Then and Now
Chapter 4 of 7
my little secretHermione approaches Snape with a proposition...and we flash back to a bit of Snape?s past...
Reviewed"My name is Hermione, Severus. And I miss him, too."
Snape looked down at her hand on his for a moment. Merlin, she feels so warm. Then he picked her hand up and removed it from his.
"Miss Granger"
"I told you, call me Hermione."
"Miss Granger, while I appreciate that we have all suffered losses in this war, I have requested neither your comfort nor your presence here." He was using his best Professor Snape voice, riddled with disdain, and expected it to send her either running for or stamping off toward the door.
To his surprise, she chuckled.
"And I, Severus," she snarled back at him, mimicking his tone with extraordinary accuracy, "didn't ask you if you wanted either."
He stared at her for a moment, shocked. This was certainly not how he had pictured her reacting. She was supposed to be scared of him...wary, at the very least. But here she was, holding his gaze, her chin lifted and a smirk on her face.
Did she learn that from me?
He kept his eyes on hers for a moment longer, then turned to look back into the night. "Impudent little witch," he murmured.
"Sarcastic, introverted old prat!" she snapped back.
He spun on her, and she took an involuntary step backwards. "I may no longer be your professor, Miss Granger, but you will show me respect when speaking to me! Which, if the gods will have it, will not be for much longer!"
She said nothing. Staring into her eyes again, Snape felt his confidence falter. What was this? Why was she not cowering in fear from him? Why was she not close to tears? Was he losing his touch?
Why can't I drive her away?
"Professor, I do apologize. My remark was..."
"Rude and uncalled for," he finished for her.
"Well, I'll give you rude," she muttered.
With a deep sigh he turned his head away. "Miss Granger, what precisely is it you want from me?"
A chance, a chance, just a chance.
"I would like a chance," she began, and there was a slight waver to her voice, "to be heard."
"Fine," he replied, his face now contorted back to its usual semblance of exasperated boredom. Hermione stifled a nervous giggle at how childlike he could seem.
"I'm waiting, Miss Granger. I would prefer not to spend the entirety of what is left of my evening listening to prattle, so if you could just get on with it..."
With a deep breath, she began. "I am not a child any more. I don't suppose any of us could go through what we've gone through and think that we could come out with our childhood intact. I've learned a lot about myself from this war, and I believe I've also learned a lot about others. What I mean," she continued hurriedly when he shot her a dark look, "is that my perceptions about others have oftentimes not been...well, dead-on." She took a small step closer to him and continued, "For seven years, you scared the hell out of me."
That's more like it.
"Don't think I didn't see that smirk, either," she remarked, without missing a beat. "I know that's the way you preferred it. You scared me, you intimidated me, and you made me think that you were a cold, heartless man with no concern for anyone else in the world."
"Splendid," Snape jeered, "insults by moonlight. Personal attacks on my character 'neath a starry sky. Yes, this evening just continues to get better and better!"
Hermione went on as though he hadn't spoken. "Then I found myself looking at you a bit more objectively; I saw the sacrifices you made for Dumbledore and the Order, and I realized that you were making them for ALL of us...and not least of all, for Harry. I know you don't like Harry," she shrugged, "but I don't know why. And I'm not asking why, either. It's not my business. I know that you have sacrificed things that the rest of us have taken for granted in our lives: families, friends, relationships, happiness. And peace. The rest of us have dealt with this for a comparatively short time; you have not had peace in years."
Longer than you know, Miss Granger. Longer than almost anyone knows.
"I just find that when I look at you now, I see a very private, very strong, very caring man that I would like to get to know better." There. I've said it. Oh, bloody hell, I've said it.
Severus was quiet for a moment, and then, still not looking at her, he asked, "And what makes you think that I would reciprocate those feelings?"
"Honestly?"
He glanced toward her. "Certainly."
"I don't know that you will. But at this point in lifewhere there seems to be so little left to loseI wasn't willing to forgo the idea without trying." Her voice softened slightly as she added, "And also, because I think you lost damn near every real friend you had in that war."
Taking one more small step toward him, she reached her hand out and put it on his shoulder tentatively, as though she thought he would brush her away.
"I like you, Severus. I would like to be your friend."
*********************************************************************
Flying from the front doors of the school, Severus tried to drown out the laughter he heard from behind him. He fought back tears that he knew would boil his father's blood and ran blindly toward the Forbidden Forest.
Gods, how he hated them! Oh, the whole fucking lot of them!! Potter, Lupin, Black...everyone else, too! Why must they torment him at every chance? Every fucking chance! WHY? He had done nothing but be born a Snape, and he had most certainly never asked for that!
