Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Monday 28th July 2008

Dear Hermione,

I thought that you'd like to know that we are harvesting fluxweed later tonight. Severus needs to have another bushell after the Incident-Which-Must-not-Be-Referred-to-in-the-Potions-Laboratory on Saturday afternoon. Just as well it's full moon!

Would you like some? I know it's not on your syllabus, but I thought I'd double check.

Severus looked as if he was going to explode when Jerry offered to "do his numbers" for him last night in the pub! Ha! Ha! I know he was embarrassed by our teasing, but really! There is no excuse for such rudeness.

Severus can be withdrawn and difficult, but he's not been this bad since the months after you left six years ago.

When you went to the loo, I did tell him that sitting in the corner of the alcove, brooding like Kashchey the Deathless, or some other gloomy fellow, was only going to get him more attention than if he joined in the conversation! Needless to say, he glowered and stayed where he was.

It looks like you and Jerry are getting on famously, my dear! Is there anything you want to share with Aunt Pomona...? He certainly is interested in getting to know you better, by all accounts! Aren't his hands expressive, the way he moves them about like that? Are all Americans so... 'huggy'...?

Do you think we'll get to meet the Syracuse Sirens when they come to play in Harry's charity match in three weeks' time? It was a wonderful surprise when Minerva announced that we were hosting the match, wasn't it? And for such a worthy cause! I haven't seen dear Viktor and Ronald for such a long time. So typical of Harry to do something so supportive for those badly affected by the war....

Anyway – Neville is calling me. He needs a hand cleaning out the Venomous Tentacula cage this morning.

Pomona

Saturday 16th August 2008

Petrova Porskoff ... Sherrilyn (Sheri) Rodgers ... Shabray Jones

Gryffindor Tower

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Wednesday 30th July 2008

Dear Harry,

Okay, okay! Stop sending apology notes! I forgive you, you silly idiot!!

Of course you can come over for tea tomorrow; it will be good to talk again, just the two of us.

Ginny explained how that overprotective big brother complex of yours had kicked in again and that you were very sorry for embarrassing me in front of the whole school.

Too bloody right! But friends are supposed to look out for each other, and after what happened with Severus in 2002... well... I suppose I can understand your reaction.

Anyway.... I was surprised that you didn't come to the pub on Sunday – you could have spoken with Jerry again. He really is amazing, you know! He is researching mystical rhythms and celestial charting! Did you know that each star sign has an Arithmetical equation that describes it, and through the calculation of that equation and the other factors that determine a specific personality – allied to the chakras and celestial maps – one can predict who one's perfect mate actually is?!! Even if you never meet them? Heady stuff indeed!!

As you know, normally I consider Divination to be complete claptrap, but recently I have been trying to open my inner eye to the possibilities of the universe, and with Jerry's help, I think I can see an interesting equation developing....

I can't wait to tell you all about it tomorrow! Bring cake; I have tea.

Hxx

Glebe House

Hogsmeade

Thursday 31st July 2008

Dear Hermione,

Are you all right? I got a letter from you yesterday, and you seemed a little bit... unusual in it.

I'll see you later on for tea, about four-ish if that's okay – I've got Quidditch practice at five pm with the team. We're getting ready for the Syracuse Sirens next weekend, and I'll need to go through few drills if we are to have a hope of beating them. Ron will never let me live it down if we lose!

Your friend,

Harry

Ravenclaw Tower

Hogwarts

Wednesday 30th July 2008

Dear Sev,

Can I call you Sev? Minerva said you'd "love it if I did", but in a rather weird voice, and I wasn't sure if that was irony or not....

I've been trying to speak with you for the last few days about Hermione.

I know it's a bit "forward" of me (as you Brits would say!), but I wanted to ask her out on a date, and I wasn't sure how to go about it so she'd agree. After you left the bar on Monday night, Pomona suggested that you and Hermione had had a bit of a thing when Hermione had worked here before.... I don't want to trample on your territory, buddy, but given that you and she didn't work out, I figure that you might be prepared to give a guy some tips on where you went wrong so I can avoid making the same dumb-ass mistakes as you did! Heh! Heh! Only kidding, pal!

Every time I get close to Hermione, she pulls away from me and starts yammering on about potions and formulae. It's cute that she's obviously so intimidated by me, and I know that normally I only date witches with IQs of less than my shoe size (Boom! Boom!), but for some reason I feel drawn to her.... After all, it's about time that I settled down and found myself a little woman who can compliment me on a more, shall we say, intellectual level.

I tried to ask her out in the bar last Sunday night – you remember, right? – just before you left to get back to your experiment, but she was so shy she turned me down.

Do you have any suggestions?

Jerry

P.S.: Are you coming to the Quidditch match two weeks from Saturday? I'm sure it'll be quite a show!

Improve your Quidditch!

– Train with Harry Potter, Hogwarts' own international Quidditch star!

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Windy Perkins

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Verline Venzon

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Jerry Bloomberg

Severus Snape

The Dungeons

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Thursday 31st July 2008

Dear Professor Bloomberg,

Thank you for your thoughtful and subtle note. I have many suggestions for winning Ms Granger's affections, such as:

• Do not try to speak with her about her work. She will try to engage you in discussion, but this is mere nerves on her part, and she would be far more intrigued by you if you were to talk exclusively instead about your own work and your own opinions about other people.

• Do not compliment her on her looks or clothing. Hermione considers this rude and distracting.

• On any 'date', do not try to touch her at all. Hermione is almost pathologically opposed to human (or non-human) contact and will, in particular, not welcome any accidental brushing against her body below the sternum. Below-the-waist brushing may be fatal. Ms Granger is an expert in non-verbal spell casting.

• Never open any doors for her, hold her cloak, or offer her your arm (see 'touching' note above). Hermione considers such actions to be thoroughly old fashioned and offensive to her feminist sensibilities.

