Tear at the Darkness

Author's note: I had always planned to continue this story, even after Deathly Hallows came out. But I wasn't sure if I would continue with my own storyline, which has been laid out for some time, or follow canon. After reading DH it was obvious I had built in NO background information to support the DH story. In fact I contradict it in many places. So, even though I wasn't happy to be going in the direction of "alternate universe," I find I must. I hope the alternate ending to the Harry Potter story, and most importantly, the Snape saga, is just as enjoyable in its own unique way.

Though I've tried I've fallen

I have sunk so low

I messed up

Better I should know

So don't come round here and

Tell me I told you so

Fallen--Sarah McLachlan

Muggy night air enveloped them as soon as they were released from their Apparation. The surrounding street was silent and the houses dark. A faint electric hum of life existing under a quiet slumber was all that could be detected in that early hour of morning before people began to stir and begin their average, daily lives.

Snape and Davindra stood for a moment looking at the innocent suburbia. It was a bit hard-worn and unkempt, but the dark, thin pair immediately felt exposed and out of place.

"What are we doing here?" Davindra asked quietly, drawing her cloak more firmly around her though the heat was nearly oppressive.

"We're here because we don't have any other option," he replied blandly.

"We're left to living in the streets?" she quipped with dark humor.

"Close," he answered with equal bleakness. "Very close."

Snape began moving toward a particularly disreputable looking set of houses where he stopped at a collection of rubbish tins. Bending down he lifted one of the bins to retrieve a bit of paper fixed to the bottom of the can.

"Crude and careless, unsurprisingly," he muttered at the simple plan.

He then held the piece of paper out to Davindra. "Read it."

"Number twelve, Grimmauld Place?" she asked as she examined both front and back of the small scrap.

"Not out loud!" Snape hissed at her as he snatched the paper back. "Just remember it."

After a shabby, dark building emerged from between two existing houses, Snape and Davindra walked toward it.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Davindra again ventured.

"You'll see soon enough," Snape answered as he knocked on the door.

Immediately it opened a crack and an eye surveyed them, and then the door snapped shut only to next open widely to reveal a dark interior.

Snape quickly shoved Davindra through, then stepped in behind her. The door closed behind them, sinking them into total blackness, though it was apparent that they were not alone.

"What is your Patronus?" a voice demanded.

"A serpent," Snape answered tiredly.

"That was too easy," another familiar voice snapped. "What name did you sign in your Potions textbook?'"

"Potter, it's ME," he snapped impatiently. "Can we please desist with this stupid game?"

But it continued to stay dark and tensely silent.

"The Half-Blood Prince," Snape finally said through clenched teeth.

Finally a dim light filled the foyer. Snape found himself standing almost uncomfortably close to Remus Lupin. Behind him, Harry Potter stood glaring at the new visitors. Lurking further back in the shadows were Potter's familiars, Weasley and Granger. Mad-Eye Moody was leaning over the banister of the nearby stairs. Every pair of eyes burned into Snape with brutal distrust and accusation.

Snape lowered his hood and returned the visual confrontation. Davindra moved closer to him, obviously reading the hostile emotions that pulsated around them.

"One can never be too careful now days," Moody said casually. "It's hard to tell who's friend and who's foe."

"I do hope I need not answer any more inane questions to prove which of those I am." Snape addressed the group, though his eyes landed on Potter.

"No, Severus," Lupin finally spoke in his typical tired manner. "I think we are all still trying to comprehend the latest revelations about you. Any more would be over-whelming. Now, what was this about the Vessel?"

"Not even inviting me in for tea first?" he quipped.

"You wouldn't have even gotten in this far if it were up to me," Potter snarled quietly, but with assurance that Snape would hear him.

"We've been over this, Harry," Lupin spoke out of the corner of his mouth at the boy behind him. "You heard the message just as we all did."

"But I still don't believe it." His mean, little, green eyes narrowed angrily behind his round glasses. "I know what I saw on that tower."

'I should have known he was there somewhere under that bloody Invisibility Cloak!' "You apparently don't know anything, you insufferable hothead." Snape interjected.

Potter had started to charge through Lupin, his wand raised, when the werewolf stopped him. "Harry, let me handle this! The Vessel, Severus. Maybe you should just hand it over to us."

"Of course," he answered smoothly and nudged Davindra toward them.

She stumbled briefly before retaking her footing and realizing that she was now the center of attention. As he had seen her do many times, she only spent a second looking horrified before a resolute pride took over and she straightened her shoulders and lowered her own hood, allowing them all to see her clearly.

Potter and Lupin exchanged puzzled looks with Moody.

"Your new sidekick?" Lupin asked.

"The Vessel," Snape said with a lean, dark smirk.

More looks were passed between the Order members.

"She's the Vessel?" Potter spoke, pointing at her. "A Ravenclaw is Voldemort's secret weapon?"

"You're the "Chosen One" and you're surprised?" Snape commented glibly. "You never figured out exactly what the Vessel was, did you?"

"The closest we got was that it was part of his Horcrux plan," Moody said. "Dumbledore didn't even seem to know the whole story."

Snape gave a look of dim amusement with a slight raise of his eyebrows. "No, he did not."

"Enlighten us." Lupin made the demand while crossing his arms and narrowing his suspicious gaze.

"The Vessel isn't an object," Snape began. "It is a person, a woman specifically, who will carry the Dark Lord's heir. That heir and the mother are then used as a sacrifice for a powerful, dark spell that will grant immortality. Miss Collins was marked soon after birth as the Dark Lord's property for this purpose."

Lupin now had a look of vague horror. "When did you find out about this?"

Hiding his chagrin, Snape answered curtly, "It's actually fairly new knowledge to me and also a recent shock to Miss Collins, I'm afraid. Her grandmother made the arrangement with little awareness of the details. Madame Collins, though she was agreeing to something akin to an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, a more detailed explanation of the contract was not to her liking, and she and the Dark Lord parted ways in a most permanent manner."

"Meaning he killed her," Moody concluded in his usual blunt manner.

Snape gave a slight nod of acknowledgement. "That is how I came to be her guardian, as luck would have it."

Potter finally interjected. "How do we know that she is really the Vessel, as you say? How can we trust you?"

