That's What I Get

A/N: This is a story about Hermione, lies, and fear. It takes place during and after the events in DH, ignoring the epilogue and allowing certain characters to live. This story has several implied themes including, but not limited to: rape, non-con, mental manipulation, BDSM, and phobias. If you feel that these may offend you, I recommend you seek out a different story.

Agoraphobia – The abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation from which escape may be difficult that is characterized initially by panic or anxiety and finally by avoidance of open or public places. As a result, severe suffers of agoraphobia may become confined to their homes, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."

In case you live under a rock, Harry Potter and associated characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Chapter title is from Pretty Hate Machine, Nine Inch Nails.

~*~

That's What I Get

The sun was beating down on her body, and her stomach was grumbling for lunch, yet Hermione was lost in her dreams. They were good dreams. Dreams of the way things had been before, before the Light had lost, before she had been forced into hiding.

The book that she had been reading fell from her fingers and dropped to the ground. The sound made her shift her position. But she slept on, unaware that her safe, quiet life was about to be turned upside down.

~*~

After a quick lunch, Harry and Peri returned to the building in which she lived. They arrived near the back gate, which Harry opened to let young Peri through first. As Harry moved through the gate, he saw a rush of bushy hair and a frightened woman run screeching into the building.

A little taken aback, Harry just stared after the upset woman. Peri was the first to say something.

"Oh, the date lady left her book. I will drop it by her door."

"You know her?"

"Yes, she lives here in the building. She is a little strange."

"How so?"

"Well first of all, she never leaves the building, except to come out here. Every once in a while, I see her staring out the front door to the street, and then she turns and heads back to her flat.

"The only time she ever speaks to anyone is to ask what the date is. Then she shakes her head and mutters about going crazy. To be honest, I think she already is." She gave him a small smile as she said this.

"She has only ever had one visitor that I have seen. Though, he tries to hide so no one notices him. I've seen him on a number of occasions. Sometimes I get the feeling that he is watching me.

"He is very creepy, dressed in black from head to toe. Most of the time he wears a hooded cloak, even in the summer. I have only ever seen his face once. It was late, and I saw him standing here in the courtyard with his hood down gazing up at the building. His eyes looked so sad. Like your eyes did earlier outside of Eeylops Owl Emporium."

Harry looked at her and smiled; he couldn't think of anything to say in response. He didn't want to explain the haunted look she was referring to.

"Grab her book, Peri. I will walk you upstairs."

When she came back carrying the book, Harry glanced at the title and gasped. He quickly grabbed the book from Peri, startling the child, and looked at it again. Thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him, he closed them for a moment before looking at the battered book for a third time.

There was no mistaking what it was. He had seen his best friend pour over this book for hours looking for clues to help them defeat Voldemort. He had not seen it in years, but he was sure of what the symbols on the cover read.

"The Tales of Beedle the Bard."

Shooting a silvery wisp of smoke off in the air, Harry ran to the building with Peri trailing behind him.

~*~

Remus Lupin was sitting in his study watching his son play chess with his wife when the stag that was Harry's Patronus came bursting into the room.

"Hermione. Hackney. Help. Hurry."

"What the..."

"Remus, you don't think he's actually found her, do you?" his wife asked from the floor.

"I'm not sure. We all thought she was dead. Harry finally started to accept that a few years ago. I wouldn't have thought she would have stayed away this long without contacting someone. I will be back, love." He bent down to kiss his wife and ruffle his son's hair before he left to find out what was going on.

~*~

"Professor, what is wrong?" Peri asked when they reached the entry to the building.

Harry stopped and turned to her.

"Peri, what else do you know about the "date woman"? Do you know how long she has lived here?"

"She... she has lived here since before I was born. My mum told me she moved here about thirteen years ago. She moved in late one night and hasn't left since."

"Have your parents ever said what her name is?"

"No, no one knows. She doesn't talk to anyone, except maybe that man that visits. Do you know her, Professor?"

"I think she might be an old friend of mine. Where is her flat?"

"Her flat is on the second floor, directly below mine."

Before Harry could ask any more questions, Lupin came through the front doors.

"Harry, what is going on?"

"Peri, I need you to go up to your flat. I will return later to talk to you and your parents."

"Yes, Professor."

When she was on her way upstairs, Harry turned back to his friend.

"I was here to escort a new student to purchase her school supplies. When we returned, I saw a woman running from the back garden into the building. She left behind this book."

