Breakfast

6: Breakfast

When Remus woke up, he was alone in the big bed and not at all surprised about it. Had Severus been lying next to him, he would have thought him a ghost, given his comments the previous night. An eerie silence lingered in the bedroom; the few burning candles and the chill, resulting from an empty fireplace, left the werewolf shivering.

He got dressed quickly, well aware of the fact that Severus would want him out of here, out of his rooms and out of Hogwarts as soon as possible. Actually, he was stunned that he hadn't woken him, hadn't urged him on so far.

But then, the Potions master had an ability of self-control that was remarkable. Last night, when he had gasped out Remus's name, had been the first time ever the werewolf had seen his friend lose this self-control or, rather, given it up voluntarily.

Better not think of last night, Remus thought and tied his laces. Better forget about it entirely, if I want as much as a chance to keep his friendship at least.

Sitting on the bed they had shared for one night, Remus took a look round, being absolutely certain that he wouldn't get in here ever again. Often, when he had required the Wolfsbane Potion during term, he had come to Hogwarts, had stayed for twenty-four hours, had even slept in his wolf-form on the rug in front of the fire place. Every single time he had found a blanket draped over his body in the morning. And always there had been a soft, even fluffy, dressing gown waiting for him, as he couldn't stand clothes too shortly after fur had covered his skin.

The werewolf couldn't imagine this happening again. For one part, he didn't need Wolfsbane and thus wasn't dependant of the Potions master's brewing skills any longer. Although he would have to change into a wolf on the full moon, he was equally certain that Severus would tell him in clear words that now, as he would live in his own house quite soon, there was no reason to hide in his dungeons any longer when the time for transformation came. He would have a cellar of his own.

Sometimes, sex can truly fuck up everything, Remus thought warily. Mainly if the sex had happened between a werewolf and a man who fancied women. And especially if the two men in question once had been friends.

In Remus's experience, friendship didn't survive sex. Friendship crumpled into nothingness under a kiss, as, for some reason, both participants were unable to look into each other's eyes afterwards ever again.

And he and Severus had done a lot more than just kiss last night.

Setting his jaws, Remus got up and left the bedroom in order to finally face facts.

*************

What he had to face instead was a table laden with breakfast and a Potions master hiding behind a newspaper, not looking up when Remus entered the living room. Just one pale hand emerged from behind the paper, found the cup, and vanished again.

Not a sound was to be heard apart from the rustling sheets and the crackling fire.

"Good morning," Remus said and poured himself a cup of tea. He wouldn't go without having eaten, he promised himself, however cold Severus might act.

"More like good afternoon, wolf," the dark wizard corrected him absently and fished for his toast. "You've slept all morning. I didn't know a human being could sleep that long at all."

Crunch. Severus bit his toast and still didn't show his face. For a moment, Remus was tempted to remind his friend that he had had every reason to sleep past lunch time but dropped the thought instantly. No use to pick and nag. This was difficult enough without unwelcome reminders of the night's passion.

"How long have you been awake then?" Remus asked and found that eating had lost its appeal even before having taken the first bite. His stomach was clenched as he expected to be thrown out any moment now.

Silence. Another sip from the cup. Another bite. Finally, Severus said, "Since around eleven," as if he were embarrassed for not having been up at sunrise. "I was... quite tired. You snore. And you stole my blanket several times. Actually, it is a miracle that I was able to sleep at all."

Very carefully, Remus put his cup down on the saucer and placed his hands on the table. Those words – surely he had misheard? "I... don't snore," he finally stated. He wouldn't have believed it possible Severus referring to the past night.

The Potions master snorted and folded his newspaper, placing it on the table. "You do snore. You do steal blankets. And you will eat breakfast before you go home, lest Tonks hunt me down for letting you starve. I have no wish to face her, explaining why you were too... upset to eat."

Remus took some toast and crumbled it to little pieces. "Why the hell should I be upset?" he asked, incredulous at that ridiculous accusation. He was sad, still tired, and furious. What he wanted to do and what he actually had to do were two entirely different things – grabbing Severus and kissing him back to bed on one side, pretending nothing had happened for the sake of their friendship on the other side. It wasn't easy, and that Severus was so damn cool didn't help a bit. Yes, upset was a quite accurate description of his mood, and he disliked Severus having it observed so pointedly.

