Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

"Rita Skeeter wouldn't know the truth if it jumped up and bit her on her scrawny, little arse," Snape muttered as he tossed aside his copy of The Daily Prophet and picked up his mug of tea.

"I thought Arthur did well," Hermione said as she spread marmalade on a piece of toast. "He managed to get the gist of the Wizengamot's plan out there without too many embellishments by Rita Skeeter."

"She wanted the interview badly enough to agree to his terms. He stood up and took responsibility for his part in the debacle, and for that he's to be commended. The Chief Warlock and most of the members of the Wizengamot scuttled away like cockroaches in the light as soon as the special session ended. I'm not sure Arthur's actions will be enough to mollify the teeming masses who will be clamouring for his head, however."

Before Hermione could comment any further, there was a tapping at the window. When she approached, she saw an owl sitting on the ledge, preening itself while it waited for someone to open the window.

"I thought you'd redirected all our messages?" she asked as she turned toward Snape.

"Only those from the press," he replied as he got to his feet and joined Hermione.

Done with its preening, the owl glared at Snape and Hermione through the pane. It tapped impatiently at the glass and held up its leg where a tightly rolled parchment with an official Ministry seal was tied.

"Now what does the bloody Ministry want from me?" Snape snarled. He opened the window and snatched the parchment, nearly knocking the owl off the ledge as he did so.

"Ow!" he yelped as he pulled his hand back inside. "That ruddy owl bit me!"

"You nearly sent it flying," Hermione said reasonably.

"It's an owl," Snape said in a prickly tone as he sucked his injured finger. "It's supposed to be sent flying."

"Not like a Quaffle hit by a Bludger, it's not," Hermione retorted. She looked around, but didn't see the customary jar of owl treats anywhere. She picked up her abandoned piece of toast and held it out to the owl.

"Sorry, this is all I have," she said.

The owl blinked at her, and then lifted its beak haughtily. With a derisive hoot it spread its wings and lifted into the air.

"I think I insulted it," Hermione said as she tossed the crust out the window. She shut the window and turned back to see Snape scowling fiercely at the parchment he'd unrolled.

"So what does the bloody Ministry want from you?" she asked coming to stand beside him. She reached for the parchment, but he held it away from her.

"Our annulment hearing is scheduled for two o'clock this afternoon."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise. "Annulment hearing? I thought that since our marriage was magically witnessed the Wizengamot couldn't annul it."

"They can't," he said as rubbed the side of his neck. "They can, however, grant a divorce. Happily, it appears this farce of a marriage will be over even sooner than we anticipated."

"Happily? But, Severus ..."

"I'll expect you to have your personal belongings out of here before the hearing."

"My personal belongings?"

"And, as there's no longer a need for us to work together, I'll expect you to have your workspace cleared out as well."

"Severus, please, we need to discuss ..."

"It's little late for discussion, isn't it?" he asked, cutting off her words. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He gave an exaggerated little bow. "I have things I need to do. But don't worry, I'll be at the Ministry on time ... just as you requested!"

"I didn't request a hearing!"

"According to this," he shouted as he held up the parchment, "you did!"

And then with a loud crack, he was gone.

Hermione sat down heavily. An hour before, they'd been in bed, making love and laughing together. She'd been happy, content, satisfied, and she thought he'd been, as well. She'd thought they'd come to care for each other, to trust each other at least. She knew that she hadn't requested a hearing to end her marriage. She knew that there had to be some kind of mistake. But Severus hadn't even stopped to consider that possibility. He had immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. He, apparently, had no desire to remain married to her. He was happily looking forward to being single again, to having her out of his life.

She wanted to scream, to rage, to rail at the unfairness of it all. But none of that would do any good. She could refuse to give her permission for the divorce; even Snape had conceded that point in the note he'd left for her on their wedding day, but what good would that do? Would that make her husband trust her or want her?

No, it wouldn't.

Hermione sighed and got to her feet. If Severus wanted her belongings, and her, gone, then gone they would be.

She conjured some boxes and began throwing things into them.

Hermione was sitting on one of the hard, backless benches that lined the corridor outside Courtroom Ten with her head down, and her eyes on the cracked floor tile. She was lost in her own thoughts, and so she jumped a bit when someone touched her shoulder.

