Chapter 13
Chapter 13 of 23
LiteraryBeautyAfter leaving Ron, Hermione escapes to Grimmauld Place where Remus and Tonks reside. She feels a pull toward Remus, who is experiencing a similar draw. Can they find happiness despite all the forces trying to keep them apart?
Hermione was dissatisfied. Remus had apologised (kind of), but things seemed strained. She was a little embarrassed about the way she'd reacted to his attentions. She'd slapped him and then promptly succumbed to his seduction. She was afraid to consider what he must think of her. And if she didn't make her point now, would he continue to act this way? And why now? He'd been a perfect gentlemen for more than two weeks, and suddenly he was back to being unmanageable.
And how...dear Merlin, how...was she so very turned on when she thought about how he'd dominated her like that? Bending her over the sofa and licking her so intimately...
Hermione blushed as she folded her laundry. She'd made sure to charm clean each item Ginny had brought, as well as many that had been in the same drawers as the 'contaminated' clothing. She felt foolish for not realising how Ron's scent would be all over her clothing, but she was upset that Remus hadn't said anything earlier. He'd said she'd smelled of Ron for days... so why not say anything before?
She knew Remus had written an owl to Harry to apologise, but she suspected Harry would not be as easily appeased as she apparently had been. Harry tended to see things in black and white, and he was very, very protective of his friends. He was likely confused and hurt by Remus' actions, and Remus would probably have more reparation to do before Harry forgave him.
Hermione almost wished she had the same fortitude. But her feelings for Remus grew ever stronger, and she'd known he was a werewolf, with wolfish tendencies beyond the full moon night. He'd bitten her, for Merlin's sake! She couldn't exactly overlook that. He'd bitten her, and she'd absolutely loved it. He awoke a side of her she'd never known existed... or maybe he'd created that side.
While Remus was putting dinner together that night, Hermione escaped to the Black library. Not only was it a place to relax and calm her frazzled nerves, she also planned on doing a little research. It would behove them both to find out exactly what this mating thing consisted of, because Hermione suspected there was more to it than simply 'being engaged,' as Remus had suggested.
By the time Remus called her for dinner, she hadn't learned much. It seemed that, as part of the evolution of werewolves, mates were no longer the fixed concept they once were. It was more of a choice, and mates could be 'divorced,' so to speak; whereas, in older times, mates were a rigid ideal, and after the claiming they were inseparable for life. A mate could not reject the other and often died soon after the other did. It was basically what Remus had already told her.
She did find one thing interesting. In a book on ancient mating habits of werewolves, she read that there was a bond, almost like marriage, performed between two mates. It was magical in nature and essentially a confirmation of the claiming. It was no longer performed because it had become unnecessary, but werewolves had tended to be volatile and irrational, especially in regards to their mate, without this bond. There was a reference to another book that allegedly contained more information, but Hermione hadn't seen in it the expansive Black library. She did make a note of it, however.
Dinner was... interesting. Remus tried so hard to cook for her and always seemed a little disappointed when his results were not as he'd hoped. Tonight was no exception. He was upset when she didn't exclaim over the meal, so she tried to remedy the situation. He seemed slightly moody today, which was why she'd been... not avoiding him, but giving him space.
"Remus, this is really good. You know, I appreciate you cooking for us. Ron couldn't cook worth a damn, though he didn't need to; Molly always cooked for the entire house." She smiled brightly at him, but he didn't return it. Biting her lip, she returned to the meal.
A moment later, she tried again. "What did you put on the potatoes? They're delicious."
Remus snorted. "Nothing."
"Oh, no? Well, I like them. So, did you want to do anything tonight?"
"Like what?" he countered.
She considered that for a moment. "Well, maybe we could play chess, or I could read to you." Hermione loved their sedate evenings, even if she did miss watching television at times.
He shrugged. "Actually, I think I'll call it a night pretty early. I'm not feeling too well."
She immediately took his hand. He looked as though he wanted to jerk it away, and Hermione was shocked. He'd gone from being unable to keep his hands off her to not wanting her touch at all. Blinking away premature tears, she asked, "Do you want a potion to help? I have them for headaches and stomach-aches, and anything else I might be able to brew for you."
Remus looked away. "I'm perfectly capable of brewing my own potions, Hermione."