He was so tired of the taunting, the mortification, the isolation. He wanted to be at this school...he wanted to learn everything that he could about magicparticularly Potionsfrom the best professors in the world. But this was becoming more than he could bear. He could spend all of his time here, amongst these people that were supposed to be his 'peers,' living with them, going to Quidditch matches with them, attending classes with them, but he knew the truth. He would never belong.
It was not much better at home. His father could barely stand the sight of him and made it known at every turn. His mother, while he was sure she tried her best to love him, was petrified to her very soul of her husband. She would show no compassion or gentleness to Severus when his father was around; his father had noticed this very early on and made it a point to keep their moments together to a minimum.
Gods, he was tired of being so alone.
He kept moving toward the Forbidden Forest, beyond the point of caring that it was off-limits to students.
"Severus! Severus, wait!"
Turning toward the voice, he moaned. 'Oh, not now. No, she saw the whole thing, she must have seen the whole thing, she ALWAYS sees the WHOLE THING!' He ran faster than before, sure that she would never follow him into the Forbidden Forest. A Gryffindor prefect was most likely not even capable of breaking such rules!
Bursting into the darkness of the trees, he kept running until the pain in his side told him it was time to stop. He had reached a small clearing and stumbled over to sit on a large, moss-covered rock. His breathing was hard and labored, and the pounding of his own blood in his ears was deafening. For this reason, he did not hear her approaching until she sat down beside him.
He again jumped to his feet, but she grabbed his arm and said, "Would you please just sit down for a minute! For Merlin's sake, I can't keep chasing you around!"
He stood awkwardly next to the rock, confused and adolescent. He wanted her to leave, and he wanted her to stay. He couldn't take any more ridicule, especially from her. Coming from her, it would surely kill him. He was terrified that she would open her mouth - that beautiful, beautiful mouth - and utter words that would be his undoing.
But how could he make her go? This was Lily. This was the girl that he watched every day in classes and corridors and loved every night in his dreams. She was perfection personified...a living goddess whose presence had kept him from fleeing Hogwarts more times than he could remember. He didn't know why she was there, why she was chasing him, but he knew in his heart that they had met here at a crossroads, and she was about to decide the direction of the course.
"Severus, you have to try to ignore them. They're just doing it because they know how much it upsets you."
He looked at her, dumbfounded.
"Ignore them? Ignore them?! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Do you know how hard it is to be the butt of their jokes over and over and over again? What am I saying?" he scoffed, "Of course you don't. You're a Gryffindor. You're a prefect, for Merlin's sake! You're smart, you're beautiful, everyone likes you, you're practically the ideal woman..." He blushed brightly as he realized what he'd said, two bold spots of red on his pale cheeks.
"Why, Severus! What a sweet thing to say! But you know, of course, it's not true. Not everyone likes me."
"Perhaps not. But not everyone dislikes you, either. And therefore, you can't know what it's like to be me."
She rose gracefully from the rock and stepped in front of Snape, forcing him to look at her.
"I don't dislike you."
"You don't even know me," he snapped, avoiding her eyes.
"I know you as much as you know me!" she laughed. "You're absolutely brilliant, you're handsome, and I believe you have a kind heart."
He couldn't hold back a derisive snort. "What?" she demanded. "Why is it perfectly all right for you to say nice things about me, but I'm not to return the compliment?"
"Because I meant the things I said!" he yelled, taking a threatening step toward her before he realized what he was doing.
Putting her hands on her hips in a ridiculously childish gesture, she held his gaze and replied, "And so did I!"
'She didn't step away,' he thought to himself.
"You are one of the most brilliant wizards of our age, Severus. Even you cannot deny that. And you're a handsome man. Not conventionally handsome," she continued, as he rolled his eyes, "but definitely attractive in a noble sort of way. And I do think you're kind. At least, you've always been kind to me."
Turning away, he tried to collect himself. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily Evans...not only was she talking to him, she was complimenting him! He noticed that everything around him, although still encased in the darkness of the forest, suddenly seemed a bit brighter, a bit clearer, and he felt a lovely aching in his chest. His mind and body were under assault from an emotion that he hadn't experienced in years...if ever.
Severus Snape was feeling hope.
'No!' his mind suddenly railed at him. 'No! This is another one of their tricks! This is just another chance for them to laugh at you!'
'But they are not here,' another voice argued. 'It is only she and I. Why would she be saying these things if she didn't mean them?'
'So that she can go back and tell them all how she tricked you, how she had you begging at her feet like a trained Crup.'
