Wow. You're story is so gripping.

Wonderful. I love the wrens welcoming them with a kiss, so sweet. Your imagery caused me to go to Google Earth to view Foula for myself. What a beautiful and isolated place. I can easily see how magic could be a part of its makeup. As for the third secret keeper, I see you are to keep us in suspense. Will it be the woman (I am assuming a full grown woman), Delyth Morgan and will she love him? or Will it be Draco Malfoy (I am assuming he is the young man having sleep difficulties?) because of his debt to him? I am not usually a fan of original characters but I believe if anyone can match or even surpass the canon characters it will be you.

All those years ago on the occasion of her Menarche Blessing, Great-Aunt Forbia had told Minerva about the importance of preserving the unique association that Moon-bless robes have with magic of the highest and most noble purpose:  “Only for Magick of high purpose should any witch of our clan wear robes such as these. When you put them on, child, remember that you are clothed in moonlight, and the Lady is watching. She sees your heart and knows the aspects of your soul."

Minerva could not recall any McGonnagal witch wearing moon-blessed robes to make the Fideilias Charm, but it seems to me that moon-blessed is what is needed for these Secret Keepers.  If Minerva has indeed become Hecate's bow, her weapon, then moon-blessed robes are the very ones for this ceremony.  With Hecate, the Moon-goddess, as the spiritual guide of witches, ghosts, entrances, and crossroads, her guidance will be crucial for Neirin and his Secret Keepers as he struggles to return to the Light.  Perhaps it is she among the old gods that "preserves thy going out and thy coming in."

It was a lovely and loving thing that Minerva did for Albus in the Ritual of Cointeach to keen the story of his life.  Clearly the old gods see Severus as worthy to be saved, because when Minerva cast the Charm of Anam Cara it "would not hold fast when cast for such a reason." Because "murder had not been done, and no betrayal made. Albus had already had a Friend of the Soul with him that night at the top of the tower, one who had not failed him."

Hagrid was outfitted like a Lord of old in the new clothes Minerva had ordered for him, and he was very solemn in his approach to becoming a Secret Keeper.  He is ready to pledge all that he is and all that he has to keep Neirin safe and bring him back to this world where he belongs.

Gareth is has been waging a fierce battle with Neirin and the darkness that is trying to claim his soul.  I noticed he called on his Brighid a time or two, who is the same as Minerva's Hecate... this Lady of the Moon who carries the torch to light the way through the darkness.  The poisons that are being purged from Neirin's body are horrid, and I can only imagine they are a mixture of the dark curse within him and his own particular suite of potions that he dosed himself with to try to outwit the Dark Lord.  I wanted to cry when Gareth was speaking to no one and described the effects of the chills and fever, the hellish clawing Neirin did to try to do away with the dark mark on his arm, and the need he had for his wand and traveling potions kit.  Thank goodness Gareth will not give those things to him under any circumstances. 

I believe Neirin heard the Healer's voice as he talked, and was soothed by the lullaby he sang.  With that slight moment of Joining that took place when he was trying to hold him in the bed, Gareth was able to discern just how dark the curse on him is, and that he is blind.  I hate that he is blind.  I hate it.

I can't wait to read the next chapter.  It's such a great plot, and is filled with lovely bits of information for the reader to whet her appetite.Beth

A very intimate and revealing chapter. Minerva going through Severus's quarter and in the same time telling uns in detail about it - a brilliant way to tell the reader, by the way!
I find it very fitting where you situate his private rooms and how you describe them, too. The way you weave Minerva's rememberings into her searching is really well done, too, and gives us a wonderful "overview" and introduction about the Severus in your tale.
There were some things I really loved, too, like the term "incense of knowledge" - brilliant! - and the fact that his favourite tea is Lapsang Souchong - apart from the fact that both are tea-drinkers, too. I absolutely have to translate my first one-shot, as it deals with exactly this fact and favourite *giggles*.
Again, I'm fascinated by the fact that our both Minervas and Severuses seem to be so close and similar. "My" couple also has books and the love to them as a large common denominator, and I admire the way you introduced the fact and told the story about it. There's another of this wonderful moments, the "fortress of books".
I was a bit puzzled by your use of "bureau", by the way, as I know it only as a desk or other piece of furniture related to living rooms and/or writing.

