For Better, For Worse

Author's Note:

Amata's experience in Beedle the Bard's The Fountain of Fair Fortune is precedent for the after-effects of memory extraction described later in this chapter.

Chapter Six

For Better, For Worse

Heels clicked on the black, white and gold marble floor of the Wizengamot.

A nervous-looking clerk walked steadily towards the podium, carrying several glass phials which Severus recognised as the kind he'd discovered stashed away in the Headmaster's office almost a year ago. Wondering what might happen next, his stomach twisted in a tight knot, and his hands clenched on his lap.

The jurists of Courtroom Ten remained eerily silent, sitting in their raspberry-coloured, high-necked robes, their fifty-two cone-shaped hats following the progress of the clerk until his cargo was placed down upon the table at the foot of the pedestal. The glass flasks rattled in their circular wooden stand, and the white wisps contained within turned momentarily. Everyone's gaze was transfixed by the evidence on display as the young clerk exited the oval room.

Rita Skeeter was sitting alongside the Court Scribe, her beady eyes absorbing the scene unfolding around her. She noticed Severus's tension, the rapt attention of the jury, and the stern gaze of Kingsley Shacklebolt, presiding in the black robes of Minister for Magic. The only sound came from the scratching of her Quick-Quotes Quill.

"Mr Snape, as testimony to your true allegiance, I present your memories, given to Harry Potter at the time of your... death. These have been viewed by the Wizengamot at a prior hearing."

Shacklebolt paused in his delivery, and Severus's stomach lurched to somewhere in the region of his Adam's apple. Apparently, his most private memories had been examined and dissected by the Wizards' Council, and he wondered how many other people had had occasion to study these deeply personal scenes from his life. By the smug expression on Skeeter's face, he presumed she'd already had the pleasure.

Damn and blast!

"From these memories, it is clear that your first priority was the safety of Harry Potter, in order to repay your perceived debt to his mother, Lily. As such, you acted on the side of the Light, and this redeems certain of your actions. Do you have anything to add, Mr Snape?"

"No."

"Your memories remain your property, and the Wizengamot hereby returns them to you."

Severus swallowed, his mouth dry. In the corner of his vision, he witnessed Tess fidgeting in her seat and her brother, Nathan, squeezing her hand.

"This court also takes into account the testimonies of Harry Potter, Minerva McGonagall and Contessa Marchbanks. In addition, Albus Dumbledore's portrait corroborated the chain of events depicted in your memories and confirms the verbal accounts offered by the witnesses." Shacklebolt paused, shifting his focus towards the chair at the centre of the proceedings, and addressed Severus once more. "Since your return, you have been cooperative in supplying information about Voldemort's inner circle."

The scratching of stenographic quills continued long after Shacklebolt's monologue had ended, until finally silence reigned once more. Severus was aware of his dull, aching heartbeat and the sensation of sweat beading on his palms.

Shacklebolt looked Severus squarely in the eye and then declared. "The Wizengamot therefore makes no charges against you."

The words rang in Severus's ear like a cacophony of bells, and he felt a chill underneath his frock-coat and cloak. Tess squeaked her jubilation and jumped from her seat, hugging her perplexed taller brother behind the railings.

After a slight pause, Griselda Marchbanks stood up from her newly-reinstated chair and began to clap her hands, slowly and loudly. One by one, the others rose from the benches to join the applause, until the standing ovation echoed like thunder around the arches of the courtroom.

Severus could not move from his singular seat at the centre of the marble floor's swirling pattern; he seemed paralysed from the waist down. The noise banged his eardrums, dried his throat, making him dizzy. He surveyed the scene, noticing Skeeter's shrewd aspect; she was not clapping, although she had risen from her seat.

And right at the back of Courtroom Ten was the dark figure of a man, previously unnoticed but now visible, owing to his defiant decision to remain seated. When Severus made eye contact, the wizard arose and slipped out through the side door.

From the mop of curly brown hair, Severus recognised him as the Unspeakable who was present at his revivification.

In the corridor outside the courtroom, Tess hugged Severus so tightly he thought his lungs had compressed. He did not feel the joy which she so obviously felt.

"Severus, I'm so happy for you! You've finally been recognised as a hero!" She loosened her grip and looked into his eyes, radiant and smiling, no longer preoccupied, no longer troubled.

He heard a derisory snort from Nathan, who stood in the shadows of the dark hallway, holding the precious load of memories which had just been returned to Severus. Although he knew Nathan's inherent dislike to be the reason for his mockery, Severus nevertheless concurred with the sentiment.

"I'm no hero," Severus asserted, holding Tess by the arms in an attempt to coax her away.

"Never a truer word passed his lips," Nathan remarked.

Severus shot Nathan a look which could have slit the throat of a basilisk, and Tess stepped away warily.

"For Merlin's sake, you two!" she said, exasperated. "Maybe you ought to view those memories, Nate; then you'd understand."

"That will not be necessary," Severus countered, reaching out for the circular wooden stand which housed the phials of his past.

