Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Severus laid the "Quibbler" back down on the table, quite at a loss as to how to extricate himself from the fallout of what was undeniably a version of his own remarks. Attack, he had found often in the past, was the best form of defence, whilst failing to admit to himself that that was mainly because that particular option did not ever require him to back down.

He downed the whisky, stubbed out his cigarette and stood up, formulating different parries and ripostes as he straightened his shoulders and swept out of his rooms, quite prepared to come across anyone but the one man who was striding along the dungeon corridor with what looked ominously like a vengeance for company.

'What in the name of all that is sacred are you doing here at this time of night?' Severus asked.

'I would have thought that quite obvious, judging from the number of copies of this offensive rag that have been thrust under my nose in the few moments it took me to cross the hallway,' Lucius replied, coming to a halt under a wall sconce, as though to show off the effects of the camomile Severus knew he put in his shampoo, and shoving a copy of "Quibbler" towards him.

'No thanks are required, Lucius,' Snape replied dryly, clutching at an idea, a bad one, but an idea for all that. 'I merely sought to add my weight to the fact that not even the Order of the Phoenix was able to better you,' he added, hoping that Malfoy would not miss the derision for which he was famed, and with which he had so liberally laced his remarks.

'But a bag of cat food could?' Lucius challenged, his nostrils flared in anger, in a way that made Snape realise that he would have to do slightly better, and perhaps it had not been a good idea to poke Malfoy with a stick, after all.

'Not my words, Lucius,' he replied. 'I only made an observation on what had already been reported.'

'To a reporter,' Lucius snapped back.

'Not a reporter in fact,' Snape replied, realising just too late what he had said. He hadn't meant to drag Luna into this; in fact Severus had quite failed to take cognisance of the fact that it was Luna who had dropped him into the particular mire he was in in the first place.

'Whatever,' Lucius growled, seeming either to have missed what was said, or to have moved on, as though suspecting a sideways manoeuvre on Snape's part, as was so often the case. 'Do you not think I have had enough of that horrible rag to last me a lifetime?' he asked, his voice turning to the rather unpleasantly plaintive whine Malfoy adopted when he thought he had been wronged. 'They have it in for me, Severus, I'm telling you.'

'I wonder why that would be?' Snape replied blandly, not bothering to point out that imprisonment of the editor's daughter in Malfoy Manor might have swayed Arabella Figg's cause somewhat. 'Anyway, what are you doing here?' he asked, repeating his opening gambit.

'To tell you that I look forward to reading a full retraction and apology in next week's "Quibbler",' Malfoy replied. 'I may look forward to that, Severus, may I not?'

'If it keeps you happy to do so,' Snape said smoothly. 'What were you reading the "Quibbler" for anyway?' he asked, feeling more on top of the matter for a few short moments, until he heard footsteps which sounded worryingly as though they were skipping along the corridor.

'Oh, hello, Lucius,' Luna called brightly along the gloomy stone passage, as Severus groaned inwardly. 'How is your head? Four tins of cat food must have been quite sore. I know that, because a cat jumped on my head once, and it had only eaten half a tin.'

'What on earth is going on, Severus?' Lucius demanded, spinning to Snape, clearly without an idea as to how to respond to Luna. 'What is Miss Lovegood doing here, if I may ask? And...' He trailed off as Luna grasped his arm.

'Oh, good, I see you've got your own copy,' Luna said, nodding to where Malfoy was still clutching the magazine. 'But do please call me Luna. I wonder, Lucius, as you're here anyway, if I could ask if you would support the "Quibbler's" next expedition to the Andes to search for Crease-Toed Bloopers?' she said. 'In view of the fact that you've had so much free front page publicity lately,' she added quickly, as Malfoy's open mouth snapped shut, quite bereft, as its owner was, of a suitable reply.

Severus smiled to himself. That was Lucius dealt with; now all he had to do was face the slightly maligned Order of the Phoenix.

*****

'I heard Snape's got two black eyes, and four of his teeth are missing,' Hagrid muttered.

'He's always had two black eyes,' Binns remarked. 'As to his teeth, I really couldn't comment.'

'I mean Malfoy decked him,' Hagrid said.

'Not the way I heard it,' Dean said. 'I heard that Malfoy got the worst of it. Apparently Severus pulled half his hair out by the roots.'

'Sounds more like a bitch fight to me, if that's the case,' Lupin drawled from behind his newspaper, perfectly well aware of what had actually taken place, having had the story first hand from Luna.

'I really couldn't comment on that either, Remus,' Binns remarked, and the rest of them all turned to him, unsure if he had deliberately made a little joke or not; it was hard to tell though, as his face was the same bland mask it always was.

'Stuff and nonsense. A wizard like Snape wouldn't resort to fisticuffs,' Flitwick scoffed. 'He's more likely to land a few hexes on Lucius, or vice versa.'

'Seeing the rest of the Order of Phoenix couldn't manage?' Lupin asked in a rather more challenging way than was customary for him.

The room fell silent but for rustling newspapers, the rest of the men not seeing fit to comment one way or another, as the door swung open and Snape walked in, with his full complement of teeth, and only the pupils and irises of his eyes black.

'Ah Severus,' Flitwick said, 'we were just talking about you.'