All in all I must say that it was absolutely worth re-working your first four chapters. They have been great work before but have improved now enormously. I find them so much more deep and more intense, so complex and rich in detail and so well done in language and narrative flow, it really was worth every second you spent at working it over. And I very literally can't wait to read on. I still have the second part of chapter 5 before me, but it will be hard times before the next chapter after this! ;o)

Author's Response: Wow - you've been a very dilligent reader, and critic too !!
You asked about the word "bureau" - in English this is a chest of drawers, often with a small mirror at the top - although of course in Severus' case, there is no mirror.

I also find it fascinating how so many of us in fanfiction have drawn parallels in our stories about these two characters - JK gave us wonderful groundwork to build from. 

Rest assured, Chapter Six is taking shape and I hope to post fairly soon, but you know what a perfectionist I do tend to be !!   Thank you so much for staying with me on the journey of this tale !!!

Oh dear, what do you have in store for your hero! And he has truly suffered a cruel fate so far, and that in the hand of his so-called benefactors. One begins to wonder wether Severus wouldn't have been better off with only the Death Eaters after all..
The comparison to the seven days of creation is rather special, as is your taking on of Minerva.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like the connection of seven days to this story - since this tale is about "Neirin's" task of "creating" a new life for himself, based on elements of hope and trust he's not known before.  I find myself fascinated by the mythic heros of the old stories, and this is how I see him - moving through his physical struggle into a place of triumph, and happiness, BUT it's not going to be a quick nor easy path.

This chapter is very intense, and rather angsty, too, on the one side, but comforting in a strange way on the other. One gets the impression that there is no more hope for Snape, and that he is in very dire circumstances indeed. Where shall there be hope, where help come from? But then, Gareth finds a little somtething.
I find it very impressing how you weave a dense tapestry or cloth of tale and meaning and celtic lore.

Author's Response: Thank you dear friend for taking the time to go back and re-read the chapters.  It means a great deal to me.  I hope you'll find Gareth as interesting to know as I am finding him to be.....  just the sort of friend "Neirin" will need on his long journey back. 

Another lovely chapter, Moira. Your imagery is stunning....a henge of trees in memoriam, a lone blackthorn, Thestrals in the moonlight. Just beautiful. Waiting for another chapter of lovingly described images.

I am speechless.  If my life depended on it I couldn't tell you the number of times I felt cold chills run up and down my arms as I read this chapter.  It is extraordinarily well written, and I found myself drawn to understand the symbolism of the tender and caring things Hagrid did and said as he thought about the man who had first come to Hogwarts as a "creature already scarred."

The blackthorn tree was the perfect memorial to plant for the Potions master, removed from the others to stand as a solitary sentinel still keeping watch over the school and her students that he had ever sought to protect (though few had any knowledge of the sacrifices he had made.)  That none of the centaurs remembered bringing that single blackthorn from the forest made me wonder if, perhaps, the old gods hadn't secreted it among the rowans, alders, and birches to honor this man now lying in the Gareth's home and fighting to shake off the darkness that is warring to claim his soul.  The ancient Celts associated the Ogham Straif with the blackthorn, and understood that where this tree would be, would also be thorns to tear the skin, and sloes to heal the body.  The flowers come at the end of winter before the leaves make their appearance, and their red stamen against the pale petals reminded Hagrid of the terrible wounding the snake committed at Riddle's bidding.  Straif stands for discipline, control, and perspective... as well as "suffering and sacrifice… and trials still to come."  All of these describe Neirin Maldwyn.