Snape replied with a bitter glare before he moved to Davindra and roughly turned her to face him. Moving her long cloak aside, he pulled her shirt up and the top of her trousers down to reveal the raised, dark outline of the chalice.

"Her mark," he pronounced.

Everyone seemed to lean closer for a better look until finally Davindra shook herself free and rearranged her clothing back in place. She gave her own black glare to everyone including Snape.

Snape allowed her her modesty and turned back to the group.

"Cute. Matching Dark Marks," Potter quipped.

"Harry, you're not helping," Lupin stated to the boy. "This does sound outlandish, Severus. If he has the Horcruxes, why would he do this?"

"He's the Dark Lord," Snape said. "He's smart enough to hedge his bets. Besides, he knows you've destroyed most of the Horcruxes. Whereas they would ensure him seven lives, this sacrifice would make him immortal with only one."

He was met with continued silence and unforgiving stares.

"What more do you want?" Snape gave them all an incredulous snarl. "She couples with the Dark Lord in less than three weeks. In nine months she dies. Which event do you wish to wait for before you accept the knowledge as true? I don't ask this for myself," he reminded them. "I came to you in trust with faith that the Order would protect an innocent. You should at least appreciate the fact that you will hold the Dark Lord's most prized possession."

"And we're supposed to buy this story that you're doing us and her a favor because you are the altruistic sort?" Potter again commented.

"Still not helping, Harry," Lupin said with more impatience. "You have to understand how this all sounds to us, especially coming from you, Severus. The last that was seen of you was your backside as you fled Hogwarts with a group of murderous Death Eaters. We know what Dumbledore's message said. We know it was delivered by his phoenix, and it was backed up by not only Armando Dippet but also every other portrait in his office. But it's like being told the sun is green after seeing it shine yellow for your entire life. The Order is very vulnerable and anxious right now. We can't allow a traitor in our midst."

"Severus, if they don't want us here, let's not stay," Davindra said to him with quiet resentment as she nestled against him, clutching his arm. "There's surely some place else we can go."

Little did she know of their true desperation. They wouldn't be there now if Snape thought there was any other choice for them.

"Being here not only benefits us, Miss Collins," Snape spoke to the crowd, though he addressed her. "The Order of the Phoenix would be in an advantageous position if they held the Dark Lord's secret weapon in their protection. This is something they know but are reluctant to acknowledge openly. They are playing coy, my dear."

The group exchanged more looks before Lupin finally spoke.

"Harry, it's up to you, but I'm afraid Severus is right. Not only should we be willing to protect Davindra but it would also allow us valuable access to Voldemort's plans."

Potter continued to shooting piercing stares at the pair in front of the door.

"Alright," he finally spoke. "She can stay. He goes."

Snape was about to agree--it was more than he had hoped--when Davindra latched on to him with a death grip.

"No!" she said loudly, "I'm not staying without him. If he leaves, I go with him." She now turned to Snape. "You're supposed to be my protector. How could you even think of leaving me?"

"You'll be well guarded here," Snape assured her.

"I won't stay without you." Her statement was a firm threat Snape knew better than to doubt.

He looked to Lupin who then looked to Potter.

The boy let out an annoyed hiss of breath. "I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But I won't stop you. However, I don't want to see you, hear you, or smell you," he said to Snape. "Just stay out of my way."

"Your generous hospitality is touching." Snape couldn't help but reply with a slight sneer. Before Potter could begin a new tirade of disgruntled insult, he held up his hand. "I don't particularly like it either, Potter, but it goes beyond expectation, honestly. Not to worry, I will be around very little. I still have a lot of work to do on the potions the Dark Lord requires. But I do expect the greatest respect and care be given to Miss Collins while she is under your protection."

He gave them each intense looks of threat with his last words. That was the most important message of everything he had spoken. He was not handing her over to the Order without a great deal of anxiety. The idea of not being in total control of her safety at all times was quite unnerving.

"She will be under the watch of some of the Order's most devoted and fierce members," Moody finally spoke again from his lofty perch. "I'd like to see even Voldy himself try to get in here."

"If he finds out she's here, then even a whole army of Aurors led by the Chosen One himself will be hard pressed to keep him out," Snape replied.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Davindra was reluctantly settled into a room, escorted by Hermione Granger. There were things to attend to before Snape himself could retire. It was now the weak, early morning hours, and everyone looked exhausted.

A brief update on the Order's activities, including Potter's Horcrux hunt, was quickly delivered in the kitchen around the old, familiar table. In turn, Snape spoke of the sacrifice and potions the Dark Lord requested while he drank strong, lukewarm tea.

When everyone was satisfied with the information exchange, the group dispersed. Snape waited until the kitchen cleared before he moved to make his way upstairs. Though he assumed most had suspicions about his relationship with Davindra, he didn't wish to enforce it by having anyone witness him going into her room.

But as he dragged himself up the stairs, a figure stepped from the landing and blocked his way. Too tired to even go for his wand, Snape decided to let whomever it was have the first blow and hopefully finish him off. Harry Potter simply stood in his path, gazing down on him with angry, piercing eyes and lips curled into a snarl of loathing.

Snape continued until he stood on the same landing and gave Potter an expression of bored expectance as he waited for whatever the boy felt he had to say.

"I want to know how you did it," he finally said. "I want to know how you were able to look him in the face, the man who saved you, the only one who ever believed in you, and kill him, then walk away."

Snape groaned. This was the last thing he wanted to discuss and the last person with whom he wished to converse.

"Potter, I am tired..." he tried to say.

"I want to hear it!" Potter demanded through gritted teeth. "I want to hear how a coward justifies his actions."

That particular word snapped Snape out of his blasé fatigue. He moved until his chest nearly bumped against the boy's and stared into his eyes.

"What would you have done, Potter?" he asked in a low, dangerous voice. "What if he had demanded it of you? What if he said you owed him because of all he had done for you? What if he gave you a sentimental speech about how he could trust no one else and how he had always secretly favored you? What if you had to watch him deteriorate under a deadly curse?" Snape paused and then intensified the burning stare he drilled into the boy. "What if he had begged, Potter? How would you have refused him?"

