Back to the Beginning

Disclaimer: JKR owns all recognizable characters and settings. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Chapter Six

Back to the Beginning

A/N: I usually don't put author's notes before the chapter, but in this case, I decided it was a good idea. Please, read this chapter very carefully as everything is explained – just not all at once. Thank you, and enjoy!

Hermione's head felt as if it were about to split open as she was finally able to fully comprehend where she was. She sobbed in the wake of the pain that washed over her. Her hands gripped the sides of her head, and her eyes screwed tightly shut.

"Hermione!"

She could hear Luna's worried cry, but she was lost to her grief and despair. She couldn't answer. All she could think of was that her life, as she had known it, was over. No, not over ... it didn't exist. It never had.

Another sob was torn from her throat, and she rocked back and forth in a vain attempt at self-comfort. As if through a tunnel, she heard Luna's frantic voice, and then she felt hands easing her back onto the sofa.

"A Healer is on the way, Hermione. Please, be all right."

Hermione had no idea how much time had passed before the Healer arrived. She paid no attention as he cast several diagnostic spells, nor did her weeping cease when he informed Luna that she appeared to be physically fine, merely emotionally overwrought.

The Healer offered to help Luna put Hermione to bed, saying that she would hopefully feel better in the morning and if not, that Luna was to contact him immediately. Hermione vaguely felt the hands that tugged at her arms, helping her to stand. Arms were wrapped about her waist, and she was led her from the room to the guestroom down the hall. She barely noticed as Luna Transfigured her robes into pyjamas and then helped her into the bed. A cool, glass phial was pressed to her lips; she vaguely registered the taste of the Calming Draught on her tongue. She swallowed and then curled onto her side as Luna tucked her in.

"When you're ready to talk about what happened, I'll be ready to listen," Luna murmured.

The door shut with a soft click, and Hermione was alone.

The Calming Draught quickly took effect, and she fell into a fitful sleep, where her dreams taunted her with the life she had never truly lived.

*****

The early morning sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains, and Hermione gradually shifted into consciousness. She blinked slowly as her sluggish mind attempted to orient itself. Her eyes were gritty and swollen. Why...?

Severus.

Fresh tears filled her eyes. She would have to Floo the children today; they would want to help with the funeral arrangements. There were so many people to contact, so many decisions to make. Her thumb moved to her finger ....

Her wedding band was missing.

In an instant, the events of the previous evening flooded her mind.

Hermione rushed from the bed and all but ran to the loo, unmindful of the ease of movement she hadn't felt in decades. She stood in front of the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror that hung above it. Staring back at her was her thirty-two-year-old self.

It was true. Dear Merlin. She was back where it had all begun, back at the beginning. How had this happened?

And what had she experienced, then? A dream? A fantasy? A vision of the future?

Her heart skipped a beat. If it had been the future she'd seen, then that meant Severus was alive and well, and within the next year, he would return to Britain ... and to her.

Joy, abundant and unrestrained, filled her from head to toe, and her body shook with relief. As quickly as it had come, however, the feeling fled. What if it hadn't been the future but something else? She recalled the image of the sphere spinning in her hand and the sensation of magic coursing from her fingertips to her forehead.

Future or fantasy? Which was it?

There was only one way to find out ... and she couldn't stand to spend another minute without knowing.

Quietly, so as not to wake Luna, she slipped from the bathroom and walked down the hall to the sitting room.

She lingered in the doorway a moment before finally entering the room. The mess from the previous night had been cleared away; Luna must have tidied up before retiring. As she scanned the room, her eyes fell upon the small box labelled with the name "Eglantine."

Anticipation and dread warred inside Hermione's chest, and she could feel her heart pound against her ribcage as she approached, drawn as a moth to a flame. She knelt on the floor beside the box and pulled out the stack of letters. After a moment's hesitation, she reached inside and removed the wooden sphere, as well.

It remained dormant in her palm.

She released the breath she'd been holding in a whoosh of air. Whether she felt relief or disappointment, she wasn't certain. Perhaps she felt a bit of both.

After replacing the sphere in the box, Hermione turned her attention to the letters. Carefully, she untied the yellow scrap of ribbon that bound the parchments. Her fingers traced the edge of the topmost letter; she was nervous and not a little frightened of what she might find inside. Were they simply letters to a friend ... or would they explain what had happened to her?

"The answer has to be here," she whispered aloud. And then she gathered her courage, opened the first letter, and began to read.

*****

"Damn it. There's nothing here."

Hermione sighed and ran a weary hand across her face. She blew a stray lock of hair from out of her eyes, then retied the bit of yellow ribbon around the stack of letters. It was strange; all the letters had been from Severus to Eglantine. Why would he have had in his possession letters that he himself had sent?

