Confessions

A/N: Not much to say except that after so long a writing draught, I can't believe that I'm updating again so soon. If you've been away from the fic for a while, do make sure that you didn't miss chapter 8. (As it's got the naughty bits, you know!) Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, this quick update would not be possible without Vaughn's kind beta help. I tell you, it's not horrendous or anything, but you really don't want to read it until Vaughn pretties it up!

My especial thanks to Wolf Moonshadow, for catching a wee "trusting" error that slipped through in chapter 8. Thanks, my favorite Wolf! :)

Disclaimer: They are not mine; I only take them out to play.

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"As I said," Healer Cotton continued once Ron was seated, "I'm afraid I owe you an apology. I've made some decisions regarding your stay with us that I should have consulted with you about first...but I did not...and for that I am truly sorry. What Polly told you was quite true, you are ready to be released and you may leave at as soon as you wish."

"But I don't want to go!" Ron blurted out. "I mean, I suppose it would cost you money, my staying on when I should go, but...maybe I could do some work or something? Earn my keep in some way? I just--" At this point Ron's voice trailed off and he was mortified to find that he was on the verge of tears.

Her concern showing plainly in her face, Healer Cotton rose from her seat and hurried around the desk. Kneeling down by Ron's chair, she took both of his trembling hands in her own and looked earnestly into his face. "Mr. Weasley," she said softly, "dear boy, you have misunderstood what I have said. I said that you may leave when you wish. St. Mungo's is not in the habit of shoving patients out of its doors when they are not yet ready to depart. I assure you that you may stay as long as you need to, whether that ends up being days, months, or years. Yes, we encourage people to let us discharge them when we feel they are ready, but we never simply thrust them out into the world if they are not prepared to leave."

The Healer's soft words did much to calm Ron, yet he could not put all his worries to rest. "But the expense..." he mumbled.

"The expense, in this case, is handled quite efficiently by a fund set up by the Ministry to aid the war wounded. Besides, Mr. Weasley, you no longer really need medical attention, just rest. All you are costing this institution--now that you are almost well--is a little food, and I promise you that the expense of your meals in an institution of this size is not even noticeable." Releasing his hands, Healer Cotton gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze before returning to her seat behind the desk. "I think," she said, "that we could both use a nice cup of tea."

Pulling a scrap of parchment from a handy stack, Patricia penned a quick note, tapped it with her wand, and calmly watched it flutter away through a slit in her office door. Within moments, there was a soft popping sound and a tea tray appeared on her desk. While she poured them both tea, Ron was glad to have a quiet moment to both calm down and to think about what the Healer had told him.

"Healer Cotton," he said, after they had both spent a few moments sipping from their cups, "I don't understand. When you said that you had a confession to make, I assumed you were going to tell me that you forgot to sign my release or something. What did you mean?"

"It's past time I told you, and knowing that you are not quite ready to be discharged eases my conscience greatly," Patricia said with a relieved smile. Then her expression turned more serious. "I made a decision on your behalf which I should, by St. Mungo's rules, have consulted you about. Before I tell you of that, I would like to tell you a bit of background. Before you forgive me or condemn me, I would like you to understand exactly why I did what I did."

"All right," Ron said simply, his puzzlement clear on his face.

"After the last fight of the war," Patricia began, her eyes going distant as she remembered, "all the healing institutions in Britain and Ireland were in an uproar. There were so many wounded and so very many in critical shape. Healers appeared on the battlefield from everywhere, and most of them simply took as many wounded as they could handle back to their places of healing. We Healers from St. Mungo's had a special order from our head to grab as many of the enemy wounded as possible."

"You mean to tell me," Ron interrupted, his voice a bit high from surprise, "that you specifically went for the Death Eaters? Why?"

"Don't misunderstand me, Mr. Weasley. We gathered up many from our own side as well, but the head of our Healers was worried about how the enemy's wounded would be treated. She was right to worry."

"How do you mean?" Ron asked, honestly puzzled. "And why was there such concern for a bunch of murdering bastards!"

"Mr. Weasley, please calm yourself," Patricia admonished gently. "To answer your second question first, we are Healers. What we see in the aftermath of a battle is a lot of people who need our help. No one...well...at least very few people," she corrected with a sad smile, "deserve to die in a bloody field like a pack of dogs. We heal where we are needed. If the people that we heal have crimes to pay for, then they can then pay their debt as the Ministry sees fit. There is no need to torture them further. Besides which, many of the Death Eaters were coerced into joining, both through magical means and otherwise."

"I read about that in the paper," Ron said softly. "He Who...er...Voldemort kept a lot of hostages, didn't he?"

