In Sickness and in Health

Chapter Eighteen

In Sickness and in Health

Tess ran up the spiral stone staircase to the Headmistress's office, her mind whirling in a vortex of emotion.

"P–professor McGonagall!" she spluttered as she pushed open the door.

Looking around, the office appeared empty. Tess's heart sank, leaving a numbing ache in its place. "Where are you?" she muttered to herself.

From behind the desk, a silver tabby cat with distinctive black marks circling its eyes padded softly towards Tess, watching her inquisitively. Within moments, the animal Transfigured into the Headmistress, standing tall and wearing magnificent green tartan robes.

"My apologies, Tess," Minerva said briskly. "When someone arrives unannounced, I've found my Animagus can be useful for spying." The Headmistress frowned. "Whatever is the matter?"

"I need to be excused," Tess replied, trying unsuccessfully to conceal her embarrassment. "Something... personal... has come up..." Her voice trailed off.

"Is it something to do with your brother? He said he needed to speak to you, but I asked him to wait until the end of your lesson. Was it urgent?" Minerva asked.

"In a way, yes," Tess replied. "He's just left the castle, but I really need to get home to Severus... I can't really explain... I'm sorry."

"Go," Minerva said, shooing her towards the door. "I'll take your next Potions class; it'll do me good to get back in the saddle. I'll speak to you by Floo tonight."

"Thanks, Minerva," Tess said, feeling able to breathe properly for the first time since Nate had arrived.

Tess returned to her quarters and took a handful of Floo Powder from the urn on her mantelpiece. The glittery, silver substance leaked through her fingers as she stared at the fireplace, preparing herself for what might follow. Realising that her delay of the inevitable only served to increase her anxiety, she tossed the powder onto the fire and stepped onto the hearth.

"Lapwing Row," she stated clearly. Within moments she was plucked from the fireplace and whisked into oblivion.

When she arrived at the house in Downham, she stepped out of the hearth, straight into the living room, and found Severus sitting crumpled on the Chesterfield sofa. Bright red blood trailed from his nose, staining his white shirt collar, giving Tess a fright. He looked up at her, startled and abashed, and covered his face with his hand. He groaned in pain as the gesture placed pressure on his nose.

Tess immediately dropped to her knees and placed a hand on his arm, finding it difficult to believe that her brother would stoop low enough to throw a fist at Severus. She felt sure that Nate would have confessed such a crime.

"Severus!" she whispered. "Severus, are you alright?"

He nodded slowly.

"What happened?"

"It's just a broken nose," he replied thickly.

Tess took a moment to assess the situation. If it were just a broken nose, Severus should have been able to fix it with a quick Episkey spell. She noticed his wand lay discarded on the floor, and her line of sight soon found the pale-brown bare feet of Fogle, their house-elf.

The servant trotted forward with a relieved smile on his face. "Fogle is pleased to see Madam Tess," he trilled. "Master Severus would not let Fogle anywhere near him. Fogle didn't know what to do for the best."

"Please go and find a towel, and bring us a bowl of warm water," Tess asked him kindly.

The elf scampered away.

Tess retrieved her wand, saying, "Here, allow me."

Severus's shrouded dark eyes dragged themselves to return her gaze. His hand dropped away from his face, revealing the full extent of the injury: his impressive hooked nose now appeared crooked, reminding Tess of Dumbledore. Last year's Rita Skeeter exposé, The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, revealed that his brother, Aberforth, had been responsible for his bent nose, and Tess wondered whether or not her own brother had resorted to fisticuffs with the man she loved.

She tapped Severus's nose with a gentle Healing Spell and guided the charm carefully as the bone reset.

"I can't believe Nate did this to you," she said as she stepped away and took a seat on the armchair adjacent to the settee. "I'm so sorry."

Severus took a moment to reply. "It wasn't your brother."

"But... Nate has just been to Hogwarts to warn me..."

"And I have just returned from the Ministry of Magic."

Tess noticed Severus returned her gaze without malice, and she sensed her mouth gaping slightly. "You mean..."

Severus stared at her calmly. "A man by the name of Clym Turnstone broke my nose. I believe you know him."

"I..." Tess began, but abandoned her sentence as the house-elf walked gingerly into the room with a porcelain bowl of water and a small, fluffy white towel.

Setting the bowl down on the floor, the little elf squinted at Tess. "Would Madam like Fogle to...?"

Tess pushed words past the swelling in her throat which threatened imminent suffocation. "Leave it with me, Fogle. You are excused."

Fogle executed a formal bow and trotted away.

The Unspeakable name hung in the air of a living room like a veil of smoke. "You know who he is," Tess said, her voice trembling.

