Miscommunications

Severus Snape was exasperated beyond measure. Albus's 'guest' had been at Hogwarts for only a week, and yet to Snape it felt like an eternity. But the worst of it was that Andrew showed no intention of leaving. On the contrary, he seemed to be getting more and more comfortable as the days wore on. Snape wouldn't have thought it possible, but Andrew's manner had only become more outlandish and rude. And inexplicably, Dumbledore did nothing about it.

Snape hadn't been out of the dungeons much in days, and the truth of the matter was, he felt trapped in his quarters. He didn't think he could bear catching sight of Albus with Andrew, the two walking arm and arm by the lake. Nearly the only times he ventured out of the dungeons were for meals – which were now absolutely dreadful – as Andrew was always at Dumbledore's side.

This was all slowly driving Snape insane. He needed to do something. But what could he do? This was Albus's life... his personal life. He couldn't interfere. Could he?

All right, Snape thought to himself, perhaps he could interfere, but the real question was: how? What could he do without risking upsetting Albus? If only he could get someone else to say something to Dumbledore. McGonagall perhaps. She seemed almost as incensed by this situation as he was. But she was leaving in a few hours on holiday and... Snape stopped. That was it!

Snape began frantically fishing through his desk for the end of term announcements he had received a few weeks ago from McGonagall. Finding it, he examined her writing. Perfect! Pointing his wand at the paper, he cast the Suppono charm for forging handwriting. When he put his quill to paper and began to write, the words appeared flawlessly in McGonagall's handwriting.

Now what to write? This was a dilemma indeed. Snape knew Dumbledore and McGonagall were friends, but he had little idea of how personable they were. How would she address the Headmaster in a note like this? How could he communicate what he wanted to Dumbledore and still manage to make it sound like this note was coming from the Deputy Headmistress? And of course, how to find a way to write this note without it later getting back to McGonagall that he had done so in her name?

Over two hours later, surrounded by large piles of crumpled up attempts, Snape was finishing his note. He struggled for several minutes for an appropriate way to close. He eventually realized what needed to be said in that last sentence, however horrifying. With a shiver, he forced himself to write something he never thought he would.

*************************

Dumbledore's brow crinkled in confusion as he re-read the note he had found this morning on top of his stack of mail.

Dearest Albus,

I am compelled to send you this missive on the eve of my departure on holiday as I am not comfortable discussing this delicate matter with you in person.

I cannot pretend to understand the reason for, or the dynamics of your relationship with Andrew, but I must insist that it is inappropriate for you to bring him to meals in the Great Hall. I have been struggling with my resolve not to transfigure him into a rodent over the past few days. In particular, he is very rude to poor Severus. That cooking comment about Potions, for example, was uncalled for!

I fear that at our age it is easy to be blinded by youth and not see the horrific, horrific flaws it covers. And so I advise extreme caution and due vigilance going forward in this matter.

I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Let us never speak of this.

Long live the house of Gryffindor!

Yours, Minerva

Dumbledore was completely dumbfounded by this note. It was odd to say the least. Other than the formality of it, it didn't sound very much like Minerva at all. Perhaps she was so troubled by his 'relationship' with Andrew she hadn't been thinking straight when she wrote it. 'Long live the house of Gryffindor,' Dumbledore revisited. Or perhaps, Dumbledore thought, she had been hitting the sherry a little too hard before her departure.

Annoyed that this charade seemed to be affecting everyone except the one person he had intended, Dumbledore threw the letter aside in frustration.

*************************

"That's wishful thinking, Andrew," Dumbledore said.

"I'm telling you, Uncle, he's coming to spy on us. This is beginning to look better and better for you. And since when have you been so pessimistic about anything?"

"Hmm." Dumbledore reflected on his nephew's words. He had received a note from Severus early this morning asking for an appointment in the afternoon to review his completed syllabi for the fall term as well as finalize his N.E.W.T. level enrollment. Considering that they were barely a week into the summer, this was unusual to say the least. Severus normally left these formalities to the last minute.

Snape arrived just before three in the afternoon, entering Dumbledore's rooms with some trepidation. Over the past few months, he had grown quite comfortable in these quarters, but now he felt like a stranger, intruding where he wasn't welcome.

After Andrew's arrival, Snape's first impulse had been to stay as far away from the Headmaster as possible. He had written the note in the hopes of snapping Dumbledore out of his bizarre behavior, of returning Dumbledore to himself. But it seemed to have no effect. And to Snape's great consternation, Andrew was still attending meals. Apparently, with McGonagall away, Dumbledore hadn't taken any action in regards to his note. Grumbling at his misfortune, Snape was beginning to feel that Andrew was like splinter under his fingernail, occupying his every thought and impossible to remove.

Snape had tried to stop thinking about it – the fact that Dumbledore was in a romantic relationship with that insufferable excuse for a human being. But he could not ignore the fact that this whole situation with Andrew seemed deeply wrong to him somehow. He needed more information, and so Snape had decided to come see and Albus on the pretense of discussing his syllabi. And what was more, the truth was... he missed Albus. The past week and a half had been a sudden and unwelcome change given the frequency of their dinners and teas over the past few months.

Taking the proffered seat at Dumbledore's desk, Severus winced as he caught sight of Andrew a few feet away in Dumbledore's sitting room. Despite the fact that it was the afternoon, he was still wearing a bathrobe. He had his feet on the coffee table and was slurping some beverage as loudly as humanly possible.

Catching Andrew's eye, Snape asked irately, "Do you mind?"

"Not at all," Andrew replied calmly, indicating that Severus wasn't disturbing him.

Not a little flabbergasted, Severus turned his gaze on Albus.

Dumbledore spoke at once. "Andrew, would you give us some privacy?"

"In a minute... when I'm done."