Lazily, the Potions master leaned back in his chair and looked at his friend. "You are upset, for whatever reason. Usually, you are ravenous in the mornings, but you haven't eaten a bit so far. You are fully dressed, although I know that you prefer a dressing gown at the breakfast table. You didn't have a shower, either – I would have heard. So something is nagging you, and I can only assume it is because of last night. Be assured – it meant nothing. Go home to your wife and forget about it."

Goodness, that man could drive someone crazy in less than ten minutes, that much was certain. For the first time Remus wondered how awful it must be to have him as a teacher. "Nothing?" he said as coolly as possible. "Are you quite sure about it? Because last night I had a different feeling about that matter."

Severus didn't even blink. "Last night is in the past, wolf. You need to go home; you need to find somewhere to live. You have a removal to organise. Your wife and son are waiting for you, and you will have to teach here after the Christmas break. And to set you to peace – as you don't depend on the Wolfsbane any more, you don't have to seek me out any longer."

Strange, how painful a few true words could be. "It seems you have rebuilt those walls more quickly than you had guessed, Snape," Remus snapped and was pleased to finally see the man sitting opposite flinch. They had stopped referring to each other with their family names years ago, when Snape had confessed in a drunken moment how unnerving he found it that no one apart from Dumbledore called him by his given name. That Remus now called him 'Snape' was nothing less but an insult, and Severus knew it.

Remus felt lousy all of a sudden. But his heart ached, and he needed a way to soothe the pain. Hurting the one who caused the pain seemed a sensible course of action.

Snape just picked up the newspaper again. "You are wrong," he answered. "But you have just proven how vital it is for me to hurry with this task." He began to read.

Just another few moments, and my heart will break my chest, Remus thought bitterly. How on earth did I manage to make such a mess out of this?

Slowly, he got up, pushing his chair back with a scrape. It would be best if he left fast and quietly.

But then the werewolf found that it was impossible to leave. They had gone through too much to part like that. They were friends, for Merlin's sake! He wouldn't allow one night of passion destroy that.

Two steps, and he stood in front of Severus's chair. One quick movement, and the newspaper was clawed in half. A growl, and Severus got up himself, looking angry and annoyed.

"I won't allow you to do this," Remus hissed. "We have been friends for years. A week ago you saved my life. Because of you I have a job and a future. If you can't cope with last night, leave it. Forget about it. I will not mention it ever again, if this is what you want. But I refuse to be chased out of your rooms like a dog!"

"You are talking nonsense, wolf," Severus stated, anger tightly controlled, and dropped the remnants of his paper. "It's not me who has a problem with last night, it's you. It's not me who has a marriage to protect, who is loved by a wife; it's you. So don't you dare tell me what I can cope with or not." Casually, the Potions master reached out and put his long, strong fingers round the werewolf's throat. "Last night meant everything to me, Lupin. But I will not force you away from your family. Tonks loves you; you love her and your son. Come back here for a glass of wine whenever you like, come back here for your transformation during full moon. And if you don't like it, leave it. But never, ever accuse me of treating you like a dog. Because I never did and never will."

With that, the Potions master pushed hard and sent his friend staggering back against the wall. In the same movement, he wiped his arm across the breakfast table and sent everything atop of it flying to the floor, including a half-full pot of steaming hot tea.

Finally, Remus understood. How could I have been so blind? he mused and rubbed his bruised neck. So very blind and so fucking stupid?

Severus stood with his back to him, tall and proud as ever, his long, open hair flowing halfway down his back. Unlike the werewolf, he was dressed leisurely, wearing only soft trousers and a wide, grey shirt. He was barefoot, as the floors in his rooms were heated to please someone who was sensitive to the cold.

And he had given the werewolf every opportunity to go on as usual. He had set up breakfast as if Remus had come here for a transformation. They could have eaten together without mentioning that night, and Remus could have gone home pretending absolutely nothing had happened. Severus had shown him a way out, assuming the werewolf would need a way out given the fact that he was married and father of a small child.

"You are such an idiot, my friend," Remus said and flicked his wand. Cups, pots, cutlery, food and tea went neatly back onto the table. "I do love Tonks. I married her because she loves me as well. When she courted me, I told her not only that I am too old and too poor for her, but that I... um... like sleeping with men as well."

Slowly, Severus turned round and pierced the werewolf with his charcoal black eyes.

Remus sat down and buttered some toast, added marmalade, and devoured it in a few bites.

"She was so immensely relieved, you wouldn't believe it. She told me how much she loved me, how much she wanted me..."

Severus snorted.

"... and how glad she was that I am bisexual. Because, coincidentally, she is as well. Bisexual, that is. She likes women in her bed as well as me."

