Paradise Lost
Chapter 3 of 6
juniperusAfter surviving Voldemort's psychosis, Dumbledore's machinations, and Nagini's bite, Severus Snape tries to begin anew half a world away from home. "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." - Marcus Aurelius
Severus peered at the eight-foot tall bookcases on either side of him as Simon dragged him through the bookstore, but he caught naught but the sight of a few familiar spines (ah, how he missed his copy of The Complete Shakespeare, all five glorious inches of shoddily-constructed spine that he constantly Reparo'd) and made a mental note to make his next pass of the shelves sans boy.
Despite his irritation a mere hour earlier at being the target for a dare, he was hard pressed not to feel somewhat pleased about this odd development. That morning, he had awoken feeling more devoid of hope than he had the day before, just as that morning had been worse than the previous. It was on that morning he had made the mistake of glancing at the calendar as he waited for his tea to steep: September first. It was the first time in seventeen years he did not awaken to the realization that a castle-full of children would arrive before dinner and a new group of eleven-year-olds would be homesick and looking to him for guidance – but instead of relief, he felt unsettled and adrift.
He had spent the next hour considering the last four months of his life. His careful planning had paid off, if that's what survival and self-exile could be called. The years following the fateful culmination of the Tri-Wizard Tournament had been spent administering miniscule doses of Nagini's venom to build immunity and developing a new type of long-acting Blood Replenishing Potion that, when applied to a run-of-the-mill bezoar, remained in stasis until swallowed. Oh, yes, and risking his life, not to mention destroying what good reputation he had developed in the Dark Lord's absence, on an increasingly regular basis as double-agent.
At least the potion (marketed in America by Pozioni di Principe so as not to be confused with some Muggle musician with the fashion sense of Albus Dumbledore, himself) had been profitable.
He then spent the next two days holed up in his small flat, sinking into a deepening depression as he re-lived his every mistake over the twenty-some years previous, beginning with that fifth-year day by the loch that left him scarred, hollow, and alone. Once he had finished his supply of Muggle whisky, then the last of his tea as he brewed Hangover Potion, he showered. He threw open the windows to air out the lingering scent of over-ripe man who spent thirty-six solid hours crying into his cups, then filled the latest order for Sanguicreo Potion and took his customary walk around the corner and down two blocks to the post-box (Ingenious Americans and their bloody brilliant idea to create Wizarding P.O. Boxes within the Muggle system – I never need buy Owl Treats again!)
The post-box is near the entrance to the neighborhood park, his favorite place for a bit of a wander and a sit-and-think.
It's also the favorite place to escape and read and have a sit-and-think of a certain young boy – a boy pulling Severus through the doorway at the rear of the store. He tucked the memories of these past two days and his lingering surprise away as his eyes met those of the woman who stood, hands on ample hips, assessing the situation before her.
"Simon! You're going to pull his hand right off!" she mock-scolded, eyes crinkled in amusement.
The boy stopped dead in his tracks and looked behind him, worriedly. Severus made an elaborate show of turning his hand on his wrist several times and shaking it out.
"I think," he said, looking down at Simon with an expression of utmost seriousness, "I'll be able to save it... this time." The sight of the boy's wide eyes at the pronouncement undid him, and a small smile escaped, unbidden. I'm already losing my touch, he thought as his smile was returned by a toothy grin.
The thought didn't upset him a bit. He began to idly wonder if that should upset him, but his train of thought was interrupted by the sight of Ursula dropping to her knees in front of a metal box on the floor. She opened the box and started handing brightly-colored plastic containers to Simon, who had already moved a basket of picnic dishes from the top of the box to a folding table around which sat four folding chairs (none of which matched the table or each other, Severus noted). By the time he made the mental connection between the comparatively small metal box and the refrigerator in his flat, Simon had already set the table for three.
Ursula stood, holding a pitcher of what looked like lemonade, and frowned. "Tsk, I forgot the bread, Simon. Could you run upstairs and get it, please? And be careful carrying the knife!" Simon quickly snatched the proffered keychain from his mother's hand and took off through the store.
"It'll only be a moment, Mr. Snape – we live over the store. Is lemonade OK with you? I could see what else we have if not…" Ursula asked as she began to pour.
