Chapter 2

Remus had just finished checking the shed for an owl's nest, of which there were none, and was now changing his clothing into shabbier items in order to work on the bathroom. It was easy work; he was very used to doing odd jobs, and the bathroom only required a little grout work, and possibly some plumbing. He'd already retiled the shower and installed a new vanity. The rest was paint and moulding, which could wait. He and Tonks were slowly working through each room, updating and fixing things as they went. So far they'd renovated most of the second floor bedrooms and bathrooms, as well as the kitchen, sitting room and sunroom. The main floor still needed work in the parlour, foyer, dining room, and study. The entire third floor had been neglected. He'd been hesitant to put Hermione up there, but he'd thought she might enjoy the privacy after the cramped quarters of the Burrow.

Having donned a pair of old jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt, Remus grabbed his tool belt and headed to the bathroom. Most of the work could, indeed, be done by magic; but doing it manually would make it stand up better against wear and tear, as well as make Remus feel useful for a few hours.

He tried not to resent the way Tonks left him a verbal list of Things To Do every morning, but it was difficult. He'd always felt leashed, but as he grew older, the feeling grew inexplicably stronger. He did enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that came with the completion of each room in the house, but he feared the day when the last job was completed. Would there be any use for him then?

Wiping some excess grout on his pants, Remus thought about Hermione for a moment. He'd never seen her so distraught. In fact, he doubted he'd even seen her cry before. It had seemed like she wasn't used to it; she hadn't covered her face as though she was embarrassed, she'd just... cried. Noisily and unashamedly. And then when it was done, she'd left his arms. He wished she'd needed him just a little longer. It felt good to be needed. Tonks certainly didn't need him; if anyone could take care of herself, it was his girlfriend. But of course, so could Hermione; she'd been dealt a blow, that was all. Soon enough, even she wouldn't need him, and he'd be completely useless. He was still anticipating the day when Tonks realised it would be easier to hire a handyman and get rid of him altogether. He didn't feel as distraught at that thought as he used to. Tonks was a sweet girl and a good companion. He knew he was lucky to have her. But something just never felt right with her, and Remus was afraid of what that meant for them. As a member of the Black family, Tonks had more right to Grimmauld Place than he did, technically. But it was Harry's, and Harry had told him to stay here. He'd feel so wrong if he asked her to leave, though. It'd been his idea for her to move in, after all.

Remus sat back on his haunches, stretching out the muscles in his back. He pushed the hair off of his forehead and got to work on the plumbing. Thoughts like this never led anywhere productive, they just made him feel guilty and ungrateful, which made him try even harder to please Tonks, which in turn made him feel pathetic.

Looking over a job well done, Remus left the bathroom for the day. He'd gotten everything done that Tonks had asked, and once the owl came back with their scheduled appointments at the Healer, he felt very accomplished.

At this time of day, he usually curled up with a book or went to sit outside and enjoy the sun. There was a walking path down the street, and he sometimes strolled there if he felt ambitious. Today, though, he decided to have a nap. Tonks was due home in about two hours, and that was exactly how long he planned to sleep, if things went according to plan. After a quick shower, Remus threw on his trousers, a white oxford shirt and a grey cardigan, deciding it would look better to wake up in rumpled clothes than greet Tonks in pyjamas. He went back downstairs and stretched out on the parlour couch, figuring he would hear her come in the door and be up quickly, in case he didn't wake up before she came home. Satisfied with his plan, Remus allowed his eyes to fall shut.

*

Hermione awoke with a start. It was still daylight out, but just barely. She wasn't sure what had woken her, but she was glad something had. She wanted to be able to sleep at night and wouldn't if she kept napping.

She found Remus on the couch when she ventured downstairs to get some water. He looked so peaceful that she couldn't bear waking him and only smiled when he made a small growling noise in the back of his throat. She suspected there was more wolf in Remus than he liked to admit. Chuckling to herself, Hermione grabbed a glass of water and went to the back porch. There was a patio set there and a porch swing that called to her. It was nice out here. Grimmauld Place sported a large yard that needed trimming but was otherwise well taken care of. She suspected there was a charm on the yard because she couldn't see any neighbours, though she knew they were there. The yard appeared to be without boundary on either side.

