Chapter 4 – How To Go On

Thanks a lot to my beta-readers, Tori and Leona, for correcting my mistakes.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.

I'm not a native speaker of English!

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Chapter 4 – How To Go On

"It's nice to have you back, Severus," White Cloud said, placing a cup of coffee in front of him.

Light Arrow joined them at the table. "Yes, it was a good decision for you to come along with the boys. They both really need help. Harry is really on the edge emotionally. Is he opening up to you?"

"Not much. Sometimes he begins to talk openly, but when he realizes what he is talking about, he will stop. It's frustrating."

Light Arrow nodded. "Beyond the trauma, what do you think is going on?"

"He has convinced himself to avenge the death of his friends; the hate is eating him up inside."

"Hopefully, we can help him."

"Maybe you can; I will say this, letting you comfort him after he panicked was unusual behavior for Harry." Severus shook his head deep in thought.

"What about Draco?" Light Arrow asked.

"Draco, on the other hand, is much more open. He tries to focus on his own problems, but I fear he distracts himself by helping Harry. The good thing is that he doesn't feel guilty about what happened to the others, since he wasn't as close to them as Harry was, but he is very shy and anxious around men, which you have already noticed. Women aren't as big a problem; he just tries to hide his scars, which is impossible. Thinking about the fact that his own father disfigured Draco's face makes me sick. That and... Merlin, it's just horrible." Severus hid his face in his hands.

Light Arrow laid a calming hand on the underside of Severus' arm. "You shouldn't dwell on the past; think about how to move on. You look exhausted."

Severus glared at Light Arrow, batting his hand away. "You sound just like Rose. I'm not one of your kids anymore, Light Arrow. I'm not the one you need to worry about."

"You will always be one of our kids, Severus, and we can't help but worry when you look this tired." Light Arrow felt Severus' forehead.

Severus tried to jerk his head away, but Light Arrow anticipated the move and stopped him. "Hold still," the old man said strictly. When Severus obeyed, he asked more calmly, "What did Rose say?"

Severus resumed struggling to get away from Light Arrow's hand. Although he didn't have abilities like Rose, Light Arrow could still work calming magic that would cause those he touched to speak more freely, less encumbered by their emotions. "Please remove your hand from my..."

Severus was cut off by Rose as she came down the stairs. "I told him he should rest. He is very exhausted and in bad shape, Dad."

"I'm fine. Stop speaking about me as if I'm not in the room." Light Arrow removed his hand from his head. Severus was now free to glare at Rose, as she approached the table

"I'm not sure you really are in the room, Severus. Your body may be here, but your mind is not. It's still with the boys. You forgot to take care of yourself," Rose said, sounding as stern as her father.

Seeing that Rose had almost reached him, Severus made to stand up. "That's enough. I am going for a walk."

"You will not," Light Arrow ordered. A heavy hand on Severus' shoulder kept him from standing. "We will discuss this, now."

"I'm no longer a child," Severus shouted. He was on edge; the last few weeks had been so frustrating and exhausting. He would have removed Light Arrow's hand by force if not for a warm and soft hand that wrapped itself around his own. Severus turned to face a worried looking White Cloud.

"Please stay, Severus," White Cloud said calmly. "Let Rose check you over. She can soothe your nerves."

"I don't need to be soothed. I..."

"It wasn't your fault, Severus. You couldn't have rescued them any sooner," White Cloud said knowingly.

Severus was stunned. This woman didn't need Rose's abilities to know what was worrying him. She had sat there, calmly observing the scene and knew exactly what was wrong. Severus was so shocked that White Cloud could still read him like an open book that he didn't notice Rose's hands on his shoulder. When he finally did, it was too late. Her calming magic flowed into him, and he was melting under her touch.

"No, please," he mumbled halfheartedly.

"Hush, Severus," Rose whispered. She took one of her hands from his shoulder and placed it on his forehead. Gently, she drew it backwards against her chest. "Let me go deeper, Severus, you know you can trust me." She tried to reach the nerve bundles that were knotted and overstimulated. She needed to soothe them to make it easier for Severus to think and feel.

White Cloud hummed a soft melody, which Severus remembered from his first stay with them as a teenager. Her thumb drew small circles on the back of his hand, calming him enough for Rose to reach the deeper areas of Severus' nervous system.

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Harry's eyes snapped open at the loud noises coming from downstairs. He was amazed at how rested he felt after only an hour of sleep: he hadn't slept that peacefully since the events in the dungeons. A soft knock startled him and he stared at the door. The knob slowly turned and Harry instinctively grabbed for his wand. "Damn," Harry cursed under his breath when he remembered that Dumbledore had confiscated it.

"Harry?" someone whispered through the slightly opened door.

"Draco?" Harry asked, relieved.

