I know this story. I've seen it unfold before me, with nothing I could do but give encouragement to the woman to get out. You have all the details right - the slow erosion of self, the desperate attempts to be what the abuser wants, the covering up. And no, it doesn't matter how smart someone is, how well they can kick-ass, or any other trait people think will make it easy to leave. It's hard to see see the downward spiral when you're in the middle of it, and other people pointing it out doesn't make it any easier. But I will always point it out when I see it, in the hope that the abused will find a way to get out. You just did that for a wider audience, and I thank you for it.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thanks,

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

. Yes, I think anyone who says "Hermione is too strong to let this happen to her" hasn't experienced it (first or second hand). But that's good. I wish all women could find nice, decent men (and in the reverse, because I know there are men out there whose women are abusive).

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thanks,

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

sinbad

I think it was wise for Hermine to call it quits. I can only hope that the person you wrote this for is not in this kind of situation. If she is I certainly hope you are urging her to get out. Sometimes it isn't wise to try and fix something that broken. I speak from personal experiance here.The story is of course well written, descriptive and heart touching.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I'm glad it touched your heart. I think I will need to read it myself once objectively (pretending I didn't write it). I was sort of on auto-pilot when I wrote it. *lol*

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I'm glad it touched your heart. I think I will need to read it myself once objectively (pretending I didn't write it). I was sort of on auto-pilot when I wrote it. *lol*

10/10

Arabella Bloodgood

The sad part is I can see Ron being like this. He was also jealous of everybody in one way or another. Abuse is very sad and painful. There isn't many anymore who hasn't had it in or around their lives. NSS you did an awesome job putting this in words.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I'm glad you thought so.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I'm glad you thought so.

9/10

Darque Hart

One of the worst things I can think of is a marriage gone bad. To have that ultimate betrayal of pretended affection when all there is, is pain. May your story help some woman see that it isn't her fault and get out safely and not look back.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Yes, I hope it does so as well. A marriage gone bad is just as painful as experiencing a death, I think. Still, difficult things must be endured in life, and it is how we deal with them that both forms and shows our character.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

livvy6

Glad she found the courage. So many don't and it is a crying shame. I would love to see this continue. I always love a good comfort fic with our Potions master as the tender, gentle lover who understands abuse and being treated badly. I've always thought there are 2 Snapes: one, in public, reserved and sarcastic, then the other Snape, the private one who shows tender emotions, can cry and be gentle. IMHO, of course.I always love your fics. Hope you'll think about it.Livvy

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I think I've written him both ways at different times. Honestly, though, with this particular story, if I were to write a continuation, it would destroy the impression I was trying to make. However, I am not opposed to writing a story that uses sort of the same basis for the plot. Something that is less smut-based. I've been trying to write more serioiusly and less smutly lately.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

9/10

severuslover

Awww...this story is so sad! It's wonderfully written, but I could never see Ron doing that to Hermione. Again, great writing; don't totally agree with the plot, but that's not THAT important. ~Jen

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

LOL Well, I don't like the plot either, but the idea got under my skin and it had to be exorcised. Sometimes it happens. :) Thank you for the review and the kind compliment on the writing!

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

LOL Well, I don't like the plot either, but the idea got under my skin and it had to be exorcised. Sometimes it happens. :) Thank you for the review and the kind compliment on the writing!

10/10

faerieflightz

Wow, very powerful. I loved it.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you!

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you!

10/10

snitchette

This is a hard moment to read and write about. And you've done it wonderfully with just the right amount of emotion. Just brilliant.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I was hoping to do just that.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I was hoping to do just that.

9/10

reets67

Firstly a heartfelt hug to your friend. I hope she finds hope, laughter and peace.