"Severus," he said, inclining his head, "and lemonade sounds wonderful, thank you." He noted her shy smile and offered one of his own. These were the first interesting Muggles he had met since making his way to the American Midwest two months before, and meeting the acquaintance of a woman who is "smarter than anyone" and not only would teach but could teach her child the Greek alphabet was grounds for the sort of unfettered internal celebration that even Severus Snape couldn't contain behind a mask of emotional neutrality.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Beginning To Live
42 Reviews | 6.69/10 Average
Oh, no! I just found out that it was the end of the story. Yikes! You are a good entertainer. "Always leave them asking for more." Am I going to spend all day craving sequels? No matter. I love your fic.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
No worries - it will eventually have more (although obviously my working time line leaves rather much to be desired...)
I actually did laugh when I read this line: "It was good to be king." Not only was it funny in context, but it's a great promotion from being a Prince, and it reminds me of the series of posters and greeting cards that used to say the same thing about being queen. Your original characters are terrific. I haven't even finished the whole story yet, but had to stop now in order to comment after laughing.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
The story is unfinished, unfortunately, as real life had intervened - but there are future-chapters written, and it will eventually be complete.Thank you so much - I really enjoyed devising the OCs, they became very real while I was writing this.
Anonymous
Nice chapter! It's good to follow Snape's musings and thoughts like this. And it's good there's someone interested in him, at last...
Author's Response: Thank you!
If Lily's shade/spirit/whatever wants Severus to move the hell on I sure wish he would. Why isnt Simon in school my leige?
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
He is homeschooled, dear - more on that forthcoming. :DI wish he would too - stubborn man! :D
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
He is homeschooled, dear - more on that forthcoming. :DI wish he would too - stubborn man! :D
Egads what a head case! All that he has denied himself and punished himself for over the years. I want to see it fall by the way side. Go Urlsula GO 
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
:D Lots more to come! I've already written the last scene (seriously) and a bunch in-between - I'm working my way through the plot and letting that grumpy bastard in my head dictate when he needs to - damn Snape.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
:D Lots more to come! I've already written the last scene (seriously) and a bunch in-between - I'm working my way through the plot and letting that grumpy bastard in my head dictate when he needs to - damn Snape.
Mr. Hooperstein? He wouldnt be a relative of Mr. Hooper of Sesame St would he??I like that the chapters are getting longer. Hint hint nudge nudge poke poke
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Well spotted - I have very fond memories of Mr. Hooper, and I think all city neighborhoods need a grocer just like him. :DWell, you know - the first chapter was a one-shot-gone-nuts for hp_con_envy. And then I began to increase their size from there... but don't expect *mongo* chapters from me. I intentially try to keep them managable for the never-time-to-read reader to enjoy. You know how insane my life is, and I always got frustrated with massive chapters I'd have to re-skim to finish reading because they were too long to finish at one sitting (given my schedule) - so I'm writing with that in mind. They will be longer from here on out, unless the story requires a short breather.
Response from MollysSister (Reviewer)
Ohhhhhh I didnt realize this was a HP con envy start up. That explains it then ((nods))Get to work on the next chapter sister. I like Urs! 
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Well spotted - I have very fond memories of Mr. Hooper, and I think all city neighborhoods need a grocer just like him. :DWell, you know - the first chapter was a one-shot-gone-nuts for hp_con_envy. And then I began to increase their size from there... but don't expect *mongo* chapters from me. I intentially try to keep them managable for the never-time-to-read reader to enjoy. You know how insane my life is, and I always got frustrated with massive chapters I'd have to re-skim to finish reading because they were too long to finish at one sitting (given my schedule) - so I'm writing with that in mind. They will be longer from here on out, unless the story requires a short breather.
Response from MollysSister (Reviewer)
Ohhhhhh I didnt realize this was a HP con envy start up. That explains it then ((nods))Get to work on the next chapter sister. I like Urs!
Ahhhhhh a muggle woman then. I can see how that might make a wise choice for our dear professor. LOVE that he sells the potion he invented to save his life. Very crafty Mr. Snape.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
He is, indeed! I could imagine him doing nothing less!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
He is, indeed! I could imagine him doing nothing less!
10 points to your house naming her Ursula. Very witchy. There would have been violence if you named her Tiffany or Ashley blech!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Oh I would NEVER do that! Ursula means she-bear (or little she-bear, perhaps), and she certainly *will* be! :D You know I am entirely too much Ravenclaw for my own good - everything has a reason...
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Oh I would NEVER do that! Ursula means she-bear (or little she-bear, perhaps), and she certainly *will* be! :D You know I am entirely too much Ravenclaw for my own good - everything has a reason...
"he rasped" because that big meanie snake bit him. This is a great start to hopefully a friendship between the boy and SNape?
