Nerves

Chapter Six

Nerves

"It's better than nothing--"

"Yes, but if it doesn't work properly--"

"It won't make things worse. I'm sure of that."

"How can we ask her to take it without being positive of that? What if she dies, how would I live with myself? How would you live with yourself? OR WOULD YOU EVEN CARE, YOU COLD-HEARTED B--"

SLAP! The sound of Hermione's hand connecting with Severus's cheek resounded throughout the potions lab. "How DARE you insinuate that I would threaten Carly's life in such a fashion? She may not be my daughter but... but..." She broke into sobs and rushed from the room, slamming the door behind her.

Severus collapsed into a chair and buried his face in his hands.

"Mama?"

Oh, sweet Merlin--she didn't take her kid with her, thought Severus, as he lowered the containment field with a flick of his wand. "Your Mama will be right back," he said to Stephen, scooping him up in his arms. "She's just a little... frustrated, I guess. This one hits a little too close to home, I think."

I'll do it, Da.

"Carly?"

I'll try it.

"Carly, you don't know what you're saying."

I do, Da. You don't Occlude when you're working on potions. I know exactly what I'm getting into. I'll try it.

"But Carly--"

Da, my physical condition can't get any worse than it already is. Please? Let me take it.

Severus dropped to his knees in front of his daughter and set Stephen carefully to one side. "Carly, oh, Carly. I couldn't bear to lose you. You know that, don't you?" He picked her up and hugged her close.

"Carwy sad?" asked Stephen curiously.

"Yes," the Potions master, still on his knees, responded without looking up.

"Sevus sad too?" A chubby hand reached up and wiped a tear clumsily from Snape's cheek.

"I'm scared, Stephen," he said in a rare moment of openness.

"Sevus need a hug," replied the toddler. "Hug make Sevus all better." His small arms only made it halfway around the tall man.

"What is this, a hug-a-thon?" Hermione was standing in the doorway.

Severus flushed. "I think we all needed a little reassurance."

"I'm sorry, Severus. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. I think there is one other currently living child with Minocre's disease--a boy in China, if I remember correctly."

No. It wouldn't be fair to him. I want to try it.

"Carly, are you sure?"

Da and I have been through this already. I'm going to try it out.

"I'm still not sure I can bear to watch," admitted Snape nervously.

Let me go home with Hermione, then. She's not squeamish about anything.

"No, Carly, being here all alone would be worse. I'd have no one to talk to, nothing to do except sit there and wonder how you were doing."

"Take Stephen," interjected Hermione. "It would allow me to focus more on Carly and give you something to do with yourself."

Severus looked down at the little boy who was still hugging him. "Hey, little man. Would you like to sleep over at my house tonight? We could have dinner in the Great Hall."

Stephen looked up at him with a grin on his face. "I seep at Sevus house. Eat in Gate Hall wif Mirva."

Snape looked up at Hermione and took a deep breath. "Okay. I think I can do this. But--but will you administer the potion to her? I don't think I could handle that part."

She nodded and, reaching over, picked up the small vial. "All right. Hand me Carly."

Severus hugged his daughter tightly. No matter what happens, I'll always love you. You know that, don't you?

I love you too, Da. And I know this will work. You're too brilliant to make a mistake.

He released his hold on Carly with a gasp, placing her gently in Hermione's arms. "Take good care of her. And please--don't give her the elixir until I'm out of the room."

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hermione waited until she got back to her cottage to administer the potion to Carly. The little girl swallowed it without complaint, then looked up at her.

Go ahead and put on the monitoring spells. They'll ease your mind.

Hemione nodded gently, flicking her wand and muttering to herself. Blue and green runes appeared on the wall opposite her, informing her of Carly's pulse rate, blood pressure, and other vitals.

May I have a hug? I need some cuddling.

"Of course, Carly," she whispered, picking up the little girl and sitting down in the rocking chair. Carly was putting on a brave front, but it was clear that, deep down, she was afraid too.

Tell me a story, please.

