A Virgin’s Dilemma

A/N: Here is the first of many chapters that will explain the reason for the Explicit Sexual Content Warning! Enjoy!

***

As expected, the Daily Prophet announced the marriage of Headmaster Severus Snape and Miss Hermione Granger. Rita Skeeter couldn't resist getting her digs in, but there was little to say that would do much harm. The two were married and now their business was that: their own.

It was a whirlwind month, that August. Preparations for the new semester were underway. The final touches on the castle were being completed. Stanley Shunpike arrived for his new position as caretaker and Alun Ketsall arrived from Romania to begin his position as gamekeeper and professor of Care of Magical Creatures class. Hogwarts was starting to feel like Hogwarts again. The ghosts came out of hiding, and Hermione was most pleased the first time she saw Sir Nicolas floating by one afternoon.

"Sir Nicholas! How wonderful to see you! Where have you been all this time?"

"Oh! Madam Snape! How delightful to see you again. I'm afraid we spirits had a most trying time with the upset in the castle. It is just our way to go off alone when things are so unsettled. Now that the Magic in the castle has been stabilized, you shall be seeing more of us and unfortunately, that nuisance, Peeves!" he said with irritation.

Hermione laughed a bit at his pomposity, but that was a part of his charm.

"Sir Nicholas, how did you know my name is Madam Snape?" she asked.

"Oh, my dear lady, although we ghosts have been hiding away, we still have our ways of knowing what happens inside these walls," he said mysteriously.

"Ah! The portraits have been talking to you," she guessed shrewdly.

"Of course!" he smiled. "How would it look if I, the ghost of Gryffindor house, did not know about the Head of house's marriage?"

She laughed heartily as she bid him a good day and went to see Severus about hiring a new librarian.

Things had been well since their wedding. It had been two weeks now, and Hermione was becoming used to sleeping next to her husband and kissing was now very exciting. They had moved on to touching more under their clothes, and Hermione blushed as she thought perhaps now she might want to experiment a little more. She noticed that each morning he slipped out of bed first thing to take a quick shower. She also noticed when she took the time to carefully watch him that it was true what she had read about men and their morning erections. She felt guilty that she wasn't being fair to him that she should just get on with things, but he sensed her unease and always stopped their explorations first. She thought perhaps he would feel terrible if she were to pull away first, so she didn't fuss about it.

Hermione did feel extreme low self-esteem about her abilities in bed. She examined her body and didn't feel she possessed enough assets. She felt her breasts were too small, her hips not curvy enough. She just didn't feel sexy and wanted to badly, but she had no way of going about it and had no one to talk to that she felt comfortable divulging her greatest shame: she felt inadequate to seduce and keep her husband's affections. She thought once about talking to Andromeda Tonks but had dismissed the thought. After all, Andromeda had lost her husband, and at least Hermione had hers alive and with her. How could she be so tactless as to bring up a subject that could cause her so much pain?

Hermione had seen since their marriage how women looked at Severus. Oh, he paid those types of women no mind and only had eyes for her, which pleased her immensely, but she felt threatened and guilty about withholding her husband's marital rights. She berated herself mentally, saying that it was only a matter of time until Severus gave in to his needs with one of these women if she didn't give him sex. There were times she had almost told him to go ahead, yet each time she had faltered, and whenever he pressed the matter, she always said it was nothing important.

When the Ministry had awarded her and Severus with the Order of Merlin, first-class, there had been a fabulous ball with all the dignitaries and fancy, rich witches and wizards from over the world to celebrate the fall of Voldemort. Hermione had almost burst into tears when a dark-haired temptress with curves that didn't seem to quit sidled up to Severus and played the coquette with him. He had been standing nervously alone, waiting for Hermione to return from the ladies' room. Oh, she had been a sly one, waiting until the wife was away to make her move. Hermione took one look with that slag draping herself all over her husband and wanted to hex someone. She just couldn't decide if she wanted to hex the dark-haired slut for touching her wizard or if she wanted to hex Severus for not forcing her to keep her distance. As Hermione had approached them, hiding herself behind a potted palm, tears welling up, she had seen just how trapped Severus looked. A thought had crossed her mind that perhaps her husband had no more experience with these matters than she did! His face had begun to form a fierce scowl, and he extricated himself from the succubus in black. Hermione, still hiding from view, had breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hermione," he had said desperately once she had decided to materialize, "do not EVER leave me alone with these vampires! I can't handle this. No one gave a damn if I was around before, but now that I'm a supposed 'hero,' witches are coming out of my arse! I keep telling them I'm married and happy, but they don't seem to care! Are they all completely insane?" he had snarled.