"Hey, Hermione."

"Ron!"

"Long time, huh?" he asked. He was shifting from foot to foot. "How've you been?"

"I'm fine," Hermione replied mechanically.

"That's good ... good."

Hermione looked past him, hoping to see Severus.

"So, Hermione."

"Yes?" Hermione reluctantly drew her attention back to Ron.

"I heard you got married."

"It was all over the papers, Ron."

"Yeah ... well, I'm not. Married, that is."

"At the moment, you mean," Hermione said.

"Well, you won't be soon, either, right?"

"How do you know that?"

"Like you said, it was in the papers. You know, about what Trelawney did, and how the Wizengamot's going to have hearings and annul all the marriages," Ron said.

"So, you just happened to be here today?" Hermione's eyes narrowed with suspicion as she stared up at Ron.

"Yeah, sure ... uh ... well ... not exactly." Ron stammered out. The only time he'd ever been able to lie successfully to Hermione was when he'd sworn wouldn't cheat on her again.

"Then why, exactly, are you here?" Hermione demanded as she got to her feet.

"Uh ... you know Percy works here at the Ministry, right?"

When Hermione nodded, he spoke again. "He told me about the hearings, and I sort of asked him to put in a request for you, to get your hearing scheduled right away instead of waiting."

"What?"

"At first he didn't want to, but he owed me a favour ..."

"You can tell Percy that I'll be filing a complaint against him! Ministry personnel aren't supposed to discuss Ministry business with outsiders."

"I'm not an outsider! I'm his brother."

"When it comes to official Ministry business, you're an outsider. My privacy has been violated."

"Crickey, Hermione, he was just trying to help you."

"How could either of you think that scheduling this hearing, without my permission, would be helping me?"

"We both felt bad when you had to marry Snape."

"I didn't have to marry anyone; it was my choice," Hermione said coolly.

"Giving up your magic wasn't much of a choice, was it?" Ron replied. "And neither was marrying Dung. But once your marriage is annulled, and now that the fertility requirement is gone, we can get married."

Hermione scowled at him. "Did you say 'we', as in you and me?"

"And I thought you were the clever one. Who else would I mean?"

"I'm not interested in marrying you, Ron. I thought I finally made that clear last year."

"I know you were upset with me when you saw me with ... well, you know."

"All too well," Hermione muttered.

"But I know you didn't mean all those things you said. You love me; you've always loved me."

He smiled that charming, boyish, almost shy smile – the one that had once had the power to make Hermione's knees weak. Now all it did was make her angry.

"I used to love you," Hermione corrected. "I haven't loved you for a very long time. And as for my being upset – well, you have a rare talent for understatement if you think upset covers it."

"I don't know what the big deal is ..." Ron began, and then he backed away as Hermione stepped closer to him and began jabbing her finger into his chest.

"You don't know what the big deal is? Is that what you said?"

Jab.

"I walked into the flat we shared ..."

Jab

"... Into the bedroom we shared ..."

Jab. Jab.

"... and found you fucking someone else in the bed we shared!"

Jab. Jab. Jab.

"It was just sex," Ron said as he rubbed the painful spot on his chest. "And you don't even like sex!"

"Maybe I'd've liked it well enough if it lasted more than two minutes!" Hermione was nearly shouting now.

"Keep it down, would you?" Ron's face had gone red. "She didn't mean anything to me, you know. You're the one I love."

"You married her a week later, but she didn't mean anything to you? You're disgusting!"

Ron's face flushed an even deeper red. "Not nearly as disgusting as Snape! You're lucky I still want you after he's had his greasy hands on you!"

"You aren't fit to breathe the same air he does!"

And before she even realised she was going to do it, she raised her arm and slapped him.

Ron's mouth twisted into an ugly line. He pulled his wand, but before he could raise it, it flew from his hand.

"What the fuck!"

He twisted around to follow his wand, and discovered his father standing a few feet down the corridor. Arthur had Ron's wand clutched in his fist.

"Were you about to raise your wand against the woman you claim to love?" Arthur asked in a fierce tone.

"She hit me! You saw that, didn't you?"

"She slapped your face," Arthur said. "And judging by what I overheard, I'd say the slap was well deserved!"

