Chapter 8

A/N: Okay, this one is long. Lots of memories again.

Again, the scene changed. They were at the same spot, but this time his younger self was being held down by several other Death Eaters. One of them was striking his back with a long black whip. Hermione gasped in horror.

"You know how the punishments are, Severus, and just because this is your first one doesn't mean we will go easy on you!" Voldemort hissed.

"Yes, my Lord!" screeched the younger Severus.

Blood was dripping from his back, and he was squirming in pain.

"Next time, when you are given a direct order, do it!"

"Yes, my Lord!"

Suddenly, the Death Eater that was beating him pulled his wand out and pointed it at Severus. His clothes disappeared, and a few Death Eaters pushed Snape forward onto his knees. The one behind Snape moved the front of his robes to the side.

Hermione was sick and tried to turn away.

"Watch it! Watch what I have gone through for you!" the older version hissed.

"No, I don't want to!" she said, shielding her eyes with her hands.

Severus inhaled deeply. "To understand the man that I am today, please watch," he said sternly.

Hermione opened her eyes and watched the older Death Eater push his hardened cock into the younger Snape. She put her hand over her mouth and tears dripped from her eyes. What have I done?

"AHHHHHHHH!"

Harder and harder, the Death Eater pounded into him. Hermione watched how Severus's knees were being scraped on the rough ground and the tears falling from his eyes.

"Grab your dick!" commanded the Death Eater.

He grabbed himself and started stroking, clearly not to give himself pleasure, but to keep from being harmed once again.

"Oh, yes! You're so fucking tight! Ah! AH! YES!" The Death Eater slammed himself inside Severus as he climaxed. When the man was finished, he stood up, cleansed himself, and left Severus naked on the ground, whimpering in a fetal position.

"Now, have you learned your lessssson?" Voldemort hissed.

"Y-yes my Lord. M-my apologizes," he said through his tears.

"I think you owe your punisher a thank you as well!"

Severus uncoiled himself and sat on his knees, then faced the Death Eater that had violated his body, and in a slow and forced voice, he said, "Thank you for making me realize that I did wrong and for showing me the proper punishment, Lucius."

Hermione didn't hear or see the rest of the memory; she had fallen to her knees and started to retch. The realization that it had been Lucius who punished her lover had pushed her over the edge with disgust. The older Severus held her hair back and waited for her to finish before he cast a cleansing charm over her.

The scene had changed while she was sick and this time they were in Dumbledore's Office.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"No!"

"Should we leave?" he said unsympathetically.

"No," she muttered. She knew it was important to him that she see everything.

"Good. Pay attention," he snapped.

She rose to her feet and listened to what his younger self was saying. He was in a chair across from Dumbledore, crying.

"He's going to kill Lily and James! You must protect them!"

"You hate them, though. What do you care?"

"It is true that there was no love lost between James and myself. However, he was Mione's friend. And though, two years later, I have still had no word from her, I can't help but know that she would have wanted me to prevent this. It is the only thing left for me to do for her. They were like her family. Please, Professor!"

"Very well. I will protect them. Is that why you joined Voldemort... to find Mione?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes."

"He hasn't produced any results for you, has he?"

"NO! I've been all over England. I've even gone to France looking for her. I've gone to every Muggle University that I can think of and--nothing!"

"Unfortunately, I don't think you are going to ever find her. I know you don't want to hear that--certainly you did not two years ago, but at least I'm telling you the truth, Severus. Voldemort has lied to you."

"I know, but there's nothing I can do about it now--except to kill myself and end my misery."

"I have a better idea. How about becoming my spy? I will do everything to protect you. You can work here as the Potions master; you'll have to apprentice with Horace first to receive that title, but then the job is yours. I know of your power, Severus. I know you are an Occlumens, and with a little more practice, you could manipulate your images and spy on Voldemort so we can bring him down."

"I'll do it. I should have listened to her; I should have stayed away from Lucius!"

"I have your word that you won't go against me?"

"I swear on my love of Mione Jean, that I will be loyal to you forever, Headmaster!"

The memory shifted once more. They were on the Astronomy Tower.

Severus was sitting on a bench clutching the Daily Prophet.

"If the news of Lily's and James' deaths by Black doesn't bring you back here looking for them... then I don't know what will, Mione. Unless you are dead, of course. No! I will not believe that. I know something happened to you, Mione, but you're not dead. I'll find you someday." He threw the paper down and put his hands on his face, crying silently.

Hermione was also crying, and she didn't notice that she was being pulled back up from the Pensieve until she saw the Black Lake and Hogwarts in the background.

"So, that's what happened after you left. There were no clues, no signs--nothing. Those two years after I graduated were the worst."

"I'm so sorry! The reason I went back in time was so useless! I didn't prevent anything from happening," she cried.

"You say that now, but we shall see."

"Why were you punished like that?" she asked hesitantly.

"That was a normal punishment; everyone received them."

"And from Lucius!"

"He was the one who brought me into the Death Eaters, so it was fitting that he punished me."

"What did you do wrong?" She sat back down on the chair and wiped her eyes.

"I refused to rape and torture some Muggle woman."

Hermione struggled for her breath. "What?"

"Thankfully, by going into Dumbledore's service, I was able to get out of doing Death Eater raids. See, I moved up in ranks when I came back with the news that I was now at Hogwarts and could spy on Dumbledore. Voldemort couldn't resist the new power that I had, so I wasn't forced to rape anyone... ever."

"Oh, Severus, that's so horrible--I mean it's good that you didn't have to do that--just the thought of you having to... rape someone is horrible."

"Indeed."

"I can't believe you didn't give up on me. Most people would have."

"You stole my heart. I didn't have one after you left. The things I did, such as trying to warn Dumbledore about Potter and Lily and going into his service were done only because of you. I'm not a nice man. The only reason I didn't want to rape anyone wasn't because it was the wrong thing to do, it was because I couldn't stand to have anyone else. I only lusted after you in that way. So when you left, my heart left, and I wanted it back. Besides, I would have done anything for you, and I could never give up hope."