Next thanks to you for writing a strong story that has also provoked such discussion. The worst thing about these situations is that the abused feel alone, Hopefully this story and the words of support will bolster those who need it. While I have not seen the research that some abused women can take an average 20 interventions to leave an abusive relationship (thanks Sunny33), it is not something that I think is unreasonable as I have seen it in my work as well.There have been some suggestions that Hermione would not take it. I take the view that if he had come straight out and thumped her one I think she would have hexed him six-ways from Sunday - and left. But take an alternative situation. The onset is so insidious that it is not noticed. Unwittingly Hermione subconciously and conciously learns how to mange the moods to make the outbursts less frequent. Plus, as was brilliantly portrayed in the story -Hermione would not like to fail at anything. Self-delusion and minimisation of negative events is common just to keep appearences up to others and themselves, because acknowledgement would be painful. What is also common is something called the cycle of violence (Sunny 33 again thanks). This is when tensions in the relationship rise and an event happens/is engineered to cause the venting of the anger/tension. This is generally followed by remorse by the abuser and the victim I suppose gains relief (?) from the release of tension and the positive emotions of remorse directed to them(possibly a temporary increase in power within the relationship). However this is temporary as the tensions within the abuser/relationship increase towards another venting episode. Rather like walking on eggshells...I liked how you showed the evolution of the realisation towards the end of the relationship. The original denial seen by the buying of the robes, cutting back of hours (ie. trying to change to what you think the abuser wants - to gain approval), but then seeing that it is fruitless and coming the the realisation that no matter what you do it will not change their innate behaviour. This is the point that has to be reached and the realisation that while they will not change, that the abused has the power to change and take control of the situation by leaving. Sometimes the abused does not realise how much they have changed, accomodated and were unhappy until the relationship ends and have grieved for what was lost has passed. Plus I think there will always be a certain amount of continuing sadness and regret when a relationship with children breaks up.Cheers('scuse the rambling and slack tense use - it's late here!)Once again thank you

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you for the rambling – I enjoyed reading it. And you are right, no matter what, there will be the grief over the ended relationship, especially on the childrens' part, who won't fully understand the whys and wherefores until they are much older.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

beaweasley2

Augh, poor girl! Well at least she is free of the wanker. None of ron's behavior surprised me, but geeze, Hermione should have booted him out ages ago!

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

A statement that is true and oft-spoken by those who haven't experienced the erosion of self-esteem and confidence one experiences in such a situation. I thought, personally, she should have shipped him home to Molly Weasley so she could beat some sense into her son.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

kittylefish

wow. this was very difficult to read, but extremely powerful and moving. while i don't like thinking of 'ron the prat' turning into 'ron the horribly abusive prick,' it was very believable the way you wrote it. i agree with something you said in your review responses, most people change a lot in 19 years; depending on the kinds of experiences you have and what you make of them, that can be a good thing or a not-so-good thing. i had no trouble at all with the idea that hermione would stay to try to fix things - after all, she's not used to failing. and oftentimes i think abusive situations start out mildly and break you down bit by bit in small ways, so that by the time something big happens, the person is already damaged enough to make it harder to make the break.

i'm very sorry to think that it was inspired by a true experience. i hope your friend has the strength and support to do whatever is necessary in her situation.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Exactly what you said: it starts out mildly and builds up, almost so that you're not aware it has gotten to be something much larger and more difficult to handle. You sort of get used to it.There are different kinds of abuse: physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological, and each abuser goes about it in their own special way. Each one is different, though the result is the same. In order to stay in character, I felt Ron would be best suited to the fairly loudly verbal type and escalate to physical.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

braye27

My heart goes out to your friend and to all who have had to find their way through this kind of minefield – and a minefield is what abuse is. You never know if the next step will be a firm footing or a blast to knock you off your feet, or worse.Very well written.Beth

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

True. And I hope that every one of them has the chance to feel the relief of it finally being over, just as Hermione did.Thank you.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

True. And I hope that every one of them has the chance to feel the relief of it finally being over, just as Hermione did.Thank you.

10/10

chivalric

Brilliant, dear! I like Ron a lot, usually, but here, his nasty character perfectly fits. Thanks a lot for sharing. A very believeable tale of the end of Hermione's wedding.Now she only needs to meet someone else, of course *nudge, nudge*

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I know exactly who you mean, and I actually thought of that when I finished. *lol*

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I know exactly who you mean, and I actually thought of that when I finished. *lol*

0/10

Angel Prince

Beautifully written.My heart goes out to your friend and to anyone else in a similar situation. I have never been in this position but it's great to know that our LJ buddies are there to aid us through the hard times.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I am looking forward to the time she stops by and reads all these reviews. Even people she doesn't know support her. And that is beautiful.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I am looking forward to the time she stops by and reads all these reviews. Even people she doesn't know support her. And that is beautiful.