Ron turned back to Hermione. "Don't think you can come crawling back to me after this, you bitch. I don't want to marry you now; I don't even want to see you ever again."

"At last, we're in agreement!" Hermione said.

Ron spun on his heel and strode down the corridor.

He stopped in front of his father and held out his hand.

Arthur shook his head, and then he spoke. "I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be ashamed of one of my children."

"You don't understand," Ron protested.

"You're right, I don't. I'm not sure I ever will. Now, go home, Ronald."

"I need my wand."

"Use the Floo in the Atrium – I'll return your wand to you later."

Ron glared but he didn't say anything more. He pushed past Arthur and headed toward the lifts that would take him to the Atrium and the Floo there.

Arthur shook his head as he watched his youngest son stalk away. Then he walked over to stand in front of Hermione.

"I had no idea that you ... that he ... that you had found him with ..." Arthur began.

"It doesn't matter now," Hermione said in a weary tone. "Looking back, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to me."

"How can you say that?"

"Because finding him like that gave me the impetus I needed to finally break it off with him for good. It took me a while to get over it completely, but I did, and that meant I wasn't carrying any baggage when I married Severus."

Arthur looked at her sharply. "You really love Severus, don't you?"

Hermione started to shake her head to deny it, but instead she decided it was time to admit the truth. "More than I ever thought I could love anyone," she replied.

"Then why are you here?" Arthur asked kindly. "The annulment isn't mandatory; you can stay married if you want to."

Hermione shook her head sadly. "Severus doesn't want to stay married."

"How can you say that? He cares about you deeply. The other night at St. Mungo's he was frantic with worry over you."

She shook her head again. "No. I was merely the least objectionable of the poor choices available to him. He's quite happily looking forward to ending our marriage."

"I think you're wrong, Hermione," Arthur said as he reached out and touched her cheek with a gentle hand.

"He doesn't care about me, and he doesn't trust me. If he did, he wouldn't have walked out when the Ministry owl arrived with the information about the hearing."

"He assumed you had requested the hearing?"

She nodded. "He assumed the worst of me! I thought we had moved past that, but I was wrong. He doesn't love me, and I love him too much to force him to stay with me if that isn't what he truly wants."

"I could talk to him; I could explain what Ron and Percy did."

"Don't you dare," Hermione warned.

"But ..."

"No."

Arthur sighed, but acquiesced. "All right," he said as he looked over Hermione's shoulder. "But, you'd better brace up, then, because here he comes."

Hermione took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She turned to face the man she loved, the man she'd married, the man who didn't want her.

Hermione and Snape stared at each other for a moment, and then Snape turned away without speaking.

The door to the courtroom opened, and the clerk of the court stepped out.

"Mrs. Snape?"

She turned her head. "Yes?"

"The Healer is ready for you."

"All right."

"Mr. Snape, do you wish to be present for the exam?" the clerk asked, raising his voice slightly.

Snape didn't even bother to turn around when he answered. "Why would I?"

"You can wait in the courtroom, then. This won't take long. Follow me, Mrs. Snape."

"Hermione," Arthur spoke softly.

"Let it be, Arthur. Please, just let it be."

Hermione followed the clerk into the courtroom. Arthur watched as the door closed behind her, and then he walked away without speaking to Snape.

Twenty minutes later, Hermione and the Healer left the small anteroom that had been used for the diagnostic spell and entered the courtroom proper. Hermione took the spot the clerk indicated on Snape's left, and the Healer stood next to her.

Tiberius Ogden, the Wizengamot official chosen by the Chief Warlock to oversee the hearing, peered through his spectacles at the couple before him, and then he shifted his gaze and addressed the Healer.

"Is the exam complete?"

"This witch is not carrying a child, and I hereby attest to that fact," the Healer said in a solemn tone. He stepped forward and handed a parchment to the clerk of the court.

"Thank you for your services," Ogden said in an equally solemn tone. "You may leave the courtroom."

The Healer bowed slightly, and then he turned and walked out.

Ogden waited until the door closed behind the departing Healer, and then he turned his gaze back to the witch and wizard standing before him.

