Chapter 16

The next day was the day of the full moon. They went down to the lab about midday and started preparing the ingredients for the potion. Hermione listened very carefully to Snape’s instructions and followed them to the letter. She chopped, ground, and even charmed some of the ingredients. It was one of the most complicated potions she had ever been involved with. They took a break for dinner and then returned to the lab as the moon came out. Severus surprised her with a rare golden cauldron. It wasn’t very large, but its weight was staggering. A magical fire was built under it, and special spells were placed on the fire. It had to burn a month, and temperatures had to change as ingredients were fed into it. The result would be a one-ounce, clear, violet potion. By 2 a.m., they had a thick, green potion bubbling happily in the pot.

Severus assured Hermione that it was exactly as it should be. Too excited to sleep, they took a walk down to the lake and sat on the stone bench engraved with a dedication to Dumbledore. Magically warmed, it was luckily still functioning, and they snuggled together and watched the deep, dark lake by the moonlight. Every now and then, a mermaid would jump into the moonlight, delighting Hermione and also making her shiver.

“What’s wrong, Hermione? It can’t be the cold.” He drew her closer to him.

“I always loved the lake and part of me still does, but I cringe when I think that Dumbledore placed me under that icy water during the Triwizard Tournament. How could he have endangered us that way? Did we agree to go? I don’t really have much memory of that night. I remember being summoned to his office but nothing after that.”

“I understand how you feel; I was very tense that night and during the contest. I don’t really know why. The contestants accept the danger when they enter the contest, but their friends should not be subject to such danger. It seemed cruel, and I told Albus that, but he ignored me. He was always smiling with that damn twinkle in his eyes. I sometimes wondered about the power of that man. He bloody always seemed to know everything!”

“You worried about me? Back then?” she asked.

“Yes, I guess I did,” he said, a little bashfully.

“Severus, did you ever think of me as more than just a student?”

He paused for a long moment and then answered. “I wasn’t a nice man then, Hermione. When you live in Voldemort’s world, you see, and are, subject to many human deprivations. I had thoughts, but because of Albus’s trust in me, I would never have betrayed him. There were times when I thought of you as being my intellectual match. Mentally, you were the most disciplined girl I’ve ever known. Your intelligence threatened me when you were a child.”

“Threatened?” Hermione protested.

“I knew that one day you could very well match or exceed my intelligence, and it irked and fascinated me at the same time. I can promise you that thoughts of your body did not surface until I saw you in that dress at the Yule ball. You were so beautiful.”

“Oh, Severus,” she said, giggling like a school girl. “I saw you watching me, and I wanted to dance with you. Victor never held a candle to you in those black robes.” She leaned over and gave him a soft kiss.

“I was a dirty, old man, Hermione. How could you have looked at me with carnal thoughts?”

“I have told you before: You have a damn sexy voice. You have no idea how good it is to hear it again.”

She shivered, and he pulled her close, wrapping his cloak around her. “I’ve never done anything to deserve this.”

“Severus, you helped Harry defeat Voldemort.”

“It doesn’t outweigh the evil things I did as a Death Eater.”

“Another life, another time,” she replied, snuggling up against him.

“You dismiss it so easily,” he said incredulously.

“Yes, and you must let it go too. We have a brave new world to live in. It must include those of us who are strong in our magical abilities; to hide from our people is a crime. Severus, you can be Minister or at the very least Headmaster of the New Hogwarts. Or the greatest Potions master ever. Please say you don’t intend to stay here forever. There is so much we could do for the wizarding community.”

“When we have done all we can, I will consider it, Hermione. For you.”

Hermione raised his hand to her lips and kissed it, and then he held it against her cheek.

“Let’s go home,” he said. “It’s time we were in bed. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”

They returned to his rooms and ate a snack. Then they changed and crawled into bed. This time, Hermione cuddled up in the crook of his arm with her face against his chest.

“Severus?” she asked.

“Yes?” he returned, in almost a whisper.

“Don’t you want me?”

“Very much.” She could hear the pain in his voice.

“Then why?” She let her voice trail off, embarrassed that she had finally asked.

He cleared his voice, and with pain she had never heard in his voice he said, “I hoped you wouldn’t ask until the potion was complete.”

“Why?” she said, looking up into his face. “It doesn’t matter to me if you’re handicapped.”

His eyes filled with more pain that she’d ever seen, and she wished she hadn’t asked.

With a voice raw with emotion, he said, “I cannot. My arm and my leg are not the only thing affected.” His voice was now a hoarse whisper.

As his words penetrated her mind and she realized what he meant, she turned her face and buried it against his chest. “Oh, Severus! I’m so sorry.”

“It didn’t bother me until you came. I had no need. I was quite dead emotionally. Now I have a reason to live. I am hopeful that I will be restored with the potion. Then I will show you how much I want you.”

She raised her head and looked into his face. “I wouldn’t mind some creativity.”

He blinked at her, and a smile formed on his face. He suddenly felt alive, and he chuckled. “Go to sleep, Hermione. We have much to do tomorrow, and we will both need our wits about us.” He caressed her face with his fingers. “I do want you… just take that to your dreams tonight.”

Hermione smiled and kissed him softly, lingering to tease his lips. Then she snuggled down and fell asleep.

Severus lay awake long after and listened to her breathing. He was trying to stuff down the resurfacing horror he’d felt when he’d first realized his manhood was damaged. He knew enough to realize he could satisfy her in other ways, but he wanted their first time to be theirs, not just hers. Maybe that was selfish, but for now he would try to hold to that goal. He finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.