He rounded on her suddenly, almost ferociously. "Why are you here?" he hissed.
Again, without shrinking back from him, she held his gaze and replied, "They're all a bunch of wankers, really." If she saw his look of surprise on his face, she did not acknowledge it. "They make fun of you to make them feel better about themselves. That's just a bit sad, I think." Shrugging, she looked up at him with such innocence that he felt his breath catch in his throat.
"I like you, Severus. I want to be your friend."
And with those words, he let her lead him out of the forest and into the light.
*********************************************************************
He felt the unfamiliar prickle of tears behind eyes that had been dry for many, many years. He blinked hard, several times, and turned to face her.
She's not Lily, Severus.
"I am not in the market for new friends, Miss Granger. And if I were, I am quite sure I could do better than to turn to a self-important ex-student with absurd delusions of grandeur. Good night."
Without a backward glance he left her in the dark.
*********************************************************************
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns all the rights to the characters, but she called me on the phone the other day and told me I can do whatever I want with them. No, really, she did!
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews and honest criticisms so far. You have no idea how much they mean to me! Please keep letting me know what you think!
A Crup is described as: A magical creature that strongly resembles a Jack Russell terrier, except that a Crup has a forked tail.
Rated for later chapters and intended plot development.
This story is dedicated to my husband, who has had to give up spending time on his own computer while I work on mine. (I don't like to write with anyone else around.) He's such a good guy...maybe he'll get a little wiggle tonight. ;)
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for To Be a Hero
52 Reviews | 6.38/10 Average
I just wanted to add... I also think that it would be a huge hit if you finished it! (and I'm not just saying that because I want to read more!) LOL!
Gah! They're so stink'n adorable together! :) This truly is a lovely story.
It's too late already, and he doesn't even realise it! Heee!
Your Minerva is endearing, as is your Severus! I can't wait to read how the trip goes! :)
Oh! Severus! He's breaking my heart! :( Poor guy!
Go Hermione! The dance was lovely, and of course he ruins it by getting snarky! He wouldnt' be Severus if he did things any other way!
Lovely! This story has a great pace to it. The descriptions and dialogue are both captivating. You've done an excellent job of painting both a picture of a party and the emotions that your characters are facing. I find that I can't wait to read what happens next! :) (she better say Yes!!)
What a touching and wholly intriguing opening! In just a few lines you had me in the palm or your hand, and by the time I got to Severus, I knew that there wasn't anyway I was going to stop reading! I am very excited to read the rest of your fic! Thank you for sharing! :)
Well, poo. Sorry to see that this story has fallen by the wayside. Fairly well written, and moving along at a believable pace.
I don't know if this is abandoned or not, but it is very good! I'd love to see it finished, (hint, thint!) Finished or not, It's excellent, and I thank you for sharing it.
Are you going to finish this? Really, it's brilliant, some of the best ss/hg fanfic i've read. Please write more!
I wonder what would happen if I leave a review here. Would I get a response, and you are still alive in the fandom community? Or is this story dead for good and we will never find out how they progress?
Yeah, I want to move into the bookstore, too. Anyway, I like the story. Hope you'll add to it!
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
I'm still looking for that elusive bookstore!I'm going to get back to writing on this story now that I've finished a few others that popped up. I hope you'll continue to read and enjoy!Peace! 
~ j
I like the way this story starts out. Tentative Snape is an interesting animal. But enough with the waiting! When are you going to get to the rest of this? You finished "Graduation" and it was good.
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Sorry! 
I'm working on it! Thanks for the review!Peace! ~ j
Response from ozarkmoon (Reviewer)
Blessings on you. I understand about it being a WIP - I have one that has been bouncing around in my head and on my Word program for a year now. A salute to your muses in hope that they come to you on a regular basis now. No problems. 
Absolutely yummy piece of fiction! Hurry and update soon PLEASE? Mail me when its up? I did cry at one point (HG crying over Ron's injuries) Great Work, Good dialogue and Fabulous characters too! What more could a girl ask for....Lemons? LOL ;-)X
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thanks so much for your kind words! My updates tend to be few and far between - I apologize for that. Unfortunately, having a full-time job and a demanding 4-year old takes up a lot of my time! But there will be much more to this story, so I hope you continue to read and review. Thanks again, so much. Peace!
I've just read your story and enjoyed it very much. I like the fact that Snape constantly switches between being nice, reserved and a right bastard. That's exactly as I see him as well, and I'm also quite sure that he would actually have to make a conscious effort to be nice because he hasn't been nice for such a long time - and most probably also hasn't experienced any niceties from other people. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thank you so much! I know where I want this story to go, and I'm having a little trouble making it go slowly enough to be credible. I appreciate you letting me know that it's going okay! Thanks so much for taking the time to review. Peace!! 