"Severus Snape and Hermione Snape, née Granger, on behalf of the Minister for Magic, the Chief Warlock, every member of the Wizengamot, and myself personally, I wish to extend heartfelt apologies for the turmoil and upheaval that the Conjugally Required Accelerated Procreation Statute, otherwise known as the Marriage and Baby Law, has visited upon you. While our apologies cannot change the injustice done to you, it is our sincere hope that you will each be able to move forward and forget the pain and humiliation this unforgivable intrusion upon your lives has caused ..."

"Just get on with it, you pompous, old wind bag," Snape muttered under his breath, and Hermione smiled slightly in spite of her heartache.

Ogden, completely oblivious to Snape's impatient mumble, droned on for a few more moments before he finally got to the gist of the matter.

"This court will now consider the marriage of Severus Snape and Hermione Snape, née Granger. The parties named entered into this marriage under the duress of the Marriage and Baby Law, and a qualified Healer has determined that no child has been created between them. They are, therefore, entitled to end their union immediately and without legal prejudice.

"I see from your paperwork that your marriage, although not a wizarding ceremony, was magically witnessed by Martin Gladstone, a wizard who is also related to one of you. Is that correct?"

"Martin Gladstone is my fourth or fifth cousin; hardly a relative at all," Snape said in a dismissive tone.

"You wound me, Cousin," boomed a voice from the back of the dimly lit courtroom.

At the sound, both Hermione and Snape turned around. Tiberius Ogden lifted his head from the papers in front of him to glare at the source of the voice.

"What is the meaning of this interruption?" he demanded.

"My apologies, Tiberius," said Arthur Weasley as he stepped out of the shadows with Martin. "Mr. Gladstone is with me."

"And why are you here, Arthur? There are sensitive and delicate matters being discussed here."

"Severus and Hermione Snape are friends, both to Martin Gladstone and to me; we are here merely to observe and to offer our support."

"Do either of the parties have an objection to the presence of these observers?" Ogden asked.

Hermione shook her head.

"You must answer verbally, Mrs. Snape ... for the record, you understand."

"I've no objection," she said in a soft voice.

"And you, Mr. Snape?" Ogden asked.

Snape turned and sent a scornful look at Martin. "I suppose since you were present when this farce of a marriage began, Cousin, it's only fitting that you be here to see it end."

"You're a damn fool, Severus. I'm amazed that she's managed to put up with you for all of the six days you've been married!"

"Shut up, Martin," Snape growled.

"Gladly. I didn't come here for your benefit, anyway." And with those words, Martin walked over and stood beside Hermione.

"Hello, my dear," he said gently. "I heard there was some commotion here the other day and that you were injured. Are you all right?" He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips.

Hermione gave him a small, sad smile. "I'm fine, Martin, really."

"Of course you are," he said.

"Perhaps you'd like to ask her to dinner?" Ogden asked in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"As a matter of fact ..."

"And perhaps I'll hold you in contempt!"

"I'll ask her later," Martin said, completely unabashed. "Do carry on."

With a final glare at the impudent wizard, Ogden cleared his throat and started speaking again.

"Where were we? Ah ... yes. It has been determined that your marriage had a magical witness, correct?"

"Yes," Snape conceded.

"Yes," Hermione said.

"And the marriage was consummated?"

Hermione flushed, and even Snape looked uncomfortable. "It was consummated," he finally said.

"Mrs. Snape, I appreciate that this is unpleasant for you, but again, you must answer verbally. Was the marriage consummated?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. Because the marriage was magically witnessed and lawfully consummated, it is beyond the scope of this court to grant an annulment."

For one brief moment, Hermione felt the flare of hope in her heart, but Ogden's next words snuffed out even that tiny ember.

"This court does, however, have the authority to issue a Bill of Divorcement, as long as both parties consent.

"Severus Snape, is it your wish to divorce this woman?"

Snape stared straight ahead as he answered.

"It is."

"Hermione Snape, is it your wish to divorce this man?"

Hermione turned to look at her husband. He was still staring straight ahead, refusing to meet her eyes. She sighed and then looked up at Ogden.

"It is my wish to grant my husband his wish," she replied in a near whisper.

It took a moment for Hermione's words to register, but when they did, Snape turned to look at her for the first time since they'd entered the courtroom. She was pale, and her bottom lip was trembling slightly. Even as he watched her blink rapidly, a tear welled from the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek.