Hermione had slipped her hand into his, and he had hid their hands from view with his billowing robes. He had looked down at his young wife, and she had smiled timidly up at him with huge, loving eyes. She had wanted to tell him that he was irresistible and she loved him. She had wanted to tell him to make love to her, to make her his own, but she was too embarrassed.

Severus had looked right miserable, hating the suffocating pageantry of these events. Severus Snape was not a man who liked to be pampered and coddled, and he certainly was not the kind of man to relish in small talk with false motives lingering below a very thin surface. Hermione had promised she would not leave his side, and if she had to in an emergency, she'd make sure Kingsley or Poppy would be there to deal with the poor, deluded witches.

He had sighed in relief and then a minute later had begged to go home. He had confessed he hadn't felt so targeted since he had been spying against the Dark Lord! It wasn't a pleasant sensation, he had confided in her.

"What do you suggest we do then, Severus?" she had asked.

"Oh, that is simple!" he had said with longing in his eyes. "You and I in our nightshirts, snuggling in bed, reading a Potions magazine together, all cozy and warm."

Hermione thought about all these things as she made her way to her husband's office. Severus had looked so serene and happy that night; Hermione knew he deserved more. He never complained, but she would have to face her fears and insecurities at some point.

Well, tonight I'm going to change things! she thought determinedly. Oh, yes, she was going to allow things to go farther...soon. She would just have to summon the courage to let him know.

***

"Severus?" called Hermione as she walked into his office.

"Yes?" he answered, not looking up from his writing.

"I was thinking about the new librarian position. Madam Pince still refuses to come back. She says she's done with Hogwarts, but that her niece, Miss Opal Pince, would be ideal for the job."

Severus looked up from his work and rubbed his eyes. "If she's one-half as militant as her aunt, I daresay we have a fair chance at a decent librarian. Did Madam Pince include the girl's references?"

"Here," she said, handing him the scroll. "And she's hardly a girl, Severus. She's nigh on to fifty!"

"Really?" he said, shocked. "I didn't know Irma was that old! Well, everything seems to be in order. You can handle the niceties, I'm sure," he finished, returning the scroll to his wife and resumed his work.

"Severus," Hermione said again.

"Yes?" he asked with more impatience in his tone.

"May I please have a word in private?" she asked.

At first he looked at her as if she were mad, but then he realized they were in the company of many past Hogwarts Headmasters and Headmistresses.

They adjourned to their private sitting room, and Hermione fiddled with the fabric on the sofa chair as she stood behind it. She was determined to cower behind it if he refused or laughed at her.

"I wanted to know if tonight when we go to bed if you would like t-to do some m-more exploring?" There! I managed to stumble it out!

He crossed his arms and looked at his wife. She was beet red with embarrassment. He smiled at her wickedly. He had a very naughty glint in his eyes. That look made her feel he could see right through her clothes. It was unsettling and exciting all at the same time.

"I'm sure that would be a most pleasant diversion," he purred. "However, we don't have to wait until bedtime, do we? After dinner, we could adjourn here to our quarters and take our time. Would that be acceptable?"

She nodded, unable to speak. She then went back into his office, took her papers, and returned to her classroom for work. She had to keep her mind occupied and not indulge in woolgathering all day long. After all, she had her own classes to prepare.

Dinner was an exercise in torture. Severus deliberately caressed her leg when no one was paying attention and murmured indecent things into her ear. By the time they'd excused themselves, she was burning up and felt a familiar wetness between her legs. She recalled the first time she had ever felt that way. It was her fourth year, and Victor had been dancing with her. There had been something about the way he had held her and twirled her around the floor that had given her a shiver, and she had noticed a humming slickness between her thighs. She had gone to the bathroom and had been disgusted by what she found. She had felt dirty and had gone immediately back to her room to change her knickers quickly before she would be missed. At the close of the evening, she had lain in her bed, listening to Lavender and Pavarti talk about their evening. Pavarti had managed to escape from Harry, who was mooning over Cho, and had danced with a very dashing young man from Durmstrang. Lavender's date had also been one of the blokes from Durmstrang as well, and they decided to exchange stories.