I just wanted to tell you that if this is your first foray into fanfiction, you are to be applauded. I have enjoyed the story thus far. I did want to point out a few things, but in no way do you have to take my suggestions.
I do not know how canon you wish to make Snape, so I'll just throw some things out. I do not think even internally he would say something so nice about Hermione (that she's lovely when she smiles) . I could see something borderline rude, but in his mind, a compliment. "The chit has a passable smile, when her lips aren't moving."
Secondly, I do not see him in a full-out smile or grin. I do see him smirking or quirking a corner of his lips. Snape seems to work a great deal on subtlety, and in his mind, I think the smirk and the smile may well be the same thing.
I do think his note to her is very Snape. Pretty much all of us who write this ship realize it's pretty unconventional, and it can be hard to build a plausible relationship between them. I think you are starting beautifully. I wholeheartedly think she would begin her mission by befriending him, whether he wanted it or not. So I'd just like to say I think you're on the right track.
I hope this may help some, or inspire some ideas. I hope you and your family are well soon and that your writing continues.
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and I truly appreciate the compliments.
I'm not too worried about keeping Snape strictly canon. In my opinion, JKR has not yet put him in a situation where we can see whether he has a "softer" side. So I'm just taking liberties with what I think could be aspects of his personality that we're not privy to yet. Basically I'm making him be what I want him to be!! LOL
I'll be working on another chapter soon. Thank you for the well wishes for my family...unfortunately my son was in the hospital for the past few days, but thankfully he's improving quickly now!
Peace! 
oh, my....what's going to happen next?? Loved the flashback, but now I want to see what is next..Update again soon!!
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thank you so much for the review! I'm working on the next chappie now...hopefully it will be up soon! Peace.
Ah, he's so hard-headed, huh? The bugger... I feel sorry for him right now, but I hope she understands that he's "afraid" hehe
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
She doesn't really know exactly what bug is up his butt yet, but she'll learn!! Thank you (again!) for taking the time to review. Peace!
Hopefully, Hermione noticed his eyes still wet with unshed tears when he turned around - and noticed the pause before he answered. Hang in there, Hermione!!
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Oh, never fear...she WILL hang in there! And probably give him what for, knowing her! But there's still lots to be revealed...muwahaha!! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Thank you so much for taking the time to review. Peace!
Ouch! Severus' words to Hermione before walking off were harsh! I really liked the flash back and seeing how Hermione's words really affected him. I absolutely can't wait to see what happens next!!!
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Yeah, he was a bit of an arse there, wasn't he? sigh Men! I'm glad you're enjoying, and thank you so much for reviewing! I'm working on the next chapter now. Peace!
I like the way this story is progressing so far. More, please?
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thank you so much!! The next chapter is awaiting validation...I hope you continue to enjoy! Peace!!
I enjoyed the Snape/Hermione interactions in this chapter, and their dance. However, I thought that the absolutely best part of the entire 'x' number of words was Hermione's rumination about the taste and feel of Dark Magic and how she admired Snape's strength of character to use it and yet deny it's power over him. That was original and very, very nicely written.
Response from Bambu (Reviewer)
oops... I forgot to proofread this... please excuse the 'it's' it should be '... its power over him.' Mea culpa. I'm tired and my pillow is calling.
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thank you so much! I've really respected Snape's strength as a character, and wanted to bring that out here. I'm glad you appreciated it! (And to be honest, I never would have noticed your grammatical faux pas...my pillow is ALWAYS calling!)
Response from Bambu (Reviewer)
I like your comment about Snape's strength of character. There's something very noble about him, even as he cements Harry's loathing of him by killing Dumbledore, and duels with Harry on the school's grounds, Snape is giving the younger wizard advice. <br>'Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!'</b> That phrase seems so telling to me, and in some ways you've captured that essence of the character in your story. (And thank you for being gracious about the grammar...)
more...more...more....i want more...update again soon!!!
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
LOL...thank you so much! That means a lot! I'm working on the next chapter...hopefully it will be up soon! 
I've enjoyed this chapter very much. I think Snape would have been exactly that way. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next. Excellent.
Response from my little secret (Author of To Be a Hero)
Thanks so much...I'm trying to keep him in character as much as I can, but I see his "wall" breaking down a bit now that the war is over. That should happen slowly over the course of the story. And I just don't think Hermione is going to take any crap from him...period! 