Chapter Ten: Death is an Illusion

Chapter 10: Death is an Illusion

Disclaimer: The characters and settings within belong to J.K.Rowling. I am just giving them a little outing.

"I'm ready. How do I look?" She twirls, finally dressed and ready to marry the wizard she adores.

"We have another thirty minutes before Father returns to collect us. Tell me about the final confrontation with Voldemort." She turns eagerly to await her favourite part of the story.

"Found it!" Hermione called softly, catching up with Ron and Harry just outside the castle. She had been able to Apparate directly to the castle as the wards had been dropped.

"What took you so long?" demanded Ron, breathless from their long trek through the tunnel and up to the castle.

"It was dark, and my purse had fallen down behind that crate. It took a while to find it." She improvised again. Now was not the time to let them know Severus was alive.

The emeralds scattered across the floor of the Entrance Hall brought a quirk to her lips as she recalled Severus's first words on returning to consciousness, but the scene in the Great Hall effectively banished that small tendril of positive thought. Injured witches and wizards, some of them children... children... were lying everywhere, a bustle of motion surrounding them as those still able-bodied did their best to alleviate pain and heal wounds. The bodies of Remus Lupin and Tonks, lying cold and forlorn, sent shards of pain for poor, orphaned Teddy straight to her heart. And then there was the Weasley family, grouped together in a distraught huddle around one cold and still twin, the other sitting stunned and unnaturally quiet, tears running unheeded down his face as he realised for the first time in his life he was truly alone.

Ron ran over to his family, his tall, lanky form swallowed in a sea of redheaded, swollen-eyed faces. Harry had taken one look at the fallen, muttered something about the memories he had clutched in his hand, and disappeared. For want of anything better to do, Hermione hovered near the Weasleys, supportive but not supported; they had closed ranks in their grief, and she remained outside.

As the hour's grace drew to a close, Harry's absence became evident. Hermione glanced around the Great Hall, but the dark-haired young wizard was nowhere to be found.

"Ron... Ron! Harry has disappeared!" she whispered urgently.

"What?" He looked up, bleary-eyed and mind sluggish. "Where is he?"

"I don't know. But the hour is up. Where do you think the bloody foolhardy idiot is?" Stress and worry had stripped her of any tact.

"Oh, fuck! He's gone out there alone, hasn't he?"

She nodded, suddenly sure.

"Mum, Dad, I have to go." Ron extricated himself from his family's embrace and ran with Hermione to the main entrance doors.

Too late.

An unearthly laugh threaded through the cool dawn air from the Forbidden Forest.

Something had happened.

Something bad.

Suddenly, Voldemort's voice rang out, declaring victory.

Harry was dead.

A crowd gathered at the door as someone came stumbling from the edge of the forest. It was Hagrid, wailing and carrying a limp bundle. Voldemort, with Nagini riding on his shoulders and his Death Eaters alongside, strutted out to the front of the castle.

Minerva McGonagall's scream shattered the air as she recognised Harry's body. Hermione and Ron were joined by Ginny in their horrified denial of the evidence before them. A cacophony of voices swelled until it was cut short by the apparent victor's cry for silence.

Lowering Harry gently to the ground, Hagrid stood aside as Voldemort paced and threatened and postured. Neville's spirited attempt to get to Voldemort roused a cheer from the crowd for Dumbledore's Army.

The arrival of the centaurs broke the tableau. Turning, Hermione caught the sweep of the blade as Neville Longbottom, in a fit of Gryffindor courage, fished the Sword of Gryffindor from the much abused Sorting Hat and beheaded the massive snake. As a pitched battle broke out between the Giants allied with Voldemort and Grawp, the Thestrals, and Buckbeak, the wizard combatants entered the Entrance Hall. House-elves led by Kreacher entered the fray, and it appeared the Death Eaters had finally been outnumbered.

Hermione panted as she desperately fought Bellatrix Lestrange with Ginny and Luna. No amount of secret duelling practice could have prepared them for the vicious, relentless force that was the deranged woman before them. She moved with preternatural speed, and her ability to cast multiple, simultaneous hexes was as terrifying as it was awe-inspiring. Only their years of practice at Shielding Charms had prevented them joining those already fallen. Suddenly, another equally ferocious witch entered the fray.

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"* cried Molly Weasley. The three girls watched, astounded as the vengeful Weasley matriarch ignored the madwoman's jeers and finally felled her evil opponent in a show of skill and pure fury they had never thought possible of the ultimate earth mother.