"You're right. You're not a nice man. But you are a good man, and I saw that before I went back to the past. So, what did you do after he was taken down that night he killed Lily and James?"

"Well, for the ten years between that night and your arrival, I tried to lead a normal life. I put myself into my work. I have never dated, which of course made way for some wonderful rumors, but I didn't care. I had Poppy, though, and being around her again really helped. I saw Lupin about once a year when he would come around during the summer months.

"I established myself in the Potions world and, of course, tried each year to teach the D.A.D.A. class. I attempted to do more research on you and came up empty, so I actually decided that if I stopped trying so hard, something might turn up.

"And what do you know? A new batch of first years were standing before me once again. But this time, a bushy-haired witch caught my attention when her name was called by Minerva. Nobody I have ever known had a name that sounded even remotely close to yours until Hermione Granger was called to the Sorting Hat. Then, when it placed you in Gryffindor... well... you can imagine how excited I felt. I wanted to talk to you and ask you if your mother, or an aunt, or anyone you knew was named Mione Jean, but then we had our first Potions class together."

"I don't know if I want to hear what you thought about me," she said.

"I believe I have told you on several occasions what I thought about you."

"Insufferable know-it-all?"

"Indeed. Then, you became friends with Potter. So trying to talk to you was no longer an option. Therefore, I went through your records. Of course, it took me nearly till the end of the year to do so--with the events that happened that year because of you three--well, let's just say I didn't have an abundance of free time."

"I'm sure when Harry showed up, your life as you had known it for the past ten years changed considerably," she said.

"You have no idea. Not only was there this annoying little girl who had a name similar to my lost love, but the son of her friends was now at my school. And both of you, along with Weasley, reminded me of the way Potter and Black acted before my seventh year. Of course, since I swore to Dumbledore that I was going to be loyal, I ended up watching out for the boy--I did still owe Potter a life debt.

"So, it took me almost the entire year to get a chance to go through your records. Here, let me just show you." Severus put his wand to his temple once more and pulled out several long strands of memories. And again, they both dipped down into the basin.

They landed in a room that Hermione had never seen. The cathedral-high walls had rows of files on each student that had attended Hogwarts. She saw the younger Snape scanning a special cabinet in the middle of the room. Hermione saw that the label stated: Current Students.

"Granger, Granger, Granger... I know you're in here," he was muttering to himself as he flipped through the large files. "Ah ha!" He pulled a thick folder out, and Hermione looked over his shoulder; it was hers.

She watched him flip through the folder and then pull out a paper that had her family information on it. The top of it stated her full name; Hermione Jean Granger. She looked at the younger Snape's face as he read her name; a flicker of hope seemed to brighten in his eyes.

"I knew it! I knew it wasn't a coincidence... HERMIONE JEAN! She MUST be related to Mione!" He started reading down the listed names of her family members but didn't come across the name he was looking for.

"I must talk to her," he said slamming the folder shut. He quickly put it back and started walking out of the room.

Hermione waited for the memory to shift to the next one.

They were now in the hospital wing, and the younger Severus was just walking through the doors. He wasn't dressed in his professorial robes; he just had black trousers on with a black button-up shirt.

"POPPY!" he yelled.

The Healer came running out of her office. "Severus! You scared me! I didn't think anyone else was here! Are you okay, boy?"

"Yes, I'm fine. All the students are gone and I've wanted to tell you--you know that first year, Hermione Granger?"

"Vaguely. She's friends with Harry Potter?"

"Yes, her."

"What about her?"

"I did some research on her. Guess what her middle name is?" The younger Snape was almost giddy; Hermione hadn't seen him like this before.

"I don't know--"

"JEAN! HerMIONE JEAN!"

"What does this mean?" Madam Pomfrey said with enthusiasm.

"I'm not sure. But she must be related to her somehow. I couldn't find anything in her records, so I'm going to need to talk to her when she returns in the fall."

"Oh, Severus, dear--for your sake, I hope this turns out to be something good."

"It's the only real lead I've had in over ten years, so I know there is still hope!"

The scene changed again. They were still in the hospital wing.

"Did you get a chance to talk to her?" Madam Pomfrey asked. She was sitting behind her desk in the corner, and the young Snape was sitting on the opposite side.

"Every time I've tried, something has blocked me. This whole Chamber of Secrets has really put a damper in things, and now--she's been petrified," he said gloomily.

"I figured you didn't speak with her before she was petrified; that's why I saved this for you," she said, pulling a tiny phial from her pocket and handed it to him from across the table. "It's her blood. When she turned herself into a cat, I had to draw some. I figured you could use it to compare to Mione Jean's. Of course, I don't have a sample of her blood, but I do have a sample of her aura. I did heal her several times back then, and I'm sure we can recall her aura from my wand."

"Of course! That's some difficult magic though--it will take at least several months to complete."

"Yes, it will. You can use Hermione's blood and see if there are similar properties to the aura of Mione's. If so, then at least you will know that they are, in fact, somehow related. It might be better than asking her, because she may not even know for one thing, and it's proving to be too complicated for you to even talk to her about it."

"Yes, this is much better. Thank you, Poppy. I'm going to get started on this right away."

Again, the memory faded, and Hermione and the older Snape were now in his dungeons. His hair was pulled back, and he had a black apron over his black clothes and was working diligently. His potions lab was filled with brewing cauldrons and different bottles filled with colored liquids. He had several large tomes opened and scattered across his room.

"YES!" he had screamed out like a mad scientist. "THEY ARE DEFINITELY RELATED SOMEHOW!"

He placed the sample of liquid that he was looking at down on the table, jumped from his stool and started pacing.