She had no answer to that question and was about to return the stack of letters to the box when she noticed that there was another letter, this one inside what appeared to be a plain brown envelope. Pulling the envelope from the box, Hermione studied the outside; it was devoid of writing. Turning it over, she noticed that the seal had been broken.

As she removed the pieces of parchment from the envelope, something told her that this was what she had been searching for, and soon, she was engrossed in the decades-old letter that had been sent from one friend to another.

Dear Severus,

I've enclosed a very special gift for you. As I write this, I am in the midst of creating a very unique charm...one specifically meant for you. I don't really know why I feel the need to write the letter that will accompany the gift before it's even completed, but as you well know, I think it's always best to follow one's instincts.

Since we were young children, you have been our dearest friend, and we have been proud...honoured, even...to be able to provide you with safe haven whenever needed. You know that Xenophilius and I think of you as more than a friend ... you are our brother in all ways but blood. And it is because of this that I offer you this most unusual of gifts.

You see, my dear Severus, I know the secrets of your heart. Not only due to the bond of friendship we share, but because you are quite chatty when you're sodding drunk.

You may not recall the events of last year, so I will remind you. It was our weekly dinner, and you were feeling rather melancholy, as it was the anniversary of the day Lily turned her back on you ... on the three of us. And don't you dare defend her, Severus Snape. I am well aware that you have chosen to shoulder the blame, but ... well, that's not really relevant I suppose. In any event, you were feeling rather blue and had drunk more than usual. And that, my friend, is when I learned of your deepest wish, your most secret desire.

You looked at Xeno and me with such sadness, such longing. I asked you whatever was the matter, and you told us...in quite a lengthy dissertation...how much you wished you could have the sort of relationship we have, how you longed to stand in the sun and live life to the fullest.

I know how impatient you are, and I'm well aware that you're currently gritting your teeth and muttering at me to "get on with it," so I will.

You live a half-life, Severus. Perhaps not even that. You've hidden yourself behind so many walls, so many layers, that it's nearly impossible for anyone outside our small circle to reach you. You lash out so they won't get too close ... because if they remain at a distance, they won't be able to hurt you. And yet, even with that, your greatest wish is to live freely and to share yourself with another.

Times being what they are, I know that even if there were a witch who caught your attention, you are in no position to court her...not only because of the guilt you still feel over Lily's death, but because we both know that You-Know-Who will return one day. And we also know that Albus Dumbledore will call upon you again, and you will play the role of spy once more.

What your mind knows is in direct conflict with what your heart desires.

And that, my dearest friend, is where I come in. Although you may be unable to accept my gift for what it is, I had to try.

I present to you The Life Unlived. Use it well.

Eglantine

Hermione stifled a sob as she glanced at the final piece parchment: instructions for use of the Charmed sphere. Through the veil of tears that hovered on her lashes, she read the words, "incantation to activate the charm," and "nothing but a dream, a possibility."

The letter slipped from her fingers and landed in her lap as she buckled under the realisation that the lifetime she had shared with Severus had occurred entirely within her mind. It hadn't been a vision of the future, merely a vision of what could have been.

Unable to bear the thought, Hermione threw the letter back into the box and fled the room, not bothering to read how the charm had been designed to work.

After all, what did it matter? Knowing would change nothing.

*****

Hermione sat at the window in Luna's guest bedroom with her knees drawn up to her chin and her arms wrapped around her legs. A swath of heavy black material was draped about her body, and one pale hand clutched the edges of the fabric to her chest as she stared with unseeing eyes at the garden below.

Luna had checked on her several times over the past two days, usually with a tray of food. Hermione had picked at the meals, but she really hadn't felt much like eating. Instead, she had been too caught up in her thoughts as she attempted to reconcile the events of the past few days.

When she had awakened in Luna's sitting room, she had been an elderly widow grieving the loss of her husband ... only to find that she wasn't a widow at all, because the man for whom she grieved had never actually been her husband.

But he was dead, all the same.

He was dead, and he had never been hers and never would be. The life they had shared had been nothing but smoke and mirrors, and nothing...nothing...could have hurt more.

Because no matter how real it had felt, it hadn't happened.

It hadn't been real.

More than a dream but less than reality, it left Hermione caught between two lives, two worlds, each as sharp and clear as the other.

The ebony fabric was redolent of potions ingredients and herbs, and the smell filled her nostrils as she inhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and basked in the familiar scent, her eyes stinging with unshed tears...tears she had no right to shed, because he'd never been hers to lose.

