9

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I make no money here.

Many thanks to my beta dreamy_dragon73 for all her help; she makes it all readable.

After everyone had left, Harry stopped Severus at the door. "Severus, a word before you leave?"

"Certainly, what is it?"

Harry hesitated, unsure how to broach the subject he had on his mind. "Hermione has sent me several notes over the last few weeks." He looked pointedly at Severus but did not get any sort of response other than a questioning stare.

"And?"

"Well..." He paused, unsure how to tactfully express his concerns. "She seems... um... happy."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, not at all. I am glad to see her happy. But..." Gods, I'm botching this up, thought Harry. "I can't help but notice... that is... according to her letters... Well, it sounds to me like you two are spending a lot of time together. An awful lot of time."

"Ahhh..." Severus stated knowingly. "And you disapprove, I take it. Of us spending time together?"

"No, that's not it at all." Harry rushed to interject. "I'm just worried about her, that's all."

"Worried that she's spending too much time with me. The greasy git, the Death Eater, the..."

"Don't try to put words in my mouth! That isn't what I'm saying at all. I'm getting a feeling from her notes that she's becoming very attached to you. I don't know if that's good for her. You know it hasn't been all that long since she broke up with Nott."

Severus frowned and looked as if he were trying to decipher Harry's true meaning.

"I'm just saying she's still vulnerable. Everyone thinks she's unbreakable, hard as nails, impervious. Well, she's not; she bruises just like the rest of us. And she's been through a terrible ordeal these past couple of months."

"I'm not good enough for her. That's what you think, isn't it?"

"Oh, for the love of Merlin, Severus. It's not about you! I'm worried about her. Just the tone of her notes tells me she's falling for you. If you want to know the truth, I think you two would be perfect for each other; you have so much in common it's scary. I admire you, I told you that already, and I meant it. But I love her like family, you already know that, and I don't want to see her get hurt again.

"What I want to know is if I am misreading the situation? Is it just friendship between you, or could it be more? I'm just trying to say... if you don't care for her... I just... shit! I'm fucking this up." Harry smacked his hand against the wall in frustration. "I don't know how you feel about her. Just... just don't use her, don't be with her because it's convenient. Hermione doesn't do casual. When she falls for someone, she falls hard. If you don't think you might be able to feel the same way, then don't lead her on. After everything she's been through, it'd be too cruel."

Severus didn't quite know what to say. He had been spending an unusual amount of time with the girl...it was true. He really hadn't planned it that way, but they did seem to have a great deal of common likes and had slipped into this easy routine of being together. He enjoyed their discussions, her quick mind, her keen intelligence. He even liked to tease her a bit, get her riled and see that temper fire to life before soothing her ruffled feathers. But honestly, he knew that things had been changing between them...heating up...before his departure.

It was true, he did like being with the witch, but perhaps as Harry said it was because it was convenient to be with her; she was the only witch he'd socialized with in years. He'd been around Muggles for so long that he had really enjoyed being with someone magical like himself for a change. But the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her; he'd seen how devastated she'd been by Nott's actions. He certainly didn't want to be the next one to cause her pain.

"I'll take what you've suggested into serious consideration, Harry," Severus stated earnestly, then Disapparated without another word.

Harry swore under his breath. "I think I just fucked that up royally," he muttered just before he left for home himself.

~**~

Hermione could hardly wait to see Severus. He'd been gone four days, and it seemed like weeks. She missed him. She was surprised how much. The minutes seemed to drag without the prospect of Severus dropping in for a cuppa or a visit. Plus, before he'd gone away, in those last few days, there had been a subtle shift in their relationship.

One night, when he'd gotten up to leave, she'd walked him to the door as she always did. It had seemed the most natural thing in the world to lean in and kiss his cheek. He in turn had given her a little hug and gone on his way. A couple of days later, he had cooked dinner for her, and as she took her leave, it seemed almost instinctive to brush a kiss across his lips. She swore she felt a spark when he'd taken her hand in his and squeezed it affectionately. The subtle signs of affection had continued: a touch on the back, a pat on the shoulder, a gentle hug, a peck on the cheek.

That final morning, he'd stopped for coffee and scones before he left on his trip. She had walked with him to the bottom of the hill, where he had parked his car rather than drive it up the bumpy lane that masqueraded as her driveway. He hadn't said where he was going, only that he had some personal business to take care of and would be gone for three or four days, five at the longest.

"Well, goodbye then, Severus. Have a safe trip. I'll miss you while you're gone."

"You'll miss my cooking," he teased.

"Well that too," she replied with a grin. "I can cook you know... I just don't like it."

"You just don't like it."

She laughed as he echoed her last four words at exactly the same time she did. She'd never quite figured out how what happened next happened. She leaned forward to give him a little buss on the lips. Suddenly, before she knew it, the fingers of one of his hands were tangled in her hair while his other arm was wrapped around her body, pulling her tightly to him, and somehow her hands ended up on his arse, clutching him. And he was kissing her, or maybe she was the one kissing him.

At any rate, they were kissing each other wildly. Then somehow, she got turned around, and he had her pinned against the car with his knee between her thighs and one of her legs practically wrapped around his hip. She could feel his erection pressing into her. If a carload of teenagers hadn't driven by on the narrow road, honking and whistling at the display, she probably would have shagged him right there against the car in broad daylight. Then, roughly, he shoved her away, saying gruffly, "I have to go." He got in the car and drove away without another word.

