Capturing Moods

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"I don't mind waiting if it takes a long, long time. I don't mind wasting the best years of our lives. I don't mind racing through our goodbyes." (Capturing Moods, by Rilo Kiley)

Hermione leaned against the cold, stone wall of the dungeon corridor after saying goodnight to Professor Snape, sighing as she went over everything he had said once more in her head. She should have been thrilled that the meeting went so smoothly, with very little insult from Snape, but Hermione found something about the evening unsettling. Maybe it was the realization that all of this was in fact happening, that she was doing something monumental for the good of Wizard kind. Maybe it was the calm yet forbidding way in which Snape informed her of his expectations, almost as if reminding himself of his own rules. Or maybe it was...

Yes, that's it, Hermione's mind screamed as the memory dawned on her. The look in his eyes when he mentioned the third rule! It was the same look he had the first day of Potions; it's so much different from his normal attitude. Too bad I haven't been able to do a thing to discover what that look could possibly mean! Ugh, how can he be this infuriating even when he's not being brutal?

And then as if struck by lightning, another thought came to Hermione.

Maybe this is so unnerving because Snape actually wasn't brutal tonight. He seemed to actually care about the independent study. Oh, shut up, Hermione, she retorted, berating herself. He doesn't care. He just wants to get this over with and get away from you. God, I really need to stop overanalyzing Severus Snape. He's been forced to reduce his entire life to a lie. If he's such an incredible spy, I can't expect to gain any truthful insight about his character just from a look. I'm not going to get anything done at this rate...

Reminding herself of her promise not to let Snape get in the way of her success, Hemione headed back to the common room; she would have bet ten Galleons that Ron and Harry would be waiting to pounce on her the minute she walked through the door, expecting to hear all about her meeting. Regardless, Hermione didn't really want to talk about it now; she was confused enough as it was. She took a deep breath as she approached the Fat Lady, called out the latest password, and waited for the painting to swing forward on its hinges.

Hermione was shocked at how fast Harry and Ron ran to her side after she climbed through the portrait, almost as if they didn't expect her to be able to stand or walk after her encounter with Snape. Before she could even start to tell them that everything was fine, Ron began yelling in her ear.

"OH MY GOD, HERMIONE, ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT DID THAT IDIOT DO TO YOU? I SAT HERE WORRIED ABOUT YOU ALL NIGHT! I COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN THAT ESSAY FLITWICK ASSIGNED FOR CHARMS, I WAS SO NERVOUS. I..."

"Ron, you need to calm..." Hermione's 'inside voice' was clearly not getting through to Ron, who continued his assault on her ear drums. Finally, Hermione, summoning all the energy she had left, screamed, "RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY,YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN FOR JUST ONE SECOND."

Instantly, the room went silent, and Harry and Ron turned to stare at Hermione, surprised at how she hadn't started ranting about Snape the minute she walked in the door and was actually having to tell them to calm down.

While they were still silent, Hermione grabbed at her chance to explain herself, hoping that if Ron and Harry thought she had disclosed all the details of her meeting, they wouldn't ask her any questions she wouldn't want to answer.

"First of all, Ron, you wouldn't have started that essay anyway, but it is nice to hear that you were worried about me. Second, I really am fine. Surprisingly, Snape wasn't mean and didn't give me any of his usual crap. It was actually... professional. He set down the rules, I agreed to them, and he let me leave. That's really all that happened." She held her breath, hoping that they would be satisfied by her account, and slowly let it out as Harry responded.

"Wow, that's a shocker. I can't believe he didn't go on and on about how much he didn't want to do the study in the first place, but Dumbledore made him and blah, blah, blah." Harry rolled his eyes, practically hearing Snape complaining in his head. "Anyway, we're glad it went well for you, Hermione. When do you start working with him?"

"Oh bloody hell! We didn't set up a time. He must have forgotten, and it completely slipped my mind to ask." The minute Hermione responded to Harry, an owl tapped at the window, begging to be let in from the freezing January night air. Hermione opened the parchment it carried and read the note aloud.

Dear Miss Granger,

I apologize for ending our meeting without discussing when we shall reconvene. If it is agreeable with your schedule, would you please meet me in the dungeons at 8 o'clock tomorrow evening to further discuss the content of your independent study and future scheduling? No reply is necessary; I will be in my office regardless of whether or not you choose to come. Thank you for your agreeable and mature response to my requests this evening...

