1: The First He Had to Protect
Chapter 1 of 12
morgaine_dulacSeverus Snape has been teaching at Hogwarts for only a few weeks when he realises that being Head of House is not going to be as easy as he had hoped.
ReviewedA/N: Anything you recognise from the Harry Potter universe belongs to JKR and/or WB. I own nothing but the plot and the OC and am not making any money with this story. Hence, any reviews will be very much appreciated.
Special thanks go to my faithful beta, Appleblossom.
Chapter 1: The First He Had to Protect
Severus Snape, newly appointed Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was standing in front of the Deputy Headmistress' desk with his head held high and his hands clasped behind his back. And he couldn't help but put his chin out just a little bit. Minerva McGonagall was not going to make him feel like a student once more. He was her colleague now, a teacher like her. She was not going to intimidate him. And she was most certainly not going to tell him how he was supposed to do his job. But exactly that seemed to be her intention.
'As Head of House, it is your responsibility to talk to the girl,' she pointed out, fixing Snape with a look that would make anyone else rush to the task, never daring to contradict her. But Snape wasn't having any of it.
'Miss McKibben will be of age in three weeks,' he argued. 'If she does not want to continue her Defence Against the Dark Arts studies, there is little I can do.'
The Deputy Headmistress pursed her lips. 'In three weeks' time, yes. Today, Miss McKibben is still under-age, and seeing that her father has not given his permission for her to drop Defence Against the Dark Arts, she is skipping classes. And that, Severus, is something you, her Head of House, will have to address. Furthermore, it is in your own interest that your students do well. Miss McKibben's Defence grades have always been excellent. It would be a waste of talent if she dropped the subject in her NEWT year. It will make Slytherin lose valuable House points.' She shrugged and managed to look indifferent. 'But if you want the House Cup to go to Gryffindor, be my guest.'
Snape gritted his teeth. McGonagall had always known how to push his buttons, already when he had been her student. She knew perfectly well that Slytherins were ambitious and competitive by nature and that he Slytherin as he was would have to make sure now that the House Cup would stand in his study by the end of the school year, even if it meant that he had to interact with students outside his classroom, a task which he had avoided so far.
'You'll have to talk to the girl right away, Severus,' McGonagall added. 'She has already missed two classes, and you don't want her to fall behind, now do you?'
Of course, Snape didn't want that. He wanted that House Cup, and to get it, he needed his students to achieve as many Outstandings in their exams as possible. And he would make that very clear to Miss McKibben. He would give her detention for the two Defence classes she had skipped. He would also add one extra detention because her skipping class had resulted in him having been called to McGonagall's office. And yet another detention he would add because he had to call Miss McKibben to his office. He had far better things to do on a Friday night than talk to a student.
~ ~ ~
A few minutes later, Snape slammed the door of his study shut behind him, almost begging for someone to come knocking so he would have someone to yell at. But the three Slytherin first-years that had been unfortunate enough to meet their Head of House in the dark dungeon corridor were now back in their dormitories, shaking and wiping off their tears. None of them would dare disturb Snape that night, not even if the Slytherin common room were on fire.
A well-placed hex sent a couple of phials smashing into the dungeon wall, and the sound of breaking glass that followed was like sweet music to Snape's ears. And the thought of those phials smashing against someone's head instead of the wall was more than satisfying. McGonagall's head, maybe, or McKibben's. Or Dumbledore's, or the Dark Lord's.
Snape sneered. He had understood the cleverness of Dumbledore and the Dark Lord's plans that put him in a teaching position at Hogwarts. It meant that he could spy for both sides and no one would ever be the wiser. And it had not seemed like too bad an idea in the beginning. His position enabled Snape to enjoy the privileges of being a Hogwarts teacher, eat three meals a day, sleep in a warm bed and receive a pretty well-filled bag of Galleons at the end of every month. And maybe, just maybe, the role he was playing would show Lily that he wasn't like the Death Eaters-to-be he had hung out with while they had still been at school. Maybe, she would be awed by the fact that he had thrown himself into mortal danger to bring the Dark Lord down and at the same time protect her. Maybe, when everything was over, Lily would come back to him. Maybe ...
Snape shook his head and banished the picture of Lily Evans yes, Evans, not Potter out of his mind. He had sworn not to think of her. It was too dangerous. If the Dark Lord ever found out just how much Snape cared about her ...