She sniffed and pressed her palms to her eyes, his scent more heady as the material drew closer to her nose. She rose to her feet and pulled the length of wool from her shoulders. Carefully, reverently, she folded the fabric neatly, pressed it to her face, and then gently laid it on the bed. She would return his robes to the trunk and then attempt to go on with her life.

She had the children to consider...children who were still reeling from their parents' divorce, children who needed her despite her desire to wallow in her grief ... children who would be returning to her arms that afternoon.

She had no other choice but to go forward.

Because if she'd learned anything from her "other life," it was that time was far too precious to waste.

*****

Luna hummed off-key as she prepared lunch, but Hermione barely acknowledged the discordant sound. The children were returning from their visit with their father, and she was nervous. The last time she'd seen Rose and Hugo, they had been grandparents; now, they were young children again.

She sighed and reminded herself that they were still young children. They had not yet grown into adults, had never had children and families of their own. What she remembered had not been real, and she would do well to not forget that.

"Are you feeling better?" Luna asked, her back to Hermione as she sliced a loaf of bread into thick, crusty pieces.

"Mm," Hermione hummed noncommittally as she sipped her tea.

"I was thinking," Luna continued, "that perhaps you encountered a Wrackspurt...you know, because they make your brain feel fuzzy, and they're invisible, so you can't see them coming." She put the slices of bread on a serving platter. "But that isn't very likely, is it? There hasn't been a Wrackspurt sighting in years."

Hermione couldn't help but smile at the wistfulness in Luna's voice. "I suppose it would be rather difficult for there to be a sighting of an invisible creature."

Luna glanced over her shoulder and nodded knowingly. "Well, that explains everything, doesn't it?"

A knock on the kitchen door echoed throughout the small kitchen, and Hermione was immediately on her feet, anxious to see her children and her friend. Even though she had prepared herself, the sight of them standing in the garden as she flung open the door was still mind-boggling; they were all so young.

Dropping to her knees, Hermione opened her arms and welcomed her children into her embrace. "Hello, my loves! Did you have a lovely visit with Daddy?"

"Yes, Mummy!" Rose exclaimed happily and immediately launched into a very detailed account of everything she and her brother had done over the last three days. Hermione listened attentively until Luna finally was able to silence the little girl with the promise of lunch.

While Rose had chattered on about their visit with their father, Hugo had cuddled against Hermione and promptly fallen asleep. Hermione looked to Ron in concern. "Is he ill?"

"No, but he didn't sleep very well."

Hermione smiled. "Well, you always did have a hard time putting him to bed," she teased.

Ron's brow furrowed in confused surprise at her warm tone. "Oh...erm, yeah. I suppose so. He always did go to sleep better for you."

"I'm sure he'll be fine once he has a nap," Hermione replied as she rose to her feet, her arms securely fastening around Hugo's tiny body. It seemed like forever since she had cradled him in such a way. Then again, she supposed it had been almost a century. Shaking off the thought, she said, "Why don't you stay for lunch, Ron? I'm sure Luna's made enough for everyone, and it would be lovely to catch up."

Ron glanced at Luna, his eyebrows all but disappearing into his hairline. Then he turned his wary gaze back to Hermione. "I'm...well, I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Of course, Hermione thought sadly. I've had entire lifetime to come to terms with things, but for Ron, it's only been a few weeks...far too soon to renew our friendship.

"Maybe you're right," she said, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. "Perhaps another time."

She walked him to the door, while Hugo snored softly against her neck. After an awkward good-bye, she carried Hugo to the guestroom and gently laid him on the bed. It had been a very long time since she'd seen him so small. She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead and wondered if he would look the same when he grew older as he had in her other time.

Setting the thought aside, she leaned down and kissed his forehead, then turned and left the room.

*****

After another week at home with the children, Hermione returned to her job at the Ministry. Molly quickly agreed to watch Rose and Hugo, as per their previous arrangement, and the children seemed happy to return to their normal routine.

With that settled, Hermione began looking for a house of their own, somewhere they could call home. Thankfully, Luna was more than happy to allow them to continue to stay with her until Hermione could find something suitable. In the meantime, she relished the opportunity to go back to work, hoping that it would be easier to deal with her dual realities if she kept her mind occupied.

*****

"Let's play this one tonight, shall we?" Hermione asked the children as she placed the box on the kitchen table. She had picked up the game on her way home from the Ministry and was excited to play it with the children. She'd been lucky to find one, according to the shopkeeper. He'd told her the game had just been released within the past few months and only in limited quantities. In fact, she'd taken the last one he'd had in stock.

"Aren't we going to wait for Aunt Luna?" Rose asked.

"Didn't I tell you? She sent a message telling us to start without her."