Here Hermione paused, her eyes going wide, but, after looking up at Ron and Harry and biting her lip nervously, she finished the missive.

...Sleep well.

Potions master, Head of Slytherin

"Since when does Snape go around telling people to sleep well?" questioned Ron, inadvertently speaking his thoughts out loud.

"I don't know, but at least he's not telling me to bugger off and die in my sleep; at the moment that's all I can hope for." Hermione sighed, finally letting herself sink into the couch in the common room, hardly believing that things had managed to go too well that night. Ron soon came and sat beside her, uncharacteristically putting his arm around her. Hermione let her head slide to rest against his shoulder, thankful that her friends cared so much about her. In that moment, she felt more safe and understood than ever before and looked up as she noticed Ron begin to say something.

"I'm really sorry that this is going to be so complicated, Hermione. I wish I could be there to help you."

"I know," Hermione whispered back, wrapping her arms around his waist. As soon as she did, however, Ron jumped off the couch, looking rather surprised and confused.

"Wow, look at the time," Ron muttered, clearly uncomfortable. "I guess I should get to bed. You should too, Hermione. You'll want to be rested for another night of meetings with Snape!"

"Yeah, Ron... I guess I should. I'll talk to you in the morning. 'Night." Hermione ran up the stairs, eager to get some sleep, but, before long, memories of the evening invaded her mind.

No, I will not do this now... I refuse to dream of Severus Snape. The constant battle between Hermione's will and mind raged on. Still, she managed to fall asleep despite Snape's voice echoing in her head, but not until she saw that look his eyes once more.

I am truly acting in your best interest...

*******

It had been a long night for Hermione. She had barely been asleep for more than twenty minutes before waking up again, her mind being plagued by the memories of what had happened that evening. Curled up in a ball by her headboard, Hermione reflected on Severus Snape. She couldn't fathom his extreme shift in behavior and could think of no reason for the change. He certainly hadn't been friendly towards her at their meeting but he was by no means the cold-hearted bastard that she had to bear during her daily Potions classes. Even the way he demanded for her to communicate with him as little as possible had an almost subtle tone of regret. And that look, the look that haunted her. When she looked into his eyes that night, she saw nothing and everything at the same time; it scared her. No, she wasn't afraid of him, not anymore, but of the secrets he kept. The unknown darkness of his past terrified her, yet she yearned to know everything about him. But she would never ask; she would honor his request for her silence. All she wanted now was to learn from him, to help the Order and her friends.

At the thought of her friends, Hermione began to consider her other little problem, the one also known as Ronald Weasley. She had never expected him to actually be worried about her, let alone comfort her the way that he did. She had always looked to Ron as a brother, but recently their relationship had become more and more awkward. Ron was constantly showing signs that he wanted their relationship to go farther but would immediately recoil and find some obscure reason for which to excuse himself. Hermione didn't exactly know how she felt about the prospect of being in a more serious relationship with him but she would be willing to try if he just got up the nerve to ask. She soon found herself desperately wishing that life were less complicated and more logical. She was good at logic; she could handle logic. Being attacked by every human emotion imaginable, Hermione curled up under the scarlet covers of her bed and cried. She couldn't remember when she had last taken the liberty of having a good cry; she normally viewed such practices as signs of weakness. However, on this night, her tears were cathartic and somewhat therapeutic; she knew she needed to let them fall.

The next morning Hermione woke with a headache.

Great, just a perfect way to start my day, Hermione thought to herself. She quickly got ready for the long day of classes ahead and ran down to breakfast with Harry and Ron in the Great Hall.

"Good morning, Hermione!" Ron and Harry cheerfully greeted her, obviously getting more than enough sleep the night before.

"'Morning," Hermione muttered under her breath, distracted for a moment after noticing that Snape had also just arrived to breakfast, looking as miserable as ever and making her think she had completely imagined the sense of normalcy of the previous night.

"Um, Hermione, are you okay?" Harry's question brought Hermione's attention back to her friends. "I don't want you to get offended or anything, but you look awful. Did you not sleep well last night?"

"Actually, Harry, I slept a total of one hour, thanks for asking, but let's not discuss that at the present. I've just had a lot to think about lately, and hopefully all of my work will keep me occupied. Let's get to class!" She ran off before they could ask her any more questions, hoping they were actually following behind her. She didn't bother to look back, however, and headed off to their first class of the day, Potions.