"Yes, and they were all killed before his final attack," Patricia said bitterly. "Mr. Weasley...Ron...there are many people who would die for a cause, but few who are strong enough to let their whole family die for one. I simply cannot condemn people for protecting their families the only way they know how."

"I understand," Ron said simply. "I never thought about it quite like that. So is that why you tried to get as many Death Eaters as possible?"

"Partly. The rest of it was pure humanity. We are the largest healing facility in the area; we had both the room and the desire to see all the wounded fairly treated. The next biggest facility is St. Assisi's in Dublin. They were very crowded after the war. They..." here the Healer's voice paused and her eyes were full of sorrow, "they focused most of their attention on our own wounded. Ninety percent of the Death Eaters that they took there died."

"Ninety!" Ron whispered, his eyes wide in alarm.

"Yes. They died from neglect and lack of supplies. At least in Dublin they were not purposely tortured, as happened at some of the smaller facilities."

"Tortured," Ron mumbled, his head bowed and his fingers clenched around the cup of tea going cold in his hands. "If Severus had gone anywhere but here--" his voice trailed off.

"He would be almost certainly dead, and wrongly so. Even if Mr. Snape had not been acquitted of his crimes, I would not wish such treatment on anyone. As it was, we almost lost him anyway."

"What do you mean you almost lost him anyway?"

"When the two of you were brought in, you were both an inch from death. One of the reasons we risked putting the two of you in the same room was that we knew you would both be unconscious for days and we were so very pressed for space, what with so many wounded. When Mr. Snape was brought in, despite my knowledge of his crimes, I could feel nothing but pity for him. We Healers did all we could to ease his pain and heal his broken body. When he was barely beginning his recovery, his name was cleared, and my pity turned to honest sorrow for all that he had suffered. I had thought that his name being cleared would speed his recovery, but it had no effect whatsoever. Even though he was conscious and not in immediate danger, he was slipping away from us. He barely ate, he wouldn't speak, and his magic level was not recovering at all."

"Why?" Ron asked earnestly. "Why was that so? I was as injured as he, we received the same good care, but he's always been so much worse off than I was."

"He'd completely given up, Ron," Patricia said softly. "No matter how carefully we try to heal those in our care, it's my experience that those people who no longer wish to live rarely do. They just slip away from us."

Ron could not keep the quiet tears from slipping down his face as he listened to what a near thing it was that Severus was still with him at all. Gracefully handing Ron a clean handkerchief, Patricia continued.

"I do not tell you this to make you sad, Ron. After all, Severus is still with us and he is now doing remarkably well. I only tell you this so that you might truly understand what I did next."

"And what was it that you did?"

"As I said, Mr. Snape was slipping away from us, and it nearly broke my heart. I knew there was so little the Healers of St. Mungo's could do about it. And that's when the miracle happened."

"A miracle?" Ron asked in awe, completely enthralled by the Healer's story.

"Yes, indeed. A fine miracle. You see, the kind young man who was Mr. Snape's roommate throughout all of this took pity on the broken man who shared his room. Pity soon turned to kindness and care. Because of that care, Severus Snape's condition began to improve. Soon it was improving so rapidly that we Healers were all completely astonished."

"You aren't..." Ron stammered, "I mean to say...that wasn't a miracle! That was only me!"

"There is nothing 'only' about you, Ronald Weasley. It is solely because of your kindness and your care that Severus Snape lives today. You are a fine young man, and I am proud to know you."

Staring at his hands, Ron blushed furiously. Patricia kindly gave him a moment to collect himself before continuing. "And now I must tell you why I owe you an apology. You see, Ron, you were ready to be released four weeks ago," she said, a slightly chagrinned expression creeping onto her face.

"And you didn't tell me, because you were afraid--"

"That Mr. Snape's condition would begin to once again rapidly decline if his kind young man was taken away from him. I should have consulted with you. It's against St. Mungo's policy to keep such things from our patients. But your Mr. Snape had already lost so much..."

"It's all right!" Ron hastily reassured the Healer. "I didn't want to go anyway! I was terrified today that I might be forced to leave him. Not only because I didn't want to go, but because I feared the same thing that you did. I was afraid of what would happen to him if I wasn't around to help."

"Then we appear to be of the same mind," Patricia said in obvious relief. "As I said before, you may stay as long as you wish. However, it eases my mind to know that you want to stay until Severus is ready to go as well."

"Of course I'll stay," Ron said firmly. "I...I mean he...well, he means a great deal to me."

"I know he does," she said kindly. As Ron blushed anew, Patricia was quick to reassure the embarrassed young man. "Your privacy here at St. Mungo's is carefully guarded, Mr. Weasley. But, if you would let me be so bold as to admit it, I am very happy that two fine wizards of my acquaintance have grown to care for each other."

"Thank you," Ron said softly, still blushing.

