Chapter 8

Remus stared at Hermione. He wanted to feel aghast, disgusted with himself. But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to feel anything other than peace. He felt at peace with himself for the first time in years, maybe for the first time ever. A part of him wanted to reject this discovery, to rebel against what he knew in his blood to be true. But either he wasn't strong enough, or he was too strong. Either way, he would have Hermione. He needed her like water, and some undiscovered part of him knew she could be his salvation.

Without further reservation, Remus leaned down and grabbed Hermione. She barely shifted as he hauled her up to lie beside him and didn't awaken when he tucked her body beneath him. He draped one leg over hers and firmly held her upper body in his arms. Breathing deeply of her hair, Remus was hard-pressed to remember why this might be wrong. Her body felt like it was made to line up with his, and her smell fired his senses as though she was the most delicious feast and his to devour.

Remus buried his face in her untameable hair and kissed her shoulder lightly. She seemed to be an extremely heavy sleeper, so he felt safe in doing so. Moving her hair over her shoulder so he could see her neck, Remus lightly traced her cheek with his fingers. Her skin felt so smooth, and he wanted more.

Nuzzling her neck, he lightly ran his fingers up her arm. She was wearing the same clothes she'd worn the day before, and she seemed to be a little dirty from crawling in his cage. Remus felt a shudder run through him as he recalled the heat that had flooded him upon seeing her kneel submissively before him. He'd never thought of Hermione in such a sexualised way before, but that one gesture brought out his most basic instincts. She had known exactly what to do to appeal to his animal side, and she had done it without preamble. Remus felt humbled that she cared enough to try, instead of just leaving him in the dark to brood and heal on his own or not at all.

Remus hadn't noticed that he had bared his teeth upon thinking of Hermione crawling, or that he was nipping the soft flesh on the juncture of her neck and shoulder. He realised he didn't want to wake her like this. But when the unbidden image of Hermione on her knees came before him yet again, this time it was not because she wanted to heal him. Remus' imagination provided him with a stunningly detailed portrayal of a dirty and dishevelled Hermione on her hands and knees in his cell, chest against the filthy ground and smooth, pert arse high in the air to receive him...

It took quite a bit of strength for his teeth to puncture Hermione's flesh since his incisors were not nearly as sharp as the wolf's, but his bite was quick and instinctual; he knew how to claim her without causing her too much pain, and his human side had nary a moment to rebel before he felt the salty warmth of her blood flood his mouth.

Hermione jerked and bolted from the bed in a second. She stared at him in the dim light, but he doubted she could see him as well as he could see her. She raised her hand to her neck and gasped when it came back bloody.

Remus was thinking he probably shouldn't have done that.

"What the...what the fuck, Remus?" Her voice was a breathy whisper, but he could sense more than hear the rage in her voice. Her eyes were darting around rapidly, and her chest was rising heavily with each panting breath. Remus was fascinated by the movement, but forced himself to answer her.

"I tried to do it so it wouldn't hurt," he offered as if that explained everything.

"Well, it did hurt! It hurt a lot! Why did you bite me?" Her voice sounded close to panic, and Remus finally felt regret at claiming her without at least warning her first.

"I didn't just bite you. I claimed you. You're my mate." Remus wanted her to come back to bed, but he doubted she would want to now, if she ever had before. Remus had only just discovered his true feelings for her; it was possible...likely...she hadn't realised hers, or that she didn't feel the same at all.

"What?" Her eyes were wide, her mouth open. Blood was trickling from the oval of teeth marks on her neck, creating a slick trail onto her shirt. Remus had to tear his eyes away, but he couldn't help licking his lips. When he did, he realised he still had her blood on his mouth. I truly am a monster, he thought forlornly when he couldn't refrain from taking the blood into his mouth and savouring the heady, coppery taste.

"Hermione... I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just... had these thoughts, and then suddenly I was claiming you. It was the wolf in me. He sensed that you were my mate and... made me bite you." He looked away, wishing he had better words to articulate what had happened.

"You can't use lycanthropy as an excuse to act like an animal! You're only a werewolf on one day of the month...that's what you've always told us!"

Remus slowly slid off the bed, but when Hermione took a step back, he sat down on the edge of it, hands on his knees, the picture of self-restraint. He looked searchingly at her, and her eyes settled on his. She gasped quietly and Remus wondered what she saw.

"Or are you? The wolf... you talk about it as though it's separate from you, but as though it controls you. Who is in control now, Remus?"

Remus had to think about it. Unless he was looking at her blood, or the way the strap of her tank top had slid off her shoulder and bared an extra inch of flesh, Remus felt the human was in control.

"Me... mostly."