"That was my mother!" gasped Ginny, eyes popping in disbelief.

All at once, the Hall became silent as Harry materialised out of thin air and challenged Bellatrix's screaming master.

Not a wand was lifted as Harry Potter taunted Voldemort with his return from the dead and Snape's betrayal due to his love for Lily Potter. The knowledge of the true mastery of the Elder Wand was revealed as the sun lit the room in a brilliant display. The final confrontation was as brief as it was dramatic, and with a harsh thud the wizard who had been responsible for years of torture and torment fell to the floor, stone dead.

Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was no more.

Amidst the cheers sent up for Harry, Hermione raised a silent one of her own to the man whose courage, strength, and skill had played an enormous, if unrecognised, part of the triumph. Severus Snape.

After the initial cheers and jubilation had faded, the morning wore on with news coming in from up and down the country. Hermione spent some time catching up with Ginny, Luna, Neville, and their mini-revolution; then Harry took Hermione and Ron aside to fill them in on Snape's memories and what had happened in the Forest. Eventually, all the talking was done, Harry had disappeared with Ginny, and Ron had rejoined the bosom of his family. Hermione quietly watched her friends, pleading fatigue and the need to be alone. Hastening outside, she Apparated to the cottage where her own comfort and healing were to be found. Despite that one desperate kiss with Ron, she knew at that moment she had no-one to call her own but Severus Snape – her ex-teacher, confidant, and friend.

***

"It's over then?" a gravelly voice asked as she entered the upstairs bedroom.

"It is. How did you know?" Hermione sat on the bed beside Snape and automatically checked his temperature.

He pulled up the sleeve of the loose, purple nightshirt Motty had provided and displayed the unmarked skin of his left forearm. "It suddenly burned, then slowly faded some hours ago. What happened?"

Her flat monotone belied the emotions roiling in her mind. "Harry died, had a bit of a chat with Dumbledore in some weird in-between place, then used the three Hallows and came back to life. Neville killed Nagini..."

"Longbottom?"

"Yes, Neville. Harry and Voldemort faced off. By the way, Harry got in a few jibes about how you were loyal to Dumbledore."

"Bet that went down well," he murmured.

"It had the desired effect. He also advised him that you had not been the master of the Elder Wand."

"Oh, great. You mean I went through all this for no reason!" Snape snarled.

"Draco had already disarmed Dumbledore when you killed him," she explained patiently. "He was the master of the Elder Wand, at least until Harry took it off him at Malfoy Manor."

"You mean, Potter was the master of the wand. I would have loved to have seen the look on the bastard's face when he found that out."

"It was somewhat gratifying, especially when Harry defeated him with a simple Expelliarmus." She allowed herself a little smirk at that.

"Have I taught that boy nothing? He faces the most powerful wizard in the British Isles and resorts to Expelliarmus?" He shook his head in disbelief. "He is lucky you are not all tiny pieces of ash now."

"Don't be such a grouch. The destruction of the Horcruxes had already weakened Voldemort, and his wand was not under his control. Harry knew what he was doing."

"A grouch? I thought it was... now let me think... that's it, 'a cantankerous old bastard'?" Snape chuckled at the mortified expression on the young witch's face.

"That, too. Now, it's time you rested." She studied him closely. "You look a better colour now, and the wound is healing well. But what on earth are you wearing?"

Snape sneered at the delightful, purple nightshirt, complete with twinkling, silver stars around the collar. "Motty found it. I presume it was Albus's. That man torments me even after his death!"

Taking her wand, Hermione transformed the nightshirt to a simple, black garment with a casual flick. "Not that I don't think you looked stunning in purple, but you do have an image to maintain." She grinned at the scowl she received in thanks, then yawned widely. "I'm knackered, and I'm sure they will be sending out search parties if I don't return this evening. I'll just go downstairs and have a quick nap..."

Snape chuckled as her eyes closed and she slumped back on the pillows, sound asleep. Stealing her wand, he charmed the blankets over her and summoned Motty to wake them at seven. Lying back himself, he sighed and settled into a blissful, snake-free sleep.

***

Hermione drifted awake, feeling cosy and comfortable for the first time in months. And safe. Snuggling into the warm, lean body beside her, she slowly became aware of just whose body she was attached to. Sitting up with a start, she blushed.

"And good evening to you, miss," drawled the man beside her.

"I'm sorry. I must have dropped off. I'll just..." She reached for the blankets to push them aside, but a firm hand restrained hers.

"Hush, Hermione. Don't worry about it. We were both exhausted, and this bed is plenty big enough for two."