Rose pouted, her lower lip protruding pitifully.

"Tuck that lip back in, please," Hermione admonished gently. "Aunt Luna had something very important to do, and she'll be back soon. All right?"

Rose didn't reply but set about examining the contents of the box. "What's this game, Mummy?"

Hermione paused, momentarily surprised by Rose's question, until she remembered that, technically speaking, she hadn't yet played the game herself...not really. "It's called Diagon Alley. We haven't played it before...it will be fun! Why don't you pick out a token, hm?"

Rose quickly selected the broom, and Hermione's breath caught in her throat. Hadn't Rose always been the book? Biting her lip to keep herself from frowning, Hermione reached inside the box. Her fingers lingered over the miniature pewter cauldron before she sighed and grabbed the quill, placing it on the square labelled "Leaky Cauldron."

She looked up to see Hugo staring at her with his big blue eyes, his thumb in his mouth. "Would you like to be the owl, love?"

He nodded, and Hermione smiled, putting his token on the board next to hers. Rose followed suit, and they began to play.

The game quickly turned into mayhem. Rose was confused and bored beyond measure, while Hermione spent the majority of her time wrestling the extra tokens away from Hugo so that he would stop attempting to eat them.

They were too young for the game, Hermione realised. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she blinked them back, not wanting to frighten the children with her emotional display. She packed up the game and sighed. "Perhaps we'll try this again another time."

"Why don't you try this one?" a voice suggested from across the room.

She turned to see Luna standing in the doorway; the children's favourite game was in her hand.

"Honeydukes!" Rose cried enthusiastically as she bounced in her chair.

Hermione smiled gratefully at Luna, and soon they were all racing along the board, hoping to land on "Sugar Quill Lane" while avoiding the "Black Liquorice Forest."

As much fun as they were having, Hermione's mind returned again and again to the other game ... and the small pewter cauldron she now held in her left hand.

*****

Hermione trudged up the hill, her legs straining from the effort; she was exhausted, both mentally and physically. She had thrown herself into her work, and between her current project and the children, she was stretched a bit thin. She was more than ready to return to Luna's, spend some time with the children, and then collapse into bed ... even though she knew sleep would be elusive. But before she could go back to the house, there was one errand she had to complete.

Finally, she reached the top of the hill and the small, gated cemetery. There was a loud creak as she pushed open the wrought iron gate, and then she slipped inside. As she walked among the nondescript headstones, her eyes sought one name. She found what she was looking for under a large oak tree.

Eglantine Lovegood

Beloved Wife, Mother, and Friend

"Hello. I'm Hermione Sn..." She paused, then inhaled deeply. "Hermione Granger. I'm a friend of Luna's," she said quietly as she stood by the grave. "I just wanted to thank you for being a good friend to..." She swallowed and reached inside her bag before bending over to place a clutch of daisies at the base of the headstone. "He missed you very much."

Her eyes travelled to the headstone beside Eglantine's. The Aurors had found his wand but no body...Harry believed the Death Eater's might have stolen it...but regardless, a headstone had been erected in memory of the man that many now considered a hero. As far as Hermione knew, no one had thought anything of its location, adjacent to Luna's mother's grave.

The sight of his name etched into the stone sent a fresh wave of pain washing over her.

Severus Snape

Friend, Teacher, Hero

He fought till the last gasp

Hermione knelt beside the marker, and even though she knew his body was not there, she began to speak. "Hello, Severus. I hope it's all right if I call you by your given name." Her fingers traced over the etched letters of his name, and then she pulled out another nosegay of flowers from her bag. "I brought these for you...forget-me-nots. They seemed appropriate." She smiled a little as she imagined his pained reaction to her words; she could picture him rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath about what a silly witch she was.

She laid the flowers next to the stone and then sat upon the cool, dry earth. She began to talk to him, telling him of the children and of the events that had happened since she had "returned," of how difficult and confusing everything was. "It's even worse than when I lost my memory...but of course, that never happened. Do you see how befuddled I am?" she said with a sad laugh.

The smile slipped from her lips, and she toyed with the edge of her robes. "I miss you. I know it wasn't real, and I know that you've been gone for a very long time, but ...." She shrugged. "I can't sleep without you anymore...even though you always stole the blankets. I've taken to sleeping in your old nightshirt...the one that I found in the trunk you left to Luna and her father. I know I shouldn't, but it helps, even though it's not the same."

The breeze picked up, and several leaves blew across her lap. She caught one in her hand and studied it as she continued. "I'm very confused much of the time. Trying to keep track of two lives is very difficult. I'm adjusting, though. Really, I am. Seeing the children helps keep things in perspective. It's ... it's hard to accept that they won't ever know you."