Severus sat and stared at his friend with open mouth.

"Tonks and I sleep with each other, and we enjoy it. But for years now she has a girlfriend whom she loves, and I don't mind at all. I'm glad she has more than one who loves her. And I know she wouldn't mind if I were to find someone – someone male, that is – I wanted to be with. Someone I loved. Someone who loves me. Not a shag, someone for just one night, but someone for good. Someone for forever. You."

Severus didn't say a word, but leaned back in his chair, poured himself some tea, and downed it without bothering to add milk and sugar. A second cup followed quickly. Remus's words had stunned him into speechlessness.

Remus heaped ham and eggs on his plate. Looking for a fork, he found one and pointed it at his dumbstruck friend. "Which part didn't you understand, Severus?" he asked. "You look as if you didn't get a word of what I have just said."

Severus was too restless to remain seated. "You don't want this to end?" he asked, quite matter-of-factly as if he was discussing his next Potion classes. "You want to come back into my bed, because..." The pause indicated that he didn't have a clue why Remus might want to come back at all, not to talk about coming back for making love.

"Because I enjoyed last night as much as you did?" Remus offered, left his chair behind and approached his friend until only a hand might have fitted between them. "Sleeping with you was beyond perfection. All I can think about since I woke up is your mouth on mine. I want to go back to bed, now, immediately; otherwise I won't have any other choice but taking you over your breakfast table!"

"Ah," said Severus, and leaned forward, wrapping his arms round the werewolf's waist. He took a step, taking Remus along. The wall stopped them, gently pushing its stones into the werewolf's back; then Severus touched the werewolf's mouth with his lips.

Remus grabbed Severus's arse with one hand and his neck with the other, pulled the taller man down and returned the kiss with all his might.

"Bedroom," the werewolf growled when they needed a break to breathe.

"Table," Severus objected and pulled Remus's shirt out of his trousers, slipping his hand on his friend's heated skin.

"Good idea," murmured Remus and leaned into Severus's touch. "I wouldn't make it to the bed, anyway."

"Then the wall might be the even better choice," the Potions master suggested and began to unbutton the werewolf's shirt.

"Oh, Merlin, it seems I have chosen an inconvenient time to check on you, my dear boy," said Albus Dumbledore and chuckled into his impeccable white beard at the sight of the two quite engaged men.

Severus whipped round, and if a glare could kill, Albus would have dropped dead on the spot. Blocking the Headmaster's view of Remus, who tucked his shirt back into his trousers, the Potions master only needed a moment to snarl, "What the hell are you doing here, Albus? And how were you able to come inside? I've warded my door!"

Albus stepped to the table and dipped his finger into the honey. Thoughtfully, he licked off the drop. "Have you forgotten that Remus lived in your rooms for the past few days? I had altered your wards so not only he could get in, but me and Poppy as well. He needed care, so it was a logical step."

Remus rubbed a hand across his face. "Bugger. Should have told you, Severus," he said, but there was a slight hint of amusement in his voice. Apparently, he enjoyed seeing his lover slightly distressed. At least there was no way of keeping their relationship under the carpet now.

Severus, though, just pressed his lips together and stared at the breakfast table. For once, his thoughts were clearly written in his usually so guarded face: What if Albus had come in a few minutes later?

"You aren't blushing, Severus, are you?" Dumbledore mocked and twinkled mildly over his half-moon glasses. "Oh, dear, you are! And you blush even deeper when you're told that you blush. How... wonderful!" Obviously unable to stop himself, the Headmaster laughed out loud, clearly enjoying that his Potions master wasn't in control neither of the situation nor his blood pressure.

"He will hex you, Albus," Remus said, and pushed a chair into Severus, causing him to sit down. Then he asked, "Why did you come down here?"

"Because, dear Remus, Severus has failed to appear at the infirmary this morning. Poppy is worried. She imagined him lying dead in his bed and sent me down to check on him."

Remus grinned. "We... got up late. It was near dawn when we fell asleep."

"Good grief, wolf," Severus grunted. "Why don't you share the details with him?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "I take it that there is no... animosity between the two of you? I'm referring to the fact that you, Remus, will take over Severus's position in Defence Against the Dark Arts. And of course to a certain fight that nearly cost both your lives."

Finally, the Potions master seemed to have regained his snarky nature. "You don't need to fear me killing him because of a job, Albus," he snapped. "Maybe because of indiscretion, possibly because he can't keep his damn mouth shut, but..."