Nathan sneered slightly as he returned them to their rightful owner.

Tess sighed her annoyance, but Severus didn't care; he wasn't about to let another person view his memories, especially not someone who sought further ammunition against him.

"Maybe they'll honour your contribution to the downfall of the Dark Lord, Severus," Tess speculated. "They might grant you the title of Warlock."

"Heaven forbid," Severus muttered.

"Imagine the party!" Tess beamed. "All those people who decried you as a traitor would have to eat their words and raise their glasses to you. It would be very... satisfying."

"There shall be no parties and no celebrations on my account," Severus snapped.

"Oh, Severus, you're being a party-pooper!" Tess chided gently, as Nathan wandered towards the Ministry lifts, smirking nastily.

Severus glared at her brother's broad-shouldered back as they followed him into the lift. Nathan stated their destination, and the metal cage flew into action.

En route to the Atrium, Severus inhaled a deep, anticipatory breath. "There are bound to be reporters waiting by the exit. You two should leave together before I step out into the Atrium. Tess, take my memories and go back to the Leaky Cauldron. I'll meet you there when this is over." Severus handed over the memories to the one person alive whom he felt he could trust.

"Are you sure?" she asked, nervous and afraid for him.

"I am," Severus said calmly. The motion of the lift ended abruptly, and the doors flung open. "Go!"

Nate led Tess in a dash toward the Floo.

Severus stepped out moments later, diverting the attention of the wizarding paparazzi, hoping to ensure a clean escape for his companions. Severus witnessed Xenophilius Lovegood handing Tess an envelope before she stepped into the emerald flames of the fire, and then she was gone.

Severus arrived on the outskirts of Ottery St Catchpole later that afternoon, arriving at Xenophilius Lovegood's solid black front door and rapping the eagle-shaped door knocker three times in quick succession.

As the door slowly opened, the white-blond hair of The Quibbler's editor appeared in the narrow crevice, eventually revealing a pair of suspicious eyes.

Recognising his visitor, Lovegood threw open the door and greeted Severus with a broad smile. "Professor Snape! What a surprise! Forgive my vigilance – it is said that Death knocks three times when he comes to carry off a soul..."

Severus clasped his hands behind his back. "That is a Muggle superstition and only applicable at Halloween."

Xenophilius's eyes narrowed. "Who would have thought a former Death Eater would know so much about Muggles?" he pondered out loud.

"I paid attention in Muggle Studies," Severus said crisply, before his tone softened. "And I was well-acquainted with Charity Burbage."

"May she rest in peace."

"Yes." Unconsciously, Severus tapped his foot on the wooden stair.

"Oh, I beg your pardon, please do come in, Professor Snape."

"Thank you," Severus said as he ascended the remaining steps and entered the rook-like building. "And please call me 'Severus', as I am no longer a professor."

"Of course, of course," Xenophilius said, shuffling his feet as he closed the door. "Naturally, my Luna has always called you 'Professor'... Now where is she? Luna!"

Severus grimaced. "That will not be necessary, Mr Lovegood. I came here to see you, in reply to your proposal."

Xenophilius wasn't listening. "Luna! Professor Snape is here!"

An upstairs door creaked open, and the seventeen-year-old witch trotted down the stairs excitedly, pausing to smile at the bottom of the stairway as she looked her former teacher up and down. Before Severus had chance to react, Luna flung herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. Unable to move, Severus made eye contact with her father, who was watching the comical sight of the rigid ex-professor being hugged by his past student with a fatherly expression of satisfaction.

"Oh, Professor Snape, it's good to see you!" Luna's voice sounded characteristically dreamy, muffled by Severus's velvet jacket. She stepped away, ignoring his discomfort. "I'm so glad you survived the battle; I always knew, you know, that you were good."

Severus cleared his throat. "That is a matter of opinion, Miss Lovegood."

"No, sir, it isn't. I knew there was more to you than met the eye. After Ginny, Neville and I broke into your office to try to steal the sword of Gryffindor, you gave us detention in the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid. I knew the punishment could have been much more severe. And I don't think it was a coincidence that I was kidnapped on my way home aboard the Hogwarts Express, when I was away from your protection at the castle. You looked out for me, didn't you?"

Her logic was immaculate, and Severus was impressed with her insight and also a little bit unnerved. "All of those things are true, Miss Lovegood."

Luna smiled brightly and skipped towards the front door, grabbing a trowel and a pair of gardening gloves. "I'll go and weed around the Snargaluff, Daddy."

"OK, but be careful," her father said as she stepped out into the afternoon sunshine. "Would you like a cup of Gurdyroot infusion, Severus? We make it ourselves."

"No, thank you. Your letter said you would be interested in publishing my story in your magazine, and I would like to accept your offer, so long as I may have final editorial discretion on the article."

"Certainly, and I'd be delighted to publish whatever you'd like to share."

"I shall give you a synopsis of my life story, to pre-empt a revelatory and inaccurate account by a certain Daily Prophet reporter with an acid-green quill. You shall have the whole story, no omissions, no fabrications, just a concise account of pertinent facts about my choices and my loyalties."

