Chapter 2

And so I kept living as a goat among the other goats in the Dumbledore stable, always hoping that Abe would find the right spell to release me from the curse.

Abe was researching vigorously, which wasn't easy for him. Neither of us was very studious, we were both more the practical kind; talented enough where applied magic was concerned, but without caring much about magical theory.

It took Abe almost until the end of his sixth year to find the right spell, and when he came home that summer, he didn't look very hopeful.

"I found the spell, Bess, but I don't think it'll work," he cried. I bleated and head-butted him affectionately.

"You see," he continued, "I've found this book in the Restricted Section. It says that people in their animal form lose much of their magic. In their animal form, they usually just have enough left to not lose their self to animal instincts, to maintain their sanity and to be able to safely transform back into human form.

"There is a curse that forces Animagi into their animal form and, once transformed, they can't get out on their own, since they aren't able to use a wand. It's an old curse; it's been used so often that even Muggles know about it.

"Cursed Animagi need outside help to get the transformation reversed. Let's see if it works when I do it."

As Abe cast the spell on me I felt nothing. Where the blurry feeling of transformation should have been, there was no feeling at all. I still was a goat, and the chances that I would be able revert to my human form were growing very slim.

"We'll have to get you to St. Mungo's," Abe said.

I bleated my agreement. Only, there was the little problem of getting me there. The Knight Bus didn't take animals other than familiars, back then. Side-along Apparition had never been tried with Animagi, and Abe didn't feel confident enough to try it now. The only solution would be a Portkey, but for those you had to be registered.

"I'll talk to Headmaster Black," Abe suggested. "Perhaps he'll give me a Portkey."

Abe kept his word, but Phineas Black was an arrogant git and had never been much interested in Abe. After Abe had talked to him, Black found nothing better to do than to contact Albus, and Albus was furious.

Albus forbade Abe to ever mention goats in his or the presence of other people again, and that was that.

Abe refused to go back to Hogwarts after that argument; instead he stayed at Godric's Hollow, bought more goats and started to make his famous goat cheese. He called it 'Bess' and I was touched.

Albus now was without family obligations and free to pursue his career, but don't ask me what he did. You see, I had become rather content as a goat, and after years living as an animal, human problems seemed so far away. What mattered to me were Abe and our well-being.

________________________________________

"What family?" Abe yelled at him one day. "There is no family left."

Albus eventually became so furious that he threatened to proclaim Abe insane, but Abe reminded Albus of Ariana. That was usually enough to shut Albus up. After some time, the brothers came to the agreement that they would part ways. Abe would get the land and the house in Godric's Hollow, together with a small sum of the money in the family vault. Albus would keep the rest of the money, and I never learned how he used it. By the time he died, he had accumulated a small fortune.

Abe had taken his money as soon as he'd come of age, despite Albus' protestations. With the money and the cheese manufactory, Abe, I, and the other goats got by comfortably.

Despite having settled down, Abe never gave up trying to find a counter-spell to the curse. He even tried his luck in Knockturn Alley, hoping to find a way to take the curse off me, but all to no avail. By now, we had learned that the curse combined permanent human-animal Transfiguration with the forced Animagus transformation, and that it was a variation of the very old curse we had thought it was all along.

I so wished to tell him that he could never force me to do anything I didn't like since I always would have done willingly what pleased my Abe, but of course I couldn't tell him that as a goat. I licked his hands instead.

"I'll keep my hands off you," Abe vowed, "and I promise you, Bess, I'll never touch another woman, either."

This promise made me sad. I loved my Abe too much to want a lonely life for him. If he couldn't lift the curse from me, then maybe it would be better if he found himself a nice girl and forgot everything about me. I considered running away but knew that I would have broken Abe's heart. Abe isn't the kind of man who bestows his affection lightly. When he loves somebody, he'll love forever, and even if the one he loves disappoints him he won't love that person any less. He's like Severus in that regard.

And so I stayed, and Abe continued trying to lift the curse.

After Abe had learned that Albus had become Transfiguration master at Hogwarts––a surprisingly humble occupation for an aspiring grand wizard like Albus––Abe was adamant to move to Hogsmeade.

"He may appear changed, Bess," Abe told me, "he tells everyone that Ariana's death has reminded him of what the true values in life are, but I don't believe a word of it. If he is let loose around children someone needs to keep an eye on him; someone who isn't blinded by his talent and magical aptitude. Who knows what he's really up to?"

Abe bought the Hog's Head, a run-down pub in a side road off Hogsmeade High Street, complete with house and stables. He renovated the bar, but kept it somewhat shady and unwelcoming. He never intended it to be a competition to the Three Broomsticks anyway.

The Hog's Head soon became a favourite watering hole for all kinds of sinister characters. Plus those from Hogsmeade and the school who wanted to drink something more potent than Gillywater or Butterbeer without being frowned upon by the goody-two-shoes.

Abe never ceased to make inquiries about curse breaking. The clientele in the Hog's Head was colourful and varied; he always hoped he'd find someone who could help me, but he never did.

Abe learned a lot about what was going on outside our little enchanted village. One night, he told me about Grindelwald's rise to power in Central Europe; he was worried that Albus would join his old friend and resume his quest for greatness and the domination over Muggles for a greater good.

