A Peculiar Question

A Peculiar Question

Finally, it was time to leave work after yet another long, dull day. When Hermione had first started her career at the Ministry, she'd thought working as a Potions researcher in Magical Law Enforcement would be more interesting, but the idea of sleuthing and discovering who poisoned whom had faded long ago.

All she seemed to be doing day in, day out was to process complaints from barmy old witches who were convinced Muggles were poisoning the water supply with caffeine-laden, fizzy drinks. Not that they didn't have a point. But all Hermione could offer was the advice to install purification charms all along the water pipes. Taking the Muggle authorities to task would not have gone down well with the Ministry, no matter how she itched to do just that.

She was surprised to see Lucius Malfoy loitering outside the Ministry entrance.

"Good evening, Mr. Malfoy," Hermione greeted him as she strode by, intent on getting to her flat as quickly as possible. She was surprised when Lucius grasped at her elbow to stop her from walking past.

"Miss Granger, I was wondering if I might have a word?"

She stopped, puzzled as to what he could want from her. "Certainly, Mr. Malfoy. What can I do for you?" Warm flat, good book. She wanted to flee, but her upbringing wouldn't allow it.

"Lucius."

"What?"

"Please, call me Lucius," he said with a smile that, had it not been on Malfoy's face, could have been considered shy. Why was Lucius Malfoy smiling shyly at her, she wondered, mystified. She suppressed a giggle as his cane slid out of his hand and he scurried about to pick it up, smoothing back some stray blond hairs as he stood up.

"I was wondering... uh..." he stammered, his face slightly flushed.

"Mr. Malfoy, I mean, Lucius, I am a Gryffindor. It may be better if you just say whatever it is you're trying to communicate and stop trying to be subtle. Subtlety is usually lost on us, anyway."

"Very well, then. I... was wondering... ifyou'dliketogotolunchwithmeonSaturday?"

"I beg your pardon?" Surely, she'd misheard.

He took a deep breath and tried again. "I was... uh... wondering if you would like to go to lunch with me on Saturday?"

"Lunch. With you. On Saturday. You mean, as in a date?"

"Er... yes." Lucius looked at everything but her.

"Did Severus put you up to this? If he did, I swear I will hex him into next week. First he makes some crack about a VD clinic, and now this."

"VD?" Lucius looked confused.

"Never mind. Did Severus put you up to this?" Hermione asked with the sternest tone she could muster, mentally pondering hexes for Severus.

"Uh... no. This is all my doing."

Hermione's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "And why should I go to lunch with you, Lucius?"

"Uh... because... I..."

"You didn't think this through very thoroughly, did you?"

"I was just hoping you'd say yes." He sounded defeated.

"Rather confident in your charm and persuasiveness, aren't you? Do you honestly think I'm interested in being another of your conquests, Lucius? I think not." She turned to flounce away haughtily.

"No!" Lucius grabbed her elbow in a desperate attempt to make her stay and found himself staring at Hermione's wand. His cane dropped again as he raised his hands in defense.

"Why do you keep dropping your cane? Are you drunk?" Hermione couldn't detect any alcohol, but she had to ask nevertheless. This was not quite the Lucius Malfoy she knew, however little.

"No. Not drunk. Just... I'll tell you. Just agree to go to lunch with me. Please," Lucius pleaded.

She stared at him, trying to make up her mind whether to hex him and be done with it or succumb to the hopeless look on his face.

"I wasn't trying to be arrogant; it just comes out that way sometimes."

Oh, now he was whining. Hermione lowered her wand and bent down to pick up his cane.

"Lunch. Saturday. Noon. Meet me at the Texas Embassy. Don't. Be. Late." She shoved his cane into his chest and stalked off, exasperated.

It might have been more proper to Apparate to the gates of Hogwarts, but she had a Floo connection directly into Severus' chambers from her flat. They hadn't really seen the point of closing the connection since they still borrowed each other's books all the time.

Hermione stopped in front of her fireplace to gather her thoughts. Then she grabbed a handful of Floo powder and stepped into the fire. "Severus Snape's dungeons, Hogwarts!"

After a moment of whirling past several homes, she came to a standstill and looked into Severus's living room. "Severus?"

He was sitting in his favorite chair reading the copy of 2001: A Space Odyssey she'd given him on Saturday and eating a bowl of cockroach clusters.

He didn't look up. "Thirty minutes. It took you longer than I expected. Did you stop for ice cream on your way over?"

"I'm coming through, prat," Hermione announced.

Severus walked to the fireplace and offered her a hand up as she tumbled into his home.

"Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to... oh, for the love of all that is holy...." She gave Severus a critical look up and down.

He cast a bewildered glance at her. "What's this about?"

"I know you walk around with robes on all day, but even you have to notice that your trousers are at least one size too small." Hermione flicked her wand, and his pants adjusted themselves to a larger size.

He cocked his head to one side, as if thinking very hard about something.

"You know, that is more comfortable. Thank you." He sat back down in his chair and motioned for her to sit across from him.

"I can't keep doing your domestic charms for you, love." She kissed him on the cheek, grabbed a handful of cockroach clusters, and flopped into the chair across from him. "Your next girlfriend will think that's really crossing the line. If you want to become a bottomless pit, that's fine, but either learn some foolish wand waving or buy some bigger clothes."

"I did. But they're Muggle clothes. And they're in the laundry. Did you want something, or did you just stop by to tell me that I'm getting fat?"

"You are getting fat, Severus Snape, and you know exactly why I'm here, and it's not that."

He sat down across from her and waited. It didn't take long.

"Has he gone mental?"

"I assume you're speaking of Lucius?"

She threw a cockroach at him. "Severus..."

"I have no idea, Hermione. For some reason he seems to have suddenly discovered your charms."

"And you're positive you had nothing to do with this change of heart?"

"Hermione, I swear I didn't even know he had these thoughts until Saturday when he asked me if you were available."

"And I swear if I find out that you are behind this, I will tell Percy Weasley that you think he's the hottest thing to come out of a Weasley closet since Fred and George's self-heating parkas set themselves on fire."

"That's a frightening thought, but I am not concerned, as I had nothing to do with this potential fiasco. I will be willing to testify under Veritaserum in front of a full session of the Wizengamot, if necessary."

"Bold words." Hermione grinned at him.

"Out. I have to go to dinner and make sure the little miscreants in my House aren't trying to set fire to any Muggle-borns. And don't come back unless you're bearing ice cream or some other form of penance for suspecting that I had anything to do with Lucius Malfoy asking you out."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fine. I shall not darken your doors again unless I am bearing your new love in life: food. Speaking of which, if all you meant when you said, 'We should go out and experience life and other people' was that you were going to sit in your chambers and stuff your face, I would have just stayed."

"And have you miss out on Mr. Malfoy's charming and suave company? How could I live with the guilt?"

"I could set you up with my cousin..."

"Out!"

Hermione dove back into the Floo to avoid the barrage of Cockroach Clusters being thrown at her and landed back at her own flat with a resounding thud.

Lunch with Lucius Malfoy on Saturday. Good heavens.

A/N: Grateful thanks go to blue_paris for betaing, even without the Imperio.