I was moved by Hagrid's ruminations on Snape-the-boy and Snape-the-man.  I chuckled at his recalling of the time the boy had run to Madam Pomfrey to help Hagrid when the Allghoi Kharkhoi venom burned his hand, and apparently the medi-witch hadn't moved fast enough to suit him... I can hear him yelling at her to "move your arse!"  Including this memory along with all the others that Hagrid recalled made for a momentary shift in perspective for this reader.  Most of Hagrid's memories had centered on the sadness and mayhem that had surrounded the life of that scarred child become scarred man, but this recollection gave me a look at the humor that could be found in his life, and it made me feel better, feel the hope that maybe this band of Secret Keepers could save him from this madness that has overtaken him.

When Minerva spoke that line from the old psalm, I recalled this writing of David in its entirety:

The Lord is thy keeper:  the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil:  he shall preserve thy soul.The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth,and even forever more.

I have hope.

The talk that Minerva and Hagrid had as they walked the grounds gave me much insight into just how perceptive the groundskeeper is:  “Hidin’ ‘im like we have, that’s all right for now, but he’d want ‘is own name back someday. There’s plenty of magic in the world that’s stronger than Tom Riddle’s... and plenty ‘a wizards too. If there’s to be three Keepers, one of us can always be lookin’ for the way out."

I'm so happy that these two will make the Fidelius Charm in the formal wizarding way.  Our Hagrid is a "most true and proper wizard” down to his very core, and Neirin is very fortunate to have Hagrid's promise and his goodwill.

I cannot find the words to tell you how marvelous this chapter is, Moira.  It is as near to being a work of art as I have read.Beth 

I really loved how you had Hagrid's thoughts regarding Snape. (gee, I almost don't want to type his name here in fear of pushing him deeper into the curse) The compassionate personality that Rowling gave Hagrid has been enhanced in your story. My favorite line is "He's lost and I'd not leave any creature lost". I know that Hagrid will do anything he must to rescue him.

This is a lovely, intricate, well-crafted story. It's quite unlike anything I've read in the genre to date. I'm very much enjoying it and sincerely hope you finish it. One of the great sadnesses I find in reading fanfiction WIPs is the tendancy of people to leave them unfinished, whether from personal situations that interfere or loss of interest. I look forward to seeing the way you develop both plot and character to resolve the situation.

I loved this story originally. I wasn't sure a rewrite could have improved it. I was wrong. This was beautiful. It is one of the most inspiring stories, fanfiction or otherwise, that I have read in a long while.I look forward to more.

Nice rewrite.

When I finished reading this chapter the first time today, I knew that I had to learn more about the details you had woven in and out of this story.  So I did a bit of research myself and learned a treasure trove of ancient and wondrous things: 

• Blessed Brighid, source of healing.• The Triple Goddess, Fire of the Hearth, the Forge, and of Inspiration.• Saint Brighid, Candlemas, and the blessing of beeswax candles.• The Athame and it's uses.• The bowl of saltwater.• Eolh, symbol of protection and providential help.

And then I read the chapter again with a better understanding of Gareth and the Knowing Ones.

When Gareth saw the scars that Neirin bore, he recalled what Hagrid had said about this wizard left in his care:Hagrid calls you an old dragon… says you’re a bitter and lonely man. I don’t doubt it. Sorry to say, you’ll carry yet another scar soon, but what a tale we’ll have to tell if we manage to pull you through, now won’t we?”

All I could think about was "you'll carry yet another scar soon..."  How many more scars does Neirin carry that we yet know nothing about or that cannot be seen with the eye alone? 

~O~

All through the night (Ar hyd y nos):  At the moment Gareth sang this lullaby, he could not have known how very much this wizard needed this exact blessing.  Having him sing this to Neirin was a stroke of brilliance that, I think, we may come to understand better as we read future chapters.  The revulsion and sadness the Healer felt when he realized that the Potions master had brewed and likely used "Virus Eternus" was only bested by the pain, sorrow, loss, and fear he felt when he entered into Neirin's thoughts. 