Potter's vicious glare flickered away from Snape's face. "I would have found a way. I'd have done anything but that." Though his voice was still sharp, some of the fire had gone from his delivery.

Snape stepped back and spat out an embittered chuckle. "There was no other way, you stubborn little brat. Do you think I didn't want to find some way out of it? If he and I found no way around it, there WAS no way around it. And if you think that I found one second of pleasure in what I had to do..." He stopped, suddenly not sure of where his words were leading him, only knowing he didn't wish to go there. "You're as stupid as you are naïve," he spat and pushed past the boy to continue up the stairs to the safety of the far side of a closed door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Snape took only a few hours of sleep before he slipped down to the dim cellar of the house in search of a quiet place to continue his brewing. Further pondering on the potions' ingredients revealed more ways to twist the ingredient levels and combinations to create something subversively destructive to the Dark Lord's powers. In his mind he also ran through the many ways he could protect Davindra during her service. Everything from an Imperius Curse to little known contraceptive potions were considered. One thing was certain; she needed to be better versed in Occlumency. It was the only way to protect any of them.

When Davindra finally woke, Snape immediately set about testing her Occlumency skills, which were better than he had suspected. She admitted that she had begun using the basics when she suspected her grandmother of a dark alliance and also when she felt Snape becoming too involved in her social life. The news was unsurprising, but still elicited a raised eyebrow and contemplative "hmm" from him. Unable to totally relinquish the teaching skills so ingrained in him, Snape assigned her exercises to practice to better train her mind.

'If Potter had been a fraction as focused and well trained, we might not even be in this mess,' Snape couldn't help but think. There was no justice in who was "chosen" and who was ignored in this world.

Soon Snape was called to the Dark Lord's side. Expecting to answer many questions about Davindra's whereabouts, he shielded his mind from all visions of the headquarters and of the Order's involvement. But the sinister wizard was disinterested. He took the news that Snape had been forced to move the Vessel's location because of Ministry advancement with hardly more than a dismissive nod.

"I trust she is currently being guarded and protected? And all is going well with the preparations for the coupling?" he had asked.

"Of course, my lord," Snape replied, anticipating more explanation. But he was cut short with orders for another raid and troop organization. An Imperiused Ministry official was beginning to become unhinged, and it was important for someone to clear his mind and set a new curse or dispose of him. And there was still the issue of finding Potter and stopping him before he destroyed the last Horcrux.

It was almost two days later when Snape was finally allowed to leave the dark ranks and return to Grimmauld Place. He was exhausted from physical work, extensive use of difficult magic, lack of food and sleep, and also worry.

After midnight when he crept into the house, Snape quietly made his way upstairs to find Davindra asleep in her bed, but with a lamp still burning and a book in her lap. She had attempted to wait up for him again. Relief at seeing her safe and peacefully resting made the tension melt from his body, and he knew he wasn't far from total collapse.

Silently he undressed and extinguished the light, then attempted to crawl into bed without waking her. But the moment his body touched the bed, he felt himself tackled to the mattress.

"Severus!" she cried as she crushed him in a fierce hug. "Where have you been? What have you been doing? I thought you were dead. I thought you were never coming back."

Kisses were plastered over his face and mouth before he could even reply to any of her questions, his already aching body further abused by her exuberant affections.

"Davindra," he managed between smothering administrations. "I'm fine. But you know what the Dark Lord expects. He had many tasks for me, and it wasn't quite feasible to send an owl to update you on my activities."

Finally she rested against him, still firmly clutching him, but with faint sniffles against his ear.

"For two days I didn't know what happened to you. And everyone around here was so unconcerned." Her voice was muffled and stuffy sounding. "I asked that someone go find you and that nutter Moody actually laughed at me. He said you could take care of yourself."

"I'm not at all surprised at the lack of interest," Snape uttered as he moved to pull a blanket over them both. "But he is right. I can take care of myself, and IF something had happened to me, Davindra, then doing nothing at all would be the appropriate action. The Order is supposed to have no knowledge of my location and activities, nor me it."

"But what about me?" she asked. He knew she raised up to look at him. He could see her faint outline in the almost totally dark room. "What would happen to me?"

"The Order would know how to hide you and keep you safe."

"No," she said softly but with insistent sadness. "How could you expect me to live without you? How could I bear to go on if something happened to you?"

Snape sighed but pulled her back to him. A strange mix of irritation at her skewed priorities and flattered happiness tugged at him, making it impossible to decide if he should scold her or simply hold her tightly.

"You would be fine because it would be the only choice you have," he said quietly, not wishing to discuss such a complex topic when he had so little intellectual energy. "It's very late, Davindra. We should sleep."

"I don't want to sleep. I haven't seen you in two days. I'm afraid if I close my eyes, you'll go away again," she said as she gently kissed his ear and neck.

Her hand slid up and down his body in a feathery caress. And despite his exhaustion, he felt himself respond to it. He too had missed her touch and the comfort of having her close, not to mention the company of someone who didn't loathe him or simply need his service.

When her kisses traveled to his lips and her fingers began a seductive descent, he stopped her.

"Davindra, we can't. The fertility potion. It's possible that the estimates are off. You could be fertile right now, and it would be both of our heads if you showed up at the Dark Lord's feet already impregnated."

"Oh, Severus, I don't care," she moaned against the hollow of his throat. "Just do something to me, anything. I just want to feel you."

He could think of twenty different things that would fulfill every need between them. And though he knew it was a dangerous venture, he found himself wanting to lose himself in raw physical sensation as much as she. Before he could protest further, she had begun a very persuasive demonstration, and he had nothing more to debate. Indeed, many things can quench desire, but Snape still found himself missing the intimacy of being inside her. It took great restraint to not throw caution to the wind and indulge. Later as he lay next to her, listening to her slumbering, easy breaths, he felt himself beginning to fall into a deeply relaxed state. Flickering worries of the Dark Lord and the looming coupling edged about his consciousness but nothing stuck. Soon he mercifully slipped into a deep sleep, his hand still wrapped about Davindra's waist and one leg pinning hers to the bed. She wouldn't so much as move without him knowing.