"Okay, the students return in just a few weeks--you will find time to talk to her this year! If she doesn't know where my Mione is, someone in her family should know."

There was a knock on the door, and Severus quickly went to answer it, barely opening it a crack.

"Headmaster. Please come in."

"Thank you, Severus." Snape moved to the side to allow Dumbledore through the door.

"I'm here for a quick visit. I just received word that Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban; he's coming after Harry."

"Escaped? How? And what does he want with Potter?"

"I'm not sure. But Harry is in more danger than you think; Sirius is his Godfather."

"Shite."

"Exactly."

"So, I take it that you want me to protect him even more?" he spat.

"Well, yes and no. I'm bringing someone here who can help protect him. But I need you to help this new professor more than Harry. I'm sure you won't mind brewing the Wolfsbane Potion for him every month?"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Dumbledore! You're going to let Lupin teach the Defense Against Dark Arts class?"

"Yes."

Snape turned around and started mumbling obscenities to himself as he pretended to be cleaning his lab table.

"Thank you, Severus. This means a great deal to the both of us," Dumbledore said in a sweet tone.

The memory shifted to the next scene. Hermione saw herself sitting at one of the lab tables in his classroom. She couldn't believe how much her facial features had changed between her second and third year, or how much her body had grown. The doors slammed opened behind her younger self, and she watched the younger Snape make his appearance in the classroom. Before he spoke, Hermione noticed that he was staring at her younger self and there was a realization that came to his face.

That was the end of the memory, and a new one started. They were back in the hospital wing. Hermione looked over at Severus, waiting for him to say something, but he just ignored her.

"I'm telling you, Poppy, she's Mione Jean!"

"There's no way, Severus Snape! I think you are just wishing it was her."

"Poppy, she changed over the summer--she doesn't look the same. I noticed it in class today. She's grown into her features--well, most of them. Her teeth are still a bit big, but I swear to you, it's her!"

"How can that be?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll let you know when I've figured it out."

The fog rolled through the memory once more, and they were standing in Minerva's office.

"A WHAT?" he screamed at the older witch.

"A Time-Turner. Miss Granger has one--or had one. She turned it in, but she's had one all year."

"That's how Black got away then," he muttered.

Minerva was silent.

"Are you sure she turned the Time-Turner in?"

"Positive. Why."

"Nothing."

Hermione felt herself being pulled back through the Pensieve.

"Why did you stop there?" she asked him.

"I figured you had some questions."

"Yes, or more like clarification. But before I ask, would you mind conjuring me some hot chocolate? It's getting a little cold out."

Snape pulled his wand out, and within a flash two large cups appeared. The steam was rolling off the top of the liquid, and Hermione put it in her hands and took a small sip.

"So, let me get this straight. Since my first year, you thought I was related to Mione, but never found the courage to ask me about it? Something always came up, and you never got around to doing it?"

"Obviously."

"Well, courage isn't usually found in Slytherins, I guess. Now, is it?"

"Don't get cheeky," he said darkly.

"Sorry," she said, grinning. "Now, when you saw me that first day of Potions in my third year, you knew that Mione and I were one in the same?"

"Yes. I didn't know how until Minerva told me you'd had that blasted Time-Turner all year. Then I realized that you would be going back in time during your seventh year. For a while, I thought you still had it, but if you gave it to Minerva to give back to the Ministry, then I knew there was no way you gave her a fake. So, it was a waiting game from then on."

"How... how did you feel when you knew the insufferable know-it-all would end up being the person you... fell in love with?" she asked nervously.

"It was all rather strange. Although you did annoy me when you were younger, I never doubted your ability. I was very impressed with you. Of course, you were naïve; book smarts only gets you so far, but I was still impressed. Only when you arrived during your third year, and after finding out about the Time-Turner, did my feelings for you get all jumbled up. I was your professor, and remembering the stuff I did to you back then, and seeing you sit in front of me day after day, well--let's just say I had several stomach aches that year. You were a minor, and my student, and quite honestly it was horrifying to be around you."

"I'm sorry I made you sick to your stomach."

"It wasn't that. Don't you listen? It was wrong of me to even think of you in that context. It was very difficult to push my feelings for you to the side and just treat you like everyone else."

"Is that why you were so cruel to me when I got hit with that curse that made my teeth grow? Because that was very hurtful. I was already self-conscious about them as it was, and to have a professor be so mean about it, especially one that I highly respected... well, you made me cry!"

Severus reached across the small table and placed his hand over hers. "I'm sorry for any pain I have given you, but yes, I had to treat you like I would have any other person. Believe me when I say that it killed me to not help you with that situation."

Hermione wiped a small tear from her face, and he removed his hand.

"So, after that happened, and you returned, with teeth that properly fit your mouth, there was no denying that you were my long lost love. And every year you became more and more beautiful."

"Thank you," she said shyly.

"Then, the Dark Lord returned, and I had to go back into his service."

"Are you going to show me?"

"Watching me get punished when I was younger is nothing compared to watching me murder people. Can you handle that?"

Hermione looked appalled. "Murder?"

"That's what Death Eaters do best, my dear," he said in a sinister way. "But because his return had nothing to do with you, I will spare you. However, you do need to know that I am a killer, and the only reason I'm telling you that is because you were the reason I joined him in the first place."

"Don't blame me entirely for that!" she yelled.

"I don't, but you were the driving force. It was my mistake for believing in Lucius and joining the Dark Lord, but Hermione--it was because I wanted to find you, and that is the only reason I joined. I could have continued my education, but you were more important."

"You were obsessed with me!" she cried.

"OF COURSE I WAS!" he screamed while slamming his fist on the small table, rattling the cups and saucers and startling Hermione. "You were my whole world! Was I not yours?"

"Yes."

"And would you have done anything to find me?"

She looked down in her lap, away from his hard gaze.

"Think about it. If I suddenly disappeared right now in front of with no explanation--nothing--what would you have done?"

