Rank (and File) Stupidity
Chapter 9 of 9
peppermintLord Voldemort is depressed and needs a hug.
ReviewedDear Diary,
I have the worst feeling about my special collectibles. Bellatrix assured me the one in the Lestrange vault is safe, but really, it's Bella. She's the poster child for inbred pureblood psychosis. Narcissa is just pathetically dimwitted, and the other one, Andromeda? Well, she married a Mudblood – what more needs to be said?
I'm not sure how she's going to explain Travers stumbling in here the other day, dazed and stupid (well, more stupid than usual; it's Travers, after all), saying Bella snubbed him in Diagon Alley. Then he was adamant her hired foreign thug Imperiused him in the Gringotts vaults. Then he muttered something about an albino dragon and passed out on the front hall carpet. Cue Narcissa's bitching, right on bloody schedule. Problem is Bella doesn't have a hired foreign thug. I am exceedingly anxious about my collectibles.
I did manage to get a sympathetic beautician in the other day for Lucius' hair, but it didn't make much of a difference. It must be the stress of knowing his son is a total failure that has sent him into such a decline. My nails, however, look fantastic. She put snakeskin on them. Glued it right on. Very durable. Told Nagini it was fake, of course.
There's a disturbance in the air, and I'm not talking about the gas Lucius's wolfhounds give off after he lets them hunt the garden gnomes. Off to attempt to get truth out of Bella – but I'll settle for coherence.
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Dark Lords Need Love Too
117 Reviews | 6.86/10 Average
ROFL!! Can't wait to hear about the trip to the spa.
ROFL. :D
Anonymous
*mwahaha* Brilliant again! Atrocious nails indeed! And Snape with his new hairdo... I saw a great capiton the other day, with a pic of him, and "L'oreal- because you are worth it". ;o)
I can just see him jumping up and down with joy! Off to the spa, boys!
sick, sick, you have one sick and twisted and demented mind. I love it. Good chapter. Please can I have more.
Awww....he got his hug.....
OMG! Fortunately he doesn't master the wand. Wonder what that spa day will be like?
BWAH!!!
I suspect I now know where the fluffy hair alluded to on Buzz came from a few days ago. It's most kind of the Tedious One to take such care about his minions and their grooming practices.
Oh dear God, Voldemort and Lucius sharing a spa day? ROFL. I pity the unfortunate soul who has to give the Dark Lord a massage.
But, hey, I would be more than happy to volunteer to give Lucius a massage. And, naturally, Severus too. That would certainly make my Christmas! 
Er, at least as long as I don't have to see even a semi-nude Voldie. *Shudders*
Ahahaha 'naughty boys need love too' and all that. LOL
Too cute!
haha WIN! I love it!
Very funny! Poor Lucius...he used to be so proud of that hair...
Am I wrong or is this inspired by some scenes in the last movie? Because I made myself the same remark about Lucius' hair. Anyway it's brilliantly done as usual.
Response from peppermint (Author of Dark Lords Need Love Too)
Yes, it is. Seeing DH provided me with some much-needed inspiration, LOL!
Sounds like Bella is becoming such an untrustworthy tramp. What's an evil megalomaniac to do?
Lucius can't get it up anymore? Mehehe, seems to be a trend among writers this week to make dear Lulu look bad. Love it! Just as the rest!
I am already looking forward to reading all those drabbles in one go once you're done!
Shame on you making me laugh at work. I so look forward to your updates.
The comment about Lucius's hair... priceless! :)
Anonymous
*mwahaha* Brilliant, once again! "Where that mouth has been" - "needs a conditioning treatment" *roflol*
Poor Tedious One, just like any kid on Christmas who didn't get the one thing he was looking for...
I'm sure he does get cold on those marble floors. Cold-blooded creatures need a heat source. He's really building this hug up in his mind. I wonder if, when it does happen, it satisfies his expectations.
Aw... poor fellow. I wonder if Lucius knows he could save his wine cellar by giving the Tedious One a little human contact now and again...
"Special collectibles," hm? Well, that would explain my brother-in-law's attachment to his baseball card collection. I always thought the Ken Griffey rookie card had an evil twinkle in its eye ...
This is hilarious! I'm so glad you updated! I look forward to reading of the fate of the rest of the collectibles!
*Snort*
I don't know whether to pity the "cow" or the TO on what will happen next. I think Bella will enjoy being tortured, and he will hate being in the room with her...
You've almost got me feeling bad for the poor widdle TO. Almost.