• Do not offer to pay her part of the bill for any meal or activity you may engage in (ditto as above).

Please do keep me informed of any progress you may make in your suit for Ms Granger so I may be of further help should the need arise.

Your friend,

'Sev'

Gryffindor Tower

Friday 1st August 2008

Dear Ginny,

I have a date! With Jerry! He asked me out to dinner on Saturday evening.

I am so excited!

It was rather odd, actually. He is usually quite... solicitous... if you know what I mean... passing the condiments or glasses of pumpkin juice at the table, asking me how my day was progressing, really listening to me talk about my work.... But today, after we had eaten, he simply stood up beside me (all stiff and formal), and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him on Saturday night? He had his hands behind his back and practically barked the question.

He must have been nervous, poor love!

Of course I said "yes" to him, but then, rather than smiling back, his face twisted up into a sort of grimace, and he nodded and virtually ran away from me.

Strange! But I don't care – Jerry is the first wizard to ask me out in ages, and he's handsome and thoughtful and sensitive and... sexy!!

But I don't have a thing to wear – I need your Transformation skills and fashion sense. Meet me in my chambers after lunch on Saturday; I have already arranged for Harry to look after the boys.

Now I might get to find out why he likes to be called "Boom Boom"(!)

Yours in excitement,

Hermione

Malfoy Manor

Friday 1st August 2008

Dear Severus,

I do so enjoy all of this cloak-and-wand manoeuvring! Who is it that you want me to follow? When? And why? I am intrigued... and rather surprised. After all, don't you have the reputation as the undercover agent? I fear that I will be a poor substitute for your great skills, dear boy.

I await your further instructions via Floo Call....

Your partner in surveillance,

L

P.S.: Narcissa sends her best wishes. She also asked after the Granger girl, but I have told her that that ship Disapparated years ago. Nevertheless, she still wishes to be remembered to you and Hermione. My darling wife remains as sentimental as ever....

Glebe House

Hogsmeade

Friday 1st August 2008

Dear Hermione,

Erm.... Why has Snape signed up for my Quidditch session...? Should I be worried...?

Harry

The Dungeons

Saturday 2nd August 2008

Dear Lucius,

To reiterate, further to our Floo Call, you are not to interfere in the interaction between the couple, although you may use your imagination to ensure that the 'date' does not go well.

I expect a full report on your return.

SS

P.S.: Remember, Lucius: no detectable curses....

QUICK-QUOTES QUILL

THE QUICKER WAY TO QUOTE!

Ahem...

Hrrrrrmm. Harrumph.

Saturday 2nd August 2008

Progress is continuing on the Anti-Mutatio Potion with some pleasing results. I am now working on batches twenty-seven to thirty-two, following the unfortunate results of batches twenty-five and twenty-six. I am focussing on counteracting the fast reaction rate between the potion base and the activated mutation hormones, and I have prepared six variants of the completed potion base with slightly deviating levels of active ingredients in each in order to measure the different reaction rate. As this could prove quite dangerous, I have taken the necessary precautions to prevent damage to the laboratory and equipment ... and the resultant mockery from my insufferable colleagues....

Graphorn armour in place.... Containment spells in operation.

I wonder where he's taking her...? Damn Lucius and his smug grin. Bastard. Why did I ask him to follow them? Bloody Bloomberg. "Can I call you 'Sev'?" Bloody cheek! Should have hexed him back across the Atlantic. Further.

I could not do it. She'd see through a Disillusionment Charm straight away... too much time under that cloak of Potter's.

She knows I'm here working.

So work, damn you!

Ahem.

Batch twenty-seven... Adding the leptocephali hormones....

Reaction rate is rapid and escalating... Unstable reaction developing....

That bloody American has arms like the Giant Squid...

... Neutralising the compound. Evanesco!

On to batch twenty-eight... Adding the leptocephali hormones....

Monitoring the reaction rate.... Reaction rate slower than twenty-seven... Interesting colour change... The potion looks like it is turning alkaline.... Colour now a deep orange. Reaction rate is beginning to increase. Amber... rather like Hermione's lovely...

Focus, you dunderhead! Keep the reaction under control... No! No, no, no, no, no... Dammit!

Next batch. Twenty-nine. Same process... Reaction rate... umm... non-existent, apparently.

Nothing.

Hmmm. Leaving it to one side under stasis in case there is a delayed response.

Moving on... Introducing batch thirty to the hormones....

Nothing. Bollocks. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, buggering bollocks.

I wonder where he took her.... Theatre? A film, perhaps...? No – then they'd be sitting in the dark together.

I really hope he took her to some idiotic sporting fixture.... She hates sports.

Perhaps he just took her to dinner. To some beautiful, intimate, quiet restaurant. Perhaps they are sitting in a booth... talking... perhaps he is listening to her explain her work, her eyes shining with the excitement of new discovery, her face flushed as she chatters on and on...

Oh, get a bloody grip, you idiot. Watch the potion – check the reaction rate.

The rate is fine, colour change as for twenty-eight. Bloody Jerry. I hope that Lucius does his job properly. I will not see her exploited by Professor I-want-a-little-woman-who-can-compliment-me-intellectually.

Shit – thirty's reaction rate is going off the scale...

EVANESCO!

[*unreportable noise ??Panting??*]

Malfoy Manor

Sunday morning – early

Severus,

In haste – things did not go quite as we had planned – Miss Granger may be in touch quite soon....

Chin up!

Lucius

P.S.: Perhaps some pre-emptive healing salves may be in order....

A/N: Despite my best efforts, JKR continues to decline my kind offer to relinquish her ownership of these characters. I am drowning my sorrows in the brilliance of beaweasley2 and Clairvoyant.