She looked up and into his black eyes. "Anything."

"Would you join a person with amazing powers who could help you, even if you knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but that it was your last resort?"

She slowly nodded her head. "Yes."

"Exactly," he said exasperatedly. "Now, back to my point. I wanted you to know who I have become: a sinister bastard."

"How many have you killed?" she asked, ignoring what he was saying. She wanted answers.

"Enough."

"Do you feel... remorse?"

"Only for the innocent. The others? No. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"I see," she said. Thoughts of him killing were swirling inside her mind.

"May I continue my story?" he asked.

She slowly nodded her head.

"So, when the Dark Lord returned, I started keeping closer tabs on you. I knew how you and your friends disregarded the rules, and I was sure you would find yourselves in trouble."

"What did you do?"

"I had some of the portraits watch for you. They would let me know where you were located, what you were doing, and who you were doing it with. Oh, and by the way, seeing you in the arms of that big-headed Bulgarian Quidditch player really pissed me off. But as you didn't know what was going to happen in your near future, I held my tongue. Of course, the roses around the castle that night took the brunt of my pain."

"You were jealous?" she said.

"Of course I was--you're mine!" he bellowed.

She giggled. "Well, I'm sure you've had your fair share of women."

He looked at her intently. "I've only been with you. Like I said, I've never wanted or lusted after anyone else."

Hermione swallowed hard, but she secretly was happy that nobody had touched her lover.

"As I was saying, I watched you. And it's a good thing I did, too. Do you know how proud, yet angry I was at you for doing what you did during your fifth year? You nearly gave me a heart attack. When I saw you in the office being held by that bitch, Umbridge, I could have killed her right then and there... oh, and then you went traipsing off to the Ministry alone! I was so furious and worried about you."

"But you must have known nothing was going to happen to me--since I survived long enough to make it to my seventh year."

"I knew that, Hermione. What I didn't know was if you were going to be harmed--you know, hurt, bleeding, broken, raped! I knew you weren't going to die, but there are worse things that could have happened to you!"

"I didn't think about that."

"Of course not. You're still naïve when it comes to stuff like that."

"So you were worried sick about me?" she said, taking another sip.

"Yes. Then Black died and, of course, Potter blamed me, so I figured you blamed me, too. That was a horrible summer. But then when you came back to school and treated me no differently, I figured you had used those brains and deduced that it was not my fault that Black passed on."

"Of course not. I warned Harry that the image in his mind was probably false, but he's so stubborn. And what you didn't know was that I was crushing on you that entire time. It's so ironic," she said.

"Indeed."

"When did you decide to make that potion for Harry?"

"After Draco was recruited to try to kill Dumbledore during your sixth year. We knew that if the Dark Lord's reach could go that deep, it was time to finish the war--even though Potter was still young and in school. That year I spent researching the Dark magic needed and finally found what I was looking for. I mentioned to Dumbledore that I needed your assistance, and he obliged."

"And that's when you decided to try to make me see another side of you?"

"Yes."

"I want to see that summer again. There are a few things I want you to see. Can you show me how to pull my memory so we can view it?" she said.

Severus was a little stunned. He had not expected her to want to show him anything.

"Just hold the tip of your wand to your temple and give the memory a beginning and an ending in your mind. Once you've gathered everything in your mind, slowly pull the wand away. It will automatically retrieve it. There you go--that's it--now push the silvery wisp into the Pensieve. Very good."

After Hermione finished pulling her memories, they both tipped their faces down into the basin for the third time. They were standing in Hermione's bedroom at Grimmauld Place. The younger Snape was standing by her bed looking at the younger Hermione in the doorway.

"Professor, what are you doing here?" She closed the door behind her.

"Sorry for coming into your private room, Miss Granger, but I need to ask you something."

"Yes, sir?" she said with a look of concern on her face.

"I have been asked to make a potion that will help Potter use an Unforgivable Curse while keeping his precious soul intact. The Headmaster seems to think that Potter doesn't have the strength to cast one--"

"But what about Priori Incantatem?

"I didn't say he would use the curses on Voldemort. There are other people who are trying to kill him as well, and sometimes 'Expelliarmus' isn't good enough."

"I see. So what do you need me for?"

"I would like your help. The potion is very dangerous and takes two months to brew; if I should happen to... have to leave... during the middle of it, I would not be able to complete the process. I would like you to assist me and take over if and when I have to depart."

"You were trying to hide the fact that you were a Death Eater right there, but I already knew," she whispered to Severus.

"Correct."

"You... want me to help you, sir?" she said, surprised.

"Why not? You are beyond capable; I would not trust this potion with anyone else."

"I... thank you. Yes, I will help, I'm honored, but I do have to say, I'm in shock; I thought I was a pebble in your shoe."

He walked over to her in a few steps and was an arm's length away now. "You have never been that, I assure you," he said. Then the snarl that he usually had on his face turned upside down into a small grin.

"I almost melted when you smiled and told me that," she said.

"Now that I'm seeing this from your point of view, I can tell. I thought you were just trying not to pass out from seeing me do that."

The memory faded to another scene. They were now in a lab.

"This is a special potion that we are going to be brewing, Miss Granger. It requires the best of the best equipment, not the basics that you are used to using in class. I will provide everything needed, but I must impress how valuable and priceless some of my personal collection is."

"Yes, sir. I will be very careful with anything you let me borrow."

"I know. That's another reason I chose you to assist me."

Snape pulled off a white sheet that had been covering the lab table.

"As you can see, we are going to use a gold cauldron; it will help keep the potion from overheating. These glass bottles are hand blown; they are very delicate, yet will hold the hottest liquid without cracking." He walked down the table and continued showing her the different items.

