Eleven: In which the surface of Hermione's desk assumes the role of Narrator
Chapter 11 of 11
richardgloucesterRon, Harry and Hermione discover the consequences of their inaction with regard to saving the life of one Chosen by the gods – or in this case, goddess. And it all becomes vastly more complicated when the school hires workmen to fix the battle damage at Hogwarts.
ReviewedEleven: In which the surface of Hermione's desk assumes the role of Narrator
A recyclable carrier bag containing several lever-arch folders, two reams of A4 paper, packs of cards for a card index, coloured pens, a variety of plain quills, three bottles of Everlasting Ink (black, red and green), a pair of dragonhide gloves (small), a large bar of fruit and nut chocolate, and a pot of Marmite.
*
Exchange of emails visible on the computer screen:
From: Elland@forge-technologies.co.uk
To: h.granger@wowmail.com
Date: April 23
Subject: Training
So you're back, are you? Got a good Greek suntan, then? Ready to work?
Smith sent your papers through yesterday, so you can start the next phase of your apprenticeship at Forge Tech. next week.
W.
From: h.granger@wowmail.com
To: Elland@forge-technologies.co.uk
Date: April 23
Subject: Re: Training
Oh! That's brilliant! I'll be there. Can you send me the details of the apprenticeship – terms and whatnot – in an attachment?
Mr and Mrs Smith send their regards. Greece was sunny, we're brown.
Hermione
From: Elland@forge-technologies.co.uk
To: h.granger@wowmail.com
Date; April 23
Subject: Re: Re: Training
All you need to know is to clear your calendar for the next twenty years. You should make journeyman by then if you work hard.
By the way, Nobby and the lads want to know if you and Severus are free this weekend.
W.
*
Chat windows open:
Severus
Me: Wayland says the apprenticeship is 20 yrs? O-o. Is he serious?
Severus: wtf
Me: yes
that's what I thought
Severus: He might not be joking, though. They're on a different time scale.
Shall I have a word?
Me: Nah. I'll do it. Might try to argue him down to 15
Severus: :-)
Me: I never thought I'd see you using an emoticon
I just told Pike
Severus: You're chatting with him?
Me: he says you're a dude
Severus: *rolls eyes
Me: there's a party at Elland's this w/e
Severus: there would be
I'll be back at seven to pick you up
Me: ok I'll have a bath now then
See you
:-x
Severus: what is that supposed to mean?
Prof Peregrine Pike
Pike: he's a dude
Me: *giggles
Pike: so you think that there's a case for poetry and incantation drawing on the same power?
Me: yes
There's all this stuff going on with cadence and rhythm – the most powerful incantations are also aesthetically perfect.
Pike: and layering and splicing of meaning?
Me: well, duh
Pike: brb – students
Me: talk about it over the w/e?
Pike: yeah. Think about who'll publish it.
Gotta go.
Me: go. go. I'm going to have a bath
Pike: *leers
Me: I'll tell Severus
Pike: *runs away screaming
*
A cutting from the Daily Prophet's society pages:
“Miss Ginevra Weasley and Mr Harry Potter yesterday celebrated not getting married. In a somewhat unusual step, Mr Potter and Miss Weasley, recently reconciled after the Proposals Fiasco shortly after Christmas, have announced their intention not to marry for the foreseeable future but to 'live in immoral bliss'. Miss Weasley's parents were not available for comment. The celebrations are to be held at the Ritz Hotel, London, and will feature a selection of Muggle desserts and confectionery created by a Mr. Hilary Hague. All former fiancees of Mr Potter have been invited. We hear that the enchantment afflicting them has mysteriously been lifted.”
*
A small stick, hovering two inches above the desk surface, accompanied by a note: Hermione, can you give me your opinion on this levitation charm? I think it's an improvement on the Firebolt.
*
A letter, on top of ten copies of the new issue of Potions Monthly
Hypothesis Magazines
39a Diagon Alley
London
Mr S. Snape and Ms H. Granger
27 Spinner's End
Bingley
W. Yorkshire
Dear Mr Snape and Miss Granger
Please find enclosed your complimentary copies of the next Potions Monthly, containing your article “Magical decay in the short and long term: why Murgatroyd and Brightwall are wrong”.
I think you will find your research will raise quite a storm.
Yours sincerely
Grendel P. Geier
Editor-in-Chief
*
A gilt picture frame bearing an educational certificate:
Miss Hermione Jean Granger
Advanced Studies in Arithmancy
Grade:
T
(on account of dereliction)
Tucked into the corner of the frame, a card with the words “A milestone for Miss Granger” scribbled in red ink, signed “S.S.”
*
A Harley-Davidson brochure with several corners turned down.
*
Stuck to the edge of the computer screen with Spellotape, a torn-off letter head:
Severus Snape
Professor of Advanced and Esoteric Potions
Flamel College, Oxford
*
Also stuck to the edge of the computer screen, a yellow sticky-note bearing a whimsical little sketch of a snake eating a lion.
*
A postcard from Hollywood.
“Hi Mione!
I was right – there's more
wizardry in these films than
the Muggles think. Got a job with
Pixar.
Love Ron.