"I know that! I only thought it might be nice for someone to look after you, for once. I didn't mean any offense. I know you're a talented wizard." Hermione couldn't help but feel that no matter what she said, her words would be misconstrued. The sweet, compassionate man who had hugged her so sweetly when she'd cried seemed a mere memory. Now it was either angry, controlling Remus, or sulky, withdrawn Remus. But she still... still cared for him. Still wanted him.
He nodded in response, not saying anything more. Hermione got up to make some tea, and Remus left the kitchen. She leaned heavily on the counter, mentally reciting her favourite charms in order to keep the tears at bay. Who is this man?
Like she'd done every other night for the past five, Hermione poured Remus' Wolfsbane into a goblet and put it on a tray with the tea. He'd wanted to do it at first, but she wanted to feel involved in the process, and he'd approved of her carefully measured portions. She knew it took a lot for him to trust her with this, and she vowed to make him proud. She felt confident in her abilities to help, but making him feel confident was just as important.
She brought the tea service into the sitting room and saw Remus sitting at the large desk in the corner. He was reading something, but put it away and came to sit in an armchair. Hermione thought she heard him growl at the sight of the Wolfsbane, and she wished there was a way to make it taste better for him. He took it and downed it in one burning gulp, immediately drinking some tea to wash down the taste.
Hermione had sat in the opposite armchair. She crossed and uncrossed her legs, trying to get comfortable, but he was watching her. She tried to pretend she couldn't feel his scrutiny and poured herself some tea to distract herself.
Eventually, she had to meet his gaze, and she couldn't hide her sadness. He'd hurt her with his short remarks and distance, and she wanted the old Remus back. His eyes mirrored her sadness.
Deciding this was too important to not fight for, Hermione stood and crossed the distance between them. She paused at his knees before sinking to the ground in front of him.
It wasn't about being submissive this time. It wasn't about letting him know that he was in charge, that he was the Alpha, the dominant, and that she was his. No, this was just a woman trying to show a man that he could trust her, that she would care for him, no matter what. It was simply a show of unconditional affection.
And Remus saw that. He sighed heavily before stroking her hair lovingly. His fingers became tangled almost immediately in the wild mane, but he gently withdrew them to caress it again. Hermione laid her head against his knees, hugging his calves against her body. She kissed each trouser-covered kneecap softly before looking up to meet his eyes.
They were a light gold, a pretty shade that reminded her of sunflowers. He had the most extraordinary eyes, so expressive when he allowed them to be. She'd missed this open lightness over the past day; it felt like so longer because of the distance he'd put between them.
"Remus, you're so beautiful," Hermione murmured, laughing softly at her silly thoughts. She rubbed her cheek against his leg, enjoying the heat of his body and their closeness. He didn't push her away, and she knew he wasn't just tolerating her presence.
"Love," he whispered to her, fingers touching her cheek lightly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want this to happen." She looked up, not certain what he meant by that, but he didn't elaborate and looked away when she tried to catch his eyes.
She ran her hands over his legs, up his stomach and down his arms. She liked feeling him, how hard he was, how solid, how real. There was power there, but softness as well.
"Come to bed?" she asked gently. She hadn't planned on retiring so early, but she didn't want to sit alone in the sitting room. She sensed that he needed her, and she wouldn't abandon him, despite his shift in attitude toward her.
He nodded and helped her to her feet. Together, they ascended the stairs and undressed silently. He held back the cover for her, and she drew herself close to him. He wordlessly took her into his embrace, holding her tightly against his chest. He whispered the spell to turn off the lamp, and they were ensconced in darkness.
"Goodnight, Remus," Hermione whispered, wishing she could say everything without saying a word.
"Goodnight," he said gently, pressing a kiss into her hair. When Hermione fell asleep a few minutes later, she did not notice the salty dampness that trailed into her hair.
*
The next day passed just as the previous had: both too quickly and not quickly enough. Remus avoided Hermione and Hermione tried not to take it too personally. She was quickly coming to the realisation that being claimed as a mate didn't necessarily mean she was involved in the thought-process of her other half. And unlike with Harry or Ron, she couldn't just demand Remus tell her the truth. Being with an older man was difficult like that, especially because she didn't want him to recognise her youth as an issue between them. She didn't see it as such, but she did wish she had more experience in dating so she could figure out how to get Remus to confide in her.
