Chapter 3

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I apologize for the delay! My previous beta reader, ABlack, had problems with her computer (or her connexion). I have had no news for weeks, so I finally asked Victoria (I love yooooou! Lol), who has already corrected "Death Looks so Good on You", to do it, and she has been wonderfully quick! This is the last chapter.

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Chapter 3

The day had gone by very quickly, maybe because we had stayed in bed until midday. I had left the dungeons discreetly and had gone directly to meet my friends in the Great Hall. None of them seemed surprised by my morning absence at Hogsmeade. I suspected they knew more than they let show. Especially Ginny. Or they had merely not noticed my absence, which would have been rather frustrating, come to think of it.

I had spent the afternoon preparing myself for the ball with the younger Weasley. Would I surprise anyone if I said that I had decided to wear a long black dress? It was a backless dress, split to mid-thigh on the left side. Like my soon to be official partner, I had never found myself attractive, but when I saw my reflection in the mirror, wearing this outfit, I had thought perhaps I may have underestimated myself. And the admiring whistle from my friend, whose turquoise silk dress suited wonderfully, had not belied this statement. I had put my hair up in a bun and let some strands escape, but I had not smoothed it down. Despite all the times he had made fun of me about it, Severus really loved the indomitable nature of my hair. A light touch of make up and I was ready for this night, which looked as though it would be exceptional.

We were supposed to meet the boys in the Great Hall at seven o'clock. Like the majority of the girls who were present that evening, we took great care to arrive a good fifteen minutes late. Ginny was Harry's partner for the ball. It had taken five long years for my friend to notice the beauty of the little red-haired girl and to realize that they seemed to be made for each other. They had been together one short month, and their brand new happiness made me glad. And they also made me secretly jealous, because they could live their love before everyone's eyes.

As for Ron, he seemed to have utterly forgotten me and was now living love's dream with Luna since last September. I had always thought she would end up with Neville. But, I was happy for them too. They were both really cute together. And they were similar on many points, now that I'm thinking about it.

None of my three best friends knew I was not single, or at least, if they suspected, they didn't know that the mysterious man was part of Hogwarts. Despite all I had said to Severus, I couldn't help fearing their reaction just a little. I could already imagine Ginny glaring at me with a look of disgust, Ron becoming very red and running to the nearest toilet, and Harry...

Harry... He, who in six and a half years, had never been able to recognize that Severus was a fair man, and kept considering him as a 'greasy-haired bastard'. I preferred not to think about it. I thought they would get used to it, all of them. Since they loved me, they would get used to it. They would understand.

So we made our entrance - me, Ginny, Luna, Parvati, Padma, Lavender and a great number of sixth and seventh years - around a quarter past seven. The first thing we saw after entering was the decorations. They were absolutely sublime. It was surely Professor Flitwick's work. A single table was set all along the room. A shimmering tablecloth covered it; depending on the place from which we looked at it, its sheen could represent the colors of each house. From here, it was red. If I bent a little, it was green. It was Christmas evening, and it was the duty of the four Houses to be reunited. Multicolored pieces of tinsel started from the corners of the room and then tangled in the chandeliers, which fluttered a few meters from the ground. Some wispy little angels flew lightly here and there. In the background, a gigantic fir, decorated with a thousand pieces of tinsel and balls, stood proudly towards the sky - well, the ceiling. But if you looked up, you could see the sky. It was snowing that evening.

The second thing we noted was the orchestra, which was settled on the platform usually reserved for the teachers' table. It was composed of almost all the Muggle instruments I knew. I had wondered if they planned to play all of them at the same time; if they did, I was curious to hear a cello accompanied with drums. But we would have time to take an interest in music later.

The third thing had been much more interesting at that moment. The men. Rather, the boys, for the most part, but in my case: the man. We saw immediately that all of the Hogwarts' males had donned Muggle suits, far from the usual (but beautiful) wizard dress. I glanced quickly at the assembly, taking barely two seconds to gratify Harry and Ron with an admiring smile (these outfits suited them wonderfully), and then I found him, in the background, next to the fir, looking sullen and a bit uncomfortable.

