One Shot

There was no getting around the sight. It was definitely what he thought it was, pushed up there like a set of hams out to dry. Perched on the window outside the dorm room was a full blown, dressed down, Hogwarts ham. Remus blinked his eyes and the ham was gone. Did he dream it or did someone really plaster their... buttocks up against the window on a blistery November evening? Couldn't be! Besides, how would they have gotten up to the window to do it?

“I'm telling you the truth, Sirius! It only lasted a few seconds, but there was a ham pressed up to the glass in the dorm,” Remus whispered to Sirius as they went into the Great Hall for lunch the next day.

Sirius, never one to take anything seriously in his life, just laughed riotously. He elbowed James in the ribs and said, “Not his sort of moon, huh, James?” They both laughed all the way down the tables. Remus shuddered.

A few weeks later, Remus was just doing rounds with a Ravenclaw prefect when they came to a covered pathway leading to the next wing. Remus drew his wand to cast Lumos. As they passed one bank of windows, he turned to look out the passageway window towards the mountains when he saw it again. Another Hogwarts ham. He thought they must be a different set because these weren't as hairy as the other ones were.

He turned to the other prefect to point out the vision on the windows. “Hey, look there!” When they turned back, the hams were gone. Disappeared. Just like in the dorms.

“What was it, Lupin?” The Ravenclaw was bored out of his mind and didn't appreciate this Gryffindor playing pranks on rounds. It would just draw out the process.

“I thought I saw something.” He stared at the window again, but the ham didn't come back. Twice now...

After breakfast the next morning, Remus couldn't get James to see the seriousness of the matter. “I tell you, James, I think I'm starting to go loopy. That makes twice now I've seen a ham smack up against the glass!” Remus ran his hand through his hair, wishing a hair cut would do him some good. “But as soon as I saw it, the damned thing disappeared each time!”

Remus looked over to his friend. James just smirked. “You know, Remus, maybe these sightings are all in your imagination.” James could barely keep himself together as they entered Charms.

“No, James, I don't think they are.” Remus eyed his friend speculatively, wondering what he knew. Because, boxes to buttons, James Potter knew something!

But Remus had to wait another two weeks until he found out just what.

Remus was feeling ragged and sore. His head was aching and his back throbbed. Thankfully, the corridor leading to the hospital wing was empty. Madam Pomfrey would get him some potion in time for him to get to his next class. He was rubbing the back of his neck when he walked into the bright, large room. As he walked through to find Madam Pomfrey, he noticed something odd. A strange shadow seemed to pass over the floor right in front of him. He looked up and saw the most disturbing sight of his young life.

Accio rat. In seconds, a scrawny rat flew into his hand. He had been trying to get out one of the cracked windows. Remus grabbed the rat round the middle and strode into one of the private nooks. “Peter!” He whispered furiously. “You better have a very good explanation!”

Peter transformed and shied away from the bigger boy. His nose quivered and his hands curled. “Remus! How delightful! I thought you had Potions now!” He sounded agitated.

“You know I do. We just spoke of it at breakfast, just as I told you I would be coming here to get my potions. And here you are, scurrying around, trying to get out a window. Why is that, Peter?” Remus' headache was getting worse by the second.

“It was just a joke, Remus, I swear! James and Sirius put me up to it.” Peter sniveled and moaned as he twisted his hands.

“What did they put you up to, Peter?”

“They thought you might think it funny--moons popping in and out everywhere!” Peter cringed. As Remus closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, Peter saw his chance and scampered away. Remus didn't try to follow. After all, this was better taken up with James and Sirius.

He got his potions and started plotting.

A few days later, James and Sirius both came running through the hall outside the showers screeching like birds. They were shaking, muttering incoherently about moons disappearing and hams attacking them.

It was quite a while before they thought to play a prank on Remus again.

Prompt – from Deb – 4-It's a full moon but Professor Lupin doesn't turn into a werewolf. Also – from PJ – How does a werewolf react to a, well, mooning?

This was lovingly beta'd by slytherinlaurel – for whom I have the deepest of thanks!