"And this," he said while picking up a long stirring stick, "is my most prized possession." He looked directly into her eyes. "Someone very special gave me this. Pewter stirring sticks can last a life time if they are well taken care of. I trust you will handle this with the utmost care." He handed her the stick, and she ran her fingers along the inscription: Severus Snape.

"Yes, sir, you can count on me to take care of this." She placed it back on the lab table and looked up at him; he was smiling.

"When I was in the past, and bought that, I didn't realize that I had seen it before until you told me you would cherish it forever... that's when I knew that I was the special person who gave that to you!" she said.

"That's why I showed it to you. I was hoping that when you returned you would remember me saying that and know that I was talking about you."

She smiled at him and another memory rolled in.

"Good evening, Miss Granger. Are you ready?"

"Good evening, Professor. Yes, I did everything you asked. I went to town and bought everything on your list. I also took the liberty of buying some new books that I found at Flourish and Blotts. I hope you don't mind--it's just to keep busy while the potion brews."

He smirked at her. "I expect nothing less from you, Miss Granger."

He reached into his robes and pulled a small box out of a pocket. "I have something for you." He handed her the box, and she slowly opened it. Inside were two silver hair clips.

"It's a safety precaution--your hair tends to get out of hand, and we cannot have this potion contaminated."

"Thank you. But they look so antique; I wouldn't want to ruin them."

"You won't."

Hermione pulled them from the box and clipped her hair away from her face; he watched her the entire time.

"And those! We found them one time in the Room of Requirement--how did you get them after I disappeared?"

"Lily brought all your belongings to me, and we went through them together. These were in a small box next to the headband that I bought you. I, of course, kept them, and that was the perfect time to see you wearing them again."

"Oh, Severus. You sneaky Slytherin."

"Indeed."

Once again, the memory shifted and the younger Hermione was leaning over the table cutting up herbs.

"Chop the roots finely. Slow down. Here let me show you!" He was being his usual strict self. He placed his hand over hers and guided her on how to properly cut the roots the way he wanted.

Hermione was extremely nervous; he never touched her, or anyone else, when teaching. She hoped he wouldn't notice, but he had. He quickly pulled away from her hand and handed her the knife.

"I shouldn't have touched you then, but do you remember that time I had you help with that potion for Poppy?"

"Yes. Believe me, I remembered this summer several times when I was in the past. There were so many different incidences that reminded me of our time together."

"That's how you do it."

"Yes, sir."

"At the time, I could tell you were tense, and I remember wondering why. You were a secretive spy, and I didn't know what I could have done to make you so nervous."

The older Severus smirked at her.

"How's this, Professor?" She showed him the newly chopped roots.

He quickly glanced at them. "Much better, thank you."

The memory faded and another took its place.

"Professor! You're back!"

"Indeed. How has the potion been going?"

"Very well, no problems with it, but I'm another story," she said.

"How do you mean?"

"You've been gone for almost a week; I've been stuck in this room, almost going stir crazy, and I need a break. I mean don't take it that I'm not excited that you are safely back, because I am; I just need a break."

"I can tell. You start rambling when you get exhausted."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I've had those days. In fact, I had a similar week--stuck somewhere where I did not want to be."

"With the Dark Lord?" she said quietly.

He looked up at her, calculating.

"I'm not stupid, Professor. I know you're a Death Eater."

"I never said you were. How long have you known?"

"Since the end of my fourth year."

"Really? And that doesn't bother you?"

"I was very surprised that you knew who I was," he whispered to her.

"Why. Did you think I would be afraid of you?"

"Yes. And you probably should have been."

"Nope. I know where your loyalties lie. What bothers me most is knowing that you may be summoned one day and never return." Before she turned around, she saw his eyebrow shoot up.

"You just heard my explanation of why I wasn't scared of you. It was the truth."

"Well, since you know where I was, then you will understand that I, too, need a break. The potion will be fine for now; we need a break."

"Okay."

He walked up behind her and handed her two tickets to a play in Muggle London.

She looked up at him.

"We both need to clear our heads."

"Thank you, I can't wait--but, sir, is this appropriate?"

"Do you think this Death Eater gives a damn?" He smirked. "Besides, I already informed Dumbledore what I was going to do two weeks ago, and he had no problems with it."

"You were speechless," he said while looking at the shocked younger Hermione.

"Of course I was. You had planed that before you were summoned! AND you were making a joke--about being a Death Eater no less!"

He started chuckling as the scene changed.

The potion was brewing, and Hermione was trying to read one of the new books she had bought, but her attention kept drifting over to what Snape was doing. He was flipping the pages in another book that she had bought, but she could tell he wasn't reading it.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Nothing, sir."

"I know something's on your mind; you can't hide that from me."

"Well, it's just--really quiet in here."

"I figured you would enjoy that. Silence is bliss."

"Well usually, yes, I don't mind, but... never mind."

"Go on. I'm listening."

"Well, I don't know... I was just wondering..."

"About my time as a Death Eater?"

"Um, yes, and other things."

"Why do you care? Besides being a nosy little girl."

Hermione grunted when the younger Severus insulted her.

"Well, you were," he said innocently.

"You're right, I'm sorry, it's none of my business." She looked down at her book. She could feel him eyeing her still.

"Anything we say or do will not leave this room, understand?"

She looked back at him. He had closed the book and placed it in his lap.

"Yes, sir."

"I joined them shortly after I graduated from Hogwarts. I wasn't going to, but something happened in my seventh year that changed my mind.

"Then, when I found out that he was going to kill Potter and Lily, I warned Dumbledore. After he killed them, I realized the mistake I made and vowed to bring him down. So, I was hired as the Potions master."

She wasn't expecting him to open up like he did, he was such a private man, but she listend closely.

"May I ask what changed your mind about joining him?"

"You may, and I will tell you one day, I promise, but not today. Just know that something was taken away from me, and I wasn't too happy about it."

"See. I've never lied to you about anything. Even then, I was telling you the truth," he said.