It took my breath away. He was just astounding. I had never seen him dressed any way but in his robes or, in some cases, without his robes, which was quite marvelous too. But there... black trousers, black jacket, grey shirt, black tie. Well, you couldn't ask too much of him as to regard color, of course, but he was wonderful. Beautiful. Perfect. I had always thought a suit could change a man. I had never realized how much it did.

A black angel, come down from heaven for Christmas night. Giving up his immortality for me. Indeed, it was approximately what was going to happen. That evening, the Severus Snape that everyone knew - or believed they knew - was to disappear, and to be born again in the form of a new man - the one I knew. At least, I hoped so.

I stopped myself from running towards him. Not right away. I knew the way I wanted everything to happen. So I just smiled broadly at him, and he answered with an examining look, which spoke volumes. Obviously, for him, a beautiful dress could change a woman, too.

There were about a hundred and fifty guests. Around half past seven, Professor Dumbledore had urged us to take a seat; teachers and students mingled naturally along the table. After one of the Headmaster's increasingly crazy speeches, the dinner began, and so had the conversation. There was no embarrassment between the teachers and us; we talked about almost everything, carefully avoiding the subject of homework, though. Some fell back on the various Quidditch tournaments, others on the current political situation. This subject was not a cause for argument here, contrary to my former world.

Severus had taken a seat rather far from me, and I had been amused to see him sitting next to Neville. The poor boy seemed paralyzed, and he doggedly kept his head turned towards Luna on his right. Several times I felt my lover's burning look on me - more precisely, on my rather bare bosom - but every time I tried to catch his eye, I came across a vacuum. He was faster than me. Or I was just deluding myself. Anyway, it didn't look like it was going to be easy.

We finished with dessert - that is to say, delicious Yule logs - around ten o'clock, and Dumbledore had declared the ball open. The table vanished, making space for an immense dance floor. The paving stones of the Great Hall had been magically replaced by a wooden floor.

The orchestra began to play quite rhythmical pieces. I had been relieved to see they knew at least a minimum about Muggle music, and that they did not mix all the instruments they had at their disposal, which would certainly have caused a monstrous cacophony. I had the first dance with Neville, who managed extremely well for such a usually clumsy boy. Perhaps my private lessons with him had given him more self-confidence.

A quick glance at Severus had shown me he was sitting on a chair, arms crossed, apparently in conversation with Professor Dumbledore - who I could have sworn just winked at me.

I then began some kind of waltz with Harry and ended it with Ron. My feet had suffered a little with the latter, but his sorry look had me laughing. I willingly gave him back to Luna, wishing her good luck, which earned me a light nudge from my wretched dancer friend.

I then had a break and took a drink, while wild rock 'n roll filled the room. I used this moment to look around for Severus, but was disconcerted to see him nowhere. For a moment, I feared he had left like a coward. Then, as it had done exactly one year ago, his voice made me jump. I had not heard him approach me.

"Having a good evening, Miss Granger?"

"Excellent, Professor. Nice food, nice music, nice company.... I have to say, you are looking really magnificent tonight."

"Oh, please, do not make fun of me! I suffocate in here. And I'm sure I look ridiculous!"

"You are perfect, Severus. And very sexy...."

"Really?"

"Mm-mm. By the way, on our wedding day, you will have to..."

"On our WHAT day?"

"I'm joking! But I would really like you to keep that suit. It gives me very interesting ideas."

"What should I say about your dress?"

"Do you like it?"

"Should we be in a more intimate place, I would have a very interesting idea on how to demonstrate that I do...."

"Professor Snape! Are you making advances at me?"

"It depends. Would you be receptive to it, Miss Granger?"

"Mmmh, maybe later... But for the moment, I remind you that you have a bet to honor, dear Professor, and you have only one and a half hours left."