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly swiped it away. "I'm sure you'd be quite put out with me to know that I accidentally activated Eglantine's gift. I don't understand how it worked exactly, and to be honest, I don't really care to know. At first, I thought it would be better to get on with my life as best I could. But if I'm honest with myself, I ... I'm afraid, I think. Afraid that examining the experience too closely will somehow diminish it or make it even less real than it already is. So, I'm doing my best to move forward and trying to keep my mind firmly in the here and now. I like to think you'd agree with me."

She rose to her feet and brushed the leaves from the front of her robes. "I am grateful for the life we shared. Whether it was real or not, I choose to believe that I knew the true Severus Snape. I choose to believe that what we had together was something special, something that cannot ever be replicated. I choose to love you ... I always will. And I will never forget."

With one last brush of her fingers against his name, she turned and left the cemetery.

*****

Hermione hadn't immediately noticed when the memories began to fade.

She had been busy with work, the children, looking for a house ... busy with life. With her mind so caught up in the present, it had only been when she had purposely attempted to recall a specific memory that she noticed the foggy haze which seemed to be gradually swallowing her other life.

Hermione had panicked and done the first thing that had come to mind: she'd contacted Harry.

Now, she sat Luna's kitchen table and waited impatiently for Harry's reply. Slowly, inexorably, the life she had lived with Severus was being systematically erased. Bit by bit, memory by memory, it was disappearing into nothing more than vague impressions. She wasn't certain if her plan would work, but she had no choice; she had to try.

Hermione felt as if she were suffocating under the weight of her fear. The memories were all she had left of Severus. She had to do something to stop their deterioration...she had promised that she wouldn't forget him.

Only an hour had passed when the package from Harry arrived by owl. Hermione quickly opened the kitchen window to allow the bird inside. Her fingers trembled as she struggled to untie the knot that secured the package to the owl's leg, until finally it loosened. Setting the delivery aside, she gave the owl a bit of toast, thanked it, and sent it on its way.

Scooping the rather heavy package into her arms, she raced up the staircase to the guestroom, grateful that the children were visiting her parents for the weekend.

Within minutes, she had knelt down on the floor, placing the shallow stone basin in front of her. Closing her eyes, she brought to mind the clearest memory of her life with Severus that she could muster...the night in the kitchen of their little cottage when he had first kissed her. She placed her wand at her temple, and soon, a silvery strand began to emerge. Ever so slowly, she moved the wand away, until suddenly, the strand snapped and disintegrated into a cloud of sparkling silver dust.

Her frustrated cry rent the air as her wand dropped from her lax fingers and clattered to the floor. The Pensieve had been her only hope ... and it had failed. Her greatest fear had been realised: the memories were of events that had never occurred in reality, and therefore they could not be kept. She fought the urge to pick up her wand and try again and again, until it finally worked, but she knew that her attempts would be unsuccessful and would result only in the premature loss of her memories.

She dropped her head into her hands. How much more could she take? Why did it seem as if everything was being forcefully taken from her? First Ron, then five years, then Severus ... and now an entire lifetime. All gone. Wiping her eyes, she rose to her feet and then curled up on the bed, her arms wrapped around her torso, as if she could contain her pain.

It was horrible enough that she was losing her last tie to Severus, but Hermione hadn't realised how much the memories of her other life had been grounding her in her real one. It had allowed her to hope that, no matter how dismal things might currently seem, she would one day be happy and healthy and whole again. It had provided a touchstone of sorts, the knowledge that she could build a new life for herself and her children.

With each heartbeat, part of the enchanted vision further faded, slowly chipping away the hope on which she so depended.

She had lain there for quite some time when she was filled with a sudden determination. She sat up in bed and scrubbed her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her robes. Maybe she couldn't stop the memories from disappearing into the hazy fog that was slowly replacing her life with Severus, but she couldn't allow herself to drown in self-pity. That would accomplish nothing. She could, however, learn as much as possible about Eglantine's Charmed sphere ... and if she were lucky, perhaps she could find a way to keep her remaining memories.

*****

After a brief visit to the sitting room, Hermione knocked on Luna's bedroom door. It was very late now, but she couldn't wait until morning. Now that she had made a decision, she was going to act on it as quickly as possible.

The door creaked open, and bleary, grey eyes met hers. "Hermione?"

"I'm sorry for waking you, but ... I'd really like to tell you what happened now, if that's all right."

If Luna was surprised by Hermione's sudden willingness to talk after weeks of silence, she didn't show it. "Of course," Luna said, swinging open the door to allow Hermione inside.