The three friends went through the rest of the day as usual: Ron and Harry fell asleep in class and Hermione vigorously took notes and answered questions. All seemed right in the world, until they were sitting in the common room before Hermione's evening meeting with Snape. Hermione looked up from her book to see that Harry had mysteriously gone missing, and that Ron was looking oddly stiff for sitting in one of the most comfortable chairs in the common room. He stood and walked over to her.

"Uh... Hermione..." he said, awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Ron," Hermione replied, putting down her book and noticing Ron's obvious discomfort. "I'm listening. You've got my attention until I have to meet with Snape!"

"Well thanks, Hermione," Ron added weakly, "I'm glad I get precedence over your homework." He continued. "Anyway... I've been thinking. And, well, we've been friends for a long time, haven't we, Hermione?"

Although Hermione thought she knew where Ron's conversation was finally headed, she played along. Best not to distract his train of thought, she reasoned.

"Oh, yeah, Ron, we've known each other for a little less than half our lives. I'd say we're very good friends." She hoped Ron would just get to his point and not carry on with idle chatter about friendship but she decided it was best to let him proceed at his own pace.

"Well... I was thinking..." Ron began again, but was quickly cut off by Hermione. She was getting impatient and wanted to take a nap before her meeting with Professor Snape.

"Yes, Ron, you've made it very clear that you've been thinking. Go on."

"Oh, right... sorry, Hermione. Anyway, I was wondering if you ever thought about us being more than... um... just friends." As soon as the words left his mouth, Ron let out a huge sigh of relief, as if forgetting that Hermione hadn't responded yet.

"Well, Ronald," Hermione began to answer, "I must admit that I've entertained the thought myself and find it rather agreeable."

"So... you mean... you'll be my... uh... girlfriend?" Ron began stuttering while his palms grew moister by the second. He couldn't believe he had actually asked Hermione to go out with him and was shocked to find that she gave him an answer that resembled a "yes".

"Yes, Ron, I will go out with you." Hermione's eyes lit up as the tension that had been building between them for the past several years melted away. They hugged for a minute and then began cuddling together on the couch. Whether Hermione fell asleep or not, she couldn't remember. All she knew was that she felt as though her problems with Snape seemed to be a thing of the past. Thinking of her problems with Snape reminded her of their meeting, and she quickly sat up from the couch, causing Ron to fall over into the empty space she created by moving.

"What the hell, Hermione? You're supposed to warn me when you're gonna get up. What's wrong?"

"RON, WHAT TIME IS IT?" Hermione couldn't believe she had allowed herself to lose track of time yet again and hoped that she wasn't late.

"It's seven fifty-seven again, Hermione. Wow, even when you're cutting it awfully close you're always consistent. How do you do that?"

"I DON'T KNOW, RON!" Hermione screamed in her haste. "But I have to go... I'll see you later! You don't have to wait up for me if you don't want to."

"Don't worry, I will," Ron replied sweetly with a smile. And with that, Hermione bolted out the door, running to the dungeons yet again, thankful that she had someone like Ron to wait up and make sure Snape wouldn't literally kill her for being late.

I have to stop doing this. Cutting it close isn't the safest thing to do for an appointment, let alone one with Snape. As soon as she made it to the Potions classroom, she found Snape already waiting at the door for her.

"Ah, Miss Granger. How kind of you to have taken the trouble to come this evening. I was beginning to think you weren't going to be able to make it. I see you must have had something important beforehand, however, from the way you're out of breath."

Shit, Hermione thought to herself as she realized she was leaning against the Professor's doorframe panting like an overexerted dog. I must look like an out of shape, incompetent girl from the way I've presented myself... wait... I didn't present myself. He was just waiting for me at the door like he knew I was coming. What gives? Here I go again, assuming things that I've probably imagined to begin with... great.

"I'm sorry for the state in which I've arrived, sir, but I simply dozed off in the common room and woke up a little later than I had anticipated. I'm truly sorry for the inconvenience, Professor."

"Your apology is accepted, Miss Granger, although you managed to run fast enough to make it here with one minute to spare. Excellent timing. Now, shall we get to work? If you'd please make your way back to the lab, I will be with you shortly. We have a few things to discuss."

Hermione walked into the adjacent room as Snape rested his forehead against the door he had closed behind them. Shutting his eyes for a moment, he mentally prepared himself for the night ahead.

I shall conquer this... I SHALL.