"Oh, that's true! I was hoping you had forgotten. Well, it would have changed nothing. I would have been covered with pustules for ten years, wouldn't I?"

"No. You would have become impotent."

"WHAT?"

"I had to find something strong enough!"

"May I point out that you would have suffered because of it too, my dear lover!"

"Not really. You know other ways to satisfy me. Well, maybe I would have missed it a bit, I agree, but I could have gone to see Ron or anybody else...."

He stared at her blankly.

"I'm joking, ooooh! It would have been temporary, that's all! But a warning, if you eventually try to wriggle out of it, I shall have no mercy as to how long the spell would last!"

"I know someone who will be pitiless if I do not wriggle out of it."

"Severus, I don't want to talk about that again!"

"There is not only that. But if that is what you wish. What am I, in front of Gryffindor determination? Would you grant me a dance, Miss Granger?"

"With pleasure."

Chance or providence had got the orchestra to play a slow tune at this very moment. Severus had closed his hand on mine and passed an arm around my waist. I put my other hand on his shoulder. We were not really close, yet all eyes seemed to converge on us. I didn't care. I didn't see them. I also heard no more music, not really. It was just he. He, who was dancing with me in front of half the school. He, whose lips showed an almost imperceptible smile, but whose eyes told everything. He, who took me closer to him with every turn we made, until our feet had crossed and our bodies brushed each other. My arms were around his neck, and his were embracing my waist. I lay my head on his chest, and he rested his chin on it. We were tuning slowly, he defying the people staring at us, me defying time.

Time, which had passed both so quickly and so slowly. Time, which will take him away from me one day, I knew it very well. He was older than me. But at that moment, I joyfully sent time packing. Tonight it had no hold on us. Tonight we were both immortal.

I looked up at him with tearful eyes and, very slowly, as if to let me think about it a last time, he lowered his lips. He knew it was what I desired, and that there was nothing to be done about it. Some things could not be explained.

The closer our lips came, the more I could feel tension in the air. It didn't come from us. Nobody could believe what they were seeing. Everybody had stopped dancing, but the music continued. We were alone in the middle of the dance floor, and a circle had formed around us. It probably looked like the Inquisition Court for Severus. For me, it was just a crowd of curious people.

We kissed at last, provoking an exclamation of great surprise from the people around us, like when you are at the cinema and one of the characters gives you an extraordinary revelation. We finally stopped moving, like everybody else, and exchanged a passionate kiss. Severus seemed to have forgotten where he was, and me - I was passing him all my love and my happiness in our kiss. It had taken a few minutes for us to come down to earth. He looked around him then, fearing the sentence. A public lynching, perhaps....

But nothing happened. People kept looking at us, astounded. I looked for my friends. I had been happily surprised to see a tiny smile on Ginny's lips. She knew it, I was certain. Harry, beside her, had not been able to keep his chin off the floor, but seemed to be tense. Ginny knew, yes, and she had surely told him. He would need time to get used to it. As for Ron, he was nowhere to be seen. My earlier theory was right. He would need time, too.

Then I peered at the others, even though they were less important. Everyone seemed circumspect, highly surprised, a bit shocked, but no one had a really negative reaction. They were just stunned. I looked at Severus as if to say 'I told you!' but his look, even if it was lightly relieved, was not totally allayed. I could not understand why he persisted in worrying himself whereas everything seemed to be all right. I could have understood if I had really wished to - but it was already too late.

The end of the slow dance had caused a deadly silence to fall upon the assembly. Fortunately, Professor Dumbledore had broken it by clearing his throat, and, after winking at me (this time I was sure he had done it), he spoke:

"My dear students, my dear colleagues, Christmas will end within the hour. Following the example of Professor Snape and Miss Granger, let us celebrate joy, let us celebrate life! Let the music start again and let this dance floor radiate with love and unity, at least until midnight! Tango!"