We were very relieved when we learned a few years later that our fears were unfounded, and that Albus had fought and defeated Grindelwald.

"They'll make him Minister for Magic now, you'll see," Abe said, but it didn't happen. I never knew if this was Albus Dumbledore's way to punish himself for neglecting Ariana and for getting drawn into a fight that killed her, but whenever Albus was offered a leadership position outside Hogwarts, he declined.

When we learned about all this, I wanted to forgive Albus for his arrogance, although I wasn't willing to forgive his coldness towards his brother. But Abe never forgave him during Albus' lifetime.

"He's trying to indoctrinate these children in his way of thinking, in his ideas about what is right and proper from an early age. That is dangerous. His ideas about what is right and proper are dangerous. He needs to be watched." Abe never tired of repeating these words.

By the time Albus became Headmaster of Hogwarts, sometime in the fifties, Abe had given up asking for help.

During the years leading up to this, Albus had openly called Abe an idiot and publicly questioned his intelligence. When asked about his brother, he always replied in a dismissive and disdainful manner, regardless whether Abe could hear what was said or not.

Abe hadn't wanted to give up and appealed again and again to Albus' better nature until Albus forbade him to set foot on Hogwarts grounds ever again. He had the nerve to call Abe a bad influence on the children. Abe cried again that night, sitting in my stable and holding me in his arms. I, however, had given up.

I was resigned to my fate. I would have to live my life out as a goat, but Abe was inconsolable. He ranted and raged and had no one apart from me to talk to or get comfort from.

We knew that the curse would break when the caster died. We suspected that Grindelwald had cast the curse; together with Albus, he had mocked Abe, back then, and treated Abe as much as a retard as Albus had.

But we couldn't be certain, and we couldn't talk about it anyway. And if Abe would have wanted to kill Grindelwald...theoretically...practically, it would have been impossible because Grindelwald was imprisoned in Nurengard, and no one was allowed to see him.

So we lived on. Abe was watching Albus, and I was trying to comfort Abe until it became clear, many years after Gridelwald's defeat, that a new danger was rising; this time in Britain, with the main focus on indoctrinating the country's pure-bloods. Muggles and Muggle-borns were supposed to serve the so-called magical elite.

Albus championed the Muggles and Muggle-borns, much to Abe's surprise. He also had begun to favour one house over the others: his own house, Gryffindor. By doing that for years, he had created a generation of willing, rash and often very talented soldiers who would have jumped from a cliff had Albus ordered it. Abe called them cannon fodder.

Likewise, by ignoring, loathing and publicly criticizing the Slytherins, Albus had created a deep-seated resentment in generations of Slytherins towards everything both Gryffindor and Dumbledore stood for. Gryffindors loathed Slytherins, and with the other houses staying more or less neutral, Slytherin house automatically fulfilled the role of a scapegoat whenever someone to blame was needed.

Things heated up in the nineteen-seventies. Voldemort had succeeded in gathering a large group of followers, and he was recruiting directly from Hogwarts. Albus' favouring of Gryffindors at all costs did nothing to make his side even remotely attractive to Slytherins, and thus the students of that house became most susceptible to the temptation of supremacy, the promises of domination and power that Voldemort dangled in front of their noses.

How do I know all this? Well, though Abe wasn't allowed at Hogwarts, he still wanted Albus to be watched, and so he employed the help of the caretaker, Argus Filch.

Filch and the Hogwarts librarian, Irma Pince, used to visit the Hog's Head at the weekend, playing cards and sharing a pint of bitter or two. They became friendly with Abe and kept him in the loop about what was going on.

Abe was lonely. You couldn't really call Pince and Filch his friends, nor could you call his neighbours in Hogsmeade friends; they were acquaintances at best. Abe liked to keep to himself and was seen as a slightly eccentric character in the village.

I would have wished for Abe to have friends; his loneliness broke my heart. I knew that he lived alone since I was staying in a small hidden stable beside Abe's bedroom. Abe wanted me close, but he found it better to hide my room, even though he spent almost every night there, sleeping by my side.

Mind you, there really wasn't anyone or anything to hide me from for the longest time. Abe had kept his promise and never touched another woman.

I don't know if he thought I was too innocent to know what he was doing, but although I had just lost my virginity before I was cursed, I was a country girl, and not one of the sheltered, rich city damsels.

If things had been different, I would have given myself to Abe gladly, being married to him or not. I knew that he had needs. He was a healthy man and needed release. And so he took matters into his own hands, and he always whispered my name when he came. I'm afraid all this left me rather cold, but having been in a goat's body for so long had made me more or less immune to the sexual appeal of a human male. The only thing I felt when I watched Abe masturbating was sadness and concern for his well-being.

This sad routine changed one night when I heard voices. I went to the hidden door that allowed me to look outside but prevented anyone from seeing me. Filch had been following a clearly inebriated Abe into his bedroom.

"Try it," Filch begged, "only that once. You'll like it. I have everything with me."

Abe refused again and again, but eventually Filch's begging must have stirred something in him since he turned away from the window and coldly glared at Filch.

"Put the tools on the table over there," Abe commanded and watched, frowning, as Filch laid clamps, thumbscrews, shackles and other 'toys' on the table.