Luna flopped on top of her bed, sliding her legs beneath the quilt, and then encouraged Hermione to do the same. "I've been quite anxious to hear your story," she said wistfully, and Hermione could see the genuine interest and concern in the other witch's eyes.

As she walked to the bed, an object on Luna's dressing table caught her eye. She glanced at Luna and, gesturing toward the object, asked, "May I?"

"I don't mind," Luna said with a small shrug of her shoulders. She watched as Hermione slowly made her way to the dressing table.

With shaking hands, Hermione picked up the carving that appeared to depict the four Houses. She ran her index finger along the coiled snake, it head resting on the lion's paw. The badger was tucked against the lion's side, and its tail wound around the snake's. Behind, with is wings outstretched, stood the raven. The carving was familiar, yet she didn't believe she had seen it before ....

Except she had. Her mind stretched to find the memory. "A gift from Hogwarts?" she murmured, more to herself than to Luna. A vague recollection of a long-forgotten conversation was all that came, but it was enough. "No. He made it. He carved it and gave one to each of his friends. Four friends, four Houses." She clasped the carving to her chest, her heart aching with the thought that his hands had fashioned the object that she clutched, and turned to face a shocked Luna. "Severus...Professor Snape made this."

"How do you know that?" Luna asked curiously.

Hermione released a shaky breath. "He told me. He was your godfather."

"I never told you that." Luna tilted her head to one side, staring at Hermione with inquisitive eyes. "I think we should talk now."

"Yes," Hermione agreed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, the carving still clutched in her hands. Her mind was whirling at the possibilities; some of what she'd seen had to have been real...the carving was proof of that, as was her knowledge that Severus had been Luna's godfather. How could she have dreamt things that she had never known?

She took a deep breath and then said, "I guess I should start from the beginning."

And then she began to share all that she could remember.

*****

"... and then I woke up in the sitting room. That's all I can remember clearly now...the memories are fading, little by little, all the time. Some things still seem as if they actually happened, but the rest is beginning to feel as if it were only a dream...but Luna, it was more than that. It was all so real. I lived an entire life with him."

Luna passed Hermione yet another tissue from the box she'd Summoned, and Hermione wiped away the dampness from her cheeks. It had been good to tell Luna, as if the enchanted vision had more meaning, more substance in the telling ... even though with every minute that passed another memory turned surreal.

"And you say my mother had something to do with this?"

Hermione nodded and reached into her pocket. She pulled out the letter from Eglantine and handed it to Luna. "Read this."

"What is it?" Luna asked softly, her fingers drifting over her mother's handwriting.

"A partial explanation," Hermione replied, and then she settled in to wait while Luna read the letter.

*****

"Amazing," Luna said once she had finished reading.

Hermione tucked her knees to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. "It really is. I can't imagine a more thoughtful, loving gift to a friend."

"Oh, no. Not that," Luna explained. "Well, that's amazing, too, but I mean, it's amazing that she was able to create such a complicated charm. Daddy always says she was incredibly talented at charms work, but I had no idea she could develop something of this nature. It's quite an accomplishment."

Smiling at Luna's obvious pride in her mother's abilities, Hermione agreed. "It really is."

"Now, let's see," Luna continued, studying the second parchment with Eglantine's instructions for the Charmed sphere. "It looks as though all Severus had to do was activate the charm by holding the sphere and saying the incantation. He would have felt as though he'd lived an entire lifetime over the course of approximately ten minutes, which is astounding, really. All that time compressed into ten little minutes. That definitely corresponds with what happened to you, Hermione. As for the witch, she would have felt as though she simply had a rather pleasant dream. Oh, and he obviously never used it, because Mum says the sphere can only be used once." Then she paused, her head cocking to one side. "Hm, this is odd."

"What is it?"

"Mum left a blank space where the witch's name should be."

Hermione frowned. "That is strange. I wonder why that would be?"

"I don't know," Luna replied. "You know, it's very odd that the spell put you in the role Severus was to have taken. It must have been because you accidentally activated it."

Luna thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, I think when you cast the revealing spell you interfered with the how the charm was designed to work...muddled up the sequencing, perhaps. That could also be why your memories are deteriorating...or I suppose it could be because the charm was never intended for you."

Hermione considered the idea for a moment. "That certainly seems plausible. Of course, the only way to know for certain is to study the charm itself ... but we don't have enough information to even begin to research its characteristics."

"Yes, we do," Luna insisted, and she hopped from the bed. "Come on. I'll show you."

Hermione followed Luna down the hall and up the stairs to a small room that she'd never noticed before. "What's this?"

"My mother's study," Luna replied. "Daddy left everything the way it was the day she died. He never comes up here, but I do sometimes...when I want to feel close to her."