He drank his potion obediently, and they went to bed early, having only spoken a few words the entire day. At first she was going to stay up and try to read some more, but she decided the closeness of being in his arms for the night was more important. Like the night before, he pulled her close, kissing her hair softly, and they both welcomed the night together, alone.
*
When Remus awoke the next day, he'd made a decision.
Hermione was obviously being affected by his mood, and he didn't like to see her so down, even more so because it was all his fault. He hated that thought and hated more the knowledge that he would disappoint her and let her down so many more times because she wised up.
Remus had been beside himself trying to think of a solution to his transformation. Obviously he had to transform; he'd accepted that long ago. But now, with Hermione in the picture, things had changed. She wasn't going to leave while he was a wolf, and he needed a way to protect her. He would do anything to keep her safe, and when the answer finally came to him, it was so simple he wanted to slap himself. He'd created this artificial and nearly unbearable distance from his mate for days, for no reason. He'd pulled away from her when all he wanted was to make love to her and then fuck her blind.
For such a smart man, he could be very dumb.
In order to keep Hermione safe from the wolf's mating desires, all he had to do was block her scent. Around other people during his transformation, Remus was relatively safe. He sometimes disliked peoples' scents and thus avoided them, but he had never attacked anyone, nor felt the urge to do so, under the influence of Wolfsbane.
So, if Hermione insisted on staying at Grimmauld Place during the full moon, he couldn't smell her, or he might not be able to control himself. Solution? Don't smell anything!
It was a very simple potion, if one had the ingredients and knew one's way around a lab. Which Remus did, on both counts. While Hermione was at work on the last day before his transformation, he whipped together a simple Olfactory Obstructing potion. For about thirty hours, he would be unable to smell anything. Perhaps not the ideal solution, especially as Hermione had promised to cook tonight... and she was an amazing cook...and he wouldn't be able to enjoy it nearly as much as he'd been hoping to. But it was better than the alternative... Remus shuddered at the thought. It was horrible, too horrible to contemplate. Not only might he force Hermione, he would force her as a werewolf. Remus burned in shame as he thought of how disgusting his primal form was. It would be rape... It was unconscionable.
But he'd found a way around that! Hermione could remain nearby, out of danger, and everything would be fine. He nearly shook with relief.
Of course, there was the matter of exactly how angry she was over his treatment of her for the last few days, not to mention that night Harry had come over... But Remus had steeled himself to the idea that she might never forgive him for his actions that night. He wished he could claim it was beyond his control, but he'd known what he was doing the entire time, from snapping at Harry, to deliberately manipulating her claim mark to ensure her docility, to tonguing her... well. Suffice it to say, Remus had been in control of himself that night. But she hadn't left him, and the other night, she'd sat by his legs and tried to comfort him. He'd managed to hold back his emotions at her gentleness and sweetness, but when he'd held her that night, her arms so welcoming and accepting, he'd been unable to refrain. He'd cried into that ridiculous mass of curls, thanking Merlin that such an undeserving man had been rewarded with such a compassionate woman. It was unthinkable, but for whatever reason, the gods had given him a boon, and he would do anything to keep it. To deserve it.
With this thought in mind, Remus downed the potion to dull his most heightened sense, and almost immediately, the house became foreign to him as he became unable to distinguish room from room on smell alone. He couldn't smell that nearly overpowering aroma of Hermione that he'd grown addicted to. He couldn't smell the moon's orbit, ever closer, or the way his skin smelled a little bitterer when his transformation approached. The only thing for which he was grateful was the distinct lack of Ron that permeated Grimmauld Place, both from Hermione's luggage and belongings and from the times he'd stayed here over the years. It was a relief to be free of that aggravating and underlying stench which served only to subtly annoy him throughout the day.
It was an odd sensation, especially for Remus, who relied so heavily on his sense of smell, and he caught himself breathing through his mouth just to get a hint of flavour in the air. It must have looked fairly silly, and he had to train himself not to do it so Hermione wouldn't notice when she came home.