0/10

sunny33

That scenario is so true. I have seen it time and time again with patients. They take the blame for the partner's behaviour and try and change their own, but in the end it is NOT their fault. The sad thing is that so many go on to similar relationships over and over again in a pattern of behaviour that is very hard to break. Whether it is a lack of self esteem; they feel they do not "deserve" better, or whether it is a learned response from perhaps parental role-modelling, I do not know, and I am not sure of the behavioural theories about it, but it is a very real and tragic cycle. I believe the latest domestic violence program offered for health professionals here tells us that a woman can need up to twenty interventions, ( ie episodes of temporarily leaving, with support) before she leaves her partner for good, which is what makes it so difficult and frustrating to deal with, as they do not appear to want help when they continually choose to return to the situation after one has spent large amounts of time and effort to "rescue" them. This is why it is difficult to get people to work in this field.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Yes, definitely... to every single thing you said. There are some people who've never experienced this (either the abuse or from the viewpoint of the clinician) who claim that 'so-and-so' would not act that way, they'd be too strong to take that, etc. But in all honestly—and reality—even a person you think would be different in that situation can "shut down" and become something they're not. It is very easy to say "I would never" or "she would never" or even "he would never" behave in that way in such a situation, but until you are in it, have seen someone you know well go through it, or have seen a number of patients deal with it, you can not possibly know.People are going to think I've been in an abusive relationship, I think, by reading this. My husband is extrememly strong-willed and he can yell up a storm. (Think Severus.) When he does, he scares the girls. Over the 15 years I've been married to him, I've gone through a transformation. I am a much different person. Not having been brought up in a loud-spoken family, it was difficult at first. Then I learned that loud voices don't always mean anger, and I learned what to react to and what not to react to. My husband's anger can accelerate to the point of him throwing something against a wall (and I know the extreme pressure we were all under at that time, and there've been times I've thrown something or slammed a door). I am aware this could be a precursor to more in some situations and depending on the person ... but I have become a master manipulator of his moods. I do not incite him by arguing. If he's in a bad mood, I tell the girls their dad is in a bad mood, go play quietly elsewhere, and everything stays cool. When he yells in anger, I keep my mouth shut, let him get it out, and let him think I am agreeing with him without looking like I'm just agreeing to shut him up. He deflates. A couple days later, when he's in a good mood, I will tell him lightheartedly (never in anger or in a rude voice) what an asshole he is. ("I think you were born an asshole and have to try to be nice," I've said. And it's true. So opposite of my Midwestern upbringing.) This, he takes in stride and can't really do anything but agree with me. My girls sometimes tell me, "I hate it when Daddy yells like that." I tell them, "Then don't marry someone like that. When you are dating, if you notice someone gets angry easily or starts throwing things, that's when you leave, no matter how much you love him, because he will never change, and you'll have to deal with it every day, forever." I am going to be the intrusive mother, checking out potential life-mates for my girls. I swear.So I guess what I'm saying is that I am aware of my situation being borderline ... certainly NOT what I depicted in this story, but there are minor elements present there. All of which I've kept my eye on over the years. We've had a bad year or two here and there, but now we've settled into a comfortable and more healthy form of communication. And I will always call him out on his inappropriate behaviour when he's in a better mood. And at least he has never, ever even come close to hitting me or the children. If he did, I would be so gone. In a heartbeat. But I can safely say now (with 15 years experience under my belt) that this would never happen.And this long-winded response is partly in discussion with you and partly because I was getting concerned someone might think I also wrote about myself. I think I hit the nail on the head on quite a bit of it.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

Severessa

After I read the story, I read through the reviews. Every one was spot-on!Anyone who has never been through an abusive relationship really could not have any idea what that last line in your story means. Those of us who have been there and done that revisit that incredible feeling every single morning when we wake up to greet a new day! I would only say this to the women trapped in this kind of story: the fear of change is far, far worse than the change actually set into motion when you end the relationship. Once the battle is over and done, real life can begin. Hard work, Hell yes, but worth every teardrop. Fight for your life, and your kid's lives. Don't let anything stop you. Ever. to you, NSS, for writing this story, and to your LJ friend.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Wow. Thank you. That was a strong review, and I was nodding in agreement through the whole thing.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Wow. Thank you. That was a strong review, and I was nodding in agreement through the whole thing.

