knowing...

"You're going to marry him anyway, aren't you? Aren't you?"

She didn't answer, and he knew that was as good as a yes, but at least he would have the memory of holding her in his arms and making her his.

His desperate certainty that this would be the last time made him make love to her with all his senses, with all his soul, to give her the greatest pleasure possible and tell her with his actions how much he loved her, because words were not enough to express what she meant to him. Saying "I love you" would have sounded ridiculously poor in comparison with what he was feeling, so he let his hands, his mouth, and his body tell her what she meant to him. So that in the years to come she would always remember, so that no man would ever be able to erase the memory of him, so that she would bear him like a tattoo on her skin until the day she died.

Hermione lay across his chest and sighed one last "Severus" and fell asleep once more. But Severus could not sleep. He looked at the clock and cursed under his breath, as if the apparatus were at fault for there being only a few hours until dawn. He had never wished so fiercely for a Time-turner with which to steal hours, days, years . . . a lifetime with Hermione.

A few hours from now she would get up, get dressed as she did every other day, as if nothing had happened, and leave early for the Burrow to prepare for the wedding.

And he would have to let her go.

But before she left, he would give her something to remember him by. What did he have that was worthy of her? He looked at her, asleep in his arms, and smiled. He had just the right gift for her. Something of his own, something very personal. Trying not to wake her, he slipped silently out of the bed, picked up his robe, and headed for his potions lab in the dungeons.

Hermione felt the morning light on her face and began to wake, but when she opened her eyes she saw Severus's face so close to hers, studying it attentively, that she was unable to suppress a yelp of surprise.

"Severus, you nearly scared me to death!" she said, laying a hand over her heart to calm its frantic beating.

He merely looked at her, smiling inwardly, and, lifting his hand, suspended before her eyes a gold chain with a pendant hanging from it. He laid what appeared to be a jewel on her naked breast, and let the chain puddle around it.

"It's my wedding gift," he explained.

Surprised, Hermione picked up what appeared to be a topaz, and examined it. It was not, she discovered, a precious stone, but rather a tiny vial of faceted crystal, filled with a golden potion.

"Felix Felicis," she cried, recognizing it.

"Ten points to Gryffindor, Miss Granger."

She looked quizzically at him and he decided to be serious.

"Since you've decided to go through with this asinine marriage to Weasley, I reckoned you would need a deal of luck."

Hermione undid the clasp of the chain and put it on, letting the little flask fall between her breasts. She was touched by this gesture; she would never have thought him capable of giving her any gift under these circumstances, much less something so precious. Even though it pained him, he respected her decision, and she knew it. And loved him even more for it.

But there was no looking back. Their night together was over, and it must never happen again. She looked for her nightgown, but remembered that he had ripped it to shreds the night before. She gathered up the pieces...they would be her talisman that this night had really happened, that it was not a figment of her imagination. Severus came up behind her and gently laid one of his shirts over her shoulders. She gave herself over to the sensation, shivering lightly with her eyes closed, her heart thick with love. She turned around to say goodbye.

"I'm sorry, Severus. At least I'll always have this night to remember." She rose on tiptoe to plant a brief kiss on his lips, but he took her by the waist and kissed her deeply, pressing her hard against him as if he wished to meld their bodies together. She gave a groan of anguish and he let her go immediately.

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, and then she left the bedroom.

He stood rooted to the spot, staring fixedly at the closed door, wishing desperately that he had bled to death on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.

He went downstairs to the dining room to take his breakfast and discovered that Hermione was already finishing hers. She sat in her usual place as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but avoided his gaze. There was a flash of green in the fireplace, and Ginny Weasley's head appeared, a worried look on her face.

"Hermione, it's after nine! Mum's getting frantic because you're not over here yet!" And then, seeing that Severus was there as well, "Good morning, Professor!"

Severus muttered a grumpy response, and Hermione threw her napkin down on the table.

"I'm sorry, Ginny, I was too nervous to sleep well last night, so I slept in a bit. But I'm ready now."

"Well, hurry up then, let's go, I think Mum's going to freak out any minute now. Are you coming to the wedding, sir?"

"As fond as I am of Miss Granger, I truly loathe weddings. I'm sure you'll excuse me."

"If you change your mind for any reason, you're welcome to come, sir," said Hermione, looking into his eyes. She felt obliged to leave open the possibility of his attending, as awkward as it would be.

"Don't worry. I don't think I'll turn up, but I'll bear your invitation in mind." He rose from the table to make his farewells.

"Right then, see you later, Professor," said Ginny, and then added, before disappearing into the flames, "Get a move on, Hermione, or face Mum's wrath!"

Hermione walked over to him and embraced him, kissing him gently on the cheek. He remained still as a statue, and she stepped sadly into the fireplace.

"Goodbye, Severus. The Burrow!"

Severus watched the green flames die down and knew that his last hope had died with them. He suddenly felt very weak, as if his legs would no longer support the weight of his body. He fell to his knees on the floor, his throat choked as by an iron grip, struggling not to weep. And all he could think was, Again, again, this is happening to me again.