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
What a sweet story that would be - a Boy and his Snape.ROFLMAO!:D Thank you for coming to visit me here!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
What a sweet story that would be - a Boy and his Snape.ROFLMAO!:D Thank you for coming to visit me here!
This is just adorable.And I never thought I'd say that, but: hooray to Lily!Cheers. /M
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
No kidding - me neither. She was pretty insistent on getting her say, tho. Pushy damn characters. :P He never knew what hit him when it comes to Simon - poor sod will never be the same. :P Thank you!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
No kidding - me neither. She was pretty insistent on getting her say, tho. Pushy damn characters. :P He never knew what hit him when it comes to Simon - poor sod will never be the same. :P Thank you!
Wonderful!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you!!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you!!
This is perfect! Lily giving poor Severus the what for (at least virtually)... Oh, he's coming out of his shell and I'm so looking forward to it!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Me, too! :D Thank you so much!!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Me, too! :D Thank you so much!!
Great internal dialogue with Lily. She needed to tell him all of that. But what really needs to happen is that he actually believes it.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
I agree - she was rather insistent to get her say, after all! Thank you! :D
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
I agree - she was rather insistent to get her say, after all! Thank you! :D
That's really sweet. Cute how it's the boy that will bring him out of his shell.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
:D Thank you! It's pretty tough to be immune to the charm of young master Simon... even for the likes of Snape! :P
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
:D Thank you! It's pretty tough to be immune to the charm of young master Simon... even for the likes of Snape! :P
Anonymous
Lemoncurd and loose leave Twinings! *big grin* Would have been exactly my order, too - though I do make my lemon curd at home, now, and order my tea over here, as there is really superior quality to be had.
Great new chapter! The part about his self-punishing is most interesting... and so intereresting, too, that he entirely forgot about it, too ;o).
Author's Response: Amazing what can happen when a man is taken out of familiar (emotionally charged and burdensome) surroundings, and away from the people for whom he carries baggage (and that carry their own as far as he's concerned)! Having to forge new emotional responses and patterns is both a blessing and a curse, eh? :D Thank you!
Wonderful story, can't wait to read the next chapter. Thank you so much. Keep going! :)
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you! Don't worry - I plan to! There is more on the way, and now that some of my assigned writing projects have hied themselves away by their deadlines, I can finally bring my attention back here for yet more - it's not done yet - not by a long shot!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you! Don't worry - I plan to! There is more on the way, and now that some of my assigned writing projects have hied themselves away by their deadlines, I can finally bring my attention back here for yet more - it's not done yet - not by a long shot!
Well, it's nice to see him not beat himself up over being attracted to someone. Poor thing. Lily did a number on him, probably without even realizing most of what she did.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
I don't know - Lily was a smart girl... but still a member of her house, after all, and just as likely to fall prey to the machinations and propaganda there as he was in his house. I think he always had a much harder lot than anyone--even Dumbledore--could have guessed, and much of that had to be part of his internal geography to truly keep it hidden. Thank you for the review!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
I don't know - Lily was a smart girl... but still a member of her house, after all, and just as likely to fall prey to the machinations and propaganda there as he was in his house. I think he always had a much harder lot than anyone--even Dumbledore--could have guessed, and much of that had to be part of his internal geography to truly keep it hidden. Thank you for the review!
This is a wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing! /M
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you very much!!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you very much!!
So he's trying to decide whether he likes her...and now he's trying to decide how much. He already likes the kid a lot
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Oh, the poor sod is in quite a twist - it's a good thing he has Simon on his side! Thank you!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Oh, the poor sod is in quite a twist - it's a good thing he has Simon on his side! Thank you!
Poor Snape. Thanks for the update, I really like your story.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Thank you!
I'm intrigued too, but I'll keep my opinions to myself, as there isn't much story to go by yet, and my mind tends to make up outlandish possibilities.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
More is coming (as fast as the queue can process it). :)
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
More is coming (as fast as the queue can process it). :)
I'm intrigued too. Nice beginning, I look forward to the next chapter.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
:) It's on its way! Thank you!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
:) It's on its way! Thank you!
Oh I am intrigued, too. Very much so.
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
I'm pleased - I hope you'll remain so!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
I'm pleased - I hope you'll remain so!
oohoooh is it Hermione?? ss/hg fic lol ?
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Nope! We're on a baggage-free trip, this time!
Response from juniperus (Author of Beginning To Live)
Nope! We're on a baggage-free trip, this time!