"I would be most honoured, Severus. When would you like to schedule our first meeting?"

"Today. Now, if convenient for you, Mr Lovegood? I'd like to get this over with in one sitting and have the magazine published this evening, if possible."

Xenophilius's eyes bulged, and he nodded vigorously. "I'm sure that can be arranged. Let me get my quill and parchment."

"Do you own a Pensieve?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Why?"

Severus unbuttoned his coat and retrieved several glass phials stored safely within an inside pocket. "I believe we should begin with these."

On the evening following Severus's court appearance, for better or for worse, The Quibbler released a special-edition magazine featuring an interview with Hogwarts' last Headmaster. The scoop took the wizarding media by surprise and displaced the publication of inferior and inaccurate editorials, leaving Rita Skeeter ravenous for a new angle. For the remainder of the week, the Daily Prophet led with a series of interviews from a variety of sources, each speaking of their reaction to the news of Severus's reappearance.

Severus and Tess stayed in their room at the Leaky Cauldron, reading these articles with amusement, their location kept secret by use of a Fidelus Charm, protecting them from the hullabaloo. Rita Skeeter was hot on the trail of Severus's love life, and Contessa Marchbanks had been named twice in the press because of the evidence she gave to the Wizengamot. Speculation was mounting that the pair were involved, but Severus and Tess had no intention of revealing their relationship so early in its development. So they stayed mostly in their room and only ventured outside with the assistance of Polyjuice Potion.

The time spent together helped Severus to feel more assured about their connection, and since he had escaped trial and been declared a free man, he felt better able to contemplate his future. Their future. A future which had now begun with Spinner's End being sold and would continue with the completion of the purchase of a new home in Downham.

However, six glass phials had been sitting on the dresser ever since Severus had returned from visiting Ottery St Catchpole. For some reason, Severus had struggled with the concept of their return, and the white wisps remained corked inside their bottles. Every time he saw them, his newfound confidence would transform into insecurity.

"They're your memories, Severus, no-one else's."

Severus tore his eyes away from the stored memories and turned to face Tess. "That doesn't mean I should take them back."

They had reached a familiar stalemate, but Severus knew he had to make a decision. Eventually.

"Why do you place so much importance on them?" he asked.

"Because they're a part of you. They are a huge part of you. Without these recollections, you're incomplete."

"What if I don't want to remember these moments of my life? What if I'd prefer to forget them?"

"You've never chosen to forget them before, Severus. You could have wiped your memory, taken Hate Potion, all kinds of things to take away the pain. You chose not to."

Severus knew she was right, but he still didn't feel comfortable reinstating memories which had caused so much hurt. Without clear recollection of the time he'd called Lily 'Mudblood', his regret seemed easier to bear.

Although there were gaps in his memory, Severus could fill in the blanks for himself. He knew what he had done on that afternoon by the Black Lake, because he remembered the after-effects of the mistake. The same was true for most of the missing memories.

He feared experiencing these moments again with raw clarity, and he was scared the pain would consume him once more.

"Severus." Tess's voice was quiet and comforting. "You forgave yourself in the Shrieking Shack. Give yourself some credit. You can deal with this."

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?" she replied, confused.

"What will you think of me for taking these memories back?"

Tess paused, her forehead creasing in a frown. "I'll love you just the same, if that's what you're worried about. And I'll know just how brave you truly are."

"Brave," Severus contemplated.

"Yes, brave."

He stood up and walked slowly towards the dresser, his finger nudging the phial which contained his worst memory.

"It takes bravery to accept the past. And it takes courage to move on," Tess reassured.

"Dumbledore once said something about Sorting taking place too soon," Severus remembered, and he felt certain that was one of the memories in the phials. He remembered the impact the Headmaster's words had had upon him.

Tess smiled. "He may have been right. But then again, nobody is the exact reincarnation of their House founder. Every student at Hogwarts has a little bit of each House in them. Bravery might be an established Gryffindor trait, but that doesn't mean a Slytherin can't be courageous."

"Bravery does not make one a hero."

"True," replied Tess. "But I think I know a hero when I see one."

Severus flinched, closing his eyes. "You are mistaken."

"I don't think so. You have shown remarkable courage and resolve, and without you the Dark Lord would not have fallen."

Tess's words were spoken softly and evenly, and Severus could hear her genuine faith in him. If only he shared her conviction.

"That still does not make me heroic," he replied. "I helped Dumbledore protect Potter to assuage my guilt. My loyalties had nothing to do with the 'Light', or the Ministry's agenda." Severus flicked the wooden stand with his finger, sending the phials of memories spinning.

"You did what you did for love," Tess said as she arose to stand by his side. "That's heroic enough for me."

She slowed the revolving carousel of memories gently with the palm of her hand, and Severus felt the final embers of his fear begin to fade.

When Tess kissed him, his apprehension turned to ash and blew away on the breeze.