"I know. Well, I have that answer now. It was me."

"I'm surprised you're telling me this to begin with. I know how you value your privacy, but thank you."

"I have a reason. But again, I will tell you one day."

A smile came across his face; then he continued, "All will be revealed after the war, and right now it's not safe to know all answers."

"Yes, sir. From what Harry tells me, you hated his father, Sirius, and Professor Lupin."

"Hate is a strong word. But at first, yes I did hate them. However, during my seventh year, it diminished to more like a strong dislike for them. The relationship could be described like the one between Mister Malfoy and Potter."

"I see. Harry doesn't hate Draco, but he doesn't like him either."

"Exactly. Remus is a different story though. He was a bit more... manageable than Potter and Black."

"Is that why you brew the Wolfsbane potion for him?"

"Yes. He doesn't deserve the life that was given him. Although I don't hold him completely blameless for things either. So, enough about me for right now. What about you, Miss Granger? What are you planning after your seventh year?"

"Oh. Well, I would like to apprentice in something, I'm not sure what yet. Maybe continue my education at a Muggle university. Actually I haven't given it much thought because of this war."

"Whatever you decide, I'm sure you will be more than adequate."

She blushed.

"Time to check our potion." He rose out of his chair and walked to the lab table.

The scene changed again.

"AHHHHHH!" she screamed.

"Shite!" Snape snatched Hermione away after the cauldron exploded, trying to see her extent of her injuries.

"Don't worry about me... the potion, is it ruined? Check it first!" she screamed.

"Fuck the potion, you're more important! Where does it hurt?"

"My right arm--it's burning!"

"Let me see. Move your hand."

Hermione moved the hand that was holding her shoulder. Snape gripped the collar of her shirt and ripped the long sleeve straight off of her. He tossed it to the ground and dragged her over to one of his cabinets. He retrieved some lotion from his cabinet and took a scoop into his hands. He then rubbed the balm onto her shoulder, massaging it ever so gently. "How does that feel?"

"You made me feel better that first day we met. Remember?" she asked him.

"You mean when Black knocked me onto you, and I ended up bruising your ribs?"

"Yes."

"Much better, thank you; I'm sorry I screwed that up."

"You did no such thing. It slipped my mind that you haven't learned that mixing the nails of Dragons with something so delicate as the wings of fairies would cause it to explode. I apologize." He was still rubbing her arm and shoulder, even though most of the lotion was gone.

"I'm sorry, did I ruin the potion?"

"No, it's not ruined. It was supposed to do that. The explosion gives it a shock, taking it to the next level. I just failed to warn you. That will never happen again."

"Hmm... twenty-five points from Slytherin for such an obvious mistake, Professor." She smirked.

He had stopped rubbing her arm and looked into her eyes, astonished; he was not expecting her to say that. He started laughing.

"I loved seeing you laugh," she said bashfully.

Snape grinned.

Her memory shifted again.

"Time to transport the liquid to the glass phials. Take your robe off--here take mine as well, we don't need our sleeves getting caught in the liquid." She watched him shove off his heavy robes. She took it, along with hers, over to the chair and laid them down.

Silently they started ladling the potion into the phials. Then Snape dropped the ladle, grabbed his left arm and hissed in pain.

"PROFESSOR!" Hermione dropped her own ladle and ran over to him.

"It's okay, I have to go."

"Again? For how long?"

"I'm not sure. Keep putting the potion in the phials, then let them cool. After it cools, add a teaspoon of Venomous Tentacula poison and be careful!"

"You be careful, Professor!"

He fled the room, leaving Hermione alone looking terrified.

"I guess I know how you felt when I went to the Ministry at the end of fifth year. I had a sick feeling in my stomach after you left. I knew you weren't going to be okay, and when you stumbled back into the lab three hours later... my fears were confirmed," she said softly.

"Mione..."

"PROFESSOR!" She ran over to him and grasped him by the shoulders; he fell to his knees.

"Professor, let me get you some help!"

"No! I need you to do it. I can't make it to Hogwarts right now. In my cabinet... there are potions... get them," he said breathlessly.

She ran over to the cabinet and pulled all of the bottles out, not sure which one he would want. He had slumped against the wall with his eyes closed. She quickly uncorked the phials and started putting them to his lips. With much effort, he slowly drank them. After a few moments, Hermione pulled away some of his black hair that was matted on his face.

"Professor, how are you feeling?"

He opened his eyes, "Better now. I'm going to have to do some healing charms on myself, but I can manage."

"Can you stand?"

"Not yet. How's the potion?"

"Still cooling." She stood up and walked over to the sink, wetting a small towel, then walked back over to him and kneeled down. She wiped at the blood that had dried on his lip. He closed his eyes as Hermione washed his face. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" she whispered.

"When you started doing that for me, all the pain that I had disappeared; I was just so happy to have you actually touch me with caring hands again. And since I'm looking in your memory, I can see by the expression on your face that you really did care about my pain."

"Yes, I did. Very much so. I wanted to do anything to help you."

"The Cruciatus Curse, among other things."

"Why?"

"For his amusement."

"But aren't you his right hand man or something?"

"Close. But it doesn't matter. We are all available for his enjoyment."

"I'm sorry." She finished wiping the blood from his face and sat there staring at him.

"Thank you for helping me Mio--Miss Granger."

"You called me Mione earlier, sir. You can continue... I don't mind."

"Thank you. But you are not of age yet--I just slipped."

"I will be in a little over two weeks," she huffed.

"Until then, Miss Granger. We need to finish the potion. School will be starting soon."

"Yes, sir." She helped him to his feet and they continued to work on the potion in silence.

The memory changed once again.

"All right. It's complete," Snape said while looking down at the cauldron.

"Now what?" Hermione looked inside the pot. Where there once was a cauldron filled with liquid, there was now just enough to fill one phial.

"Well, I have to bottle this, and when the time is right, Potter will drink it."

