I'm Not In Love

Disclaimer: No matter how hard I try, no matter how inventive my spells are, JKR still owns it. And she doesn't share with me, either. Blast.

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Chapter X

I'm Not In Love

The following day, Hermione's first task was to locate the cameras installed along the tower structure. Feeling creative, she decided not to blast them apart, but instead charmed the camera lens to not capture the images of people.

"That'll fool them enough to think no one goes near the tower, at least for a while, until the magic is back in full force," she said, satisfied with her charm work and happy with the look of...was it admiration?...that Severus cast her way.

One week after Hermione and Severus had buried the Orgonite around the tower, the magic was powerfully present around a large perimeter.

"Good," said Severus. "Now we can concentrate on other things." He thought for a moment and then continued. "First of all, I'd like to magically expand the house. More bedrooms, and a considerably larger lab area, seeing that Draco has taken to helping Parvati and Kingsley brew the cosmetic potions.

"Not that I'm complaining, mind...William sells them about as fast as we brew them."

"Not surprising at all," Hermione said. "Your recipes work much better than the commercial rubbish that is sold in shops."

"Well... I suppose poisonous substances never work well." Severus snorted.

"There is that," said Hermione. She had been shocked to the core at Kingsley's findings when he had analysed a commercial Muggle shampoo. What sodium lauryl sulfate, a chemical typically used as a Muggle laboratory standard skin irritant, was doing in a shampoo was beyond Hermione's imagination. The fact that Kingsley had found other poisonous substances, such as formaldehyde and chemicals that ensured the formation of dioxins when combined with the sulfate, thus creating known carcinogens, downright scared her. Any seventh-year Advanced Potions student knew to never use this chemical when in the vicinity of young children or even animals, as it was known to damage eye tissue in both humans and creatures. But Muggles appeared to be completely oblivious to the fact that they cleaned their hair with poisonous substances.

"I'd like to visit the Healing Sanctuary," Hermione said. The sanctuary and its inhabitants had been keeping her mind occupied since William had mentioned it.

Hermione suddenly remembered that Severus had promised to tell her about William. Throughout the week, they had been so busy brewing more Orgonite and experimenting with devices for protection that Hermione had completely forgotten about William. Now, curiosity took hold of her yet again. "Severus, you were going to tell me about William," she reminded him.

"Yes, I was," he said. They had nearly reached Spinner's End now, and he added, "Let's get inside first...I'll tell you over some coffee."

Back inside, Hermione watched amusedly how much Severus enjoyed preparing a pot of coffee magically and without a wand.

"You are enjoying this," she said, giggling, when he even went as far as pouring the coffee and moving the drinks to the coffee table magically.

"I am," he confirmed. Giving her a look she was unable to interpret, he added, "I believe it's paramount to find enjoyment in every situation. Besides, it's a relief to have magic again in abundance." He smiled wryly.

"By the way, I think it'd be a good idea if you go and gift the sanctuary. In a way, I'd like to go...Mr Longbottom's expression would be priceless, I'm sure, if he suddenly came face to face with me...but I'm not sure how Poppy and Pomona would feel about seeing me." Hermione thought he looked positively uncomfortable.

"I'll go. And I'll tell them about Professor Dumbledore's portrait and what he said. They'll come around..." Hermione said. She still did not know any details about Albus Dumbledore's death, but she knew without a doubt that Severus was not a murderer. The more time she had spent with him, the more she had come to like him. The realisation startled her. No, Granger, don't even go there, she admonished herself, but already felt a blush creep up on her cheeks.

"I appreciate that, Hermione," he said quietly. Then he looked at her and grinned in an almost boyish manner. "And I won't ask you about your thoughts just now."

"Right," Hermione replied, distracted. "Now, about William." She managed to look at him expectantly and without blushing deeper.

Severus took a sip of coffee and settled deeper into the chair. "I've known William since my first year of Muggle school. I was about five years old, and he six, in the year above me," Severus started.

Hermione was surprised. "You've known each other that long?"