Remus reached out and put his hand on Severus's arm to calm him down. "Is this a problem for you, Albus?" he asked. "Us?"

Dumbledore took off his spectacles and pinched his nose. Solemnly, he said, "Won't it be a problem for Tonks? And then – do you expect me to keep this quiet? Because I have not the guts for secrets anymore. There have been too many in the past years. Actually, Severus, I'm glad someone has the nerve to put up with you."

Remus grinned. "Good," he said. "And you don't have to keep this quiet. We won't advertise it, of course. Tonks won't have a problem at all, and if you don't object..."

"Do I have a word in this at all?" Severus asked, somewhat desperately.

Dumbledore and Remus both looked at him. "What would you like to add to this discussion?" Dumbledore asked. "It appears as if everything has been said. If two of my teachers decide to have a relationship, I certainly have no reason and no right to object. Otherwise, I would have to say a few things about Sibyll and Filius as well. Or Minerva and Poppy. It's none of my business, my dear boy."

"Erm..." said Snape, at a loss for words. Then he caught the werewolf's expression and snapped, "Stop grinning like a fool, wolf. As soon as this here becomes common knowledge, you'll find out that people tend to despise anyone who is as much as friendly to me."

"And you might find out that I don't give a damn," Remus replied dryly. "I'm a werewolf. It possibly will be me who ruins your reputation, not the other way round."

Dumbledore chuckled. "It seems you two have a lot to talk about, so I will take my leave." But when he was already half outside the door, he turned once more and said, "Severus, one more thing. I got a letter of complaint today, and I expect you to sort it out to my satisfaction. If she writes to me again, I will have to order you to attend to her wishes."

"Albus..."

"And because I am a nice person, I will tell Poppy that you are doing fine, that you have eaten, and that you will stay in your rooms today. She will expect you to come to the infirmary tomorrow. Please don't miss the appointment; otherwise I will have to come down here again." With that, he vanished into the dark corridor.

*********************

"Now, who complained about you?" Remus asked, still grinning, but meanwhile buttering another toast. "Who did you manage to annoy bad enough for sending a letter to Albus?"

Snape crossed his arms over his chest and tried for several minutes not to answer. But then he decided that Remus would get this bit of information out of him anyway and grumbled, "Granger."

Surprised, Remus dropped some honey on the table. "Hermione? How did you manage to annoy her? She's in Paris, as far as I know."

"Precisely," Snape replied. "And she required my help. Apparently, she found some new and dangerous potions, and she wants me to have a look at them. I refused. I have better things to do than making sure a little girl doesn't poison herself with potions she can't handle."

"But you don't have anything better to do than spending a week or two in France with a beautiful young woman who has fancied you since she's left school," Remus pointed out.

Somehow, the cup hopped out of Snape's hand and landed with a loud clatter on the floor.

"And whom you fancy since she's ended her relationship with Ron Weasley," the werewolf continued, unimpressed.

Silence.

Finally, Snape said, "When have you gained the ability to read me like an open book, wolf?" glaring at his friend most threateningly.

Remus leaned back in his chair and tipped his head. "I have been able to do so for years, Severus. Since I began sleeping on your hearth rug. Since we began to talk. I know you like Hermione. I never dared to ask why you don't ask her out for a date, though."

"That is obvious, isn't it?" Snape snapped. "Former Death Eater? Voldemort's supporter? I nearly killed Dumbledore, I made Potter's life a living hell, and severed George Weasley's ear. I was her teacher and taught her to fear me, if nothing else."

Remus stretched out his legs. "Go to Paris. Help her with the potions. Pretend you do so because Albus told you to, but ask her out for dinner whilst you are there. You managed to end up in bed with me; it should be easy now to seduce her."

The Potions master snorted and then leaned forward, ignoring plates and toast being in the way. "You talk too much, wolf," he said, voice dark and low. "You certainly shouldn't have said a thing about seduction."

Remus crossed his ankles and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. "In my opinion, this table looks far too... hmmm... innocent for its own good," he mused. "Far too unoccupied, one could say. After all, such a table wants to see something different than just cutlery and teapots."

Severus leaned back as well. "This table is made for teapots." He placed his hand on the surface and wiped a few crumbs to the ground. It was a nearly tender gesture. "Whereas my workbench, for example, is made for more complicated tasks. Brewing potions. Enduring hexes and charms. Used to curses and kicks. My workbench is strong enough to carry a man's weight even under unusual circumstances. Shall I introduce you to it?"

"Definitely," Remus answered, and then they didn't talk for quite a while.