After removing himself from the darkness he had found before he could be lost to it himself, he recalled a man who had stayed under his protection for one night many years ago, a man who asked nothing from him except to spend the night out of the elements.  I remember reading this chapter when you first posted it, and I remarked in my review at that time that I thought perhaps that man might have been Neirin... but with this revision, I now wonder if it may have been Neirin's father... just wondering...Gareth is a strong and compassionate Healer.  Where "there was no one", now "there IS someone."  This is a beautifully written story with layers and layers of meaningful (but unobtrusive) detail which enriches the tale.  Thank you.Beth

Okay, I lied. I told you I'd wait until I caught up with the first four chapters to leave a review ... but I saw your kind note at the beginning and wanted to thank you for it, and also I was afraid I might forget things I wanted to comment upon.What is impressing me is the detail of Gareth's lifestyle, all the research that must have gone into this.  I enjoy a story where an author puts the time in and does their homework.  I've been guilty in the past of just spitting out a story and not caring one way or the other of details such as this (or researching it minimally).It is intriguing how he can delve into "Neirin's" mind (see, I'm even afraid to say his real name), and it is interesting to watch both the disgust and the innate caring for Neirin as a human being and fellow practicer of the arts warring in Gareth's mind.  You are doing a wonderful job, and I'm glad you got me hooked onto ths story.  Definite high marks here.

Oh please keep writing.  I want to know what happens.  Poor Severus.

I am so glad to see this story return.  I have thought about it often and wondered if I would ever find out what happens to "the bravest man I ever knew."Thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing with this most magical of tales!!!  I promise to follow wherever you take us.Beth

Argh!  That was so intense and heartbreaking.  I cried through most of it.  Although soul ripping, I think this was my favorite chapter so far.  Delving into the horror that was his life after he killed Albus is always something I've wanted to do or read about.  You've done an exquisite job outlining what he went through.  My heart just ached for him.  And now the fact that he will be blind... argh again!  Blind, of course, is better than dead, or the horrible nowhere that Voldemort has spelled upon him, but it's still a hard pill to swallow.

Oh my god... I read the first three chapters in one go and I am enthralled by the profoundness of your storytelling. Thank you!

Taking such a tragic character and giving him more tragedy? To what end I wonder. I am intrigued. This chapter was haunting but gave clarity to what is to come. I look forward to reading more. It is a unique look at Snape and the challenges he has yet to face.

I don't know what to say.  I am so unbelievably saddened by this final blow... blindness.  All of the things Albus revealed to Minerva broke my heart for Severus, but this final result is terrible.  To think that in order to live, Severus must embrace darkness is the ultimate cruelty visited upon him by the most evil Riddle.You are telling a compelling story of, I hope, the triumph of a brilliant, but flawed wizard, a brave wizard who will have to fight more demons now than ever before.  Well done!Beth

Ohhh, oh no! No! No! Snape, blind? Forever damned? How could this happen to him? He shall never be at peace, even if he lives, even if he regains all his powers of mind, if he is blind! Who shall aid him? Minerva knows nothing of remedies, nor Poppy. Hermione is inexperienced, and has not yet even been mentioned. Alas, alas, he is forsaken!

“There is no one… ”   Could Severus have been that man, with fathomless eyes, who had knocked at his door long ago, seeking shelter in the night?   “Pray for me… if you can. There is no one else… Heaven would not have me, and Hell will not take me.”  I am glad that Severus was brought to Gareth who is such a knowledgeable and kind Healer, an honorable man.Mithridatum... it must have taken Severus years upon years to prepare that amount of the unforgiving and dependency causing Potion.  Now Severus would have to battle not only the wounds inflicted by Nagini, but this addiction to the Mithridatum, as well.Fabulous chapter!Beth

I'm quite at a loss for words for describing how I find this, so I simply say: wonderful, beautiful, what a lovely tale!

Author's Response: Thank you lovely friend - you know I always watch for you to review.... 

It was quite interesting to learn what Severus had with him.  His 'cure-all' hopefully won't be his downfall.

Beautiful.