Back to the task at hand then, Snape thought and groaned. He had most certainly not signed up for this. Teaching Potions was bad enough. He hated sharing his passion with a bunch of untalented nitwits. He had racked his brain to come up with another position he could fill at Hogwarts that would enable him to be around Dumbledore almost twenty-four hours a day. Teaching Defence would not have been half as bad as teaching Potions, but Dumbledore had turned Snape down. And Snape had accepted the Headmaster's decision. For the time being, at least. Should he still be at Hogwarts in one year's time, he would apply for the Defence post once more. And that time, he would get it. But most probably, he would not last a year, Snape admitted grudgingly. He wasn't teacher material, he knew that very well. His standards were too high and his tolerance too low to endure babbling teenagers. Sooner or later, he would either poison one of them or suffer a stroke.
The only thing at Hogwarts Snape hated more than teaching, however, was being Head of House. It was bad enough to endure teenage idiocy for the duration of a Potions lesson. But having to talk to those dunderheads in private, discussing everything from grades over family matters to pimples and hormones, that was something Snape hated with a passion. He had almost hexed the little, timid-looking first-year who had come knocking on his door two days into term, telling him in a tear-filled voice that she was homesick and wanted to speak to her mother. After that, Snape had made sure to always wear a scowl outside his office. Maybe, he thought, if he looked intimidating enough, none of his House would be brave enough or stupid enough to come knocking on his door. So far, this strategy seemed to be working, Snape concluded. He had now been working at Hogwarts for two weeks, and no one else had dared approach him or disturb him in his study. And he had been thoroughly enjoying the lack of professor-student-interaction. But now, McGonagall had told him that he actually had to call one of his students into his office in order to remind the girl that slackness would not be tolerated in Slytherin House. Oh, McKibben would pay for that.
She arrived less than five minutes after Snape had sent an elf to fetch her. The knock on the door was firm, and judging from it, Snape expected a broad-shouldered, sturdy girl to enter. But he knew that he was wrong. It had taken him only a day or two to learn the names of the students in Slytherin House, and he knew that Nadezhda McKibben was anything but broad-shouldered and sturdy. Instead she was tall and slender and moved so silently that the only sound announcing her entering Snape's study was the creaking of the heavy oak door.
'You wished to see me, Professor.'
Snape slowly put down his quill and equally slowly lifted his eyes from the parchment in front of him to look at the girl. She stood very straight, her arms hanging seemingly relaxed at her sides and her eyes respectfully lowered to the floor. Everything about Nadezhda McKibben's posture spoke of an upbringing in a fine Wizarding household, where she had been taught to look pretty and modest and keep her mouth shut. Just as all the daughters of old Wizarding families were taught. Most probably, Snape thought, the girl was already betrothed. Most probably, she would have bred by the age of twenty. Most probably, it didn't matter whether she studied Defence or not. She would marry a nice pureblood boy, have nice pureblood babies and would never have to work a single day in her life.
'Miss McKibben, do you know why you are here?' Snape asked in a cold tone, making an active decision to not offer the girl a seat. He didn't want this conversation to last even a second longer than necessary. He still considered the meeting to be a waste of time.
The girl shook her head. 'No, sir,' she replied, her voice firm but her eyes still cast to the floor.
'Professor McGonagall informs me that you have decided not to continue with your best subject at NEWT level,' Snape explained. He had the girl's OWL grades in front of him. She had achieved Exceeds Expectations in Potions, Transfiguration, and Herbology and Outstanding in Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms. 'Care to explain?'
Once more, the girl shook her head, a gesture which made her long, raven black hair fall from her shoulders and obscure her face.
'Miss McKibben, I expect to be given an answer when I ask a question,' Snape barked.
The girl mumbled something something in reply, and Snape couldn't decide whether her mumbling annoyed him or disappointed him. The girl had looked rather confident when she had entered his study, just as confident as she did when walking down the corridors or to her bench in his classroom. Snape had hoped for this confidence to last a little bit longer than two minutes.
'Miss McKibben,' he addressed her, his voice now low and threatening, 'speak up when you are talking to me.'
The girl hesitated a moment before she spoke. 'My father said it wouldn't be fitting for me to study Defence Against the Dark Arts.'
Snape raised an eyebrow in surprise. 'And why is that, Miss McKibben?'
'I think you know the reason, sir.'
The cheek! Snape's black eyes flashed dangerously. He did not care much for the tone the girl was suddenly taking.
'Miss McKibben,' he hissed. 'You are testing my patience. I demand a straight answer now: why would you or your father, for that matter think it unfitting for you to continue studying Defence Against the Dark Arts, your best subject?'