Dumbledore gave Severus a slightly defeated shrug, as if to indicate he could say no more. "Severus, I was surprised to get your note. You're getting quite a jump on things this year. We're only a week into the summer."

I've come to spy on you, Albus, Snape thought, but instead replied, "I am beginning several new research projects, and I would like to focus on them without further interruption."

"Of course," Dumbledore replied, disappointed by this all too probable explanation. "Well then, let's get down to business."

Two hours later, as Snape and Dumbledore were finishing up, Andrew descended the stairs, finally fully dressed. He spoke in an almost infantile tone. "Albus, I need new clothes. Everything I have is boring."

"Didn't you just go shopping last week?" Dumbledore asked, playing along.

"Yes, but don't you want me looking my best for you, lemon cookie?"

Dumbledore began to cough violently at Andrew's ad-libbed pet name.

Andrew turned to Snape and explained, "Albus loves it when I call him lemon cookie." Placing his hand on Dumbledore's shoulder, he said suggestively, "Don't you, Albus?"

Lemon cookie? Snape thought, utterly bewildered.

"Ah..." Dumbledore began.

Andrew cut him off. "No need to be so shy, sweetie. Anyway, back to my pitiful wardrobe. I'm really in need of new things, Albus. Especially since we're going to Australia."

Dumbledore felt his stomach jolt. He could not believe Andrew had just said that. That was definitely not in their plan. He had recently told Andrew of his subtle and unsuccessful attempt to invite Severus to join him on holiday. Dumbledore glanced over at Severus, but once again, the comment had elicited no reaction from him. His face was completely expressionless.

Snape felt like he was going to be sick. Dumbledore was going to Australia with him? With him!

"All right then, I'm off," Andrew said.

"I'll see you at dinner?" Dumbledore asked.

"Maybe," Andrew replied, not moving. He was standing next to Dumbledore, apparently waiting for something.

"Oh, sorry, Andrew," Dumbledore remembered, reaching into his desk for something. A few seconds later he was handing the young man a key, which Snape recognized at once as a Gringotts vault key.

"Thanks, Albus."

It took Snape several seconds to regain his powers of speech. Andrew was long gone before he exploded, "You're giving him your vault key! Are you mad?"

"One of my vault keys," Dumbledore corrected. "And why wouldn't I?"

"The man is a gold-digger, Albus!"

Ah, now we're getting somewhere, Dumbledore thought. Feigning offense, he asked, "Are you suggesting that the only reason someone would want me is for my money?" Nicely phrased, Albus!

Momentarily taken aback, Snape replied, "No, Headmaster, I did not mean to imply that. But he is not employed, and he is the most ill-mannered person I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. I certainly do not think it is wise to trust someone like that with your finances."

"Why does it bother you so, Severus? It's my money."

Snape opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but then thought better of it. He sighed and said simply, "Never mind."

*************************

Ever since their last encounter, Dumbledore had been contemplating the state of affairs between himself and Severus. Although it wasn't very much to go on, he was encouraged by the fact that Severus had expressed concern for him over Andrew's access to his finances. Faced with that, he couldn't help but feeling guilty that Severus's worries were, in fact, unnecessary – that this was all an elaborate farce of his creation.

And so Dumbledore had made a decision – he was going to thank Andrew for his help and tell him it was time to leave. As for what exactly he planned on telling Severus, he still did not know, but either way, this continued deception was about to end.

While preparing his tea, Dumbledore reviewed the brief note he had just completed.

Dear Severus,

I must apologize for being so unavailable of late. I confess I have missed our time together. I would very much like it if you would join me for dinner in London the night after next. Or if you prefer, we could dine in my quarters. I look forward to your reply.

Warm regards,

Albus

Dumbledore smiled as he finished perusing his note. This should do just fine. He was confident that Severus would get his message this time around.

But several minutes later, when Dumbledore informed his nephew of the change in plan, Andrew protested, voicing his doubts about this course of action.

"I'm telling you, Uncle, dinner isn't going to work. You've tried that before."

"I think I should to give it another try, Andrew. Severus did seem rather concerned about me after he thought you had access to my Gringotts account. Surely that counts for something."

"I still don't think asking him to dinner is going to change anything."

"Yes, well, maybe now that he knows I prefer men, he'll interpret the invitation differently," Dumbledore insisted.

"Hmm, I doubt it. Like I said before, the subtle approach is not likely to work with Severus. You need to try to get him angry. That's the only way he's going to break."

"I'm not trying to break him, Andrew," Dumbledore replied in exasperation. "I'm trying to date him."

"But..."

"Andrew, I'm tired of playing games. I'm sending the note as it is."

"Uncle..."

A sudden chime interrupted them. Dumbledore opened the heavy oak door to find Hagrid, his clothing torn. "Hagrid, are you all right?"

"Oh, meh... I'm fine. So sorry ter botha yer, Headmaster, but I need some help with the flesh eatin' managrots jus' came in. They're a little outta control – it's not their fault, mind yeh. Lovely creatures really, jus' misunderstood, tha's all. But I need some help gettin' 'em settled. Can yeh spare a moment of yer time?"

"Of course, Hagrid." Dumbledore turned and pointed his wand at the note on his desk and said clearly, "Deliver to Severus Snape."

In his rush out of his office and down the stairs, he failed to notice that Andrew had intercepted the note with a spell of his own. Once he was sure Dumbledore was gone, Andrew sat down, pointed his wand at the page, and said clearly, "Suppono." Moments later, he began writing another note in his uncle's handwriting.

Andrew knew this was not the most ethical thing to do, but really, his uncle was being rather naive if he thought another dinner was going to get him anywhere.

Certain that his uncle would forgive him if things turned out all right in the end, Andrew crossed his fingers and hoped for a positive outcome to the mess he was about to create.