Hermione had pretended to be asleep when she had heard them talk about how the boys had made them feel. They had described in vulgar terms exactly what she had experienced! The next day she started to learn all she could about sex and her body. Then she became curious about male anatomy as well, so she read and studied about the sexes and felt much better when she had finally realized she was just a normal girl experiencing sexual attraction.

***

Now she was back in her bedroom with her husband and she was already slick with desire. She wondered if Severus would like how she felt if he touched her, or would he think she was too wet? She decided to just dive in and not think about it.

She came to bed with her usual white nightgown and slid under the covers to wait for Severus to emerge. She didn't plait her hair, as she wanted to look soft and alluring. She unbuttoned the top three buttons and let the nightgown slip from one shoulder. She sat and fiddled with the bed sheet and waited.

He came out wearing his bathrobe. He stood at his side of the bed and took it off, showing her his nakedness. She closed her eyes from instinct, but then reopened them and viewed her husband's half-erect penis and somehow couldn't manage to stop looking at it. She really tried, but she couldn't tear her eyes from it. Severus got into bed with her and pulled her close to him. She was nervous but felt safe with his arm so secure around her.

"I see you've decided to try and work your wiles on me," he murmured.

She blushed and lowered her head as he stroked the exposed skin on her shoulder. "You feel soft," he whispered in her ear. Soon, their kisses were urgent, and she decided the hell with her nightgown and took it off. Severus inhaled deeply as he looked her naked for the first time.

"Before we start, can I ask a favor?" she said timidly.

"Anything you want," he blurted out.

"I just want to know what it would feel like for you to lay on top of me. I-I'm just curious as to what it would be like to-to be in a sexual position. Does that make sense?" She cringed. He probably thinks I'm a complete idiot!

He said nothing, but rose up on his knees to face her and took her by the ankles and bent them back. Then he slowly parted her knees, sliding his hands down the insides of her thighs. She kept on spreading for him as he went lower and lower. She had propped herself up against her elbows to see what he was doing, but he leaned over her and gently pushed her shoulders down so she was flat on her back. Then he knelt and hovered over her. She could feel his erection grazing against her moist center, and he was staring into her eyes so intently, she thought she would disintegrate from the intensity. His hair came down and covered most of his face, but his eyes, oh, his eyes! They were burning! She moved her hands up his arms, feeling the strength in them and squeezed her thighs against his hips. She felt down his back and slid her hands over his bum. She felt him shaking as he began to grind his warm erection against the tender skin of her nether lips. She grew alarmed and looked into his eyes with fear.

"Hermione, you are playing with fire. This exercise must end now or I shall not be able to stop myself," he said in a voice she had never heard before. It was commanding, like when he spoke as a teacher, but there was an ache and a passion that sent her shivers throughout her body. She agreed, and he hastily moved from between her thighs onto his back. His erection was looking painful. It was almost purple. She decided it was now or never. She remembered how she had read about masturbation and how the girls talked about the various techniques. She took him in her hand and stroked him delicately. His hand clasped over hers in shock and in pleasure. Their eyes met and they stared into each other's face as he guided her hand to touch him how he liked it. She tore her eyes from his to watch his movements intently and glanced back to observe the look on his face. His eyes were glazed over her body in lust as he began to moan. Then he released her hand and let her set the pace. He cupped her face and kissed her passionately and then moved his lips down to her neck. He was panting now, and he pushed his thumb inside her mouth. She sucked on it, and he gasped in surprise.

After a long moment, he pulled it out and grazed her left nipple with it, tracing a slow circle around the furled peak. The wetness hit her like a shock and she uttered a startled, "Oh!"

It was all he needed as he grabbed her breasts and moaned her name, "Hermione, ah, ahhh!"

And he came hard, his seed spilling all over her hand and splashed onto her stomach. He pulled her to him and kissed her lovingly as he sank back onto the bed, taking her with him. She felt it was his way of saying, "Thank you."