"Okay, Carly. Hmmm," Hermione stalled for time as she wracked her brain for a suitable story. "Okay. Once upon a time there was a little girl. Well, she was older than you, but still little... Anyway, this little girl wanted to know everything in the world. She read, she experimented, and she read some more, but it seemed that there was still so much that she didn't know. Worst of all, no one around her seemed to think that knowing everything was very important."

Carly giggled silently: The little girl in the story hadn't been named, but it was clear who she was. Hermione continued, "When she was eleven, she got a letter from Hogwarts. She was a little surprised that she was a witch, for she had been born into a family of Muggles. She was excited, though. She was going away to a school where everyone would be like her. But when she got there, she discovered that witches and wizards weren't really very different from Muggles after all. They were all content with ignorance; and teasing those who wanted to understand the world was normal."

Hermione paused briefly, smiling to herself. "One day," she began again, "someone made a particularly cutting remark, and the girl hid in the loo to cry. She'd been there for a while when the door burst open and a huge, smelly troll rushed in."

A quiet snore interrupted the narrative. "Do you always go to sleep at the most exciting part of the story?" asked Hermione. She watched the sleeping girl, eying her vital signs. Carly's breathing was irregular and labored, her temperature was starting to climb, and her pulse rate was well above average.

Maybe I'd better not put her down just yet, Hermione thought. I need to be right here, keeping an eye on her. A flick of her wand brought the book she'd been reading through; she levitated it into the air above her lap and flipped it open to the right page. A Summoning Charm brought her tea and biscuits, which she consumed absentmindedly as she perused the book.

The hours passed; Carly's pulse was still fast and irregular, and her fever had not yet broken. Hermione rocked the little girl, holding her close, still reading from the thick tome in front of her. It was well past midnight when her eyes drifted shut, and she slipped into slumber, still holding Carly in her arms.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hermione had left in such a hurry, she hadn't really given Severus instructions on how to care for her son. After feeding Carly for nine months, Severus found that mealtime was a breeze, and it was easy enough to Transfigure some pajamas and conjure a toothbrush. Unfortunately, the Potions master had no idea how to get the kid to sleep.

At eight thirty, after trying unsuccessfully to make the boy doze off, Severus stood up abruptly and announced, "I'm going to leave you with Dobby. I have duties to perform."

"I come too." It was a statement, not a question. The determined expression on the child's face was remarkably similar to one Snape had seen many times on Hermione.

"You may come on one condition. You must be quiet. If not, I will get Dobby to put you back in bed."

"Awwight. I quiet."

Severus swooped him up and nestled him in the crook of his left arm. The boy was the same weight as Carly, even though she was four times as old. He took his daughter out with him every night; bringing Stephen should pose no hardship as long as the boy didn't make a peep.

With a wave of his wand, he Transfigured his boots into soft-soled shoes. Extinguishing the lights in the room, he opened the door and slipped into the corridor. It was important for him to be stealthy from the beginning; otherwise, the Slytherins would post a guard near his door to monitor his comings and goings. He all but floated down the hall, then cautiously descended into the lower dungeons to begin his patrol.

It was a typical night.

"Miss Hardcastle, Mr. Gilman. Ten points each from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for being out after curfew.... Goyle and Martin, being caught in the kitchens is inadvisable. Two points apiece from Slytherin.... Miss McGonagall, you are lucky that it is I who caught you. I will not inform your mother this time, but next time you will not be so fortunate. Five points from Gryffindor.... Messieurs Creevey, if you two are attempting to follow in the footsteps of the Weasley twins, you are failing miserably! They lost twice as many points as you ever have. Nonetheless, I am feeling charitable; let me assist you in drawing closer to their mark. Twenty points apiece from Gryffindor..."

And so it went. From the lowest dungeon, up to the Great Hall, then up and around and up again, Severus Snape swept through the corridors of Hogwarts, flushing out wayward students and sending them back to their beds. By the time he reached the third floor, Stephen's face glowed with each new discovery. By the time he reached the fifth floor, Stephen giggled every time he deducted points.

On the sixth floor, Severus paused outside an empty classroom. On the other side of the door, someone was mumbling in a vaguely familiar voice. Stephen caught his eye and grinned as he put his hand on the door. Snape pushed the door open with a bang, strode in with his cloak swirling behind him, and delivered his trademark glare.