Ogden spoke again. "Having received the consent of both parties, it is the ruling of this court that the marriage between Severus Snape and Hermione Snape née Granger is hereby ended. The customary waiting period for the Bill of Divorcement is hereby waived. Mr. Snape, Miss Granger, with the apologies of this court, you are free to go."

He raised his gavel, and Snape called out, "Wait!"

But his protest came too late, and the gavel banged down.

Hermione had prepared herself for the emotional pain – at least she thought she had. She hadn't expected the physical pain, however.

"No ..." she gasped as she felt the burning, tearing pain rip through her chest. "Oh, no ..."

Her knees buckled, and Martin, who was still holding her hand, slipped his arm around her waist to help ease her down to the floor.

Snape collapsed beside her, his face twisted into a grimace of agony. Somehow, he managed to reach out and grasp her hand.

"Hermione ... gods, Hermione ..."

"Hurts ..." she sobbed. "Hurts so much ..."

Snape tried to pull her closer, but the pain stole his strength.

Arthur, who'd been watching the proceedings from the rear of the courtroom, hurried over to the couple.

"Is it as you suspected, Martin?" Arthur asked as he leaned over the trio huddled on the floor.

"Yes ... this confirms it."

Arthur straightened and shouted up toward the bench.

"Tiberius, you must rescind the Bill of Divorcement! They're bound!"

"There's nothing in their records to indicate that they're bound," Ogden protested as he shuffled some papers around in front of him. "They should know they can't get a divorce!"

"It was a spontaneous binding. Even they weren't aware that it had occurred. These proceedings are interfering with their bond, and you must rescind the divorce immediately!"

"It's never been proven that spontaneous binding exists ..."

A low moan from Snape and a sob from Hermione had Arthur drawing his wand and approaching Tiberius Ogden with a murderous gleam in his eye.

"You can see for yourself that they're both in agony! We can argue magical theory later. Right now, as Minister for Magic, I demand you rescind the Bill of Divorcement!" Arthur pointed his wand at Ogden menacingly.

"Don't get your pants in a pinch, Arthur," Ogden grumbled.

As Arthur took another step forward, Ogden picked up his gavel.

"The Bill of Divorcement between Severus Snape and Hermione Snape née Granger is hereby rescinded. Mr. and Mrs. Snape remain married in the eyes of this court!"

And then he banged his gavel down sharply once again.

By the time Arthur turned away from the bench and moved back to where Martin, Snape, and Hermione had fallen, the crisis had passed.

Snape was already sitting up, and he had pulled Hermione into a sitting position beside him.

"Hermione, are you all right?" Snape asked. "Are you still in pain?"

Hermione was weak and trembling, but she forced herself to speak. "It's ... it's fading."

"Just sit for a few moments, both of you, until you get your strength back," Martin said as he got to his feet.

"What happened to us?" Hermione asked. She was still shaking, but the pain had receded even more.

"Something unprecedented – at least in modern history," Arthur said.

"You'd better have a better explanation than that," Snape growled.

"Your cousin can probably explain it better than I can. He's the one who recognized the phenomenon."

Snape shifted his gaze from Arthur to Martin. "Well?"

"I believe that you two have experienced a spontaneous binding," Martin said.

"What the fuck is a spontaneous binding?" Snape demanded. He was feeling a lot stronger. He shifted to get his legs under him and rose gingerly to his feet. When his knew his legs would hold him, he reached down and took Hermione's hand and helped her to stand as well. He then led her to one of the benches that lined the centre of the courtroom and urged her to sit. He sat beside her, but he didn't release her hand.

"I've ... I've read about them," Hermione said. "Magical theorists have debated their existence for decades."

"They exist," Martin said emphatically. "You two are living proof of that."

Arthur, who had seated himself on Hermione's other side, looked over to where Tiberius Ogden and the clerk were standing and staring at them with obvious interest.

"If you're both feeling strong enough, why don't we continue this discussion in my office? I'll order tea."

"We're not to be disturbed, Edwards," Arthur said ten minutes later as his aide set down the tea tray.

"Of course, Minister," Edwards said and bowed himself out of the office.

For a few moments, the four of them busied themselves with their teacups. Arthur reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a half-full bottle of Ogden's Old. He didn't ask for permission, he simply poured a generous slug into each of their cups.

