-

“What is this, Hermione?”

“Chicken vindaloo, Luce. Try it – you’ll like it.”

“Have you been experimenting with Indian cooking again, dearest?”

“Yes, Sev. I added a little extra chilli and ginger and let it simmer for half an hour longer this time for a better kick.”

“Ahh. Lucius, I would suggest you try a somewhat smaller spoonful. That could be rather spicy.”

“Why? It can’t be that bad... Argggghhh! Where’s the bloody water?”

“Told you. And milk is better to offset that kind of heat.”

“Are you trying to kill me again, woman? I thought we were over that stage of our relationship. Don’t you think I’m hot enough as it is?”

“Oh, you are hot, Luce. No doubt about it. I just thought your taste buds could use a little change of pace. All that bland stodge you have your house-elves cook. It’s not good for you.”

“And this... this... hellfire on a plate is?”

“Well, it made those lovely grey eyes light up, and that flush in your cheeks is quite becoming.”

“I think she has a point there, Lucius. You do look somewhat enticing right at the moment.”

“Oh, shut it, you two. I’m phoning for pizza!”

***

“Ham and pineapple? Could you have been any less imaginative, Luce? I teach you how to use a phone to order pizza, and this is the thanks I get?”

“What’s wrong with ham and pineapple? It’s my favourite.”

“It’s boring. Ordinary. Unexciting. You are supposed to be a Malfoy. You know, high class, stylish, only the best. And you settle for ham and pineapple! It’s pathetic.”

“You like ham and pineapple, Severus. Tell her it’s the pizza all the best wizards choose.”

“I eat ham and pineapple. Mainly because it’s what you order. Do you actually know how to order anything else?”

“Er. Now that you mention it. No.”

“You thought all pizzas were ham and pineapple, didn’t you? You pureblood prat! Sometimes I wonder what I see in you.”

“Wouldn’t be my superb taste, fine intellect, and gorgeous body, by any chance?”

“Or that you are hung like a hippogriff?”

“Now, Severus, I was trying to be gentlemanly and not mention that particular attribute... You noticed?”

“How could I not notice when it was in my face last night, not to mention other more delicate areas.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.”

“Oh, I had no complaints.”

***

“So, this is a pureblood tradition?”

“Yes. Have I ever lied to you?”

“Frequently.”

“Well, in the last six months, then?”

“Not that I am aware of. Sev, has he lied to me in the last six months?”

“Mmmm... mmph.”

“Ahh... Don’t disturb him. He is just getting good at that.”

“So I noticed. Your eyes are starting to roll back in your head. It’s not attractive.”

“Just let me paint you with the chocolate sauce and lick it off.”

“Only if I get to lick Sev’s ‘lollipop’ while you do it. And use that red bottle over there. It’s a nicer flavour.”

“Go ahead. Just don’t let him get too carried away until I’m ready.”

“OK. Can you reach?”

“Mmm. Just. Got it. Ready?”

“Oi! Warming charm!”

“Sorry. There, better?”

“Much. Well, get on with it before it gets sticky!”

“Mmmm... Sorry, he really is good, you know. I was a little distracted.”

“I’ll distract him...”

“Would you two stop talking about me as if I am not here?”

“Yes, Sev, dear. Does this feel better?”

“Mmm. Much. Now where was I?”

“Down there, Severus. Oh, yes, there!”

“Mmmm.”

“Mmmm.”

“Fuck, Hermione. This is chilli flavoured chocolate!”

“Mmmm... So?”

***

A/N Written for Saturday night drabbles.

Three food related prompts: Hermione decides to make some Indian food for Severus and Lucius but makes it far too spicy, from Melenka.

Ham, pineapple, and a wizard of your choice, from lyn_f.

Lucius has some bizarre, pureblood food tradition he's foisting upon Hermione, from PajamaPants

Thank you, PJ darling, for betaing for me, and alliean, whose witty dialogue only stories inspired me to try the same!