"Yes, although there've been a few years between in without any contact," Severus said. Then he continued, "From the first day, I felt out of place at school. I was the only one from a wizarding family, and naturally, many kids sensed there was a difference, and it scared them. Right from the beginning, some nitwits ganged up and started to bully me. Well, they tried." He let out a barking, bitter sounding laugh before continuing.

"When one morning during break they cornered me, I hexed boils onto their faces...unintentionally. I had no control over my magic at that age. William was watching from a distance and grinned when he saw the results of my hex on those dunderheads. They ran off, and he came over and we started to talk. It turned out that he was a complete outsider in his class. He'd been born a psychic, and thanks to his psychic father, his gift was nurtured right from the start. Naturally, he stood out like a sore thumb amongst the rest of his class."

"Oh, That's why he says things that don't seem to make sense," Hermione said with dawning comprehension.

Severus smirked. "He knows a lot, and quite often, his words only start to make sense weeks or even months later. Even when we first met, at such a young age, he knew instantly that I was a wizard. We became friends quickly, which gave me the incentive to study hard, so I could skip a grade and join his class the following year."

Hermione was not surprised that he had achieved that. She could not imagine that he had ever not been the studious kind.

Severus continued, "For about five years, we were rather inseparable, and I virtually lived at his home, which was much friendlier than my own. He taught me all he knew about the universe, the various energies, how to recognise them, and a lot more. And I told him all I knew of the magical world." He stopped, as if reminiscing about his childhood.

"You must have felt very lonely when you came to Hogwarts," said Hermione. Her heart went out to him. When she had arrived at the wizarding school, she had felt much out of place and alone, even more so than at her previous primary Muggle school.

Severus shrugged. "I missed having a friend at first. Eventually, my knowledge of Dark Arts become known to older Slytherins, and it made life easier for me. For a while, anyway."

The silence that followed hung heavily in the air, until the portrait spoke.

"How long did you not see William?" asked Albus.

"In the first three years, we used to spend the summer holidays together. At the end of fourth year, Malfoy had invited me to spend the summer at Malfoy Manor. I did not see William again until I'd left Hogwarts, and then only a couple of times." Another silence followed.

"And William questioned your choice to side with Voldemort," prompted Albus.

Severus let out a heavy sigh. "He didn't question it. He told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted nothing to do with me until I changed my mind.

"I should've listened to him at the time..."

"We all make mistakes ... and besides, you didn't take long to come to your senses," Albus said with a particularly gentle voice.

Another bitter bark escaped Severus. "Yes. After the damage was done."

Hermione wanted to soothe him. He looked almost forlorn as he recounted the decades-old memories. "You learned from your mistakes, though," she said. "So many people make mistakes and don't learn from them."

He looked at her intently. "I guess..."

"So, then you saw William again after you left Voldemort?" Hermione prodded, keen to see him in a less miserable frame of mind.

"Yes. After I went to Albus, I went to see William. Since then, we've stayed in contact.

"A few years ago, he introduced me to spiritual exercises that eventually enabled me to have direct contact with Red Cloud."

"You learned that?" Hermione asked, incredulous. "I always thought people are born with that kind of ability."

"You can learn a lot in this kind of... uh... shall we say, communication... with exercises that simply require a certain level of imagination. I'll likely never reach anywhere near William where psychic abilities are concerned, but I know that I can see, hear, and feel intuitively, far more than I did ten or twenty years ago," said Severus.

Hermione pondered his answer, leading her to wonder if she'd be able to develop some kind of psychic awareness. As if Severus had read her mind, he said, "You can learn it, too. Although I figure William would be a better teacher than I."

"You really think I could?" She was not at all certain.

Albus sat in his portrait, grinning, and Severus laughed, to Hermione's relief a much more genuine laugh than the bitter barks that escaped him minutes earlier.

"Tell me you haven't become more aware of your intuition lately, Hermione," Severus said.

Hermione thought about it. She had become more aware. Compared to a few weeks ago, she was now able to sense Red Cloud's presence before he appeared in full force. Furthermore, the idea of gifting the brook with a cone of Orgonite had not at all been a rational one...it had simply felt right.

Noticing Severus' intense gaze on her, Hermione blushed. "I guess," she said, uncertain still. Her mind might have just played tricks, after all.

"Besides, you won't know until you try," Severus said wryly.