"Now that we're sufficiently recovered, and fortified, I believe we're ready to hear what happened to us," Snape said. "Spill it, Martin."

Martin cleared his throat, took a sip of his tea, and then set his cup down. "A spontaneous binding is just what it sounds like – a binding that happens without being formally initiated. I suspected it when the blue sparks showered us after I witnessed your signatures on your Certificate of Marriage."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"Would you have believed me if I had said something?" Martin challenged. "You were adamant that yours was a 'marriage of convenience'. I wanted to give you time to adjust to being married. I knew I'd have to tell you, but I thought I'd have a bit of time.

"I didn't expect the whole bloody boil-on-the-backside-Marriage-and-Baby-Law to rupture as quickly and as spectacularly as it did! When I read the news about the Wizengamot scheduling hearings to grant annulments and divorces, I knew I had to tell you right away – which is why I came to London.

"And once again, events had moved faster than I anticipated. I contacted Filius Flitwick, who in turn put me in touch with Arthur here. I'd barely stepped through the Floo in the Atrium when your hearing was called to order."

"Why didn't you try to stop it?" Hermione asked.

"My question, as well," Snape said. "Or perhaps you enjoyed watching us suffer?"

"Severus!" Arthur scolded.

Martin glared at Snape. "I won't dignify that remark by denying it. I know you, Severus. I know how stubborn and intractable you are. Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you would have taken my word without proof?"

Snape opened his mouth, but no words came out. He knew his cousin was right. He wouldn't have believed that he and Hermione were bound. He closed his mouth with an audible snap of his teeth.

Martin turned to Hermione. "Oh, my dear, dear girl, I'm so sorry that you had to hurt so just to prove a point to my obstinate and pig-headed cousin."

Hermione smiled. "I probably wouldn't have believed you, either," she said.

"No, but you would have at least listened to what I had to say. This one ..." he jerked his chin towards Snape "... is a jackass!"

"Yes, sometimes he is," Hermione agreed.

"Thank you for that ringing endorsement, wife," Snape said mockingly.

"Oh, shut it, Severus," Martin said. "You know I'm right; you wouldn't have listened to a word I said."

"I'm listening now, so why don't you explain how this happened."

"As Hermione said, there's been debate for decades about spontaneous binding. Those who believe it exists have put forth the theory that it occurs when four conditions are met."

"Conditions?"

"Conditions, circumstances, events – it doesn't matter which word you use to describe the confluence of factors that lead to the spontaneous binding."

"Sounds like gibberish to me," Snape said in a mocking tone.

"Of course it does ... and you wonder why I didn't attempt to convince you!"

"Stop it!" Hermione had to raise her voice to be heard over their bickering. "Stop it, both of you! You, Martin, stop baiting him."

Snape smirked, and then Hermione rounded on him.

"And you, husband, you stop snarling at Martin. None of this is his fault, you know. He could have stayed on Cyprus, and when we collapsed in front of Tiberius Ogden, no one would have known what was happening to us or how to help us. We'd be dead, and you'd have your wish to see our marriage ended!"

Once again, Snape was rendered speechless as the truth of her words penetrated his anger-fogged brain.

Hermione turned back to Martin and spoke again. "Now, maybe Severus doesn't care how we came to be bonded, but I do. Please continue."

"Of course, my dear.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, there are four conditions that must be met before a spontaneous binding occurs.

"The first condition is that the two parties involved must come together voluntarily."

It seemed that Snape was constitutionally unable to resist inserting a sarcastic remark. "We came together voluntarily? Without the C.R.A.P. Statute hanging over our heads we'd never have agreed to marry!"

"You had options, Severus. You had choices," Arthur interjected. "They were undesirable options and unappealing choices to be sure, but options and choices none the less. Yet, you and Hermione agreed of your own volition to marry, isn't that so?"

"Well ... yes," Snape said, "but ..."

"There is no 'but'," Martin maintained. "You came together voluntarily."

"What's the second condition?" Hermione asked before Snape could offer any further argument.

"The second condition is that the binding be witnessed by a person of magic who is also a blood relative of one of the parties. As you have already stipulated, that's exactly what happened."

"It was a civil ceremony – not a magical binding ceremony," Snape insisted.

