8

A/N: All hail the end of evil cliffies and awesome betas like DreamyDragon and Persevero.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No money made. *hides behind flimsy disclaimer*

The gloomy weather outside her window suited Hermione perfectly. The week had been underwhelming, at best. Her carefully orchestrated script explaining her absence had been entirely worthless. Ron and Harry had been in the field supervising a training mission, and not a single member of the department had noticed that she was missing. The day after her return, she'd penned a letter tendering her resignation. Given the usual state of her boss's desk, she would probably continue to draw a salary for months before he finally noticed.

Hermione jumped, spilling tea all over the journal she was reading, as someone rapped on her door with enough force to rattle her china. She hurried towards the door, forcing her stomach out of her throat and back where it belonged. The wizard she hoped was on the other side surely wouldn't knock so loudly.

Severus Snape stood in front of her door, glaring with such loathing that she wondered if he'd been cultivating contempt during his seclusion.

She stepped back in surprise, and Snape took the opportunity, if not invitation, to stalk into her sitting room.

'I am not normally in the habit of intervening in such pedestrian matters as this, but...' he stopped abruptly, looking as if he were gagging on the words. 'My damned house-elf...'

'Fluffy?'

Snape gritted his teeth. 'Fluffy is threatening to systematically slam her fingers in all the doors and windows throughout the house if something isn't done. She heard it from Lucius's elf that he's drunk himself into a stupor, babbling on about his tragic rejection. You know he is over Narcissa, and you heard it from him while you were at my house: he never leaves the manor, Miss Granger. The only person he could possibly consider himself rejected by is you.'

Hermione gaped at Snape. 'I can hardly see how he would find himself rejected. He's not contacted me since I left your house.' She tried, and apparently failed, to mask the hurt in her voice.

'And yet you were hoping to hear from him.' Snape sighed loudly. 'Why do I get the idea there's more to this than you're telling me?'

'It was just one kiss,' Hermione mumbled, wondering in what alternate universe she'd found herself. Certainly, she was not actually in her sitting room with Severus Snape discussing her fleeting romance with Lucius Malfoy.

'Just a kiss, Miss Granger?' Snape looked astonishingly disturbed. 'I highly doubt that Lucius would frolic about doling out kisses willy-nilly. Please tell me you didn't accept any gifts from him.'

Hermione's brow furrowed at the abrupt question. 'Well, he did give me his jacket, and your house-elf mistakenly packed it in the box she handed me when I left.'

'I see. Did you offer him any food?'

'I gave him a bit of my chocolate-hazelnut torte. He seemed interested in why I was enjoying it so much. What? Is it so hard to believe I would share with Lucius Malfoy?'

'Lucius wasn't asking you to share, Miss Granger. He was flirting with you. He gave you food and drink in return, did he not?'

Hermione looked at Snape as if he'd just returned from Mars rather than the Maldives.

'Is this your idea of punishing Lucius for his past sins, Miss Granger?'

'What on earth do you mean, Snape?'

For once, Snape must have believed her look of innocence and confusion. 'Do you mean to tell me... Miss Granger, for all your vaunted intelligence and love of knowledge, no matter how trivial, I cannot believe you have never researched Pure-blood courting rituals.'

'Pure-blood courting rituals?' Hermione asked dumbly, a sinking feeling settling into her gut.

'Yes, Lucius wasn't simply asking for a bit of cake. He was following a set of rituals as old as Hogwarts.'

'This isn't a binding set of rituals is it? Is there some way to cancel the courtship? Would I feel physical side effects for ignoring the bond? Is this permanent?' The questions tumbled from her mouth, and she was left wishing she could stuff them back in.

'Miss Granger, do you automatically panic like this in every situation and assume that some inescapable tragedy has occurred? It's a wonder you made it through your school years with Potter without having a nervous breakdown. No, this isn't a binding set of rituals.'

Snape must have seen the look of relief and mortification that flashed across her face. His eyes narrowed as he sharpened his tongue. 'Ah, been feeling a bit blue in his absence, have you? Did you think for a moment that you might be able to blame it on some ridiculous bonding?'