They entered the small, circular room, and Hermione was immediately enraptured by the inviting space. "What a fabulous room to work in," she murmured as she took in the built-in bookshelves and large work table.

Luna was already across the room, perusing a section of the shelves, occasionally tilting out a book to read the cover before replacing it and moving onto the next. "Yes, Mum did all her work from here, so she wanted to have everything at her fingertips. Ah, here it is!"

"What is it?" Hermione said, moving to where Luna was standing.

With a bright smile, Luna handed her a large, aqua-coloured book. "My mother's research journal. Mum was meticulous about keeping a step-by-step account of her research projects. I'm sure her notes on The Life Unlived are in here, as well. We should be able to find answers to all our questions."

Hermione accepted the journal, gripping it as if it were a lifeline. "I'd like to go through her notes, if you don't mind. I need to understand what happened to me, and I need to know if there is a way to stop the deterioration of my memories."

"Of course," Luna replied earnestly. "In fact, if it's all right with you, I'd like to help."

Hermione smiled and readily agreed. Despite the late hour, they gathered a few quills, some ink, and several feet of parchment, placing everything on the large table in the centre of the room.

As they settled in to begin, Hermione paused and asked, "Why do you think he never used it? Why would he have let it sit in a box for all those years?"

Luna looked at her, her eyes both kind and wise. "Oh, Hermione. I think you already know the answer to that."

Surprisingly, the answer was clear. A feeling of intense sadness overwhelmed Hermione as she swallowed the lump in her throat and murmured, "He didn't think he deserved it."

*****

Hermione pressed her palms to her tired eyes and yawned widely. It had taken several days to even begin to comprehend the complex magic that had made up the charm. Now, she was close to discovering ... something. She wasn't sure what it was yet, but her instincts told her that she was on the verge of finding a key component to the charm.

She leaned back in the chair and stretched. She'd been sitting in the same position for hours, and her back was aching. Luna had gone to bed hours ago, but Hermione had continued working, chasing after the elusive bit of knowledge that was niggling at her brain.

Glancing at the clock, Hermione groaned. She knew she ought to go to bed; she had to be at the Ministry for work in the morning. When she'd first realised that examining...not to mention comprehending...Eglantine's notes would take longer than she had anticipated, she had considered taking another brief holiday. In the end, she had decided against it; she had just returned from an extended holiday, and she didn't think taking another would be looked upon very favourably by her supervisors.

Luna and Hermione, then, had taken to studying Eglantine's notes after the children had fallen asleep. The work was laborious as neither of the witches had much knowledge of charms theory and development beyond what they'd learned at Hogwarts. The majority of Eglantine's notes were so complex that they had no hope of ever fully understanding it. It was fascinating, however, which made the work seem to go more quickly.

With her memories disappearing at an ever-increasing rate, Hermione felt a sense of urgency and often stayed up late into the night, poring over Eglantine's notes well after Luna had gone to bed. She had already accepted that they would not find a way to stop the deterioration of her memories of the Charmed vision...Eglantine's notes had stated that she'd designed the charm so that once it was activated, it would run its course with no interference. All or nothing, so it seemed. Hermione had been distraught at that discovery, but she continued to work at a vigorous pace, compelled to continue with the work. Whether it was merely a desire to understand or something more, she didn't know.

She yawned again and then looked over her notes of what they had gleaned from Eglantine's journal. First of all, the charm was technically unfinished. On the final page of the notes regarding The Life Unlived, Eglantine had written that the charm was just shy of completion...she had keyed the sphere to Severus and been waiting for him to show even the smallest amount of interest in a witch so that she could also key the charm to said witch. She had written of her frustration that he had isolated himself to such an extent that there were few witches who would have even had the opportunity to catch his eye. Her final notes had stated that the sphere was ready to be sent, as was its accompanying letter, as soon the "witch situation" was resolved.

Luna believed that this explained how Hermione had been able to activate the charm with the revealing spell...the charm had accepted her as the solution to the "witch situation" and keyed itself to her. By using the revealing spell, however, the charm's focus and sequencing had been interfered with, giving Hermione the vision, rather than a mere pleasant dream.

Hermione sighed. What an utter mess.

They had also learned that the charm was, in part, a conglomeration of sorts, incorporating bits of various other charms into its foundation. Luna had made a list of those they'd found evidence for thus far. Hermione glanced at the words written in Luna's now familiar, looping script: Pensieve, Stunning Spell, Legilimency, portrait-magic, Shield Charm, Body-Bind Curse, Fidelius.