"But... but... I was..."

"Clinging to me like a climbing vine?" he finished for her.

"Um... Yes. Sorry about that."

"Do you know how many people have willingly been that close to me... ever?" he asked, smile fading a little.

She shook her head.

"None." His response was etched with bitterness.

"Oh, Severus." With that, she laid down again and wrapped her arms around his narrow waist, resting her head on his chest. "Do you know just how comforting it was to wake in your care?"

He slowly allowed himself to relax into her embrace. Playing with a soft curl, he chuckled. "Probably as comforting as it was for me. At least I am good as a teddy bear, but that is not something you should share!"

She smacked his chest. "I don't know anyone less like a teddy bear than you, Severus Snape, so don't kid yourself. A prickly hedgehog maybe. Or a porcupine. Or a..."

"All right, all right, I get the message. I'm not about to get re-Sorted into Hufflepuff House, thank Merlin. I think I would rather have that damned snake as a pet than that!"

Awkwardness averted, they held each other for long moments as they each contemplated the events of the previous twenty-four hours. After some prevarication, Hermione finally asked the question lying heavily on her mind.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"Tell me about Lily."

He tensed slightly, but relaxed again as she gently stroked his back.

"As you no doubt know by now, I grew up in the same neighbourhood as Lily Evans. We were best friends for years before we started at Hogwarts, spending all our time playing and making plans for our future – the brilliant magic we would perform, and how we would outshine all our peers. Then the Sorting Hat destroyed all my dreams.

"Did you hate Gryffindors even back then?"

"It started on the train. For boys like Black and Potter, a skinny, poorly dressed boy was an easy mark. When I was Sorted into Slytherin and those two into Gryffindor with my Lily, I thought my world had ended. She was the only light in my otherwise dismal life, my only hope, and I could see it fading before my eyes.

"It wasn't long before the bullying began – the sneaky hexes, the name-calling, and the nasty pranks. Oh, I rapidly learned a few hexes myself and even started a few fights over the years, for which I am not proud, but gradually the fighting caused a rift between Lily and me. She did not approve of my friends, and I hated hers. It was inevitable. I'm sure Potter told you of the incident that occurred just after we sat our O.W.L.s..."

"No. He mentioned something from the memories you gave him, but he wouldn't go into details."

Snape looked startled. "Perhaps the boy has some scruples, after all."

He went on to describe how Sirius Black and James Potter had used his own spell against him, displaying his disreputable underwear and more to the critical gaze of his peers.

"She only tried to help, but I was so mortified, I snapped. I called her a... Mudblood." A tear crept from his eye and splashed on the pillow.

"I'm sure she forgave you, considering the circumstances," Hermione soothed.

"That's the problem. Lily refused to forgive me. I apologised time after time. I even camped outside the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, but she would not bend. I had blown it and in the process driven her straight into James bloody Potter's arms."

"But you still loved her?"

"Desperately. Bitterly. Eventually, I turned to the only people who had ever shown an interest in me. And you know how badly that turned out." Her gentle caress demonstrated her ability to forgive.

"You were lonely, tormented, and had no self-esteem. It's no wonder the thought of all that power and prestige turned your head. You were what, seventeen? Just a child," she admonished.

He shook his head, denying her excuses for him. "How old were you, Hermione, when you decided I was worth saving? When you made a life changing decision? Life changing for me, that is."

"Seventeen."

"Exactly. Are you saying I was foolish because I was only seventeen? Were you foolish?" he asked.

She lifted her head and studied his face. "No. I suppose not. But I still understand why you made the decisions you did at the time."

"I wish I did. I wish you were around back then. I could have done with someone like you in my corner." He smiled ruefully. "But here you are, my student and a mere girl."

"Ex-student, thank you, Professor. So, what happened after you left school?"

"I made the most stupid decision of my life and took the Dark Mark. I trained under Voldemort's pet Potions Master and eventually became his primary brewer. Tales of glory and riches inspired me. It was only when he revealed his plans to kill the Potters that I finally realised how far down the slippery slope I had fallen. It was not my most auspicious moment." He sighed, the memories still as sharp and unforgiving as they had ever been.

"So, you went to Dumbledore?"

"And begged forgiveness. It was not given lightly. I had to promise complete obedience..."

Hermione had a flash of comprehension. "You took an Unbreakable Vow, didn't you?"

"To do anything he ordered. Even killing the manipulative old sod."

Tears trickled down both faces as Snape bared his soul to the young witch who had become his saviour.