He sneered. 'No, Miss Granger, while the magic involved can intensify the emotions slightly, I fear whatever spot of depression you've been experiencing stems entirely from whatever attraction you actually feel for him. Have a bit of a thing for older men do you? How predictable. Already frightened off all the men your age?'

She willed herself not to crumble in the face of his vitriol. 'Careful, Professor, your vehemence might make a girl think you're jealous.'

Snape's jaw dropped and he blinked at her, dumbfounded.

'Honestly, Snape, if you're interested all you have to do is ask.' Hermione admired the look she'd caused on Snape's features. She hadn't thought Snape could ever look flummoxed. Icy. Irate. Caustic. All were classic Snape looks that had been paraded in the halls and classrooms of Hogwarts for years. Who knew that Snape was physically able to flummox?

'Have we got that over with, then? Excellent. Now, listen here.' Her wand poked at Snape's chest. 'I'm not aiming to hurt Lucius, but given my ignorance of obscure courting rituals, which you have so graciously pointed out to me,' she paused to freshen her glare, 'It is possible that I have inadvertently caused Lucius's distress. Now, perhaps we can stop bickering, and you can escort me to the manor.'

Snape snorted but nodded his assent.

'Good. Give me a few moments to cancel some appointments I had this afternoon.' She walked towards the Floo and crouched in front of it, suddenly aware that it was impossible to Floo without waggling one's derrière in the air. Her lips pursed in annoyance as she called Harry to cancel lunch. Then Ginny to cancel their shopping excursion. Then her mum to cancel tea.

'Are you quite finished with your social calls, Miss Granger?'

She glared at him from her spot on the hearth. There was the chance that this excursion could last a while, and it wasn't as if she'd exactly been anticipating her dinner plans. 'Just one more.' She Flooed Ron and cancelled dinner.

'You know,' she stood, brushing flecks of soot from her trousers, 'You're lucky you never kissed Lucius. He could be pining after you if that were the case.'

What passed for colour on Snape's face drained away. 'Oh, bugger. We must leave immediately.'

'What?' she asked, her eyes widening.

'Dammit, witch. I've given Lucius a book, clothed him, and fed him for a week!'

She tried, she really did, but she just couldn't stifle her grin. 'You're a little panicky there, Snape. Did you two have fun catching up while I was upstairs in your parlour?'

'Whatever do you mean?'

'Well, did you kiss him last week?' She forced her grin to remain planted on her face. Honestly, she'd been given the boot by far lesser wizards than Lucius Malfoy. Still, it was a bit insulting that he'd moved on less than two hours after he'd kissed her. She snorted. Though he does seem the fickle type.

'Um, no, I didn't kiss him last week.' Snape looked decidedly uncomfortable and... guilty?

'But you have kissed him, haven't you?'

'That is hardly any of your business, Granger.' Snape picked at a loose button on the front of his shirt before tapping it with his wand.

Oh, fuck. He had. Severus Snape had kissed Lucius Malfoy. Hermione tamped down the shiver of excitement that skipped down her spine. It ignored her efforts and raced back up to deliver hi-res images to her cerebral cortex. Oh, merciful Merlin. Awkward, young Snape from those Pensieve memories delivering a tentative kiss to a beautiful, teenage Lucius. Angry Snape from his Death Eater days pressing Lucius against a wall for a frantic snog. Half-drunk, despondent Headmaster Snape meeting with Lucius for a hurried liaison under the cover of night.

'Granger!' Snape barked, jerking her from her reverie. He glared at her, seething at her open-mouthed blank expression.

'Erm, yes?' She nonchalantly attempted to check her chin for drool. Oh, she'd seen men kissing before, but she'd never imagined men kissing. And she'd certainly never thought about those men kissing. And never, ever, had she considered the man standing before her attractive. But she couldn't shake those images from her mind. Is it just a trick of my libido? she wondered. Or is he that, er, appealing in real life? She glanced up at him and tried to keep her eyes from looking him up and down appreciatively. She failed.

'If you're interested, Miss Granger, all you have to do is ask. Now come on.' Snape smirked before stomping towards her front door.

'If you're going to trade flirtations with me, you may as well use my first name. Otherwise, it sounds like you're chasing after a student.' She grinned cheekily at him. 'Perv.'

'You have no idea, Hermione,' he replied, holding the door open for her.