"I can't believe all that work--for so little."

"The potion may have simmered down to produce only enough for one drink, but I promise you, it is short of being 'little'. This potion is very powerful. Hand me that bottle."

Carefully he poured the potion into the glass phial and stored it in the cabinet. Then, together, they cleaned the lab. She gathered her belongings from the other room, ready to finally leave.

"I know I haven't told you where we were, but it was for your safety that you didn't know."

"Are you going to tell me now?"

"Yes, we are in the basement of Grimmauld Place."

"We are? Then why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"If Potter or Weasley knew you were down here, they would have tried interrupting you throughout the day. Besides, Potter doesn't know what we were brewing. He and Weasley just knew that you were needed for a special assignment."

"Well, the fact that I could have gone upstairs for a simple break would have been nice. However, I am in absolute agreement that the boys would have disturbed me."

"So, you aren't upset?"

"No. I trust your judgment, and you were right. It wouldn't have been safe."

Severus walked over to the door and removed some of the wards he had placed around the entry so she couldn't leave and opened it. He stood to the side so she could walk past him.

But she stopped in front of him. "Thank you for everything. I appreciate your confidence in me."

He smiled down at her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'll see you in class next week. Go on, you've spent the past two months with me; your friends are itching to see you."

"I didn't want you to leave. I admit that I was pretty upset after you left that day," he said.

"So was I. I always knew you had a different side and that you usually put up a front at Hogwarts and around others... I just knew it! After I left, I didn't go see Harry and Ron."

This time, when the memory finished changing, they were back inside Hermione's room at Grimmauld Place.

The younger Hermione threw her belonging across the room and flopped down in the bed, burying her face in the pillows and kicking her legs on the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm crying, you fool! Just watch!"

"You need to stop loving him, you stupid girl! He will never love you back--he's twice your age!" she screamed into her pillow. Although her voice was muffled, she could still be heard.

"You're just an annoying student! He was only nice to you because he probably was forced by Dumbledore! ERRR! THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

Suddenly, the crying girl rolled over on her back and sat up. She removed the two clips from her hair, placing them in the palms of her hands, and looked down at them.

"Severus Snape--if you only knew how much I love you. You may call it a school girl crush, but it's not. You're passionate, trustworthy, knowledgeable, a real man--not a boy; you're everything I want. I just wish you could see that."

She placed the clips on the side table and then fell back on the bed, placing her hands inside her pockets. She looked off into the distance as if she were remembering something.

"Maybe he knows... I don't think he would compliment just anyone... Did I give him enough hints? Probably not... I don't even know how to flirt! Oh, what am I thinking? This is not the time to flirt with anyone. A war is going on, Mione Jean! Stop fretting over him!"

She rolled off the bed, wiped the tears from her eyes, and stormed out of the door.

Hermione felt herself leaving the Pensieve. She saw a surprised look on his face.

"You called yourself Mione Jean?"

"Yes. Mione was a nickname that my friends used occasionally. I think that is why the Room of Requirement had me use that name--it was easy for me to remember."

"You went back and cried for me? I... I... had no idea."

"Of course you wouldn't. It was private."

"I know that... I mean I had no idea that your feelings were that strong. I knew you respected me and could actually stand to touch and be around me. I only hoped that it was more... and it was." He was scanning her eyes, trying to see the depths of her soul. He was touched that she shared that summer through her own eyes.

"I told you I loved you before I went back to the past."

They sat there looking at each other for a while, not knowing what else to say.

Finally his voice came to him. "When we returned to Hogwarts, I knew this was the year I had been waiting for. I actually started following you around the school whenever I had the time."

"You did? I never noticed."

"I am--was--the best spy of all time," he gloated.

"How silly of me. Of course," she replied.

"It was a good thing, too, because a few days after school started, I realized something after following you one night. You went to an empty classroom, one that I've known you to go into before, to get some peace and quiet. I followed you into the room."

"How?"

"I don't need a cloak to be invisible. I am the only person who has been trained by the two most powerful wizards in the world. I can do things that others can not.

"As I was saying, I overheard you that night. Here, let me just show you."

He pulled another memory from his mind, and they both fell into the basin.

Hermione was pacing back and forth in an old classroom. It had a few chairs and tables and a broken chalkboard and had cobwebs draping in all the corners.

"I wish I could go back in time and warn people about their futures--especially the Potters! I wish I still had my Time-Turner--no, I don't! It would just create a paradox...you remember what McGonagall told you about messing with time. Oh, but I would be discreet and so careful!"

She kicked an old desk with her toe.

The memory faded and she was lifted out of the Pensieve again.

"That was quick. Did you really need to show me that again? I remember that day clearly. That was when Harry had had another horrible vision from Voldemort, and I was so upset that there was nothing I could do for him. So I went to that room and started shouting out my feelings about wanting to change things. I was just venting!"

"Yes, that is the point of this entire story! Don't you see? You thought that if you went back in time and warned people, that it would create a paradox. But you were wrong. If you hadn't gone back in time, then it would have created a paradox!"

"I don't follow you."

"At that moment, I was the only person who knew that you were going to go back in time. It was up to me to send you there--how else could you have obtained a Time-Turner? I was the one who had to make sure it was given to you--"

"IT WAS YOU! You sent me that anonymous gift with the Time-Turner in it?"

"Yes! I knew you wouldn't be able to resist using it!"

"HOW DID YOU GET ONE?"

"I did have power over certain people. I made Wormtail change into his rat form, sneak into the Ministry with a false Time-Turner and exchange it for a real one. I told him it was going to be useful for the Dark Lord... He was so gullible."

Hermione's mouth was slack. She couldn't believe that Severus was the one who had sent her the Time-Turner.