Severus nodded. He didn't reach for the towel, he simply continued to stare at Tess, studying her reaction. Tess mobilised herself to kneel on the floor, soak the facecloth, wring out the water, and wipe the damp cotton gently underneath Severus's nose.

He allowed this, but when she rinsed the bloodstained linen, he said, "He's still in love with you."

Tess felt her eyebrows arching. She watched as the red stain bled into the water and then twisted the towel once again in her hands. "I doubt he ever truly loved me, Severus."

Dabbing the creases of his mouth and chin, removing the evidence of his injury, Tess wondered what had possessed Severus to go straight to the Department of Mysteries to pick a fight with the Unspeakable who'd resurrected him.

"Why did you go there? What were you thinking?"

Severus placed his hand over hers, coaxing the towelling away. "There's something I haven't told you, Tess."

Tess peered at him quizzically. "And here I am, thinking I owe you an explanation or two..."

"I should go first," Severus affirmed. He cast his gaze upon his ebony and phoenix-feather wand, lying discarded on the hearth rug, and seemed to embolden himself. "For the last few months, my magical abilities have been transient and unpredictable. At times, I find myself unable to... perform."

Tess found his words hard to believe. "But I've seen you perform magic; you've Apparated, you've cast charms, you've..."

"Like I said, my magic has been transient," Severus continued patiently. "I couldn't rely on my abilities anymore. Ollivander has checked my wand, I've been back to St Mungo's, but there seemed to be no explanation."

Struggling to keep up, Tess tried to make sense of what she was hearing. "I don't understand; I've seen you! I've..."

Severus interrupted her with his deep, soft voice. "I've deliberately hidden this from you, Tess."

"But..." Tess stopped mid-sentence, suddenly understanding his meaning. Taking hold of his hand, she gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

There followed a long pause. Severus looked intently at their intertwined hands, gathering the strength to reveal his hidden torment.

"Because I'm ashamed," he said quietly. "This cuts deep into the very core of being a wizard. It's who I am. I was worried that..." His voice drifted away, leaving behind echoes of doubt and vulnerability.

"Worried about what?" Tess pressed softly, shifting her weight as she kneeled by his side.

"Worried you wouldn't love me anymore," he mumbled.

"Oh, Severus," she chided, standing up and nudging him to move to the middle of the sofa so that she could sit next to him. Feeling his warmth upon her side, she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I'd still love you if you'd been resurrected a Muggle. I'd even have loved you if you'd come back with Voldemort's nose!" She laughed lightly. "I don't love you because you're a wizard. I love you for who you are as a person... who you are as a man."

Severus furrowed his brow and took a moment to take in this information. Eventually, he seemed to find a measure of solace in her words.

"Why did you seek out Clym?" she asked, flinching a little bit at the sound of the name spoken out loud.

Black curtains of hair fell about Severus's face as he dipped his head. "I believed him responsible for my affliction... I thought he'd deliberately disfigured me."

Tess's breath felt dry in her throat. "Oh, no, Severus. Clym may be many things, but he'd never have harmed you. I wouldn't have accepted his help if I thought that."

Severus nodded to acknowledge this. The light in the living room had begun to wane as the setting sun dipped below the horizon, accentuating the contrast between his pale skin and dark hair. He held her gaze openly as he asked his next question.

"Why didn't you tell me about him?"

Tess removed her arm from around his back and smoothed a crease in her teaching robes. "I didn't want to worry you," she replied with saturnine remorse. "Whilst we were working on your revivification, I thought it better that you didn't know."

"And what about when I came back?" Severus asked, his voice impartial.

"Well, I think the Tongue-Tying Curse gave me a good excuse: I couldn't give you any information which might have led to his identity... But I admit I felt nervous about you knowing about that piece of my past, and I often wondered what I'd have done if you'd directly questioned me about my romantic history."

"Why?"

Tess looked away. "Because I'm ashamed."

Severus gave a hollow laugh. "I've disclosed my darkest secrets to you, Tess. After all we've been through, I don't understand why you couldn't tell me."

His genuine bewilderment seemed to throw light upon a tenebrous place in Tess's heart, helping her to recognise why she'd withheld the truth. "I was scared that you'd love me a little less, that your image of me would be tarnished. I was embarrassed by my own actions. But being Tongue-Tied was a convenient excuse; I convinced myself that you didn't need to know."

The air in the living room seemed heavy with confession, but when Tess risked a glance at Severus, his features were placatory.

"I think I need to know now, Tess."

"Yes, you do." She nodded and breathed deeply. "Let's put the kettle on, and I'll tell you the whole story."

Fan-art by star_girl