He continued to kiss her lazily as his breathing slowed while the throbbing between her legs became more urgent and demanding. He pulled them both up onto their knees, and he insinuated his knees between hers. She felt exposed and nervous. He put his hands on her waist and made her kneel while he continued to lean on the backs of his legs. She felt herself spread to the point she could feel her vagina was open and exposed somehow. Severus cupped her breasts with his hands. They fit into his hands easily, and Hermione felt humiliated that she didn't have a larger chest. Then, he leaned over and took almost her entire breast in his mouth. He looked into her face as she leaned her head back in pleasure. He sucked hard on her nipple and she felt her thighs quake. She was grasping onto his hair as she moaned. She desperately wanted him to touch her between her legs, where she felt so wet and open, but was too embarrassed.

Soon, he released her nipple and whispered in her ear, "You want me to touch you, don't you, Hermione?"

"Yes," she breathed.

He slid one finger into her cleft, grazing the area that was throbbing so badly.

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

He laughed deeply into her ear and kissed down her neck towards her breast as he slid his finger back up again.

"Ooohh!" she moaned.

He did it again, and again. She started rocking her hips and ground against his finger. She wanted to squeeze her thighs together and trap it inside her, but his knees kept her spread. He added another finger with which to torture her. He continued to suck on her nipple as she wriggled around his fingers. She felt so light and...

"Oh my God!"

She was screaming and her body felt so good, she never wanted this high to stop. She was vaguely aware of her husband's voice urging her to go with the feeling. He slowly slid a finger inside her, and she involuntarily clamped her walls down on it. The burst of pleasure was subsiding and she wanted him to stop.

"Please, I don't like that," she whispered.

Severus looked at her flushed face, confused by her words. "I would say, to the contrary, you liked it very much."

She pushed his hand away and said, "I'm not ready for you to do that with your finger," she said softly.

"Do what, exactly?" he asked, even more confused.

"Inside me!" she mouthed, pointing at the area. She was too embarrassed to say it aloud.

He smirked and his eyes were glittering. "Oh, I see. Well, what about what I did before?" he asked as he withdrew from her.

She sank back against her fluffy pillows and pulled the cozy duvet up under her arms. "Mmmm, that was very nice. I've never felt that way before!"

"Really?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow. "You've never gone exploring?"

"My mother told me never to touch that area unless I was washing, going to the bathroom, or taking care of my menses," she answered.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

"My mother said it was dirty and that was only for my husband to touch," she answered calmly.

Severus stared at his wife. She didn't seem to grasp the cruelty her mother had done to her.

"So, it's dirty, but I am your husband, so therefore, I am dirty?" he asked, trying to understand the logic behind this asinine theory.

Hermione bit her lip and diverted her eyes from his as she said, "My mother said men have needs and that I would understand when I was married. She warned me to never let anyone touch me until I was married. She told me if I waited until I got married, I would enjoy sex, but if I didn't wait, it would be awful."

Severus took a deep breath and blinked his eyes a few times, trying to wrap his mind around this concept.

"Hermione, what do you think about what your mother told you?"

She looked back at her husband and said, "I think she just wanted to scare me into staying a virgin so I wouldn't get pregnant, or something. I know logically what she says is not true, it's just hard to undo years of thinking a certain way about things."

"Well, how do you feel?" he asked as he slid his arm around her waist and drew her to him.

She grinned. "Wonderful! There are so many things I've read about I want to try...er, if you want," she muttered at the end.

Severus nuzzled her neck as he spoke. "Oh, I'm sure I would. Hermione, I am willing for whatever you want." Then suddenly, he pulled away from her and took her face into his hand to face him. "Nevertheless, I warn you, do not take advantage of my giving nature in this area. Don't play games with me just to see how long I can hold out. Remember, you are playing with fire. I do not want to burn you. You need to understand that given enough stimulation, he takes on a life of his own!" he said, gesturing to his penis.

"Okay," she said nervously as he released her face and held her close to him. It was quite a while before she settled into sleep.

***

A/N: What can I say? Believe me, if you went to college where I did, you'd have heard it all. I know I certainly have, whether I liked it or not! Oh, Severus, now why did you have to scare the poor girl? Well, he'll pay for that one. Sometimes men can be so tactless!