"So, the wolf is always there, beneath the surface? Not just when you are a werewolf? Remus... why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

Remus felt anger below his stoic surface and fought to contain it. "Because I didn't want to admit to being out of control! I didn't want you...all of you...to think I was a monster!" His voice ended abruptly, and he pursed his lips tightly. He hadn't meant to say so much, but it was the truth. He had only ever wanted to be a normal wizard.

Hermione was standing before him instantly, her compassion apparently winning out over her fear and anger. She stood between his knees and gathered him into her arms, his face pressed against her chest. He tried to move back, but she knelt between his legs, her hands on his thighs, gently rubbing.

"Remus, you really scared me. I don't know why you think I'm your mate, or how that works, but you shouldn't... bite people." She sounded consternated at the end of her sentence, and Remus suspected it had sounded better in her head.

"I know. I can't excuse it. I am so sorry I hurt you." Remus couldn't stop the watery glitter in his eyes. He'd hurt his mate. It was unthinkable. It was supposed to be impossible, but he'd done it. She'd never accept him now.

She stilled her hands, looking earnestly into his eyes. "What does it mean to be a mate?" Remus saw that she was feeling half curiosity and half anxiety.

Remus forced himself to speak. "Nothing, really. Not anymore. It used to be a fairly powerful thing, but werewolves had to evolve. So few were finding true mates and those that didn't would die young. In order to perpetuate the race, werewolves slowly became able to choose any person...mostly other werewolves but sometimes humans...to be their mate. At this point in time, it's sort of like... being engaged."

Hermione stared. "So, you just felt like proposing?" Her smile was shaky, and Remus ran his fingers over her cheek, noticing with glee that she leaned slightly into his touch.

"I couldn't stop myself. I should have more control, after all these years. I just had to do it; it was like I had no choice." He ran his fingers over the wound on her neck, and she winced. His fingers came back a little bloody; he'd forgotten she didn't heal as rapidly as he did. Which reminded him...

"About last night, Hermione," he began.

She interrupted him. "I did what I had to do. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." She looked a little sheepish, and Remus could only stare.

"No... no! It was... amazing. No one's ever done anything like that for me before. I hate that you saw me like that, so out of control. But you were perfect... beautiful." He couldn't explain the depths to which he desired to see her like that again. Remus was usually able to quell his dominant sexual urges, but he was finding it nearly impossible right now, with her on her knees again.

"Remus, I...I liked it, too. It felt... right." She broke off, biting her lip and looking away. Remus could tell she was fighting her human side; he'd seen the look all too often in the mirror. He knew every person had a bit of wolf in them, a bit of primitive nature that was usually easily restrained.

"It felt right to me, too. You are one clever witch, Hermione; but you knew that. I was right in choosing you to be my mate. I know it scares you, and I know it's fast. And I know I'm probably all wrong for you," Remus paused as Hermione shook her head rapidly, but continued. "But if you could give me a chance to at least try to make this work. I've never..." He laughed nervously. "...I've never felt this way before."

Her eyes widened, and he could see the wheels turning. He pre-empted her: "Not even Tonks." She nodded mutely, taking in his words. She was so beautiful when she was thinking. Which was always.

He needed to hear her thoughts, needed to know she wasn't going to push him away. He'd felt that rejection too many times throughout his life; he just needed her to want him half as much as he wanted her. Just half.

"I won't say sorry for claiming you. But I will be very sorry if you decide not to allow me to... court you," he finished lamely. What did people her age call dating? Had things changed so much?

Hermione snorted and shook her head. "You're pretty cute, you know that, Lupin?" She got up to sit on the bed beside him, and while he felt a momentary loss at having her leave her spot between his knees, it was diminished when her thigh was pressed snugly against his. She grabbed up his hand and brought it to rest in her lap with both her hands wrapping around it.

"I really like you, you know. You're an amazing man, the best kind. Any witch would be lucky to..."

"But not you," he finished for her. Her sad brown eyes met his, and Remus felt his heart clench. Happiness is always just out of reach...

"It's not for any of the reasons you think. I just... I need time after what happened with Ron. He...he hurt me and I hurt him, and I need to know it won't be like that. If I hurt you... it would kill me."

"How can I prove it to you?"

Hermione looked away. "I don't have anything in mind. But we don't have to... be dating, in order to... be intimate, Remus." Her voice dropped to a whisper, and she looked only at the clasped hands in her lap.

Remus swallowed thickly. Gods, he would kill to have her... but it wouldn't be right. She deserved better, and he wanted more. Despite all his faults, he knew he could be good for her if she'd give him a chance.

"I can't do that, Hermione. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. I want you so much, I won't lie. But what's between us is not casual, and I can't treat it as such."

She nodded. "So it's all or nothing, then?"

Now Remus looked away. He wouldn't give her up, let her walk out of his life, if she chose nothing. He knew he could win her over, given time. It would be worth it in the end to stick to his decision now and work for what he wanted.

"I'm sorry. Yes."