"No, Mr. Weasley. It is I who thank you. Now then," Patricia began, her tone purposefully light, "is there anything I can do to aid you? You know, you may have your wand returned to you if you so chose."

"No, no, thank you. As much of a relief it would be to have it again, I think it would be wiser to go without until Severus can have his as well. It upsets him a great deal to be without his wand, and I think that if I...well..."

"Perfectly understandable. You are not only a kind young man, I see that you're a smart one as well," Patricia said with a smile.

"Well, there's no sense looking for trouble," Ron said with a smile of his own. "There is one thing though, is there any way that you could...er...discourage Healer Ester from helping us?"

"I believe that I can assure you that you will never have to put up with Polly again. I was appalled at her lack of tact earlier in the day. We've moved her to the children's ward. Oh, the children don't like her anymore than the adult patients do, but we can't afford to let her go completely. She's a brilliant Healer, but her bedside manner leaves much to be desired."

Leaving the Healer's office, Ron took the time to visit the sixth floor shop before returning to his room. He knew that he still had a prickly wizard to deal with and he hoped the coffee he was smuggling in to Severus would help to calm the angry wizard down. Pausing at the doorway to take a fortifying breath, Ron then opened the door and went in. He was shocked to see that Severus hadn't moved in the time that Ron had been gone. Sitting at the small table, his hands clenched together on the tabletop, Severus was still staring, unseeing, down at his hands. Ron walked quietly into the room, pulled the other chair close to Severus', and sat down.

"Have you come back to pack your things?" Severus said, his voice emotionless and flat.

"No," Ron said simply. "I told you before, I'm not going anywhere. I brought you a cup of coffee." Taking Severus' clenched hands, Ron rubbed them until Severus relaxed them enough for him to slip the cup of coffee into Severus' stiff fingers. "There, love. You relax and drink your coffee."

Still not moving, Severus' only reaction was a strangled gasp that sounded almost like a sob. Ron put a hand on the upset man's back and rubbed it gently up and down. Wanting desperately to take Severus in his arms and hold him, Ron did his best not to rush things for fear that Severus would push him away.

"Ron, I reacted badly...selfishly. If you are free to go, you should not be stuck here with a battered old wizard..."

"Stuck here?" Ron yelped. "I'm not stuck here! Don't you understand? I was terrified when I thought they would make me leave! I'm exactly where I want to be. I'm exactly where I belong. With you! I couldn't bear the thought of being separated from you. I--" Abruptly aware that he may have said too much, Ron shut his mouth so fast that his teeth clicked together. Though he could stop his words, he could do nothing about the tears that were beginning to slip from his eyes.

The effect of his words on Severus was immediate. With one startled look at Ron, he abandoned the cup of coffee still locked in his hands, threw his arms around Ron, and drew the weeping wizard tight to his chest. "Ron," he murmured, "Ron, it's all right. Hush, love, don't cry." Placing a hand under Ron's chin, he gently lifted Ron's head until their eyes met. "That's exactly where I want you to be as well, with me," he said softly.

"And when we leave here?" Ron couldn't stop the words, or the worry that was apparent in his voice.

"Then we will leave here together, if that is what you wish."

"Yes," Ron whispered. "I want to stay with you."

"Then you shall," Severus said decidedly. Pulling Ron face closer, Severus kissed him gently. Though the kiss started gentle, it soon turned ravenous. Both wizards had been shaken by the events of the day. It seemed as if they would eat each other alive as they desperately kissed each other, crying out each other's names as they clung together. Soon the constricting chairs were abandoned for the relative comfort of Severus' narrow hospital bed. They stripped each other's clothes off with great speed and little finesse before they fell, tangled together, on the bed. In too much of a hurry for anything complicated, they simply pressed against each other, caressing each other frantically as they uttered whimpering moans and softly spoken words of reassurance. All too soon it was over, and the two men lay spent, still clinging tightly to each other.

After their racing hearts had quieted, Ron knew that there was still one more thing he had to say. "Severus," he said, blushing in embarrassment, "What shall we do when we leave? I...well...I haven't any money. I..."

"We'll be fine," Severus said calmly. "I have a little saved and a rather ugly old house I'd be happy to sell. It...well...it won't be grand, but we'll manage until we get things sorted."

"I don't want to be a burden to you, Severus," Ron whispered, ashamed.

Leaning over Ron so that he could look him earnestly in the eyes, Severus said firmly, "You, Ron, are not a burden. You are the man I love."

Staring in wonder at the wizard looming over him, Ron then pulled Severus down into a fierce hug. "And I love you...I love you so much," Ron murmured into Severus' ear.

"Good," Severus said simply before drawing Ron firmly into another ravenous kiss.