'Really?' Snape replied, with as little interest in anyone else's opinions as ever. He let his eyes sweep the men, stopping no longer at Lupin than he did at anyone else, as the werewolf and former member the Order of the Phoenix gave him a hard look, one that left Severus as moved as being attacked by an indignant mushroom.

*****

'I see Lucius left in rather a hurry,' Pomona said.

'I wonder what tied his hair in knots,' Aurora replied, 'apart from Severus's little remarks in call-me-Luna's magazine.'

'I must remind him to tell Miss ... drat it... Luna... that anything that is said or goes on in Hogwarts is strictly off the record,' Minerva snapped, her lips pinching with annoyance.

'Would that be right after you have a few words with him about his remarks about the Order of Phoenix?' Septima asked.

'Either before or after, dear, I haven't decided which,' Minerva replied. 'I rather thought I would allow him to stew first.'

'Oh, I doubt he'll do that, Minerva,' Aurora said. 'I doubt Severus is the stewing type.'

'He can stew me any day,' Septima said, heaving a sigh. 'Mind you, I wouldn't jump over Lucius Malfoy to get to my teddy bear either, come to think of it.'

Minerva was about to mention something along the lines of Septima not jumping over any man to get to anything else, when the door opened.

'Ah, Luna,' she said instead. 'Would you happen to know where Professor Snape is just now?'

'Oh, yes,' Luna replied.

'And?' Minerva invited.

'He's in his rooms, at least he was a few minutes ago,' Luna said. 'I think he was going to go to the staffroom though.'

'You didn't by any chance see Lucius Malfoy this evening, did you?' Aurora asked. 'I believe he called to see Severus.'

'Oh, yes,' Luna replied. 'It was quite fun.'

'Sit down, Luna dear,' Minerva said. 'It's time we all got to know one another better... now that you're staff.'

'You mean you want me to tell you all about it?' Luna asked.

'Of course, dear.' Aurora smiled. 'A nice cup of tea perhaps?'

'You haven't any whisky have you?' Luna asked. 'Only Severus seems to drink a lot of it, and I suppose I should try to get used to it.'

'Not here, Luna, no,' Minerva said, her eyebrow rising into her hat.

'I've got a few slugs of gin left, if you want,' Poppy said, pulling a hip flask from her robe, as Irma shot her a warning look, and Sybill woke up with a snort, though whether at the mention of gin or not, was anyone's guess.

*****

Severus got up early, just in case. He showered and shaved, and even hexed his long tangled hair into obedience. It was too early for whisky, he thought, with a tinge of regret that even his remarkable constitution would not welcome a Caledonian internal body scrub at seven in the morning.

He sighed and poured some hot water over a sprinkling of dark leaves in his favourite cup, watching the leaves until they unfolded to leave trails of darker water in their wake, like little fronds. He stirred it until the tea darkened even more, and sipped at it. It didn't taste quite the same as hers.

An hour, two cups of tea, and five cigarettes later, he decided he would just have to head to the Hall. At least the seating arrangement seemed to have remained to his satisfaction. He hauled himself to his feet as Luna popped her head around the door.

'Oh, you're up,' she said. 'I didn't want to call too early and catch you in your nightie and bare feet again.'

'How kind of you,' Severus replied.

'I thought I'd bring this back, and we could go for breakfast together,' she said, holding out the empty Wolfsbane beaker.

'I could have got that later in the day,' he said, immediately regretting the remark which might make her think twice about calling the next six mornings.

'And I thought you'd like to know that I think I got you off the hook with Minerva,' she went on, ignoring his remark anyway.

'In what way?' he asked, not at all sure he did want to know.

'Well, she was a bit peeved about what you said about the Order of the Phoenix... by the way, Remus was too, but I've cleared that up as well... I just told him it was a misprint... and that in fact you said that you were the only one incapable of throwing a hex.' She stopped for a moment as Snape's jaw dropped in indignation, as though to think about what she'd said, twiddling the apple she had on a piece of string around her neck, before taking a bite out of it, and letting it fall to where it rested in the vee of her Ravenclaw school pullover, the one that hadn't fitted her since fifth year. 'I don't think he believed me though.'

'Can we go back to Minerva?' Severus asked.

'Oh, yes. I told her the story of Lucius Malfoy, all of the ladies in fact,' she said, brimming with frightening enthusiasm. 'They all thought it was quite wonderful. Laughed themselves silly, they did, when I told them that his hair caught fire from the wall sconce as he stormed off when you asked him to fund the "Quibbler's" Andes trip... you know, the one for the Crease-Toed Bloopers?'

'It didn't...' Severus stammered, '...I didn't... and I recall quite clearly that you told me that you didn't lie to your superiors.'

'No. I think if you look back, you'll recall that I said I didn't lie in the matter of the stairs to Minerva's office. I didn't generalise. But they look more kindly on you now, Severus,' Luna explained. 'Especially Minerva. And it was such a good story.'

'Ah yes, speaking of stories, Miss Lovegood,' he said, trying to get back on track, any track, and framing his words in a way he had practised since seven o'clock. 'Perhaps it would be best if remarks made by me to you, and vice versa, were regarded between us as confidential.'

'You're right, you know. Minerva tried to say as much to me,' she agreed. 'I can understand you wouldn't like anyone to know you didn't know the soothing properties of mare's milk.'

*****