As soon as he saw daylight peaking around the edges of the shabby draperies, he was unable to sleep anymore. Snape untangled himself from the sheets, leaving Davindra sprawled over her usual three-fourths of the bed. It was later than he thought. He dressed and headed downstairs in hopes of a quiet cup of tea.

As he reached out to push his way through the kitchen door, the sound of quiet voices stopped him. He paused with his ear to the door to ascertain whom his morning company would be and if he could tolerate them.

"It's fine, I mean, I don't really have any problem with her being here," Potter was saying in a hushed but clearly frustrated voice. "And I've been damn thankful he's been gone so much. But I still can't stand the sight of that greasy bastard. I know Sirius would never have allowed it. Nothing anyone could have said about noble gestures and mercy killings would have changed his mind. I feel guilty about even having agreed to it."

"It was the right decision, Harry," the voice of Hermione Granger spoke. "Even if Sirius didn't like Snape, he would have believed that this was the right thing to do. Besides, he tolerated Snape coming here when they were all in the Order."

"But he didn't like it," Potter reminded her.

"What I don't get is how she can stand him." Ron Weasley was also in the mix. "They've been together for a couple years now. Remember when we saw them by the lake?"

A sound of disgust came from what had to be Potter.

"Well, I don't know," Granger spoke again. "He might be the sort some women would go for. Dark, mysterious, and he IS brilliant."

There was a heavy silence in which Snape imagined her getting stares of horror and revulsion.

"I didn't say that it was MY type," she added in a nervous, hurried voice. "Just that some women might like it."

Taking the smirk off his face, Snape decided to disrupt the debate by pushing his way through the door. The threesome turned in unison, looking only slightly guilty. No one spoke as Snape found a mug and poured himself tea.

"Still alive, are you?" Potter commented bleakly.

"For now. Sorry to disappoint you," Snape replied. "Begging the Chosen One's pardon, but would it be alright to at least have breakfast in his presence?" he asked flippantly.

"We aren't going to have to watch you swallow whole rabbits or bite the head off a live chickens, are we?" Potter asked.

"Not this morning," Snape answered smoothly as he sat at the far end of the table.

At that moment Davindra ambled into the kitchen, yawning and looking hardly awake.

"Good morning, everyone. Severus, have you been up long?" she asked.

"Not long," he replied. Then with a mischievous smirk, he said, "Well, here is the one person to answer your question, Weasley. Go ahead and ask her."

The ginger-haired ape looked at him dumbly. "What?"

"You were wondering how Miss Collins could stand my company," he reiterated calmly. "Now is your chance to find out."

He gave a slightly panicked look to his friends. "Well, I wasn't... That wasn't meant... It was sort of rhetorical, in a way."

"What's this?" Davindra asked, still sounding sleepy as she sat down next to Snape and cradled her mug of tea.

"Mr. Weasley here was wondering how it was that you have managed to tolerate such an intimate relationship with someone so thoroughly repellant as I," he informed her with great pleasure at everyone else's discomfort.

"That wasn't what I said exactly," the boy muttered sheepishly.

"Though Miss Granger suspects it is my dark, mysterious, and brilliant mind that lured you in." This time the girl blushed eight shades of pink before she buried her face in her cup.

"Oh," Davindra finally seemed to understand and put on a very serious face to address the trio. "Oh, well, I suppose there were many things that drew me to Severus. Yes, he is extremely intelligent and talented. And I do suppose there is something appealing about his dark manner and secretive ways."

She turned to look at him as though searching for reminders of why she began her devotion to him seven years prior.

"But I think it must have been his strength and intensity. I just knew that there wasn't anything he couldn't do. And I always knew he'd look after me. Nothing could harm me if he was there. I'd always be safe."

She looked at him with the same devotion and adoration she reserved for the intimate moments between them. Snape returned a slight smile at her sentimental, silly prose then looked up and found Potter looking ill, Weasley looking confused, and Granger looking wistful.

Davindra also seemed to shake herself free of the enchantment of old memories and displayed an impish grin as she wrapped her arms about his shoulders.

Resting her chin against him, she gave a sly look to the group and said, "And he's a wickedly, fierce shag."

"Really?" a weak inquiry came from Granger who sat looking at them with flushed, wide-eyed curiosity, her tea half raised to her lips.

Potter groaned and dropped his own mug to the table. "Oh, God," he moaned, "I can't listen to this." And he left the room hastily.

"Curious, are you now, Granger?" Snape asked with a lascivious twitch of his eyebrow over his own raised cup.

"No, she isn't!" a red-faced Weasley answered for her. Granger ignored the accusatory stare of her jealous companion and went back to her undoubtedly cold tea.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When not commanded to the Dark Lord's side, Snape continued to seal himself in the cellar and work. He brewed batch after batch of fertility potions for the malevolent lord and experimented with levels of toxins, poisons, and other harmless elements in order to find a way to secretly slip in something that would not only render him sterile, but magically weak.

He only wished he had someone to test it on. Desperation even made him consider someone in the house, but he knew their power was too valuable. And a house-elf would give unreliable and unpredictable results, though Snape found himself enjoying the idea of poisoning the surly little rodent. It was going to have to be a one shot at success or crushing failure.

The residents and visitors of Grimmauld Place continued to eye him suspiciously. There was little camaraderie left of the old days of the Order. Everyone seemed too worn, worried, and guarded to enjoy anyone else's company. But Snape found he liked the solitude it gave him, though it seemed to drive Davindra to near madness.

She was unable to leave the house and would often complain of feeling the old, dusty walls closing in on her. All it would take was a reminder that her next experience of fresh air would be to see the Dark Lord, to quiet her. Her mood would then become silently grim.

The only person eager to seek out Snape's company was Hermione Granger. After Davindra's revelations in the kitchen, the girl seemed to view him in a new light. He would often find her looking at him in a curious way as he read or ate. He would stop and give her a determined stare that would force her to look away. On one occasion, when he was feeling particularly cruel, he gave her a raised eyebrow and a leisurely head to toe leer that made her blush and nearly run from the room. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself. The idea that Potter's best friend might harbor a crush on the person he hated only slightly less than the Dark Lord himself was quite amusing.