Draco slipped into the room. "Did you hear the noises? I think the other kids are down there now." Draco jumped when a black cat passed him on its way out the door. "What's that?"

"A cat?" Harry said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Close the door, or are you so eager to see the others?"

Draco closed the door. "What was the cat doing in here?" he asked, confused.

"It was keeping me company. His name is Karim. At least I'm not totally alone." Harry looked worriedly at the door. "I hope he will be back tonight."

"I could try to sneak in when they're all sleep," Draco offered.

"No, they have a spell on the bedrooms." He paused thoughtfully before continuing, "And they are right. You have to concentrate on your own issues, Draco. Maybe this is your chance to start a new life."

"And what is it for you?" Draco asked, sitting down on Harry's bed.

Harry pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them. "I won't change my mind, Draco. I intend to kill them all; that's all I want to do. They have to pay for what they did to you, Neville and Ron."

"They hurt you, too," Draco said carefully. He knew that this was something Harry didn't like talking about.

"Let's just change the subject."

A sound from the hall indicated that someone was coming up the stairs, and there was shortly a knock at the door. The boys stared anxiously at it and said nothing.

"You are supposed to say 'come in' or something similar, Harry." Black Hawk's voice echoed through the door.

"But I don't want someone to come in," Harry replied rebelliously.

The man behind the door sighed. "I have to talk with you, and I hate to speak through a door. Can I please come in?"

Harry looked with concern at Draco, who just shrugged.

"Okay."

Black Hawk entered but stopped when he saw Draco on Harry's bed. "You two were supposed to rest."

"We did," Harry said quickly. "Light Arrow said that we could visit each other in our rooms."

Because Black Hawk was an impressive man that radiated strength and power, Harry was careful about what he said and how rebellious he acted. Draco, on the other hand, was visibly scared. Black Hawk, however, stayed near the door, as if he sensed Draco's fear, like a dog who could tell by scent if someone was afraid of him. Black Hawk turned back to the door.

"It's the truth!" Harry insisted, thinking that Black Hawk thought he had lied and now was angry with him. "He told us we can meet as often as we want. I swear." He didn't wanted to get in trouble so early, but maybe he had just misunderstood Light Arrow.

Black Hawk just lifted his hand to silence Harry, and then leaning out the door, he yelled, "Rose? Your boy is here."

Seconds later, Rose pushed past Black Hawk into the room. "Oh, you look much better, Harry. So, did you sleep well?"

Harry nodded and looked at Draco, who had relaxed visibly when Rose had entered the room.

"That's good," she said and reached to stroke his cheek. When Harry flinched away, she drew back her hand and just smiled at him. "I'm very glad you could manage to rest a bit."

She turned to Draco. "We need to speak about a few things, Draco, and then I want you to meet the others." She offered him her hand, and he took it.

Black Hawk moved further into the room to make space so the others could leave. When they were finally alone, he took a seat on Harry's bed and said, "Light Arrow has taken you under his wing, but he doesn't work outside with the kids. So whether you like it or not you are stuck with me for those times. I'm not a great talker and you don't seem to want to talk at all, so we should both get along quite well. I want to help you, Harry, but that is hard if you fight me every step of the way. I don't care how long we will need to help you, that is up to you. You can try to work with me and leave this camp in a few months, or you can fight my attempts to help you and I will just wait until you are finally ready. Months, years, I don't care how long it takes."

Harry looked with fear at the dark man in front of him, but he didn't know why he was afraid.

Black Hawk eyed Harry closely. "There is no reason to look at me like that. I'm here to help you. I have no healing magic like Rose or Light Arrow, but I want to help you nevertheless. I will show you how to take care of your horse, and how to ride him. I will help you through some of our ceremonies here, too. There is no need to be afraid of me. If you don't want to, you don't have to speak with me about anything that concerns your past, just the present. Light Arrow will take care of the rest."

"My horse?" Harry asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes, your horse. Everyone on this ranch has their own horse. Even Severus. You should see his horse; it is almost completely black, only its chest and one ear are white. His name is Thunderstorm because he has quite a temper; although, he is a lamb around Severus and Rose. Your horse is Tohiadedi. It's Cherokee for Freedom. He's a red roan Appaloosa. You will get to meet him soon. Now it's time to meet the others."

Harry desperately hoped that riding Tohiadedi would be be better than his previous experiences riding a horse-like animal. Buckbeak's wings and feathers had made it difficult to maintain his balance and grip, and riding the Thestrals hadn't been much better, because their skeletal bodies made for a very uncomfortable ride. Even though he hadn't fallen off, those rides were in no way graceful. He hoped he wouldn't make a fool of myself, again. He decided to reserve judgment about whether or not having his own horse would be a good thing until he could meet the creature.

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