New Chapter for The Garnet Star
The Garnet Star
beneathoceans1 Review | 1 Rating, 0 Likes, 0 Favorites )
Dailus was the crowned Prince of Apodis, a kingdom of winged men and women who have built their city high in the mountains of Unuk and El-Nath. Their kingdom was rich and content though it was bordered by the sea.
Atrya was the youngest daughter of Emperor Nun-Chi of the city of Eridu, and her people dwelled in the waters of Pleione. The ocean was abundant with life and treasures, but the air above prevents them from conquering the world and claiming it for their own.
Theirs was a forbidden love that could never be, for one worshipped the skies, while the other swam the seas. However, they found love and shared it in secret. But secrets always have their way of coming out, and with that revelation an ancient hatred between their people would bring them all to war and complete annihilation.
There was only one way for their love to continue and survive, but it was perilous. Many have tried it and perished. Dailus and Atrya will test the boundaries of their love, and their world, and find escape with THE GARNET STAR.
Validated by : WriterMerrin
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About beneathoceans
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beneathoceans
Member Since 2009 | 1 Story | Favorited by 0 | 2 Reviews Written | 0 Review Responses
I write for a hobby. Maybe someday I'll be published!
Reviews for The Garnet Star
Your description, and the pace and flow of your story is very good. Your characterisation of Dailus is great. He is a very arrogant and in some ways, naïve character, and I like that Kuma is his voice of reason. At the moment, Dailus doesn’t seem a very likable character, but I’m sure he will mature as the story progresses.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind. One is what Kuma knows. I’m assuming, from how their banter reads, that Kuma and Dailus are about the same age. Eventually, it would be a good idea to reveal what Kuma knows about the border, or that he actually never did know anything, and there must be a good reason that he would know something the Crown Prince does not.
Another thing to keep in mind is your characters’ personalities, when writing dialogue. At times, your dialogue sounds a little awkward, but I don’t like commenting on the dialogue in other people’s stories unless it is entirely unrealistic. Since how I would say something is different to how you would say it. And your dialogue is mostly good and still developing.
Overall it is an interesting and good start.