"Ten points fum Huffpuff!" crowed Stephen.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a student; it was Sibyll Trelawney. The Divination teacher was curled in a corner with a bottle of cooking sherry, mumbling to herself.

Severus's instincts told him he should just leave, close the door behind him, and pretend he hadn't entered the room at all. Unfortunately, his dramatic entrance--and Stephen's loud pronouncement--could not be undone. He wondered how the little guy had known that Sibyll had been a Hufflepuff.

Trelawney rose from the floor, brandishing an empty bottle like a weapon. "You!" she shrieked, pointing the bottle at him accusingly. "You vile, evil, disgusting, uncouth creature! You dare disturb my meditations?"

Her glasses had slipped down, giving Severus a clear view of the malicious fire that burned in her eyes. "And you have the Granger boy with you too. No doubt his blind mother wants you to teach him how useless divination is. Amazing that she would trust a tarnished cretin like you with her innocent child! Isn't it bad enough that the Ministry let you take a child of your own? Not that she's innocent; breeding runs true, as they say, and she's already responsible for the death of one innocent..."

Snape's intention had been to back out of the classroom, slam the door in Sibyll's face, and take off down the corridor at top speed. However, as soon as she had begun laying into Hermione, he stood rooted to the spot, paralyzed by anger. When she began questioning Carly's innocence, he lost control. He could think of no words with which to defend his daughter's honor; instead, he stood frozen, clutching Stephen tightly, as his instinctive magic took over.

Raw power crackled out from his body; the desks and chairs flew to the side of the room and crashed against the walls. Trelawney gasped in horror, her invective cut short, and backed against the wall. Snape towered before her, glowing with a halo of magic, his long hair blowing in an invisible wind. Majestic and solemn, holding Stephen in his arms, he looked not like an evil Death Eater, or even the Bat of the Dungeons; he appeared before her as an angel, the guardian angel of the children.

"Speak no ill of Severus," said a loud voice. It was only the Bloody Baron who descended from the ceiling, but Trelawney would not have been surprised if God Himself had come down to speak on the Potion master's behalf. "He has made mistakes in his life, 'tis true, but he has also acknowledged his sins and his faults and seeks to rectify them. Can ye say the same for yourself, Sibyll Trelawney?"

A sudden burst of magic flung the Divination teacher from the room; she rose to her feet unsteadily, then fluttered down the hall without a word, escaping back to the comfort of the North Tower. Severus groaned, unconscious of everything around him. He did not hear the Bloody Baron calling for the house-elves. When Dobby took Stephen from his arms, he did not notice at all. He collapsed to the ground soon after; ten house-elves levitated him gently onto a stretcher, which they carried through the secret passages of the school. He was levitated into his bed, and twenty small hands tucked the covers in gently around him.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hermione opened her eyes with a groan. Her back seemed permanently crooked to the left, and her left arm ached more than she thought possible. Next time, she thought, I'll use some pillows to prop Carly up. If there is a next time. I sincerely hope not.

She blinked at the bright sunlight, then looked up at the monitoring runes on the wall. Carly's vital signs had stabilized. She exhaled sharply, trying to suppress the tears of relief that were flooding into her eyes.

"Mmmm... Aaaaa..."

"Carly?"

"Mmmm... Aaaa..."

"Sweet Merlin, can you talk now?"

Not really. But I have a lot more control of my mouth and tongue now. Legilimency is a lot easier, anyway.

"How about your other muscles? Can you move them at all?" Hermione watched in awe as Carly's fingers twitched, followed by her toes.

It's hard. I don't know. I can feel them a lot better, though. Maybe with practice? Or maybe not, I don't know. I like the extra sensation, though.

Hermione reached up to wipe the tears, which were cascading freely down her face. "Do you mind waiting for breakfast, honey? I want to go tell Severus."

For the first time in her short lifetime, Carly actually grinned.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Severus woke, squinting in the dim light. Where am I? How did I end up in bed? He remembered something happening, something with Trelawney...

