Mum's the Word
Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws
Chapter 1 of 1
ofankomaShe could usually keep her thoughts to herself.
ReviewedA buttoned-up woman in a button-down shirt, Alice allowed Son-in-Law (her mental nickname for the boy) to pull her into the expansive flat her daughter called home. The baseboards were immaculately dusted, the litter box was tucked away, the table was beautifully set with—
Buggering hell, she thought.
Five.
It was set for five.
Bollocks!
She’d be dealing with them.
He had grown on her when she saw his adoration of her exceptional daughter, but they were another story.
. o O o .
They first met six years earlier…
A comfortable drive up a long lane led to an extravagant manor home.
“Mrs. Granger, Hermione dear, do come in!”
“That’s Doctor Granger.”
“Yes, yes. How... quaint.”
Hermione ran inside into Soon-to-Be-Son-in-Law’s waiting arms, leaving her to face the pale couple.
“Thank you for having us. Your home is…”
Ostentatious? Peacock ridden?
“... lovely.”
. o O o .
Dinners for five were announcement dinners. ‘We’re getting married!’ dinners. Promotion dinners. Moving-to-a-New-Flat dinners. When Hermione and Son-in-Law threw a ‘Crookshanks is a big brother!’ dinner two years ago, the elders had assumed they were becoming grandparents.
They learned otherwise.
When Son-in-Law pulled a purring fluffball from under the sofa.
. o O o .
“Mum!”
Hermione welcomed her mother as the telltale fireplace sputtering signaled the arrival of… them.
Son-in-Law’s ludicrously posh and bizarrely anachronistic parents.
“Alicia, darling,” Mother-in-Law fawned.
“Alice.”
“Yes, yes. You look well.”
“Thank you,” Alice replied stiffly. “You look…”
Overdressed? Overstuffed?
“… lovely.”
Son-in-Law took control, seating them all.
“Dear parents.” He glanced at his wife excitedly. “We’re pregnant!”
“Congratulations.” Father-in-Law clapped him on the back.
“Tabby or Siamese?”
“No!” Hermione interrupted. “A baby!”
“What?” Alice leapt up, embracing her daughter. “My baby’s having a baby?”
Much weeping ensued as the speculation began.
“Boy or girl?”
“Girl!”
“When?”
“Seven months.”
And happiness surrounded them until matters took a combative turn between herself and Father-in-Law.
“She’ll be flaxen-haired.”
“Doubtful.”
“Malfoys are blonde.”
“Possibly dark blonde, but probably a brunette.”
“Malfoys… Are… Blonde.”
“Blondeness is a co-recessive trait. The baby can’t be as fair as Draco.”
That earned her a blank stare.
“It’s genetics.”
And some blinking.
Bloody idiot.
“I’m a denti—”
“You claim to predict the future based on your predilection for affixing soft metals to teeth?”
“It’s not—”
“Because divination is tosh!”
“It’s science!”
He paused.
“Actually, this child will be the test…”
“What?”
“It’s said that Malfoys will be fair-haired regardless of parentage. Some less discerning ancestor supposedly bedded a gypsy or pirate wench, and who wants that much body hair? Theoretically, fairies were involved.”
“Impossible!”
“You doubt magic?”
She hesitated.
“So why is this the test?”
“Hermione remains the swarthiest woman a Malfoy’s married in centuries.”
“Me, swarthy?” The woman in question giggled. “I’m hardly a pirate!”
. o O o .
Seven months later, Alice heard the cries through the swinging doors.
“FFFU-FU-FU-FU-FUUUUCCCKKK!”
Hermione cursed like a sailor.
Like her proud mum.
Or a pirate.
And then it happened.
Son-in-L—
No, Draco carried out a tiny, wriggling bundle.
Containing the fairest child she’d ever seen.
“Mother Granger?”
“My dear, she’s...”
Exceptional? Exceedingly blonde?
“… absolutely perfect.”
Prompt: An improbable family legend is, surprisingly, based in fact.
Thank you to kittylefish, an exceptional beta. I have greatly appreciated all of your help over the course of LDWS.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws
32 Reviews | 6.03/10 Average
Awww, this is wonderful :) I love the pattern:
“Thank you for having us. Your home is…” Ostentatious? Peacock ridden? “... lovely.”
“Thank you,” Alice replied stiffly. “You look…” Overdressed? Overstuffed? “… lovely.”
“My dear, she’s...” Exceptional? Exceedingly blonde? “… absolutely perfect.”
And I LOVE the “Malfoys… Are… Blonde.” I can just hear Lucius pronouncing this through genteelly clenched teeth :D
That was funny. Good job.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thanks very much, HermioneWeasley!
wow, your Alice Granger is .. Bossy? Self-righteous? Lovely!I cannot solely blame the Malfoys for their abysmal relationship. Still, their understanding of dentist must hit a nerve!Considering that Sirius, Andromeda and Bella are all dark, I wonder if giving birth also 'bleached' Narcissa.. and thus Hermione. Hmmm, maybe we shouldn't submit Dr Granger to that much magic 
.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
I'd love to watch those parents battle it out in a Dramione story... It would surely make for the most awkward and hilarious family gatherings imaginable. I think all involved would be to blame. Perhaps every bit of magic Dr Granger is exposed to should to be met with a bit of science for Lucius and Narcissa, just to make things even?(And you're right to point out the diverse backgrounds of the Blacks.... I don't think JKR had phenotyping in the forefront of her mind when she sorted out her families.)