She drew a deep breath and Remus had to tear his gaze away from her rising chest. She tempted him just by breathing! She looked like she was about to cry, and Remus wanted to take his ultimatum back. But she steeled her features and nodded once, as if to herself. Meeting his eyes fully, Hermione let go of his hand. He brought it back to his own lap, feeling like he'd been cured and then cursed again.

"I choose 'all'."

Remus started. "You... what?"

"Remus, I choose 'all'!" She smiled widely, and he could only stare. She placed both her hands on the sides of his face and kissed him soundly, her closed lips mashed against his in a brutal meeting that appealed to his wolf side. But his wolf did not appreciate the way she was trying to dominate him.

Remus pushed Hermione back onto the bed against the pillows, covering her body with his. His kiss was demanding and unrelenting, and Hermione relinquished control immediately, making Remus growl in approval. He trails kisses down her jaw and throat, tilting her head to the side to expose the sore bite mark on her neck. He gently kissed it, thrilling in the rush that went over him when he saw the perfect outline of his teeth in stark relief against her pale throat. Pure possessiveness flooded him, and he dropped his pelvis to meet hers and ground roughly against her slight body.

Hermione moaned at the contact, her arms circling him and stroking his body lightly. He loved the tentative touch of her fingers, the uncertain motion of her hips; all this was evidence of her inexperience, and Remus couldn't be happier with his mate.

He had to pull himself away from her to regain control of his mind. He felt more like an animal around her than he'd ever experienced before. She caused him to lose his sanity and he loved it, loved being able to give in to the wolf, loved that his forced timidity could be overrun by his natural passion. And by the dark look in Hermione's eyes and the unsubtle thrust of her hips when he'd slowed his, she loved it as well.

"You're sure?" he asked softly. He needed to know she meant it, that she wouldn't change her mind or take it back.

"Never more," she assured him.

"Hermione... you are amazing. Thank you..." He tried to express to her through his eyes how grateful he was for this chance, but she would have none of it.

She pulled his face back down to hers and immediately sought his mouth. As soon as he returned her kiss, she ceded control once again. His mate knew exactly how to appeal to him. His ran his hands roughly over her body, bunching her shirt in his fingers and tearing it over her head. His mouth wet at the sight of her breasts, a small handful each and perfectly edible. He lowered his head to one and took a nipple roughly into his mouth. Hermione's back arched to meet his mouth, her hands carding through his hair. She tasted so sweet, so pure. He roughly tongued her nipple, giving it a nip before he turned to lavish the other with the same attention. Her body was writhing relentlessly beneath his, and Remus knew his control was slipping.

He let her pull his own shirt off and quickly tore away her bottoms, taking her panties off at the same time. He divested his own clothing and settled atop her again. Hermione threw her head back at the contact of his cock against her belly. Remus put one arm beneath Hermione's body along her shoulder blade so his hand held her shoulder from beneath. Her legs fell open beneath him, and Remus pulled his lips back in approval at her submission.

"Remus, I want you," Hermione whispered, her lust-filled eyes meeting his matching ones.

Unable to tease either of them any longer, he slipped into her slick, willing body. Her tightness immediately stole his breath, and Hermione froze at the intrusion. He was likely the biggest she'd had by far, and he could feel her body fighting to adjust.

Remus recovered first, rocking gently into her warmth, using his hand's grasp on her shoulder to leverage himself into her body, his other hand holding her leg against his hip. Hermione was making the sweetest gasping noises as the base of his cock relentlessly rubbed her clit. Remus delighted in watching emotions on her face; she was so expressive, so responsive. His slow pace was driving him mad, but he would never hurt his mate.

Hermione solved the problem for him. "Harder... more..." she panted.

Remus stopped holding back. He hitched both her legs around his waist, and she wrapped them tightly around him. He plunged into her heat deeper and deeper, bottoming out on every thrust and making her cry out in abandon.

He pounded into her, watching her face for signs of pain or discomfort but seeing only passion. He could feel her body clenching around him, and her eyes screwed shut as her orgasm approached. She seemed to stop breathing, and the moment her body gripped him so tightly he could no longer thrust, Remus dug his fingers into the bite mark on her neck. Hermione screamed, a tear slipping from her eye as she rode out wave after wave of pleasure and pain.

Remus held still above her, knowing he'd hurt her. The claiming was complete; she was his. She met his eyes and nodded for him to continue. He was so close after seeing her come apart, it only took a few short thrusts to take him to his end. His fingers were bloodied from reopening her wound, and he gripped her shoulder again. Seeing her flesh smeared with crimson brought his bloodlust to the fore, and he came with a violence he had never known before this day. Her body milked every drop as he rocked against her, and she held him in her arms until he was able to move from atop her body to gather her into his arms, holding her so tightly they both knew he'd never let go.