The girl's head snapped up, and Snape found himself staring into a pair of green eyes that made the breath catch in his throat. Emerald green and almond-shaped, just like Lily's, but framed with long, dark lashes. And in Nadezhda McKibben's eyes was not a trace of the smile he had so often seen in Lily's eyes when they had been children. The eyes he was staring into now were empty of any emotion and cold like a frozen lake.
'The reason why it is unfitting for me to study Defence Against the Dark Arts, sir,' the girl started, her voice just as empty of emotion as her eyes, 'is branded onto your left forearm. And in three weeks' time, it will also be on mine.'
Snape swallowed. Branded onto his left forearm. The girl must be talking about the Dark Mark. But how did she know?
His mind started to work feverishly. McKibben. McKibben. Who was the girl's father? In front of Snape's inner eye, there popped up the image of a middle-aged, balding wizard. Quite wrinkly, with dark shadows under his eyes. He was working for the Ministry. Or at least, that was where he was getting his monthly Galleons from. In fact, he was working for the Dark Lord. Snape had no idea if McKibben carried the Dark Mark, but from what he had heard so far, it seemed as if the girl was prepared to take it. In three weeks' time, when she came of age.
'Have a seat, Miss McKibben,' Snape said, trying to keep both his voice and his facial expression neutral. He had to let her sit down now. Most probably, it would be advisable to even put the kettle on. Their conversation was about to take much longer than he had anticipated.
~ ~ ~
'There is nothing we can do, Severus.'
Snape gritted his teeth. He knew, of course, that he was not to meddle, that it would be dangerous to even think about it, but still he did not like Dumbledore's answer. Were they to sit back and watch as one of their students joined the ranks of the Death Eaters? A young, innocent girl? A girl who most probably had no idea what it meant to be a servant of the Dark Lord? There must be something they could do.
'You have spoken to Miss McKibben, I assume?' Dumbledore asked calmly.
'With little effect,' Snape growled. 'The girl is brainwashed. She thinks that it is an honour to receive the Dark Mark.' He let himself fall onto the chair which Dumbledore had offered him over ten minutes ago. 'She has no idea what lies in store for her.'
'Brainwashed might be the wrong word to use,' Dumbledore pointed out, pushing a cup of tea towards his Potions master. 'The girl has been raised in family where blood purity has always been highly valued. She has been fed with Voldemort's propaganda from the very start. For her, his truth is the truth.'
Snape snorted. What Dumbledore had just said was the best definition of brainwashed he had ever come across.
'From what Miss McKibben told me,' he continued, 'she is expecting to be given the Dark Mark in three weeks, on the night of her seventeenth birthday. Can we not just forbid her to leave the castle that night?'
Dumbledore smiled kindly. 'Forbid her to leave the castle? Dear Severus, would me forbidding you to leave have made you stay in your dormitory the night Lucius Malfoy took you to meet Lord Voldemort for the first time?'
'This is different, Headmaster. The girl is innocent.'
'And you weren't?
To that, Snape said nothing. He had no intention of discussing the purity of his soul with Dumbledore tonight. What he wanted was to make sure that the girl's soul was given a chance to remain pure.
'There must be something we can do, Headmaster,' he urged once more.
Dumbledore nodded pensively and started pacing his office. At the window, he lingered, petting his Phoenix with his left hand. 'Maybe there is, Severus,' he said slowly. 'But it will require something you don't like doing.'
Snape frowned. There were many things he did not like doing. What could the Headmaster be after?
'It will require you interacting with a student outside your classroom. Miss McKibben has missed two Defence lessons and has fallen behind. I also believe she deserves detention for having skipped those two classes. Let her serve detention with you, Severus. Teach her white magic and listen to her reasons for choosing the dark. Maybe, you will be able to find a counter argument. Maybe, you will be able to change her mind.'
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Latest 25 Reviews for His First
71 Reviews | 4.89/10 Average
Thank God there is a sequel that I can start reading right away. I love your stories and the very believable twists and turns you write as you weave your magic.Thank you for this wonderful tale, and now I'm off to begin reading There Will Always Be Hope.Hugs, Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Dear Beth, I am thrilled that you once more read one of my stories and that you liked it enough to read the sequel. Not many fluffy bunnies there either, I'm afraid. Severus and Nadezhda sure bring out the Bergman in me...