It had been nearly impossible to keep himself away from Hermione these past days. He'd wanted nothing more than to ravish her without discretion, and he'd scented her enough to know she wouldn't be averse to the idea. But he'd held himself in check for two reasons: firstly, he kept up a distance in case she decided to leave him over his unreasonable behaviour the other night, or for the unreasonable behaviour he was sure to enact on the night of the full moon; secondly, he wasn't entirely in control of himself around her lately. It was the same as it had been the first week after he'd claimed her; he felt drawn to her with a strength heretofore buried, and he was afraid of pushing her away with his roughness. He was not used to being so rough, and he felt as though he'd led her on in a way. He'd made her believe he was a gentle and soft man (and he himself had firmly believed this his entire life), only to change and become nearly the opposite, rough and hard. He didn't want to lose her, but he didn't understand it when the compulsion came over him to pin her against a wall and rut against her, or pull out of her as he was coming to shoot onto her belly and chest and then rub it into her skin. It was animalistic and dirty, and he was sure no woman would want that part of him.
He'd pulled away from her because it was easier to control himself when he wasn't constantly touching her and smelling her, because Merlin, she smelled unbelievable. Like wildflowers and fallen leaves after rain, earthy and pure. He was barely able to keep his instincts in check, but he wanted her to stay with him, so he pushed them deep into himself, at least until he understood them better.
If he didn't know better, he'd think this draw to her was akin to the way werewolves used to feel, before they'd evolved away from traditional mating habits. But Remus did know better; there had been no cases of such matings in hundreds of years.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Hope's Span is Long
76 Reviews | 9.61/10 Average
Yay Remus for figuring out what's what. Boo to Hermione for not realizing he was only trying to protect her.
Wow! Powerful. I can't say I've pictured Ron getting violent, but I loved the protectiveness that brought out in Remus. And his almost slip of the tongue. Poor man.
Poor, Remus. Nice to see him starting to stand up to Tonks, but I always did get the feeling he was a bit badgered by her. Another one of Jo's pairings that just didn't make sense to me.
Nice start. I like how you have set up the two troubled souls and look foward to seeing where this is going.
Uh-oh.... lol I'm loving this story by the way :)
I loved this fic! It's an adorable R/H and I really liked that it was centred in Hermione been Remus' mate. Kisses and thank you =]
Although I found the idea of her licking his wounds rather repugnant, I enjoyed this chapter. I shall continue reading tomorrow. Time for bed.
Wow.
I am enjoying this. On to Chapter 3.
Good beginning. I am going on to chapter 2.
Great ending. They should be happy for the rest of their lives.
I almost (almost) waited for this particular jpdqte as much as Father Christmas Himself. That was a fantastic story. Now I can begin the sequel of Some things change. Have a happy Chritmas!
Happy Holidays to you and yours as well.
Great chapter, I love the whole wedding idea.
That was such a lovely ceremony. At first I thought Ginny and Harry would have organized a real surprise wedding. But then they would have shocked the assistance by their immediate wedding night...
And did I saw breeding mentionned? *happy dance*
Nice bonding ceremony, but I think Hermione would like the white dress and veil and all that accompany them.
*Happy grin* I'm glad she's getting her special day. And maybe by that day she'll be carrykng the next generation...
Merry Christmas to you too.
Well, maybe they can plan a wedding sometime after the binding. Then they have the best of both worlds.
I so love these sweet moments of intimacy. I can't wait for the bonding.
Response from LiteraryBeauty (Author of Hope's Span is Long)
Thanks! I love the little moments as well.
That was dangerous! What would have happened if she were bitten?On a side note what is happening with Tonks? She was a major presence in earlier chapters and was cut off rather abruptly...
Response from LiteraryBeauty (Author of Hope's Span is Long)
Well, if she'd been bitten, she would have been a werewolf. That was a chance (foolish? Maybe) that Hermione felt okay with taking. As for Tonks, we see her again in chapter 19 (the one I'll be posting tomorrow). :D
I'm glad to see Hermione is caring for Remus, I suspect it is a change for him.
Interesting solution. I'm enjoying the back story of werewolves mating habits as well.
I'm worried about this possessiveness Remus is demonstrating.
I like Mr. Johnstone, he's very personable.
I'm glad Remus has access to the potion, I take it Severus is still dead (like canon)?
Tonk's behavior wasn't acceptable, why is Remus doing the same thing that bothered him so?