"I tried to save Lily. He had promised to spare her, but she stepped in front of her son at the last moment. I didn't even care what happened to James or the baby, that's how selfish I was," he muttered bitterly.

Hermione held him tightly as he sobbed out the painful guilt and grief he had kept locked away for years.

"Do you still love her, Severus?"

"Part of me will always love Lily. For years I held her close in my heart as my anchor – my reason to defeat Tom Riddle. Eventually, I accepted her death, although it took a long time. I even accepted she had not loved me as anything other than a friend. But she will always be a part of my past, and I am not ashamed to have her there," he said fiercely.

"And so she should be. She was important to you, part of what makes you who you are today. We can't deny our pasts, Severus, but we can welcome the future with open arms. Thank you for sharing her with me. You don't know how much that means to me."

Snape stared at the young girl beside him. Every time he believed he had said or done something to lose her faith she proved him wrong. "Thank you for listening and understanding. You are a very special person, Hermione. One day, some lucky wizard is going to sweep you up and carry you off. I just hope you and I will remain friends."

"Of course, you daft man!" With that, Hermione brushed her lips over his damp cheek and sat up. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Do you think Motty could rustle up some food before I have to return to Hogwarts? I can't stay much longer, or they will be sending out search parties. And I have a certain wizard's name to clear."

"Always a witch with a cause, aren't you?" Snape stood up and automatically stripped off his nightshirt. It was testament to how comfortable he felt in her company that he didn't realise what he had done until he heard a soft gasp from behind him. Turning around, he immediately realised his faux pas as he stood naked before a furiously blushing witch. "Oh, Merlin, sorry!" He snatched up a pillow to cover his exposed genitals. Cheeks as red as hers, he met her eyes to find them sparkling with mischief.

"What?"

Hermione collapsed in a fit of giggles at his affronted expression. "It was the look on your face when you realised you had stripped in front of me. Honestly. Everything else was fine. More than fine, actually. Any witch would be pleased to see it." She raised an eyebrow lasciviously and grinned. "Okay, I'll just leave and let you get dressed then. That is, unless you want a more detailed opinion?" Ducking the pillow, she skipped to the door. "I guess not. Pity."

"That's what I get for allowing impertinent teenage witches into my bed. Go on. Organise us some food, woman, while I have a shower. Make yourself useful!"

"You need your back scrubbed?" she called as she left the room.

He groaned. "Don't tempt me," he growled under his breath.

The pair shared the delicious meal provided by Motty, who was overjoyed to have someone to serve once again. However, the wafer-thin façade of normality was unsustainable for long in the face of all that had happened.

"Goodness, I had no idea I was so hungry!" Hermione leaned back in her chair and patted her full stomach. Her face fell as the reason why escaped the temporary shield her battered mind had erected. "I just couldn't eat anything earlier today. It was all too much..." Tears started falling anew as she remembered all who had perished. "Remus... Tonks... Fred... Colin..." she whispered.

Snape's head shot up. "Lupin? And Nymphadora?" Something akin to regret passed over his face. "Dead... both of them?"

She nodded, mute with grief.

"Why? Why am I alive when good people..." His despair threaded between them, a plea for forgiveness for the sin of surviving.

"Hush. You deserved to live as much as anyone, Severus. You have a fresh start now; don't spoil it by second-guessing your existence. Now, I have to return to Hogwarts, much as I would rather stay here with you. Promise me you will be here when I return," she pleaded, suddenly terrified he would leave her. Meeting his eyes, she added, "I need my friend."

"You have Potter and Weasley, my dear. I'm sure they will require your presence far more than I do." He sighed and turned to stare out of the window, watching the sun drop behind the hills across the water.

"Harry has Ginny, and Ron's family needs him right now. Here, I feel warm and protected. You make me feel safe, Severus. I haven't felt this way for so long." She walked over to the window and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Promise me, please?"

Snape turned in the circle of her affection and embraced her in return. Dropping a light kiss on the top of her head, he acquiesced. "I'll be here, waiting for you. Take as long as you need."

"Thank you."

"No. Thank you. For believing in me when all others would have had me thrown in Azkaban or worse. For caring. For saving my life. For seeing the man behind the mask. Thank you, Hermione, for being my friend."

Neither mentioned love.

***

A/N: Asterisks indicate words borrowed from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. This story was written for the Hermione Big Bang on Live Journal to celebrate her thirtieth birthday. Many thanks to ladyinthecloak, my beta. Thanks also to quaffswinegaily, who gave this a preliminary reading, and Michelle, my cheerleader.