P.S. No Quidditch here, thank
Merlin."
*
A hungry and disgruntled owl, pecking at the remaining fragments of glowing golden seal on a piece of fine parchment thus partially unfolding it to reveal the words:
“... give you notice that you have both, against the explicit intention of the Code of Immortal/Human Relations, been permitted to ingest, knowingly or unknowingly, a substance commonly known as Nectar. Possible side-effects include mild euphoria, accelerated healing, and extended life-span ...”
*
One unfinished heavy iron chain-link. Resting on it, a single wild rose.
*
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Latest 25 Reviews for Whom the Gods Annoy
73 Reviews | 6.16/10 Average
" sitting in the sunshine with nothing but a chocolate egg for company" * sigh * sounds good to me.
Severus is mahing hay while the sun shines.
Oh dear, I never thought I would say this but poor Ron. 
Possibly a strange comment, but good call on Homer being color blind. There is speculation that some ancient cultures could not see blue or green. They had no word for it. Of course, there's always James Joyce: "the snot-green sea."
Sounds like Hermione had a happy Christmas after all.
It seems only fitting, that the Gods should drive the most perfect car ever built.
Only Severus would sit playing draughts with the Goddess of love, and worrying about his hemline.
I know she wants a project but one this big will be a challenge, even for a Goddess.
Have just read the story in one go. Really enjoyed Aphrodite's 'gifts', Hermione's new healthier attitude to life, and Severus' musical tastes. Gran is great; would like to see more of her! I really liked the style of the last chapter too.
Lovely
This was so much fun to read! All the immortal characters were so cleverly written. Sev's first chapter obsession with boobies had me in stitches. And I adored the predicaments that Ron and Harry suffered. Thank you for this A-plus, 5-stars, blue ribbon, 1st place story!
I forgot to add that I wish Gran had revealed herself.
This is perfect! Love this chapter - how inventive! Adored everything about it. Positively guffawed about Ron getting a job with Pixar. Love the bit about the nectar (extended life span, hm?) and also that last bit about the chain and the rose... Oh Dicky, this fic was perfect! So unusual and unique and just sheer fun. And a lot of food for thought about the relationship between thinking and doing...
This is so wonderful. And funny. And ABBA? ~cracks up~
There is nothing to say but LOL!
Your Severus is pitch-perfect. From that line about snapping back so hard he's surprised no one heard the twang to this: "Severus felt the uncomfortable twinge in his guts that meant he was about to start saving people again. It was a habit that was proving impossible to break, and usually gave him severe indigestion." -- perfection. Also, Severus would be the one man who finds something lacking in the Goddess of Love. ~snrt~ And the line about Pink Floyd -- more giggle-snorting. And holy God, Snape sings Bohemian Rhapsody in the shower? I am dying here, Dicky! How on earth did I not read this sooner? And the Circe comment? OMG. "Not the right thing to say." Almost died. (Can you tell I'm just commenting as I read?) Well, this is a bloody effing delightful fic, Dicky. I'm quite enjoying myself.
I'm in love already. Your Aphrodite is positively delightful. "Seen one calm day, seen them all." LOL. I am quite excited to see how Severus reacts to being taken under her wing...
I am still reeling at the originality of this idea. The thought of there existing bigger and better magicians than wizards is a compelling idea; that should bring them down a peg or two. Lets face it, even the ones who reject pure-blood ideology and fight against it are patronising towards Muggles at best. This is great! I'm really loving it.
ROFL! Oh! Of course he listens to 'The Wall' and 'Wish you were here' - Where else do you go to for angst? Oh of course, The Smiths: I can hear him in the shower singing at the top of his voice: "I am human and I need to be loved... just like everybody else does." So many LOL lines.
What a fantastically clever excuse to have a purple prose frenzy and get away with it. It's so well done, too. And this is a great premise for what promises to be a very funny take on SS/HG.
I'm just wondering who on earth the Goddess is going to pick for her project.
What a fantastic story. It was sweet, and smart, and oh so very funny, but in a subtle refreshing way. This was an unusual storyline and made for a very enjoyable read. I especially like the manner in which it wrapped up with the last chapter. Thanks for sharing such a fun story!
Thanks for a thoroughly enjoyable read. Your anglo-saxon turn of phrase often makes me chuckle, something I sometimes miss when reading american authors work. And your description of the scottish weather - spot on.
Bugger, just realised I forgot to stock up on marmite when I was over in the UK. Sigh!
John Smith, eh?
Gods are just boys deep down, as it seems. They love to play around with shiny tools. But they do prefer to make their hands dirty at the end of the day.
Cleverly written with much humor and lots of references, of which I probably didn't get all.
Chapter love!
Only Severus could be "not in the mood" when being pursued by the most beautiful female in creation.
There were just too many lines or quotes in this chapter which made me smile, to single one out, but I'll try nonetheless:
"Bazoombas."
Of course I have read this story when it was posted on the Exchange. Back then I was reading it in a frenzy - I just wanted to know what was going on. Much too quick to really appreciate your style ... altough I did learn a fair bit about mythology :-)
Good grief, you truly have a way with words. My words fail me in my attempt to praise you for that.
Just let me say one word: Brilliant.