"In theory, any ceremony is a binding ceremony if the other conditions are met."

"How convenient," Snape said. "And the third condition?"

"The third condition is that both parties must have the intent to enter into an irrevocable, lifetime commitment."

"We never intended any such thing!" Severus said almost triumphantly. "The marriage was a scam. It was a well laid out scheme designed to circumvent the provisions of a law we felt was unjust."

"You know what they say about the best laid schemes," Arthur said calmly as he sipped his tea.

"How profound, Arthur," Snape said with a scowl.

"Is that how you felt about the marriage, Hermione," Martin asked shrewdly. "Did you feel it was a scam, a scheme, and never meant to last?"

"We were talking about getting a divorce before we were even married," Snape interrupted yet again. "We were, weren't we, Hermione?" he asked her in an almost desperate tone.

"Yes, we were," she agreed. "But ...but I also remember thinking how much I wished that the marriage could be forever."

"Somewhere deep in the recesses of your heart and your mind, you formed the same intent, Severus," Martin said in the kindest tone he'd used with Snape all day.

Snape got to his feet and went to stand in front of Hermione.

"Why, Hermione? Why would you wish such a thing?"

She looked up and stared into his dark, unreadable eyes. "Because I love you," she said simply. "Why would you?"

Snape seemed completely taken aback by her statement.

"Because you love her, as well, don't you, Severus?" Arthur prodded gently.

"You know you love her," Martin stated. "Why don't you just admit it?"

Snape wanted to deny it, but he couldn't get his lips and tongue to form the words.

He looked at Hermione, and then his gaze slid to Arthur and Martin, and then back to Hermione again.

"That's the fourth condition, isn't it?" He asked the question of Martin, but his eyes never left Hermione's face, and his voice held a longing tone that he was sure had never come from his mouth before.

"Yes," Martin said softly. "That's the final condition and the most important one."

"You ... you love me?" Hermione asked in a voice filled with wonder.

Snape cupped her cheek and brushed his thumb across its velvety surface. "With all my heart."

And then pulled her to her feet and kissed her.

Their kiss was long, deep, and satisfying, and when they finally broke apart, they both seemed a little startled to discover that they weren't alone.

Martin was looking on, smiling like a proud father. "It's about time! I swear, Sev, you are the most stubborn, intransigent, obdurate, unyielding, inflexible man I've ever known."

"Are you done insulting me?" Snape asked mildly.

"Nearly; did I mention that you're also insufferably smug?"

Snape quirked an amused brow, and then extended his hand to his cousin.

"Thank you, Martin ... for everything. And if you ever call me 'Sev' again, I'll roast your balls for breakfast."

Martin laughed and took Snape's hand. "Be happy, Cousin Severus. And take care of this jewel." He released Snape's hand and pulled Hermione into his arms for a hug.

"Thank you, Martin," she murmured into his chest.

"And you take care of him," Martin said thickly.

"I will, I promise."

Arthur was also smiling as he watched and listened. "I really think you two should go home now," he said. "I'm sure you have a lot to talk about."

And so they went home and they talked. They talked about love, about trust, and about honest communication.

Hermione told Severus about her encounter with Ron at the Ministry, and his and Percy's scheme to end their marriage.

"The hearing was Weasley's doing?"

"He thought he was doing me a favour."

"I'll do him a favour," Snape said in a dangerous tone. "This whole incident was his fault!"

Hermione shook her head. "No, it was our fault."

"How can you say that?"

"Ron set up the hearing, but we both showed up, didn't we?"

"When I read the notice from the Ministry, I thought you wanted out of our marriage," Snape said.

"Had I given you any indication that I wanted out?"

"I knew I hadn't requested a hearing," Snape insisted stubbornly. "The logical assumption was that you had."

"But I hadn't. And instead of asking me about it, you jumped to conclusions and stomped off."

"I don't stomp!"

"It doesn't matter whether you stomped, swooped, or Apparated away," Hermione said sternly. "The point is, you left. You didn't trust me enough to talk to me."

Snape looked into the earnest, open face of his wife, the woman he had come to love. And he knew that if he didn't open himself as fully as she had, he would lose her. And losing her was not something he was prepared to do. Not now ... not ever.

"It wasn't you I didn't trust," he said. "I didn't trust myself."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't trust myself not to beg you to stay married to me."