Naturally that was all she'd been able to think about for the last four days, replaying those last five minutes over and over in her head. She could hardly wait for his return, to pick up where they'd left off so abruptly just a few days earlier. The wait was agonizing. She spent the whole afternoon accomplishing nothing because, every few minutes, she had to walk over to look out of the window or step outside or walk down the lane and back.

Bluebell Cottage sat up on a ridge, Witches' Ridge, the locals called it...ironically enough. From her front door, she could see down the lane all the way to the winding road that ran from the village and out past Severus' home. She just happened to be standing out front when she saw his car coming down the road from the village. She knew he wouldn't be able to see her, but she stood waiting anyway...only to see his car flash by the end of her lane, right on past towards his house.

She had thought he would want to stop in to see her as soon as he got home. It was a little disappointing, but she told herself he probably wanted to get home, unpack, settle a bit, maybe take a shower or have a bite to eat before he came over. So she waited and waited and waited. The minutes slid by agonizingly slowly, turning into hours, and still Severus didn't come to see her. Several times, she almost decided to Apparate to his house, but something held her back. The longer the night stretched out, the more uncertain her feelings were. By bedtime, she had a sinking, dreadfully sick feeling in the pit of her stomach and somehow knew that he wasn't coming...not tonight and maybe never. Somehow she just knew.

~**~

He knew he should have stopped and talked to her; it would have been the right thing to do, but after Harry's admonitions he just couldn't bring himself to face her tonight. Instead he sat in his house in the dark, wondering where things had gone wrong.

She had offered him friendship, something he'd had little enough of in the course of his life. But was Harry right? Were her feelings of friendship developing into something deeper? Was she 'falling for him' as Harry had claimed? Was he ready for that? Was he even capable of that?

He didn't know what had come over him that last morning. The thought of being separated from her, even for just a few days, had made him want to hold her to him, keep her, mark her. He'd practically forced himself on her. If that carload of teenagers hadn't sped by right at that moment, he might have taken her right there at the edge of the road in broad daylight up against his car! Did that mean he had feelings other than friendship, or did it simply mean he was desperate to get his needy cock inside her warm welcoming body? Was she just a convenient source of relief for him as Potter had suggested? Comfortable? Didn't she deserve more than that? Didn't she deserve someone who was truly capable of love?

It wasn't as if Severus hadn't been with a woman in the last eight years. He had. Muggles mostly, but there had never ever been even the tiniest hint of a relationship or any true emotion involved. Usually, when he felt the urge, he connected with some tourist just passing through who was looking for a good time with no strings attached. If it happened to be the off-season for tourists in the area, he would take a couple days off and head to Dublin, Cork or Galway and pick up some single woman on the prowl for a one- or two-night-stand, nothing more.

Maybe, her reaction to him, her attraction, was some sort of rebound from her break-up with Nott. As for himself, he honestly didn't know what he felt about Hermione. But it was true that they had been spending an inordinate amount of time together. He decided that he needed to take a step back, ease away. He'd only see her when there were other people around ...that would be safe. But he would definitely stop going to the cottage, and he wouldn't invite her here for dinner...maybe a lunch at O'Malley's restaurant. Friends did that, didn't they? Of course, that would be okay.

He just had to readjust his thinking, explain to her why it wasn't a good idea for them to spend so much time together. She'd understand. It made sense, it was logical. In spite of what Harry had said, they weren't right for each other at all. Yes, she'd understand that, he was sure.

~**~

When Severus showed up at her door in the morning, her heart leaped and for a brief instant, she thought how silly she'd been the night before and believed that everything was going to be all right. But when he refused to come in, her heart plummeted and that sickly tight feeling was back in her tummy...like she'd just swallowed one of Hagrid's rock cakes whole.

"I really can't come in. I'm running late. After being gone for so long, I have a lot of work to catch up on, the books, ordering supplies for the month and such." He seemed nervous, awkward, standing there...not at all like the take-charge man she knew.

"Oh, of course, I understand. You must have so much to catch up on."

"Well, I really needed to talk to you, though. I had quite a bit of time to think while I was gone, and I came to the realization that I have been taking up way too much of your time. You have so much you want to accomplish, your research, your writing... You need to be getting on with your life, and I have been tying you down. Selfish of me really, I apologize for that."

Hermione was silent through most of his explanation. He kept talking, but she couldn't have said what it was he'd said; she simply nodded and smiled stupidly as if she, of course, understood and agreed with everything he was saying.

"I know I have been monopolizing too much of your time. I would like to remain friends, of course, as I have come to value your friendship above all else," he concluded and awkwardly stood in her doorway, not knowing what else to say.

"Yes, well thanks so much for stopping then, Severus. I appreciate you taking the time to come by and explain all this to me," she stated politely, as if she were speaking to a stranger.  "I guess you'd better hurry on to the pub since you have so very much to catch up on." And before he could say another word, she quietly shut the door in his face, and he felt her wards spring into place. The look in her eyes, right before the door closed on him, had felt like an arrow piercing his chest. He briefly felt the urge to pound madly on the wood, to tear her wards down one by one and rip the door off the hinges with his bare hands, to take back every stupid, bloody thing he'd just said. Instead, he told himself it really was all in her best interest, after all, and turned and walked away.

After firmly closing the door and throwing her wards up, she spun, her back pressed tightly against the wood while trying desperately not to cry. She slid down the door until she was huddled on the floor; her head rested on her knees, which were pulled to her chest, and her arms wrapped around her shins. She'd thought that Theodore Nott had broken her heart, but now she realized she'd been angry, furious, incensed at Nott. Embarrassed and hurt, yes, but she hadn't felt nearly as desolate and bereft, nor as inconsolably grief-stricken as she felt right at this very moment in time.

tbc