The ultimate annoyance was when she sheepishly offered to help him with whatever he was working so tediously on in the cellar. She reminded him of her continual high marks and E in her Potions O.W.L. and of her dedication to do anything needed to bring about the Dark Lord's downfall. Turning to give her a cutting glare, Snape firmly instructed her to keep a wide berth of him and to take her cloying, goggle-eyed affections back to Weasley if she truly wanted to be of assistance to the cause. She reddened but managed to give him a vengeful look before she snipped that she had only been trying to help and perhaps he really was as foul a git as everyone attested. It seemed to do the trick because she stopped speaking to him, though the occasional assessing stare was felt whenever his back was turned.

Potter took to being gone quite often himself in his Horcrux search, coming back after days gone only to be angry and disassociative with everyone. Only a week before the coupling, the boy was planning to set off to destroy the Horcrux that rested within the Dark Lord's most prized companion, the snake, Nagini. A much too complicated and tenuous plan had been laid out to allow Potter access to the snake. Snape overhead the dialogue between members of the Order and saw the inaccurate sketches of the old orphanage. Finally he had to speak up.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, there IS no access to the property from the street, and the Anti-Apparation Jinx extends to surrounding blocks," he snapped. "However, you haven't thought of the old coal tunnels and neither has the Dark Lord. They would be the only way in and out without detection."

Everyone looked at him dumbly.

"Why didn't you tell us this sooner?" Potter demanded.

"I wasn't asked," Snape uttered smoothly.

The boy let out an irritated sigh. "Are you on our side or not?" he asked with an impatient look.

"I do grow so weary of that question," Snape reminded him in a dangerous voice.

"And I grow tired of questioning you. Either get out or help us and don't wait for an engraved invitation first."

For a moment everyone remained silent as the two drilled each other with challenging stares. Finally Snape relented and took the map to correct the erroneous misconceptions about the fortress.

It was arranged that Snape could help him get in and perhaps even create a diversion to allow the boy extra time, but finishing the job and getting out was all up to the Chosen One's own skills, limited as they were.

Snape couldn't help but wonder why Potter wouldn't consider confronting the Dark Lord then when he was so close. It would save them all a lot of trouble. But Snape figured that either the boy must not be ready to face his own immortality or he simply wasn't aware of the Horcrux that Dumbledore had always believed lay within him. Snape started to say something, but a dark look from Lupin stopped him.

They readied themselves to leave. Snape and Potter were the only ones to go in, but a small army of Order members would be spread around the far parameter of the orphanage grounds at the ready.

"I should go with you," Davindra was saying as Snape tucked a few extra Blood-Replenishing Potions in his pockets.

"Don't be ridiculous. What could you do?"

"No less than I can do here simply waiting and going mad with worry."

Snape took her shoulders in a firm grip. "I need you to be here so I can concentrate on what I have to do," he spoke strongly, looking into her eyes. "If you were out there, I'd never be able to stop thinking about the danger you are in."

He had started to turn away when she grabbed him and threw herself into his arms, hugging him in a fierce hold while, to his horror, others watched the emotional display.

"Come back to me," she said in a choked voice.

Snape pulled away, but gave her an intense look that hopefully spoke everything he could not. Thankfully everyone else made themselves appeared too involved with their own preparations and departing instructions to comment.

Getting in was easier than expected. So much so that it almost worried Snape. He paced the dark corners of the orphanage hoping that Potter was successful. A loud commotion finally told him he was. The echoing shriek of the Dark Lord finding his beloved pet dead ricocheted through the old building. Numerous footsteps ran toward the sound. Most on their way to assist their master, Snape in a hurried search for the boy. On his way down a dark hall, he nearly tripped over something. When he stopped to look, he saw nothing but knew exactly what it was. Reaching down he felt about until he found the arm of Harry Potter under the Invisibility Cloak.

The form was not easily moved, and Snape hoped he hadn't crawled under the cloak and died.

"Come on, MOVE!" he hissed and the form finally complied.

Approaching Death Eaters surprised them both. Pushing the invisible boy against the wall behind him, Snape addressed the group commandingly.

"It had to be Potter and the Order!" he barked. "Check all the entrances, leave nothing unguarded. Find that boy and the Dark Lord will be very pleased. Come back empty handed and he most certainly will not be."

The men seemed to nearly fall over themselves to scatter in all directions. But once they were gone, Snape continued to drag the weakening form toward the old coal tunnels. Once inside he Apparated them back to the headquarters. Only then did he pull the cloak from the boy to reveal a dangerous snakebite to his upper arm and Potter on the verge of unconsciousness.

The returning troops gasped in horror at the boy's condition. Everyone began talking at once. Lupin wanted time-wasting details. Granger shouted ideas for antidotes. But Snape ordered them off and took Potter into a quiet sitting room to began a regiment of potions and healing incantations to purge the wound of its poison and heal the savagely ripped flesh.

Someone handed him a bottle of Murtlap and he took it without looking. It wasn't until Potter was cleaned, detoxified, and resting that Snape looked up and saw Davindra. She looked tired yet relieved.

He didn't want to talk and thankfully she asked no questions. He sat himself in a chair and closed his eyes in hope of recovering some bit of strength.

"I have to go," he said wearily as her cool hands settled upon his face.

"Don't," was all she responded.

"I have to. The Dark Lord will want to know why Potter got away, and he will be looking for someone to blame."

"It shouldn't be you," she said.

"Nothing is as it should be." He pulled himself from the chair and checked the boy's progress once again. "Make sure he stays put, and when he wakes, give him another Blood-Replenishing Potion and anti-venom elixir," he instructed her.

He left before she could beg more of him. He couldn't bear another emotional departure. The only way he could go at all was if he didn't think about the possibilities of not returning. The less she reminded him of the chances, the better. After speaking with the anxious group of Lupin, Moody, Tonks, Weasley, and Granger and assuring them that Potter would recover if just given time, Snape again left Grimmauld Place to fall at his master's feet in subjugation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Late the next day he returned, no worse for his hours of listening to the Dark Lord howl and rage against the absurd stupidity that had allowed the Order into his private lair and his prime nemesis to slip in and out unnoticed. The mad tyrant blamed everyone. Punishment was doled out in plentiful bursts to all within reach. But none suffered the lion's share of blame, and mercifully and miraculously, no one died.

