Snapey Snax

Hermione walked briskly into the kitchen. She’d had a long day and was looking forward to a nice, steamy-hot cup of cocoa. She smiled to herself. There was just something about the chocolaty beverage that surpassed all other drinks. Not only was it warm and comforting, there was something sinful about its richness that made Hermione feel positively naughty when she drank it. Of course, she always topped it with a giant swirl of whipped cream. That might have had something to do with her overindulgent feelings whenever she let herself have a cup.

She wandered over to a cabinet and swung the door wide. Gazing into the cabinet she frowned. Severus had, once again, rearranged the cabinets. Every so often, he’d get all domestic and there would be… changes… throughout the house. This fit of domesticity turned the cabinetry into a new adventure. She began moving things to the side, trying to find the cocoa.

Having no luck, she moved to the next cabinet. Once again, she moved things to and fro. Seeing a brown canister, she pulled it out, thinking it was her cocoa. Looking at the label carefully, she realized it wasn’t her coveted cocoa. The label read “Snapey Snax.”

“What the devil?” she said to herself. Tearing the lid off the canister, she peered into it. She gaped at what she found. Inside the canister were multi-colored fruit snacks shaped almost exactly like Severus Snape’s hooked nose.

Hermione looked at the canister label again, then back in at the contents.

“Snapey Snax? What on earth? I wonder if they taste good?”

She gingerly lifted one from the canister. It was green. She turned it and examined it from every angle. Shrugging, she popped it into her mouth and chewed. After cringing heavily, she ran to the bathroom and began heaving and vomiting.

oooOOOooo

At the sound of Hermione gagging, Severus looked up from his desk where he’d been marking essays. His brow furrowed as he quickly got up and raced to the bathroom. He was surprised to find his wife bent over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach directly into it.

“Hermione, are you all right?” he asked.

Hermione gagged a little more before wiping the spittle from her mouth. She turned and glared at Severus.

“Snapey Snax?” she cried. “They taste like bogeys! Augh!”

A look of trepidation came over Severus’ face. “Um… I was hoping you wouldn’t find those,” he replied.

“What on earth are they?”

Severus frowned deeply. “They’re a gag gift from George Weasley. They showed up by owl on April Fool’s Day.”

“Have you tasted them?” she cried.

“Yes, they’re rather… revolting,” Severus mused, almost to himself. “You’re lucky you didn’t get a red one.”

“Why?” Hermione asked.

“They’re bloody-nose flavored.”

Hermione gagged a bit before controlling her roiling stomach.

“Why on earth did you keep them, Severus?”

“Did you read the fine print?” Severus asked.

“No! I was too busy running for the loo.”

Severus helped her up and brought her back into the kitchen. He pointed to the fine print that circled the bottom of the canister.

Warning: Disposal of these snax will result in said snax coming to life and following you around incessantly for twenty-four hours while sneezing constantly.

“I hid them so you wouldn’t find them. Whatever were you doing poking around in the cabinets like that?” Severus asked.

“I was looking for my hot cocoa. I’ve had a terrible day, and I wanted something rich and sinful to lift my spirits.”

Severus closed the distance between them and smirked down at her seductively. “I have something better that is very rich and sinful.”

Hermione arched an eyebrow at him. “Well, that something would definitely make up for me tasting those snacks.”

“Indeed,” Severus said as he led her to the bedroom, covering her in kisses as they went.

Prompt is from luvsev: Hermione is in Severus' kitchen, and whilst rifling though his cabinets (you decide what for), she comes across a container that is labeled "Snapey Snax." How does Hermione respond to the contents contained therein?

Thanks to Lisa for her beta work and Maggie for the nose-shaped snax idea.