Hermione's stern façade crumbled.

"Oh, Severus."

"In my own defence, when I heard your response to Ogden's question, I tried to stop the proceedings."

"I remember hearing that."

Snape swallowed hard, and then he continued. "I'm sorry my ... my stubborn pride caused you pain."

"You were in pain, as well," Hermione said.

"Yes, but I deserved to be; you didn't."

"I'm as much at fault as you are. I should have let Arthur talk to you when he wanted to after Ron left. It was my stubborn pride that got in the way then."

"So we're both prideful and stubborn," he said. "But we're both extremely intelligent, as well. I'd be willing to wager that we can learn from our mistakes."

"I'll take that bet," Hermione said.

And then she smiled, and Snape wrapped her in his arms and kissed her again.

Much later, they were eating curry take-away and reflecting on the turn their lives had taken.

"I'm still not sure I understand just how the magic of a spontaneous binding works," Snape said. "It seems impossible."

Hermione smiled. "To most people in the world, all magic seems impossible. Yet, we're living proof that magic exists."

"True enough."

"Magic exists, and our binding exists; it can't be undone." She picked up her fork and bent her head over her plate.

"If you could, would you undo it?" he asked in a quiet tone that had Hermione raising her head sharply.

She met his eyes and spoke firmly. "I wouldn't change anything. Do you hear me, Severus? I wouldn't change anything. Would you?"

He looked into the intense, gold-flecked eyes of his wife. He reached across the table and stroked her cheek softly. "No, Hermione. I wouldn't change anything."

She covered his hand with hers, and then she turned her head and kissed the inside of his palm.

"Good. Now eat your curry before it goes cold."

"Yes, dear," he said with an exaggerated sigh. Then he picked up his fork and tucked in.

Epilogue

And so ends our tale of well laid schemes.

Some schemes ended sadly.

Sybill Trelawney lived out her days in the Janus Thickey ward at St. Mungo's. She had few visitors, but on the rare occasion when a charitably-minded individual saw fit to stop by her bed, she was always happy to brag about her fiancé, the decorated war hero, Severus Snape, and to share her wedding plans with her guest.

Some schemes ended happily.

Amazingly, more than ninety-eight percent of the couples whose marriages were arranged under the C.R.A.P. Statute chose to remain married, or they re-married after their annulment or divorce. For all her insanity, it seemed that Sybill Trelawney had, in fact, possessed a unique talent for match-making.

Some schemes ended with a twist of irony.

Although the C.R.A.P. Statute had been enacted for all the wrong reasons, the resultant increase in the number of babies born, and the relatively low incidence of Squib-births, meant that Arthur Weasley suffered few consequences for his part in its passage. In fact, the Wizengamot, in a move that negated its own culpability as well as Arthur's, refused to accept his resignation, and he continued to serve as Minister for Magic for many, many years.

Percy Weasley was officially reprimanded for discussing Ministry business with an outsider and for arranging a hearing without the permission of the parties involved. Thirteen years after being demoted to the rank of assistant file clerk, the blot on his record was expunged, and he was promoted to chief file clerk, a post he held until his retirement.

Ron Weasley married twice more, the last time to a shy, retiring Muggle-born witch from a well-heeled family in Northumberland. When she found him dallying with the upstairs maid, she cast an impotency charm of her own invention on him. She released it twice a year – on Boxing Day and on her birthday. He never cheated on her again.

And one scheme, the best laid scheme of them all, never really ended.

Severus and Hermione, both admittedly stubborn and prideful, had an occasionally turbulent, always passionate, but ultimately deeply satisfying marriage. They were inseparable in life, and nearly a century after they'd married, they died within hours of each other. Their three children, seven grandchildren, and seventeen great-grandchildren mourned them, but happily carried on a unique relationship with them when they moved into the same portrait to continue their love story through eternity.

Thus proving that the best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry.

(But not always!)

Author's note: The often misquoted line from which the title of this story is taken is from the poem "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns. The actual quote is:

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men

gang aft a-gley.

This story was written for the Potter Place's Variety Challenge. This is the prompt I chose: Something Old – Revisit a once popular challenge. I chose to revisit the Marriage Law Challenge, but I've placed the story in a post-DH timeline.