Hermione wasn't sure how long she had stayed out there, pushing herself on the swing with her feet on the ground, sipping her water and wondering how the hell she'd ended up here, anyway. She hadn't heard the door open and Tonks enter, but she suddenly heard her voice.

"Honestly, Remus, what is it you do all day?" A forced laugh followed, and Hermione suspected this was a question to which Tonks thought she already knew the answer.

"Well, I did everything you asked, and I just lied down for a nap. Didn't know that wasn't allowed." Hermione distinctly heard bitterness in Remus' soft voice.

"But do I always have to tell you what needs to be done? Can't you ever take the initiative?"

A long silence followed during which Hermione felt uncomfortable; worse than when her parents fought in front of her, but not as bad as when she and Ron would fight in front of the Weasleys.

"You're right, Tonks. I'm sorry." Hermione heard them kiss and felt a mysterious clenching in her gut. "I'll just get dinner started. Why don't you relax a bit?" His voice was a forced sort of cheerful.

Hermione felt safe to enter the house again through the open back door. She saw Tonks disappear up the stairs, and Hermione entered the kitchen where Remus was getting a salad prepared.

"Can I help?" she asked, feeling out of place but wanting to be useful.

"Sure." His voice was strained, but he smiled at her nonetheless. "Could you put the salad together while I start the fish?"

She took the bowl and vegetables from him and started chopping. A slightly uncomfortable silence followed, in which both parties wanted to say something: Remus wanted to apologize for what he knew she'd overheard; Hermione wanted to apologize for overhearing what they both knew she'd heard. Instead, the silence reigned.

"So, how are you..."

"Anything else I..."

Both laughed softly at having spoken at the same time, and Hermione gestured for Remus to continue.

"How are you feeling?" he queried, a look of concern on his features.

Hermione thought about lying and saying she was fine. But she'd had years of doing that, and Remus deserved the truth.

"I feel pretty shitty. I miss him but I just don't want him anymore. I feel lost and scared, but also really free. I've lost an entire family, and possibly even Harry, too. They were my only connection to all of our friends. Without Harry, I wouldn't even be close to you, Remus, and if he sides with Ron, I won't feel okay staying here."

Remus listened to her fears as he stuffed almonds into the seasoned salmon. Washing his hands, he met her eyes and held them. "Hermione, everything you're feeling is normal. I don't think Harry will choose a side; he loves you and Ron equally. And even if he does, you are my friend. Understand? I want you here, and I always will. So, please don't be afraid of that. I make my own decisions, contrary to recent evidence." He smiled self-deprecatingly, and she returned it.

"Thank you," she answered simply. Her breath nearly caught as he smiled brilliantly at her, and she realised she'd been remiss in never noticing how captivating his smile really was. Taking a deep breath, she returned to the salad at hand.

Remus saw Tonks hovering in the doorway, looking at Hermione appraisingly. He immediately knew what was coming, and for a moment, he hated Tonks for it. This was not what Hermione needed right now. He hated himself for being too weak to stop her.

"Hermione, can I talk to you for a minute?" Her smile was forced, and Hermione looked a little apprehensive. But she nodded and followed Tonks from the room.

Remus couldn't overhear, but he'd heard it before. Tonks was telling Hermione how hard it had been to get him to agree to date her. She was telling her how difficult he'd been, how resisting, but how she'd persevered. And Hermione would be nodding blankly, wondering where it was going but somehow knowing. Then Tonks would drop the, "So I don't expect anything to come between Remus and I, because we love each other very much and nothing will change that," to which Hermione would gasp, appalled. He did hear the gasp, and he gripped the pan so tightly his knuckles went white and ached. He'd told Tonks so many times not to pull this shite, that she shouldn't be so jealous, that she made herself look like a fool. But Tonks didn't care; she informed him there was nothing wrong with staking a claim, and that he should know all about that.