*snigger* Well, they finally gave her something to not grumble about. Well done!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
You're right, of course... No grandparent grumbles about a new little one! Thanks for reading,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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Theoretically, fairies were involved.SNORT! Ah, that cracked me up. Nothing like seeing a Malfoy in full strop. For the sake of the blondes, I'm glad the baby did not disappoint - because obviously, Mother Granger is going to love the baby no matter what. Can't be as sure about Lucius and Narcissa!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
'Full strop.' Great phrase, that. I like to think that even Grandfather Lucius would melt at the sight of his own grandchild - even a brunette! (I suppose as long as the hair isn't Weasley red, he'd be fine with it.) Thanks for reading,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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I love the inner conflict of Mrs. Granger throughout the story and her will to push through to remain close to the young family. Last week, we had a drabble that condemned Draco because Hermione was to be involved and I love the contrast with this story. Although, you might be someone else writing this, your drabble is part of the LDWS and forms one universe in my head. In that, seeing this persective is hopeful and adept at compromise. In other words, my winner.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Aw, thanks,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
. (Well, that was actually HBAR's last week, not mine.) I like to think that parents would be willing to work at compromise where their children are involved, no matter what.
This was ... droll? Charming? Lovely(but I meant droll and charming, too! Well done, mystery author!)
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thank you for your kind words,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
!
hahahahah
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thanks,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
!
loved it!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thanks,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
!
Well that explains why they are still so blonde.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thanks for your review,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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Poor Alice. The Malfoys are always exasperating, but never more so when they're right.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Ha ha! Very true,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
. That's one of the things I enjoy about the Hermione/Draco dynamic (and something I think would extend to the folks who raised them) - they love being right.
I love Dr Granger's inner grumblings (though, really, if the Malfoy's have accepted her and her daughter, she ought to be a little more giving!“Blondeness is a co-recessive trait. It’s genetics.”I've heard that rant before!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
She came around in the end! Well, with Draco, at least. I think a mild-mannered dentist would have a difficult time dealing with the Malfoys, but in time... I'm sure she'll come around with them as well. Thanks for reading, marianne.
Alice was a good egg in the end, bless her. I love when warmth and clever mix it up :)
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thank you,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
! (I think the Malfoys would pose a challenge for any mild-mannered dentist, but marriage forges the most surprising families. Alice is coming around.)
I can almost picture Hermione calling her child Crookshanks' younger sibling... 'Tabby or Siamese?' Ha! Lucius has clearly learned to roll with the punches where his son and daughter-in-law are concerned.
Response from ofankoma (Reviewer)
Yes, I think Hermione planned that particular dinner. I'm willing to bet that if they ever ended up together, she'd have him wrapped around her little finger. Thanks for reading,
Response from ofankoma (Reviewer)
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This was a riot of a read! Thoroughly enjoyed Dr. Alice's internal monologue as well as your explanation for the Malfoy's hair color. :-)
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
I'm glad you enjoyed it,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
! JKR's understanding of genetics is rather abysmal, so you know magic must be involved somewhere.
"Ostentatious? Peacock ridden?" ~dies laughing~
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
As much as I enjoy the dynamics of Draco and Hermione together, I have to think that their parents would have... difficulties, shall we say? with one another. Nothing like a grandchild to smooth things over! Thanks for reading,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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It never ceases to amaze me how a writer can pack so much story into so few words. Absolutely brilliant!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
It was hard labor this time around, whittling a few hundred of them off the first draft. Thanks,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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Oh, good grief. Magic, stop messing with genetics! :P
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
There's really no other explanation than magic for how the Malfoys could all be so fair. (Unless Narcissa's got an enormous salon bill somewhere...) Thanks for reading,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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Well, bugger me, they were right! :)
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
The real test will come when one of Hermione and Draco's children weds one of George and Angelina's... Thanks for reading, Sunny.
Very clever take on the prompt!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thanks very much,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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Cute!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thanks!
Boy, Dr. Granger is giving the Malfoy's a run for their money. I love that she calls him son-in-law. This was cute and funny and ... why do the Malfoys always have to be right? No wonder they're snobbish :)
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Dr. Granger's coming around with SiL... er... Draco at the end there. What's that saying? 'Grandchildren cover a multitude of sins'? Lucius is right about this one; of course, there's no other explanation than Magic for how one of the Black sisters could have sired a child as fair as Draco. (JKR's genetics don't add up!) Thanks for reading,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
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Isn't it interesting who we usually think of as the snooty people, but in this case it was someone else? This was a fun turning of the tables.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Too true! I imagine that Lucius' inner monologues at these family gatherings are also amusing... After all, mild-mannered dentists and the Malfoys would probably find themselves in equally foreign territory with one another. Thanks for reading, Rose.
Lovely and exceptional, indeed, thank you!
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
Thank you very much,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
!
Fairies? Hermione swarthy? Hee.
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
I think 'fairies' carries about as much weight in the Malfoy household as 'genetics' does in the Granger home. Thanks for your review,
Response from ofankoma (Author of Dr. Alice Granger or: How She Learned to Stop Doubting and Believe the In-Laws)
!