OMG. Because Nadezhda erased that last hour of Severus' memory he has no idea that the child she is carrying is his. Pardon me while I pick myself up off the floor. There's only one chapter left, and I have to get to it as quickly as possible. Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
The child she's carrying COULD be his, you mean. ;-) Will now imagine you picking yourself off from the floor for the rest of the day! :-)
Severus' comparison of McKibben Manor and Spinner's End speaks volumes about the similarities between him and his student. It's almost as if they can communicate without really knowing they can. Instinctively they seem to know what the other is thinking and feeling—they understand what it means to be like the other one.I don't know what you have in mind for these two going forward, but so far you've certainly written one helluva story for them. Take a bow. You deserve it.Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I hope they will be able to hold on to those instincts in the sequel. They'll need it, alright!
Wow... just wow. You never disappoint, morgaine. I could never have foreseen what happened in this chapter. Yes, I knew the canon basics that would figure into the story, but the outcome for Severus and Nadezhda came as a total surprise. It was such a surprise to me when they found themselves caught up in so much passion... but sometimes it is the passion we feel that gets us through the impossible times. Their passion didn't have to follow this particular path, but in the aftermath, in thinking about what has happened in these last few chapters, it just seems like the right path.Well done, my friend. Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I must admit that this scene took me by surprise, too. Severus and Nadezhda stopped following the original plotline somewhere around chapter two and have been living their own lives ever since. All I do is write down whatever they tell me to write...
OMG! This is one chilling chapter! With what's just happened at Riddle Manor, I don't see any way out for Nadezhda. Perhaps the fact that she (and everyone else but Severus) thinks she did cast the Unforgivable that killed the puppy will make her a little bolder... but to what avail I can't imagine. Surely seeing her father's body dead in a pool of his own blood has to have affected her much more that she may realize at the moment. But I can't deny that Duncan McKibben got exactly what he deserved—perhaps not for "insulting" Bellatrix, but certainly for the way he treated his daughter.Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I'm re-reading this story as you're reading it and I'm wondering if I should show it to my shrink. Christ on a bike, this is dark stuff! Glad you're still with me.
Response from braye27 (Reviewer)
I'm wondering if I should show it to my shrink. Christ on a bike, this is dark stuff! LOL!
Voldy's birthday gift to Nadezhda was not only inspierd, it was a very evil way to insure that Snape follows orders, too. This cannot be good. What do you have in mind for torturing Severus and his student now? Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Go on reading, and you'll find out. :-)
Me thinks Nadezhda is a very powerful witch! She is loads stronger than she believes she is... than even Severus believes she is. And her solution to not wanting to kill the rabbits tells me she is very smart as well.Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
"Sometimes, we sort to soon." Maybe Nadezhda would have done well in Ravenclaw. Or in Gryffindor, maybe? Hm, wonder how the story would have turned out in either of these cases? *ponders*
Nadezhda and Charles were lovers? And Narcissa felt she needed to help the young woman because she had not been a virgin on her own wedding night? Had Lucius and Narcissa become lovers before their wedding? Is that how she knew how to help Nadezhda fool the Death Eaters who provided the witnesses that Nadezhda was a virgin? How clever of her!!! (And how clever of you as the author!)I can't imagine what you have in store, but I'd venture a guess that Bella is going to be totally pissed when she realizes that her wicked magic has bound Barty to Nedezhda instead of the other way around.A very good chapter!Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Lucius Malfoy waiting until he's married to deflower his bride? Ha! That's a funny thought! *makes notes for a twisted little one-shot* Very glad you're enjoying this so far!
‘There’s blood! She’s yours, Barty. Yours! OURS!’Bella is a thoroughly disgusting witch. What on earth was happening when that cry of terror was heard in the room. Could the screem have originated within Nadezhda's own mind?Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Bella? Disgusting? No, surely not, nooo... ;-)
Well, that was unexpected! Leave it to Bella to complicate things. So what will happen to Nadezhda next? Will Snape be able to come up with a plan before Voldy sends the couple off to do the deed?Beth
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Many things were unexpected in this story, even for me. I swear, my muse is one twisted psycho! :P
His First is a really interesting take on Snape. I enjoyed your portrayal of his early years as a Death Eater/Order spy and his having to figure out how to deal with the various situations. Hope RL calms down soon for you. Am adding you to my Favorite Authors list so that I'll know when you begin posting the sequel. :-)
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Thank you very much for your kind words. Writing about pre-books Snape is very interesting, since we know so little about that time. Navigating around the few puzzle pieces JKR gave us is a fun yet also difficult tasked. I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for adding me to your Favourite authors list. I hope I won't have to let you wait for too long. /M
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've started posting the sequel to this story. It's called "There Will Always Be Hope".