0/10

pyjamapants

This was a very chilling and well written piece. I can only hope that things are better now for the woman who inspired this.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

The thing about life is a lot of bad things hit at once, but it always improves. I'm sure she's as strong as Hermione was here.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

The thing about life is a lot of bad things hit at once, but it always improves. I'm sure she's as strong as Hermione was here.

10/10

orm irian

Excellent story. Lots of detail and emotion.Wow, I've read a lot of stories where 'Ron's a jerk, but this version of Ron takes the cake. I have sympathy for your LJ friend.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

And I have written 'Ron is a jerk' before, but not really to this extent, I think; or maybe not as effectively. Thank you!

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

And I have written 'Ron is a jerk' before, but not really to this extent, I think; or maybe not as effectively. Thank you!

10/10

Anonymous

God, that was so hard to read.

I haven't cried about a fic in a long time.

I've got no idea who you were thinking of when you wrote this, but I'm sure they said the same thing that I will: Thank you.

Reality sucks sometimes, and I routinely applaud those authors whose work has that element of truth and reality to it, whether or not it's a pleasant one. So I applaud you for telling... the story. The real one. (sorry if this doesn't make much sense, NSS--just know, I was deeply affected).

Author's Response: The girl did the same as you: she both cried and thanked me.

Honestly, I think I was so affected myself that it just came out in my writing. I've been really surprised at the feedback I've received, and I am happy I didn't stifle the urge to write this.

10/10

irishredlass

I read this first on your LJ and I have to say it still packs a poweful punch. My heart breaks for Hermione through out the story and then the last line made my heart break in joy for her. She is finally free. So many people are trapped in violent relationships it is painful to know you cannot help them until they are willing to help themselves.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

This is true. It has to be an inner realization to make that first step. And when you have children, it complicates the situation further. For us, who are standing on the outside, we are yelling that it's a no-brainer, if children are involved, you get out for the sake of the kids. But emotionally, that isn't as easy as it looks.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

0/10

nata

I'm very sorry that this story is inspired by a real-life situation. Please, tell your friend that I wish her peace and good company in her turmoil.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I'm sure she appreciates your well-wishes.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

I'm sure she appreciates your well-wishes.

10/10

Byrony

I agree that a lot of woman have to suffer with horrific situations, but I do not ever see Hermione putting up with that behavior.. I think the first time he threw a punch, she would kick his ass. One thing Hermione never came across as was a victim. Ron on the other hand always came across as a prat..

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Well, like I said in my disclaimer, JKR liked her characters to live happily ever after, the end. I think she mispaired Ron and Hermione, to be perfectly honest. It was one of the great inmisjustices of the epilogue. Their personalities do not match. So this was written with a big sigh as I gave in to canon characteristics as were delineated by the epilogue. And I can't believe I did that ...But then again, we cannot expect people to be the same 19 years later in character. I am certainly not. I don't behave, nor do I think the same. And, you know, when children are involved in a marriage, one really tries to make it work as best they can before leaving because marriage is a commitment and children make it even more indelible. The minute the children had witnessed his violent tendencies, it was all over for her.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

10/10

morgaine_dulac

Heartbreaking but beautifully written. Thank you.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

10/10

blue artemis

You know that is so horribly true to life for some poor women. And a character like Ron, could easily end up that way.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Yes, I know ... and I think Hermione would be one to try to 'fix' it and in the end find the strength to do what she had to do to preserve her life and the life of her children.

Response from notsosaintly (Author of Gone)

Yes, I know ... and I think Hermione would be one to try to 'fix' it and in the end find the strength to do what she had to do to preserve her life and the life of her children.

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