Only he'd never claimed Tonks, not in the slightest. And he had never, and would never, press his teeth into her skin to mark her. Never.

Hermione was quiet all through dinner, her face pale and tight. She wouldn't meet Remus' eyes, but nodded appropriately as Tonks cheerfully chattered on about her day at work. She informed Hermione that Harry had not yet heard about her leaving Ron, and that Ron himself was avoiding Harry.

"Don't worry, I didn't say anything." Tonks winked conspiratorially, and Hermione gave a smile that might have been thankful but just looked forced.

Remus sighed heavily, and Tonks' gaze fell upon him. He tried to grin at her, but failed. She smiled cheerily at him and told him how delicious dinner was. Hermione was quick to agree, but still did not meet his eyes. Remus felt sick at how hurt Hermione was. He knew Tonks was a lot to handle at times, and though he sometimes wished things were a little different, he knew she loved him, and he loved her as well, and so he put up with her foibles because she put up with his. He tried to ignore the chant inside his head that spoke up whenever he felt worthless (too old too poor too dangerous), but it was times like this, when he had to witness the awkward hurt of one of his female friends, that he wondered why he couldn't just man up and tell Tonks that he'd had enough.

He tried to catch Hermione's gaze, but Tonks cleared her throat meaningfully, and Hermione immediately excused herself, fairly running up the two flights of stairs to her bedroom.

That was enough for Remus.

"You should not have done that, Nymphadora," he told her sternly, using her full name in an attempt to showcase his seriousness.

"Do what, love?" She was all innocence, but her eyes betrayed her voice. She knew exactly what he meant, of course.

"You shouldn't have made Hermione feel so guilty! She only just left Ron yesterday. Do you honestly think she's already set her sights on me? Don't you see how ridiculous that is?"

Tonks pursed her lips. She might appear to be considering his words, but he knew she was considering her next ones instead.

"Remus, a girl can never be too careful. Hermione will be on the rebound, and we both know what an amazing catch you are. I just wanted to make sure she knew how happy we are! I don't think there's a problem in that, and besides, she seemed very understanding."

Remus gaped. She honestly believed she had done nothing wrong. "Merlin, I'm old enough to be her father! And she sees me as a friend and nothing more, I assure you. This petty jealousy has got to stop." His voice had taken on a pleading tone, horrified at the thought that Tonks believed Hermione wanted him. It was too mad to even consider.

Tonks put her hand over his, gripping it tightly in a show of affection that thinly veiled a show of control. He itched to yank his hand out, but resisted. She said, "Oh, Remus. You just don't know your own appeal. Age doesn't matter; look at us! But you're right. I was too hasty. I shouldn't have given her 'the talk' so soon. I'll apologize to her tomorrow. I'm going to get a shower and call it a night, darling. I'm knackered and the bed is calling." She winked at him, and he pretended not to see. It was an invitation, but he suddenly felt ill at the thought.

"Goodnight, dear." He leaned down for a kiss and she obliged. She tried to hold the kiss for longer than he really wanted, but he pulled back. She didn't try again, heading up the stairs instead.

Remus sat heavily at the dinner table. Hermione had barely eaten, he noticed. He cleared the dishes and set them to washing with a quick spell. He put away the food, hoping Hermione would come down later and have a bite. He knew she'd slept during the day, so she might be up a little later. He didn't want to hang around down by the kitchen and scare her off, so he retired to the sitting room with a book. He didn't get to read as much as he liked these days; Tonks gave him a hard time about it, and it was usually easier to just put the book down.

He smiled when he heard Hermione's light steps into the kitchen followed by the larder door opening. He didn't hear a chair pull out, so he pictured her eating while standing up, trying to be quiet, and not knowing he was in the next room. He thought he heard a soft moan of appreciation, but it might have been his imagination. He waited a few minutes, and when he thought she was finished, he got up. He wanted to talk to her, but didn't really know what to say. He watched her pluck a book off his shelf and quickly hop up the stairs, back to her bedroom. He missed his chance to tell her he was sorry for Tonks' behaviour; no matter, they had the day tomorrow.