The first thing that Snape did after coming through the door was check on Potter, who was still resting with Davindra coiled in a nearby armchair asleep. After ascertaining that all was well with the patient, Snape next looked to find Davindra awake and regarding him warmly.

"Back again?" she asked softly with a smile.

"It appears," he replied. He then motioned for her to follow him out to the hall.

"He woke a few times and asked a lot of questions. He asked about you. Remus and Mad Eye came in and talked to him a bit. But he took his potions," she said as they stood together near the stairs. "I think most are still asleep or on rounds. But if you're hungry, I could fix you something."

"I'm not."

"Well, then let's just get you up to bed."

"Later," he said with a sharp edge that came from jangled nerves and exhaustion. "I have too much to do now."

"I know you're tired. I don't know why you fight sleeping so much," Davindra said to him in gentle critique.

"Davindra, there is too much to do," he again said with impatience. "Besides, if you had my nightmares, you'd know why I don't relish sleep."

"I know about nightmares. But I just want to enjoy having you close," she said, moving to him and encircling his waist with her arms. "I miss you when you're gone. I worry about you. I fear every time you leave that you won't come back. Every second that you're here I just want to hold you and never let you go."

He gave a soft snort that didn't sound at all convincing in its cynicism. Taking her face in his hands, he looked into her wide, pale eyes.

"I do appreciate your concern, but it would be far better spent contemplating your own safety. Have you been practicing any of the Occlumency exercises I taught you? What about the vitality potions? Have you taken them on schedule?"

"Yes, yes," she said with annoyance moving his hands and wrapping them around her. "But I would be much happier and much safer if you were simply HERE more."

"If I could, I would be," he replied softly as her body melted against him. "You know I leave you in others' hands reluctantly. But there is no other choice. I like it far less than you."

Her head came to rest on his shoulder, and suddenly a relaxing sensation gave tepid hope that sleep might soon be a blissful reality to him. They squeezed each other gently and her tender sigh of contentment further beckoned him to succumb to his exhaustion. For a moment he closed his eyes and allowed himself to briefly sample the luxurious sensation of rest.

"Go on up to bed," he finally said. "I'll be up very soon. I promise," he added when she gave him a hopeful yet skeptical look.

Her smile said she wanted to believe him, but he knew she'd be waiting impatiently. A soft kiss ensured that Snape would keep to his word, then he watched her go.

As he turned to go to the kitchen, Snape caught sight of Harry Potter leaning against the door of the sitting room. He looked pale but seemed strong enough to at least stand on his own.

"Not even bothering with your Invisibility Cloak anymore for spying, Potter?" Snape asked.

For a second the boy said nothing but stared in a contemplative way.

"I can't believe it. You actually DO care about her," he finally said. There was more than surprise in his voice. It almost verged on awe. "I didn't think you even knew how to care about anyone or anything other than yourself."

Snape rolled his eyes only slightly. "Once again, your keen and cunning skills of perception have failed you. And you should not be up wandering around. There is still poison coursing through your veins. The antidotes need more time to work."

He attempted to move Potter back into the sitting room, but the boy stayed put.

"What, you're going to deny that you have feelings for her? I saw you just now. It was almost touching, though a bit nauseating."

Snape stopped and gave him a dark glare. "You know nothing of me and my motivations or my emotions, Potter," he said as he turned to address the boy. "Don't assume that if you witness thirty seconds of my life that you have any better understanding of me than you did after spending 6 years as my student. You might recall your snap judgment on the Astronomy Tower was fatally mistaken also."

"I wasn't the only one who thought the obvious," he replied hotly.

"You were the only one who saw it all."

"I saw you use the Killing Curse on a defenseless man. What would anyone think of that?"

Snape gave Potter a flat, level look, keeping all emotion out of his face, though he did understand how that visual on top of his previous actions could be judged.

"Just stay out of my personal life, what little I have. Go back to bed, Potter" he said, then turned away to follow Davindra's steps upstairs.

"Snape," Potter called. When the retreating man didn't stop, he called his name again with more demand.

Snape finally stopped on the stairs and whipped about with an infuriated look.

"Listen, um... Thank you for everything you did last night. Looks like once again I owe you my life." There was grim regard to the statement, and the boy looked none to pleased to say it.

The admission surprised Snape, who did his best to mask his reaction behind a stoic glare from between lank curtains of dull, black hair. He simply gave Potter a bare nod of acknowledgement, then returned to scaling the narrow stairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was down to days now. Days before Davindra was to go off to the Dark Lord for the fated coupling. Everyone seemed edgy and irritable. Davindra became more quiet and reclusive. Snape longed to talk to her to ease some of her worry, but he felt lost when it came to words. He found that all he could do was dispense potions, callous instructions, and stern lectures. Feeling inadequate and frustrated at his social shortcomings that proved him completely unable to soothe her, Snape found he sometimes avoided her. For seeing her cry or stare vacantly into space and know she was pondering what she had to do was too heartwrenching for him.

In comparison, seeing the Dark Lord in an almost joyous mood over the impending fulfillment of the sacrifice was chilling. In his master's presence, Snape had to force jovial congratulations and reassurances, though he felt physically ill afterward when he let the guard down from his mind and allowed the horror of what was to happen become vivid.

At night he would lie next to her for a few hours at a time. Neither would speak and neither would sleep. Eventually Snape would no longer be able to stand the grueling tension and get up to go back to his restless pacing in the cellar and continued assessment of the final potions for the sacrificial coupling. As it stood, the minor alterations to the Dark Lord's original sketchy notes on the process had gone un-noticed by him thus far. The best Snape could hope for from his efforts were a slight decrease in the evil wizard's magical strength and a hindrance to reproductive ability. He prayed to whomever considered themselves the highest of deities that it would be enough.

Eventually, the only comfort came from drinking. In those hours when he couldn't sleep and could no longer bear to think, he would drown his misery in Firewhiskey and solitude. He felt so useless and futile. After all the years of watching her and ensuring that no harm came to her, she was now out of his reach. Snape turned over old memories in his mind. He remembered healing the wounds on her hands after a tumble in the mud thanks to Draco Malfoy as he told her how to best avoid being the target of cruel pranks. He recalled all the times that his tutoring resulted in her excelling beyond even his expectations. Holding her against him as they hid in the library from the basilisk gave him a rush of valiant protectiveness that he had never been able to shake since. She was his drug. His only joy in life came from knowing she existed for him and because of him. Now it seemed she might die for the same reasons. He couldn't endure the injustice and the frustration.