Response from snapesbeatrice (Reviewer)
Thanks for letting me know! I shall look for that tomorrow.
Love this story, great job. Complex characters, can't wait for the next installments!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Thank you! It makes me very glad to hear that my work is being appreciated, especially today. :-)
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've started posting the sequel to this story. It's called "There Will Always Be Hope".
Queen of cliff hangers... (just kidding! Haha)
I CANNOT WAIT for this story to continue... I love the way all the characters have developed. My imagination will run wild trying to figure put what may happen next!
I love it!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Give me some pointers when you come up with a solution for all the dilemma's. I'm a bit at a loss right now ;-)
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've started posting the sequel to this story. It's called "There Will Always Be Hope".
promising title for the next chapter, waiting somewhat patiently for your next installment
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hope I won't have to let you wait for too long.
Ah, sigh. I know the call of real life. I'll just sit here patiently. Tum te tum te tum....ahem. ready yet? :o)
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Ahem, no, not ready yet. But it's not for the lack of ideas. In fact, I fear that my overactive brain will soon forse me back to fan fic. Hope RL has calmed down by then.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've started posting the sequel to this story. It's called "There Will Always Be Hope".
I hope she didn't take the potion! And I figured she would go muggle at some point, but not this soon...
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hope I won't have to let you wait too long.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've started posting the sequel to this story. It's called "There Will Always Be Hope".
Intriguing end! Hope Snape will find her and her child (I don't believe she will choose an abortion). You are always good in giving him women who are some sort of comfort for him.Good luck with the demands of Real Life and I will wait for your return. I feel already lucky that you are promising a sequel because I'm dying to find out how Nadezhda will do in the muggle world. She doesn't have much experience with that culture, unless that muggle boyfriend of her has taught her something about it. Hope you'll be able to return to fandom somewhere soon but do take care of yourself first.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I, too, hope that Real Life won't keep me busy for too long. There are far too many ideas in my head. Thanks for you support and kind words. Hope to see you again, soon. /M
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Hi there! Just wanted to let you know that I've started posting the sequel to this story. It's called "There Will Always Be Hope".
I can not get the picture of Snape talking about menstruation with the second-years out of my head, that made my day!Thank you for this beautiful piece of work.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
And thank YOU for reading and commenting. Means a lot! And I might just give that menstruation talk a chance one day :P
Response from Mistress of Sick (Reviewer)
Tell me when you are going to have that talk so I can be there for the entertainment of a lifetime!
Very nice, I like your Nadehzda. I was beginning to think Sev was SOL as far as she was concerned, and now he isn't even going to remember it. How sad - but probably for the best, all things considered.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I'm glad you like Nadezhda. I still haven't really warmed up to her. (Now that's funny, seeing as she is MY oc.) But she does keep surprising me. Glad you're enjoying the story. More will come soon, I hope.
The last sentence is extremely heart wrenching. But maybe it's for the best...
Excellent as always!
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I hope it's for the best. Severus carries enough guilt already. As for Nadezhda ... we will see. Thanks for reading and leaving a note. Means a lot!
again I say, oho! :)
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
"Oho"? Three simple letters that say so much :-)
oho, not the expected move. heheheh
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
That's the beauty of Bella's twisted mind.
ooh, good story. Angsty with a tough dilemma, my favorite kind :)
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Glad you like it :-)
I love the way you show us Severus' thoughts. Very intense chapter. In some ways I think it is a blessing for Severus that she erased his memories, I think he would never forgive himself, and he has enought guilt as it is, on the other hand it will make other problems maybe, and the thought of someone manipulating your brain is not a good one. Very well written as usual.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
I had originally planned for Severus to be the one who at least considers a Memory Charm, but as you said, he has enough guilt to carry already. We'll see what the future holds for those two characters. They are living their own lives nowadays, not following the original storyline.
Mmnn... really intense, wonderful chapter, love how you set up and reveal Severus' vulnerability scene by scene, as well as Nadezhda's, of course. The ominous death and 'chaos in the air' atmosphere is so powerful - well done - as well as their spontaneous need for one another.
Response from morgaine_dulac (Author of His First)
Thank you! I am glad you liked this chapter. It was a surprise to me, as both main characters chose to live their own lives and to very much not follow the original story line.