The picture of a Professor Dumbledore with a ponytail and castanets appeared suddenly in my mind, and I could not suppress a chuckle. Severus, however, still looked sinister. Little by little, people started to speak again, still looking at us, though. Then the first notes of the tango sounded, and many couples let the music get the better of them. What they had just seen, and what it implied, would be a subject for later discussion.

"Tango, Professor Snape? Oh, come on, Severus, please smile! You see very well that everything is all right! Even Professor Dumbledore approved us!"

"I am sure he knew everything since the beginning. But the others - they don't know yet that we have been together of a year."

"All in good time, let them stomach that for the moment. We'll see later. Now, I want to dance!"

"You know how to dance the tango?"

"No, but I'm an excellent student, and you are an excellent professor."

"You are right. It is always a pleasure to teach you new things."

On that ambiguous sentence, we had embarked on the dance floor. I had let myself go in his arms, his footsteps, his eyes, which never left mine. Is there a more sensual dance than the tango? That relation of domination between us, which should have offended me in normal circumstances, made my heart melt that evening. He was glowing with firmness, power, and strength. His whole beauty and virility expressed themselves with that dance. I was like a weak woman filled with admiration for him. This cliché in all of this should have disgusted me, but while he bent me backwards once again, I only felt delightful thrills. The music transported us. We were higher than the dance floor. We were among the stars. We were one. One against all the others. No - one amongst all the others.

Notes had ceased at last, leaving us panting and out of breath. Some looks had become admiring in the face of our performance. I smiled at these people who had decided not to judge us. I didn't know them, they didn't know me, but we understood each other. It was all I had dreamed of. Oh, I would have liked Ron to react a little better too, but I couldn't ask too much.

We went and sat in order to recover. The Christmas ball ended a little more than an hour later, but we did not dance again; we had spoken. Some teachers came to see us, and I had the great pleasure of accepting best wishes from Minerva McGonagall, which I had taken as a benediction, coming from that saintly woman. Students had not been so courageous, but we received shy smiles. They were certainly aimed more at me than Severus, but, well...we were one, weren't we?

We left the Great Hall, hand in hand, and I was sure I heard some people whispering, "I have to admit, they look well together," or "It's a nice couple in fact," or "Strange - but if she's happy..." Oh, yes, I was. I couldn't have been more.

When got back to his quarters, I undertook the challenge of showing him the effect his suit produced on me.

But no sooner had I removed his jacket that he began to writher in pain, his right hand on his left arm.

"Severus! What is...?"

"Aaaaaa!"

"Severus! Is... Is it the Mark?"

"Yes... I... I have to go. Now. He is calling for us."

"You are not obliged!"

I knew very well that he was. Within one year I had attended this scene several times. And each time he had come back a few hours later in a pitiful state. I knew he could not escape this, but each time I desperately threw out that exclamation. That evening more than the others. He had no right to take him away from me; he had no right to hurt him on Christmas evening! Well, there were so many awful things he had no right to do. The ones concerning Severus were almost derisory. But I was so frightened each time.

"Of course I am! Don't... don't worry, I feel better already. A routine meeting. Maybe he just wants to wish us a belated Happy Christmas; it would be just like him."

"How can you joke now? Severus... he... he's going to take it out on you, isn't he?"

"Not necessarily, Hermione. And then, it is not as if I was not used to...."

I felt there was something he was not telling me. It was worse than he let show. I knew it, without understanding how or why. There are some things that cannot be explained. He took my face in his hands and kissed me very softly. I closed my eyes. I had the impression he breathed all his strength, all his love, in this kiss. All his life.

When I opened my eyes, he was wearing his wizard dress again. He pulled himself away from me, but kept his hand on my cheek. For the first time in my life, I heard his voice shaking.

"I love you, Hermione."

He vanished before I could say anything. For long minutes I caressed the spot on my cheek where I could still feel his fingers. For long minutes his words resounded in my head. Words he had said a thousand times before, but never with such intensity. The last words I ever heard him utter.

o§o

He was buried three days later.