"I knew that if you didn't go back in time, everything would get messed up. Your presence had a huge effect on the outcome of things. If you had never warned Black about keeping his Animagus identity a secret, he would have registered. He then would never have been able to escape from Azkaban; we would never have known the truth about Wormtail; Potter would never have known that Black was his godfather; and he would never have gone to the Ministry trying to help him. Without that happening, the Ministry would still not believe Dumbledore that the Dark Lord was back!

"If you hadn't gone back in time and disappeared on me like that, I surely would have gone truly bad. But your love made me loyal... even to Potter and Lily. I would never have gone into his service; I would never have warned Dumbledore about the Dark Lord's plans about going after Potter and Lily. I would have never been loyal to him--thus Dumbledore would have lost his most useful weapon in the war!"

"But James and Lily still died and so did Sirius!"

"Because that was their destiny! No matter what you could have done, the Dark Lord was already going after them. It was when I overheard a prophecy that he chose to kill their boy. And I couldn't let that happen--for your sake. I tried to prevent it. If I hadn't had you in my life all those years ago, I wouldn't have given a damn if he killed Potter's kid!

"You set off different events--can't you understand that? I knew you wouldn't be able to tell anyone about the future because the Time-Turner would prevent you, so it was actually safe for you to go back in time."

Hermione was thinking about how her time in the past impacted the future while she fiddled with her now cold cup of hot chocolate.

"This is just... wow... I don't really know what to make of all this."

"It takes some getting used to. But now, here we are. We both know what happened, how it affected the future, and we have some more insight on time travel; apparently, you can't go back in time with the intent to change it, and if you do, it launches you into the future."

"But I wasn't even wearing the Time-Turner that day I disappeared."

"Well, it's magic. It must have registered that you were going to attempt to tell me the truth, and it appeared around your neck again, taking you back to your own time. We also can deduce that for each month you were in the past, it was only one day for us, hence you've really only been gone for seven days--not seven months."

"Yep." She took a deep breath. "Now what happens?"

Snape turned from her eyes and stood up and walked over to the edge of the hill, where he looked out over the landscape. The sun was starting to set, and the air was getting colder. "I want to know how... how you feel about me?" he said faintly while looking over his shoulder.

Hermione walked over to him; he turned around and faced her.

Here it comes. The reason why she can't be with me.

Instead of saying anything to him, Hermione started unbuttoning the collar of his shirt, and before he could speak, she reached inside and grasped the silver chain that was hanging from his neck and yanked on it, breaking the clasp. She looked up into his black eyes as she slid the ring off the necklace and held it up in the tips of her fingers.

"This belongs on my finger, not your neck... if you still want me."

"If I still want you? Haven't you been listening to my story, woman? I've gone to hell and back looking for you!"

Hermione was smiling as she slipped the ring back on her finger. "I love you, Severus, I always will. But I guess we should keep this quiet until I graduate... I don't want you to get in any trouble for marrying a student."

"Oh, didn't I say? Dumbledore has already given me his blessing to be with you... He figured out what happened and knows that I love you."

"You could have said something earlier!" She tried to smack him on the arm, but his reflexes were quick and he grabbed her wrist, then pulled her into his body and dipped her backwards where he kissed her deeply and passionately.

He pulled her back up after a moment and put his finger under her chin, softly bringing it upwards to look him in the eyes. "I've waited nearly twenty years to do that again. I've missed you so much and I will never lose you again. I love you, Mione"

"I love you more."

"As much as I want to stay here in your arms for the rest of the night, it's getting too cold, and we have some more explaining to do. Potter and Weasley are going to flip when they hear that you love me and we are going to get married."

"I know. How are we going to do this?"

"Tell them?"

"No, I mean, you still are my professor, and it's only October; so I have a while before I can finish school."

"Well, I'll have to talk with Dumbledore, but seeing how you have already done your seventh year--only twenty years ago. I wonder if they will count that. In that case, all you would have to do is sit your N.E.W.T.s. We'll talk to him about his later."

"Okay." She stood on her tippy toes and leaned in for one more kiss from him. For both, being in each other's arms again was paradise. After holding onto each other for a bit longer, they pulled apart and walked back over to the café table, hand in hand. He charmed the Pensieve to fit back into his pocket and made the chairs and table disappear. They carefully hiked back down to the boat and sailed across the Black Lake.

"So, everything worked out for us, after all!" Hermione said happily.

Snape's grin faded.

"What?" she asked.

"Did Potter and Weasley not tell you?"

"Tell me what? Voldemort is dead, we are together now. What's wrong?"

Severus breathed deeply before continuing.

"Lucius, Bellatrix and Rodulphus weren't captured. They are still out there, and until they are caught, I'm in danger. I betrayed them. This means that you will be in danger, too."

"WHAT? I thought all of this was over!"

"Not yet, my love."

Hermione started to panic. "They'll take you away from me! I just know it!"

"Listen to me," he pulled her into his lap and held her tightly, "they are highly wanted. The Ministry will find them; they can't get to me at Hogwarts, or you. I will not let that ruin the one thing I have wanted since I fell in love with you. We will live our life, we will marry, we will be happy--but we will also have to watch our backs. I thought you already knew they were still on the run."

"I didn't know! The boys didn't tell me! I don't want to live a life where I'm always looking over my shoulder!"

"Well, we don't really have a choice. Until they are brought in, we can't let our guard down. I'm sorry. Are you having second thoughts about being with me now?"

"Never!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his skin. "Okay, we'll just have to be careful--but if you die on me, I will be right behind you. I'm not living without you!"

He pushed her up and looked into her eyes, sighing. He pushed away some of her unruly hair with his long finger and dabbed a tear that was rolling down her cheek. "And I will not live without you again either. But just make sure I am truly dead before you kill yourself... We don't need a Romeo and Juliet story on our hands."

She laughed.

"Shakespeare, hmm?"

"I'm a half-blood. I do know who he was."

She gave him a soft kiss as the boat guided itself into the boathouse.