He handed it to Lupin. Lupin stared at it for a minute, then looked back at Harry.

"Are you sure it is hers?"

"Positive. She carried it with her all the time. I saw her read it a hundred times. This is what Dumbledore left her in his will," Harry said as he pointed a finger at the book.

Lupin nodded his head. If this was Harry's proof, it was good enough for him. The two of them made their way to the second floor. When they approached the door to "date woman's" flat, Harry felt the first of her alert wards.

Harry and Lupin began to attack the wards on the door. Just when they thought they had breached them, other, further wards were thrown up. The two wizards struggled to break through. After a few minutes, Harry was beginning to growl in frustration. He began to beat on the door, yelling for her to open it.

"Harry, stop. Just stop and calm down."

"Remus, that is my friend in there, and I am not leaving here until I see her."

"Look, I understand that you are upset, but place yourself in her shoes for a minute. She disappeared more than ten years ago, without a goodbye. The Ministry has never been able to trace her signature. She was declared dead five years ago.

"From the wards she has up, she obviously doesn't want to be found. We don't know why she left or why she is determined to keep us out. But I am sure that banging on her door and blasting your way in is not the way to get her to open it."

Harry nodded in agreement. He was frustrated, but he knew the man was right.

"Alright, Remus. We will do it your way."

Lupin looked to door and began to knock.

"Hermione, it is Remus Lupin and Harry Potter. We are not here to hurt you. We just want to talk to you. Please open the door."

They waited a minute and nothing happened. Lupin knocked again. Nothing. Harry knocked and called through the door to her.

"Hermione, Please. Just talk to us. Let us know you are alright."

Finally they heard a voice coming from inside.

"Harry Potter was killed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and Remus Lupin was killed by Death Eaters at the Battle of Hogwarts. I don't know who you are, but go away before I hurt you."

Both Harry and Lupin stared at each other, not knowing what to say. How could she think they were dead? Is that why she had remained hidden for all these years?

"Hermione, I am not dead. I'm right here. Open the door, you can see for yourself."

They listened again. All they could hear was Hermione chanting the same thing over and over again.

"Harry is dead. Harry is dead. Harry is dead. Harry is dead."

"Harry, we might have a better chance to break these wards now. I don't like what I am hearing. We will need to be very careful with her. When I say this, I mean we may need to stun her. I want you to be prepared for that."

Harry nodded, and the two of them began to disassemble the wards again. The woman behind the door did not seem capable of trying to stop them in her distress. When they finally breached the last one and opened the door, the first thing they saw was a crumpled ball of quivering flesh and hair that was Hermione Granger. Her chanting continued.

"Harry is dead. Harry is dead. Harry is dead. Harry is dead."

Harry crouched down in front of her and spoke gently to her. Slowly, he reached out to touch her shoulder. She flinched as if he had hit her.

"Hermione, it's me Harry. I am not dead. I am right here. I want to help you. Reach out and take my hand."

"No, you're dead. Not real. Don't take me to Him. I have seen what he does to Mudbloods. He will torture me and then he will kill me. I don't want to die. Please just leave me alone. Take my wand. I won't do magic anymore. No one will know I am here. I just want to live."

"Hermione, please listen. We are not going to hurt you..."

"No, you're not real. Harry is dead. Remus is dead. Tonks is the dead. Ron is dead. Fred is... Everyone is dead."

Remus looked down at her. Harry could not make himself speak. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes. Why would she think that they had all died? Sure there had been losses. In the end, the Light had won. She was acting as if Voldemort had been victorious.

Remus found his voice first.

"Harry, we need to get her out of here and to St. Mungo's. She is having some sort of breakdown."

Harry nodded and reached out to grab her arm. Hermione started screaming and kicking and punching at Harry.

"Calm down, Hermione," Harry shouted over her screams. He tried to stop her arms from striking him. Her screams were getting louder. Her fighting was more erratic. She was terrified of him. Harry Potter. What had his friend gone through to make her act this way?

"Stupefy."

Hermione slumped into Harry's arms. He turned and saw Lupin with his wand outstretched.

"I'm sorry. I had to do it. I didn't want her to hurt herself or us."

"Let's just get her out of here. I'll call some friends from the Ministry and have them go through her stuff here. Maybe they can tell us what is going on."

With two 'pops', the wizards and witch disappeared from the room.

~*~

A/N: My thanks to Sempra for reading through this, time and time again, until I got it all right.