"Severus, you're awake. I wasn't sure if you'd wake at all," Minerva choked out through her sobs.

"What happened?" Looking around, he spotted the Bloody Baron floating up near the canopy of his four-poster. "You were there; tell me what happened!"

"Evidently," said Minerva slowly, "what happened was the same thing that happened to Lily Potter. And my mother."

"Your mother?" Severus had never really thought about Minerva's family before. He'd met her Muggle husband at staff parties, of course--Malcolm had a knack for delivering witty one-liners with a perfectly straight face--but he'd never thought about her mother or father. Minerva was a pure-blood witch who wasn't all that old; what had happened to her parents?

"She was here, at Hogwarts, when it happened. You know that Grindelwald came here, right? He was after my father, of course, but when he spotted my mum taking me for a walk, he couldn't resist. There's some power a woman calls upon when her child is in danger, something elemental and uncontrollable. She stopped Grindelwald in his tracks, knocked him out cold for ten minutes. That was enough time for Daddy to kill the man once and for all, but the strain of all that power passing through Mum killed her."

Severus stared at the Headmistress, slack-jawed. All the pieces fell into place; he was amazed that he'd never seen it before. Those cold blue eyes of hers--they were the same color as her father's. Without the customary twinkle, he'd never noticed the resemblance. The nose was the same, too, but a little straighter; for, unlike her father's, it had never been broken. Those two had always been so close: the winks, the casual touches, the inside jokes. He'd always thought that maybe they were lovers.

"And you forgave me?" To Minerva, it sounded at first like a non-sequitur: Snape hadn't had anything at all to do with her mother's death. But then, suddenly, she realized that he'd made the connection she'd kept secret for so long.

"You didn't murder him, Severus. It was a mercy killing. I know how much he suffered that last year of his life. I know you still blame yourself, but you shouldn't. It was what he wanted."

Snape shook his head solemnly. "I still don't understand what happened last night. I'm not a mother. Stephen's not even my child."

The Bloody Baron floated down and arranged himself in a sitting position next to the bed. "'Twas thought in my day that having children sapped your strength. 'Tis still thought so today, in some circles. Hogwash, I say. I knew even back then that the more children ye had, the more powerful ye would become. But I forgot the most important thing of all." He broke off suddenly, staring off into space.

"Which is?" Severus interrupted sharply.

"'Tisn't the number of children ye have, 'tis the love ye have for each of them. If only I had known that. They came, and I let them kill my children to spare my own life. Seven sons and three daughters I had, but not love enough to sacrifice myself for even one of them. It didn't save me in the end, either," he added morosely, tapping his finger on the bloody hole on his left temple. "This blood is mine. The rest--the rest belongs to my children. I did not save them. And so I stay here now and for all eternity, protecting the children of others."

Severus looked at the silvery blood dripping from the arms, torso, and legs of the ghostly figure and shuddered in revulsion. "But Stephen is not my child," he repeated firmly.

"Ye love him as your own, man. That is enough. And now, I must away: your little one will return shortly."

"I must find Sarah now, so I'll be leaving as well," said McGonagall gruffly. "Best wishes to you, Severus. I'm sure the house-elves will care for you adequately." She exited the room just as Hermione stepped in with Carly in her arms.

"Severus?"

The Potions master leaped out of bed, ignoring the dizziness that swept over him, and rushed over to see his daughter.

Carly looked up at him and smiled. Then she said the word that she'd been practicing during the long walk to Hogwarts: "Da!"

oOoOoOoOoOo

Author's Notes: Whew! My longest chapter so far! This chapter and the next one are definitely the hardest to write.

Carly is a Legilimens--she can read people's minds and otherwise get into their heads. She can't handle Occlumency yet, though. We will be hearing a bit more about Carly's background in the future, though JuneW has a good idea of what happened.

And yes, I do write fluff. My life is angsty and dramatic enough as is; I don't need to include more of that junk in my writing! Snape has seemed a bit too sweet in previous chapters, but that's because we always see him with Carly. Hopefully this chapter shows that he's still a bastard around everyone else.