Snape sat at the kitchen table nursing his third glass of Firewhiskey. It kept him warm when the fire burned down to glowing embers and the kitchen grew dark.

Lost in his own thoughts about the coming event and careful examination of his own self-loathing, the sound of the door opening and footsteps didn't register until after Lupin had taken the seat across from him.

In his hand he had a glass into which he poured a small amount of the drink. For a while he said nothing and both men just stared into their drinks. If Snape had to suffer company at this time, this was the best way to do it.

"Need I even say 'a knut for your thoughts?'" Lupin finally said.

Snape only gave him a dark glance for an answer.

"You're not the only one worried about her," Lupin continued in a quiet and annoyingly soothing voice.

This time Snape snorted in disgust.

"I know how you must feel. With the way things are, this isn't the best time to care about someone else." It seemed the werewolf wasn't taking the hint that Snape didn't want to talk. "Tonks and I..."

"Lupin," Snape interrupted, "I REALLY don't want to hear about your love life right now, and I can assure you that you know nothing about what I'm going through."

"Fair enough," he replied, taking a drink. "Why don't you tell me?"

"It never occurred to you that I was drinking alone in the dark for a reason?"

"Yes, it's because you feel miserable, depressed, and worried. But that's rarely the best time to be alone."

"It's always worked for me so far."

"Has it?"

Again, Snape gave him a look of warning.

"This isn't your fault."

Now Snape stared at him in abject insult. "Isn't it?" he snapped. "I am responsible for her. I have been since she was eleven. It was my job to protect her then; it's my job to protect her now. I should have known something like this was afoot years ago. But I was blind." Snape took a drink and murmured into his glass, "to many things. I'm useless to her now. I can't get myself out of this situation. How could I possibly get her out?"

There was a dense silence as each man contemplated this last statement. They drank and stared at the dark.

"What do I do?" Snape asked, his tongue beginning to thicken from the drink and his lips beginning to loosen about the hundreds of horrible things whirling about his imagination. "What do I do if this doesn't work? What do I do if he figures it out and kills her? He'll come for me then. And I won't care if he does. You're so full of wise words and wisdom, Lupin. What do I do then?"

Lupin sighed. "I don't know, old man. I honestly don't know."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The day of the coupling dawned in a vague, unremarkable way. The house seemed quiet and few people were around to herald its coming. Davindra didn't emerge from her room until near noon. Snape knew he would have to leave soon to meet with the Dark Lord, but he wished for a moment to speak to her, and even more, he wished for the right words to say. She stood staring out a window in the dim, dank, old library. Snape knew she heard him enter and was aware of him standing behind her, though she didn't so much as blink in acknowledgement.

Swallowing every bit of stoic pride he possessed, Snape wrapped his arms around her. Gently against her ear, he spoke, "If I could take Polyjuice and go in your place, I would."

"I'd never let you," she replied dully.

"I lied to you. I told you that it wasn't your soul or your heart that you were giving over to the Dark Lord, that it was only your body. But I know how your heart and soul are suffering. So it may as well be all of you. I'm sorry for that."

Her arms wrapped about his own. "There isn't any need for apologies now, Severus. You've done all you can."

"It's not enough." His voice sounded hollow and choked. "I have to go. I'll be back to escort you tonight. Try to stay calm, focus on emptying your mind. Take the sedative draught. Do everything you can to keep yourself relaxed. He'll know if you're afraid."

Snape pulled away and turned her to look at him. But again words vanished from his mouth before he could speak them. Her pale eyes pleaded with him for something he did not possess. Perhaps she wanted assurance. Perhaps she wanted to hear that he loved her. He could say none of it. So he left her and was almost thankful for the reprieve.

The Dark Lord was in a celebratory mood. It sickened Snape. But he joined in the enthusiastic plans and administered the last of the fertility draughts. The Dark Lord hungrily drank the potion and threw the bottle against the fireplace, cackling as it shattered into a hundred shards. He paced about the room and raved of his unlimited powers. He spoke of grandiose plans for luring out Harry Potter and destroying him slowly and painfully. It was the deranged ranting of a mad man. It gave Snape a sliver of hope that the traces of poisons had begun to take effect and unhinge the wizard's depraved mind. When night finally became as dark as pitch, the Dark Lord commanded Snape to bring Davindra to him. He bowed deeply and left the orphanage.

Inside Grimmauld Place he found them all waiting for him, gathered around Davindra like a human wall of protection. Their accusatory gazes cutting him down further than he already knew himself to be. But she disentangled herself from them and walked to him.

"I'm ready," she said calmly, looking steadily into his eyes.

Snape raised the hood on her cloak to cover her head and started to go.

"Snape, are you sure this will work?" Potter came forward with a worried furrow to his brow. His arm was still bandaged from the snakebite and he still looked pale. But his stubborn determination to question Snape at every turn had not abated.

"No, Potter," Snape replied. "I am not at all sure. But it's the best we've got. Once he's weakened, then it will be your charge to answer."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Snape wasn't allowed to present Davindra to the Dark Lord himself. She was to be left in a room alone and Snape was to leave, only to return when summoned. It was time for him to surrender her and he found he couldn't do it. His breath came short and his heart pounded wildly. He grabbed her shoulders too roughly as he gave her the last few instructions.

"Remember to keep your mind empty and calm. And remember the incantations," he found himself babbling hurriedly. "It shouldn't take long."

She trembled under his hands and looked at him with desperate fear. Her lips quivered with tightly constrained sobs. He longed to kiss them away, but he didn't dare. Instead he gripped her face in his hands.

"Come back to me," he said in a whispered yet forceful voice.

She nodded, her beautiful face shockingly pale and haunted looking. Snape tore himself from her and forced himself to walk calmly from the orphanage. He didn't Apparate directly to Grimmauld Place. Instead he took himself to the jagged cliffs near Payne Hollow and screamed into the raging wind until his voice was nearly gone.