Hermione picked up her quill and began making notes on the possible uses for each bit of magic in the margin of Luna's list. The Body-Bind Curse and Stunning Spell would have been what caused her to lose consciousness and remain motionless until the magic had done its work. The Shield Charm and Fidelius, Hermione surmised, might have offered protection while she had been unconscious.

Her quill tapped at the other three words: Pensieve, Legilimency, portrait-magic.

According to her notes, the vast majority of Eglantine's charm consisted of magic similar to that which comprised these three spells. Hermione's brow furrowed as she considered the possibilities. The use of components from the three spells could explain how she had known about Severus being Luna's godfather and the carving of the four Houses. The charm had been keyed to Severus, so his memories, emotions, and personality would have been intact, despite his death, perhaps using magic similar to that used to animate portraits.

She shook her head. Something wasn't right. If Severus was to have been the one to actually live The Life Unlived, it wouldn't have been necessary to, for lack of a better word, "copy" him, as he would have been the active participant. It was for the unknown witch that the portrait magic had been necessary, as she was to have been merely an observer. So how had the charm known so much about him?

Hermione rubbed at her temples. It was all so bloody confusing.

Returning to her original train of thought, she remembered that in the vision, Severus had always smelled of potions ingredients and herbs. She clearly recalled that. Yet she had a vague recollection that he had not worked with potions...in fact ... yes. He had been the DADA professor, not Potions. The magic used to create Pensieves, as well as Legilimency might explain why he would have consistently smelled of potions ingredients even though he had not worked with them. She had associated that particular scent with Severus, so the charm had included that characteristic in the enchanted vision.

She supposed that Legilimency might also explain why the charm had incorporated a renewed friendship with Ron; subconsciously, perhaps, she must have always believed that at some point in time they would be able to salvage that part of their relationship.

It made sense. Eglantine's charm created the vision by accessing Hermione's mind and memories, as well as Severus', and then used their own suppositions, whether conscious or otherwise, to fill in any unknown areas.

"As well as Severus'...." Hermione mused as her brow furrowed. No, that couldn't be right. Severus was dead, therefore it must have been the magic associated with wizarding portraits that explained how the enchantment incorporated things that only he would have known. But again, she wondered how the charm could have collected that information if it had never been activated. And, she reminded herself once more, the aspect of the charm that was based on portrait-magic had not been intended for Severus anyway, but for the witch.

She frowned. The portrait-magic was the key to what was bothering her about the scenario. She rose to her feet and walked to the window, looking out at the dark night sky. There was something important she was not grasping, but she just could not place it.

With a sigh, she shoved her hands in her pockets, and the fingers of her left hand collided with a small object. She smiled sadly as she removed the small pewter cauldron from the Diagon Alley game. She had taken to carrying it around in her pocket, as it reminded her of Severus for some reason ....

The hazy fog parted briefly for a moment, as if a ray of the sun had cut through the misty veil surrounding her memories of the enchanted vision.

Her eyes widened, and she closed her fingers around the cauldron. If she were right ....

Quickly and quietly, she made her way to the sitting room and then found the Diagon Alley game. A whispered Lumos provided enough light for her to confirm her suspicions.

Her breathing turned ragged, and she felt as if someone had released a hundred fairies inside her stomach. Clutching the game against her, she all but ran out of the room and down the hall. No longer caring if she awakened the entire house, she pounded on Luna's door.

"Luna! Luna, wake up!"

There was only the briefest of pauses before the door opened, and Hermione thrust the box into Luna's hands. "In the vision, Severus taught me and the children how to play this game, but it only became available a few months ago."

Luna appeared to have been wide awake, her eyes alert and searching. "Really?"

"Yes. Do you see? The charm knew things about him that it shouldn't have known. It had to have current access to his mind, to his memories, his personality, his hopes, his dreams. It wouldn't have worked otherwise."

Hermione released a shuddering breath in a vain attempt to calm her racing heart. "He's alive, isn't he?"

---

A/N: The quote on Severus' headstone is taken from Shakespeare's King Henry VI Part One, Act I, Scene ii.

Don't give Luna too hard a time for not telling Hermione. As we'll find out, she couldn't have told Hermione, even she'd wanted to.

Also, before you ask why Hermione didn't ask Luna if Severus was alive, read her thoughts after Eglantine's letter. She thought it was all a fantasy within her mind, so it never occurred to her that his being alive was even a possibility.

Thank you so much for the great response to the last chapter! You all rock! Some of you guessed the TV episode. It was "The Inner Light" from Star Trek: The Next Generation, my favorite episode ever! I deviated quite a bit, as you can tell, but it was the inspiration for this story.

My thanks, as always, to my beta readers, DeeMichelle and Subversa, and to my Brit picker, LettyBird. They're the best!

The next chapter will post on Friday. :)