Everybody expected me to deliver the funeral oration. I was not able. I simply was not able. Professor Dumbledore took care of it wonderfully. He delivered a very beautiful and very complimentary speech for a very acquiescent congregation. Bunch of hypocrites! Someone has to disappear to be excused all his faults. Or rather, the faults that had been attributed to him. Well, I know I can't really blame them. He had never tried to belie public opinion about him. Now I understand why. I understand the risks.

When he was found, the day after Christmas, I was the first to be informed by Professor Dumbledore. I had cried the whole night after his departure because I knew. The minute he had gone away, I had known. I had been sure. Some things cannot be explained.

Like cruelty, for example. The cruelty of a power-thirsty pseudo-man who could only conceive life in chaos and never in love.

Like the stupidity of a being who has established an extremely strict hierarchy among wizards and who cannot imagine a 'respectable wizard' could become infatuated with a 'filthy Mudblood'.

Like the inhumanity of a monster who punishes with death the ones who disappoint him.

That is what has been collected in Severus' last memories. He Apparated next to Voldemort and noted they were alone. He immediately got a dose of Cruciatus. While he was writhing with pain at ground level, his former master explained to him that one of his followers had reported back to him what had happened. He was disappointed. He was disgusted. He said this relationship could never properly exist. His criteria concerning propriety was not the same that Severus had put forward at the beginning of our story, of course. And he asked him to choose. One of us had to die. Of course he advised him to sacrifice me; he didn't really want to lose such a Potions expert as Severus was. And he was sure Severus would do this. It seemed that love was something he couldn't comprehend. He stopped the spell, in order to let Severus speak. And he spoke. As he knew I would hear him. As he knew I would be there, faced with the last moments collected in his Pensieve. He spoke very quickly, because he knew he would be interrupted before he could say everything he wanted.

"It is not your fault, Hermione. It will never be your fault! I love you! I don't die because of you! Keep on living, I beg you! Nothing is your fault! I love you, Hermione! I..."

"Avada Kedavra!"

And then nothing. Complete darkness. He was dead. Because of... no, very well... for me. But only because of my stupidity. I should have known. I should have understood. But he had never talked about it to me, and maybe I didn't want to admit it.

The problem was not our age.

It was not our status.

It was the war.

He didn't want me to worry. He only wanted me to be happy. I think he hoped too, that he was mistaken, that there was no danger for us after all. But he was always right. I could damn him for that. But he is already.

I kept on crying, for hours and hours, without being able to stop. Some things cannot be controlled.

Like the hate I will devote to Voldemort and his henchmen until their complete destruction.

Like the sorrow I will feel to my dying day. Whatever life has in store for me, whatever positive things it decides to grant me, I will suffer.

Like the love I will eternally feel for Severus. Whoever I meet, whoever makes me feel fine again, it is him I shall love in my heart of hearts.

No, we were not immortals. But our love was. It is. Someday we will be together again, I know it, I feel it. Maybe he is waiting for me at this very moment. Maybe he is looking at me, sitting by the fireside in my long black dress, gazing with eyes moist with tears at the snowflakes falling outside. Maybe he can hear Harry, Ron, Ginny, and the whole Weasley family, hurrying me to come and share the Yule log. Maybe he has watched me during the whole past year. Maybe he has taken care of me. Maybe he can feel my love.

Maybe he is there.

Or maybe I am already with him.

THE END

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I hope you enjoyed because it is the only story of mine that I really like (er, except Severus' last sentences, which I hate because they are too insipid and they are not like him, but I found it was the way it has to end). Well, as it is a translation, I think it isn't as nice to read than the French version because I had to change some sentences, some formulations, because I didn't know how to translate them. I didn't want my beta readers to write my story instead of me, lol! Once again, thanks to Severusgirlx, ABlack and Victoria for their precious help.