Silence met him back at Order headquarters, though everyone seemed to be present. No one wished to speak. Instead they all paced about the house in respectively claimed spaces. Every once in a while someone would ask how long it had been. Someone would answer.

Snape wished to soak every fiber of his body with alcohol or something stronger but didn't want to turn into a stumbling drunk in front of everyone. Besides, he might need his sharp wits yet that night. A thud on the porch sometime after midnight brought them all into the foyer. Without even doing the usual precautionary checks, Potter wrenched the door open to have Davindra stumble in and fall into him. Snape immediately reached for her but somehow found Lupin there first.

They guided her into the sitting room and put her on a small settee. She sat on her own but still looked pale with shock, her eyes dilated to fathomless black pools edged in murky green. Snape hung back and let Lupin continue with her. He was caught between the astonishment of her being alive and the cold dread of hearing what she had to go through. It froze him in his spot and made him unable to even approach her and express his relief and fear. Everyone situated themselves in the room to hear the tale, Potter, Weasley, Granger, Tonks, and Moody. Snape wanted to scream at them to get out and stop staring as though she were the evening's entertainment.

"Davindra," Lupin asked in a firm, but kind voice. "What happened?"

It took a while, but eventually her eyes seemed to slowly focus on the man before her.

"Davindra, what happened?" he asked again. "Are you alright?"

She nodded slowly. "He kept me waiting, but he finally came," she began in a very soft, slow voice. "He told me to remove my..." She seemed pained to speak the intimate words. "...my under things and lie down. I did what he said. And I tried so hard to keep my mind clear and open. I couldn't see what he was doing. I was just staring at the ceiling. He took so long. I began to think he forgot about me. But then he came to me and held his wand over me and said some incantations. I don't know what it was, but I felt warm inside. I was too scared to move so I just lay there. I tried to think of the protective incantations, but I couldn't remember the words at first."

Davindra stopped talking and seemed to drift off into her own head.

"What happened next?" Lupin prodded.

Snape moved closer in order to hear what was surely the worst part. His hands clinched and unclenched behind his back.

A vague, funny smile began at her mouth. "I just kept waiting," she started again. "Finally, I could feel something going on, but it wasn't right." A little laugh escaped her. "He couldn't... you know... it wasn't... hard. And he kept muttering things and trying again and it wasn't working." She started to laugh more. "And I kept thinking, 'this is ridiculous.' And I must have laughed or something."

"Oh, God, Davindra, you didn't," Lupin moaned, letting his head fall into his hand.

Snape hissed out a sharp breath. No man liked to be mocked for his inadequacies, especially in the bedroom. He imagined the Dark Lord liked it no less. Snape also cursed himself for not anticipating the mix of aconite and valerian could cause a problem.

Almost unable to speak through her growing laughter she said, "I didn't mean to, I think I was just relieved. But then he got really angry." Now nearly hysterical and breathless she was almost doubled over.

"What did he do?" Lupin demanded. "Davindra! What did he do?"

Struggling to take in enough breath to speak, she finally spat out, "Cru... Cru... Crucio. Th... Then he suddenly was hard as a rock and... and..." Tears were running down her red face as she could no longer speak through the loud screams of laughter.

Snape strode forward and slapped Davindra with strength powered by rage and disgust. The loud smack stunned her into sudden silence in which she looked at him with wide eyes. Everyone in the room seemed to flinch then hold their breath. Finally she wilted into real tears and sobs.

"Leave us. Everyone," Snape commanded in a bitter voice still ragged from his cliff top fury.

The group seemed eager to escape the uncomfortable scene and began moving out with no further request. Snape sat next to Davindra and took her into his arms. She grabbed on to him like a drowning person struggling to stay afloat and cried loudly against his coat.

Potter closed the door behind him as he left, but not before he took a long look at Snape, as though trying to catch another glimpse of Snape's normally hidden emotions. When the sound of the latch catching was heard, Snape began to stroke her hair and murmur some vague words of comfort.

"It's over now. You're back here with me. You don't have to worry anymore," he crooned in a low voice. "You'll take the contraceptive potion and you won't have to think about it again."

"I'll never s-s-stop th-thinking about it," she sobbed in a muffled voice against his shoulder. "His eyes as he looked at me. Oh, it was awful, Severus."

Before he could comment further, the Dark Mark on his arm screamed its calling with a searing pain. Snape couldn't keep from flinching.

"I have to go now," he said calmly.

Davindra looked at him with horror. "No! No, don't go! He'll kill you. It's because of me." She clung to him even tighter.

It took a fair amount of strength to pry her arms from around him. "He will kill me if I don't go. It could be that he only wants to confer about the potions," he lied. They both knew the chances of Snape being called to answer the Dark Lord's rage where high.

Still she tried to reach for him, to stop him from going. "Please, don't leave me again," she pleaded and cried harder.

It tore him to shreds to see her beg, her hand stretched out like a lost child seeking comfort. He took the hand in his and held it to his heart.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. In the meantime you have to rest and take your potions. It's imperative that you follow my orders." His words were firm and commanding and deceptive of his true, panicked emotions.

Quickly he turned and walked from the room, easing his torment by not looking back despite the urge within him.

Outside the door he bellowed for Lupin, who came quickly down the hall from the kitchen.

"I've been summoned," Snape stated as he drew on his cloak. "Make sure she gets her potions and make sure she rests. She's still very traumatized. You should probably put a Dreamless Sleep down her too."

"She won't rest as long as you're not here," Lupin said, his eyes darting to the closed door.

"Then double the draught," he snapped. "Just keep her calm. I'll be back as soon as I'm able. If I don't come back, get her out of here and somewhere safe."

Lupin's hand on his arm stopped Snape's exit.

"Make sure you come back. I don't think any of us are prepared to deal with the consequences if you don't." The werewolf's gaze was a steady bead meant to imply many things.

A brief smirk tipped the corner of Snape's mouth, and he gave a very slight nod of acknowledgement.

"I can handle everyone else's sentiments but yours, Lupin," he replied. "And you'll do what you have to if the situation demands. You are nothing if not predictably noble."

He left the relatively safe confines of Grimmauld Place and flung himself into the night to answer his master's call.