Lord Voldemort's Advice to Young Death Eaters

Lord Voldemort’s Advice to Young Death Eaters

Learn the "Unforgivables."

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, a sound knowledge of the so-called "Unforgivable Curses" would be it. The long-term effects of "Unforgivables" have been proved by years of testing (just look at the Longbottoms!), whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own omniscience. I will dispense this advice now. You would be wise to heed.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. You’ll have both a good deal longer if you serve me faithfully.

Don't worry about the future. We will win.

Do one thing every day that scares someone else.

Sing. My praises.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Put them in the bin specifically labeled for the purpose. They will be useful in certain spells later.

Floss. I may need to use your teeth in a spell someday, and I’ll be very disappointed if I find you haven’t taken proper care of them.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Save your energy for revenge.

Remember compliments you receive, even if they were given under the Imperius. Keep a record of the insults, even if they were leveled by someone you may never be able to kill.

Keep your old love letters. Just be sure they’re well hidden when the Aurors are investigating the deaths of your old loves.

Stretch a Muggle on the rack occasionally.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. I’ll let you know where you’ll be the most useful to me.

Get plenty of calcium. Your bones are another item I may need someday.

Maybe you'll marry; maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children; maybe you won't. I’ll let you know when I decide.

Enjoy your body. If you lose it, use every means possible to get it back. I’ve had good results with the bones of my father, the flesh of my servant and the blood of my enemy.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. But be sure you always go counter-clockwise.

Read the directions. Then burn them so no one else can ever gain your knowledge.

Do not read beauty magazines. If you need advice on your personal appearance, ask Bellatrix. Or Narcissa, if you like that type.

Get to know your parents. If you learn one of them betrayed the other, kill him and hate all of his kind forever.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to break them out of Azkaban.

Live in New York City once, but leave before the sudden increase in mysterious deaths is traced back to you. Live in Northern California once, but leave before what pass for witches out there infect you with their absurd "harm none" philosophy. Travel. It will help in any plans for world domination you may be brewing.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. I won’t.

Respect your elders. But only if they’re Death Eaters and only if they are currently in my good graces.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Just kill them and take over their house.

Don't mess too much with your hair – bald is beautiful.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but don’t be too quick to kill those who supply it. Advice is a form of immortality. Dispensing it is a way of leaving one’s mark on the future. We have more effective ways.

But trust me on the Unforgivables.