"True enough." Looking at her watch, Hermione exclaimed, "Oh, Merlin, look at the time! It looks like Parvati isn't going to do the cooking today."

She stood up and headed to the kitchen. She was never overly keen on doing the cooking, not because she did not enjoy it, but in her opinion, Parvati's culinary skills were by far superior to her own, as were Severus'.

"You won't find much in there," said Severus, gazing at her evenly. "I didn't get fresh supplies today. I'll see what's available in the garden." He moved towards the back door and disappeared.

Hermione contemplated the contents of the kitchen cupboards and fridge, hoping for some culinary inspiration while she waited for Severus to return.

Her eyes bulged when she saw what he was carrying. "Ceps! Where did you find these?" Hermione was delighted.

"Behind the garden, by the oak," Severus replied, sounding positively smug. "And they're big enough to make schnitzel."

"Schnitzel?" asked Hermione. She had never heard that word before.

"Ah. Time for a lesson in culinary delights, Miss Granger," Severus drawled, putting the mushrooms on the counter.

"Why don't you prepare the potatoes for frying and I'll tend to the mushrooms," he said. "Fried potatoes go very well with the schnitzel."

Hermione prepared the potatoes and charmed a knife to cut an onion, all the while glancing at Severus' preparations. Once the onions were sautéed, she added the potatoes, closed the lid on the pan and paid full attention to him.

"All you need is egg and breadcrumbs for this. It's very simple." Severus was using his typical classroom voice, and Hermione shivered involuntarily.

"You brush the mushrooms clean...don't wash them...then you turn them in a beaten egg, like so." He demonstrated by taking the first clean mushroom and turning it in the beaten egg.

"Then you turn it in the breadcrumbs, which are mixed with salt and pepper," he continued lecturing.

Why have I never noticed how mesmerising his voice is? Hermione wondered, but then conceded that she had never known his humorous side, or his spiritual side, either.

"And now they're ready to fry. They taste best very fresh, so we'll wait ten minutes before we throw them into the oil, and they'll be ready at the same time as the potatoes," said Severus.

Hermione suddenly felt the urge to get away. Severus' voice had acquired an almost haunting quality to her ears, and for reasons unknown, she felt disconcerted.

"I... I'll be back in a minute," she blurted and rushed out of the kitchen, heading for her bedroom.

Hermione sat down shakily on her bed. What the hell is going on with me? she thought, irritated with herself. The young witch forced herself to take a few deep breaths, then went to the bathroom and splashed her face with refreshingly cold water. Putting thoughts of Severus' voice firmly out of her mind, she readied herself to join the others for dinner.

* * *

"Fancy finding and gifting another tower?" Hermione was grateful that Severus allowed her enough time to get her daily essential dose of caffeine into her system before he had started to talk to her. She had not slept well last night, and she knew it was not the delicious mushroom schnitzel's fault. But that was a matter to think about another time.

"Sure," she said, meeting his gaze and feeling uncharacteristically bold. "We have enough Orgonite to gift at least twenty towers, and there are plenty of cones left, too."

A short while later, the young witch and her ex-professor were on their way, Hermione's bag heavy with Orgonite. Severus headed in the opposite direction of the first tower.

"Do you have a particular plan?" Hermione asked, her curiosity piqued by his firm and steady stride.

"I figured that in order to stable the magic at home, we should gift all towers in the vicinity. The first tower is north of Spinner's End, so our next goal is the one to the south of us, if there is one. Then we'll deal with East and West, and finally with everything between those four directions. My aim is to create a wide circle of Orgonite around Spinner's End," he said.

That voice! Hermione hoped fervently that he would not look at her as she felt colour creeping into her cheeks. Pulling herself together with great effort, she started to drop Orgonite cones into the brook at intervals whenever it was accessible from the road.

The pair did not have to go far before a communications tower came into view, and the magic noticeably dropped.

"Blimey. Those Muggles seem to believe in wide coverage. This tower is no more than about a mile from the first one we found," said Severus, searching for cameras on the construction.

"They really must be on a mission to keep the magic disabled," said Hermione. She could not begin to fathom how evil those forces were, if they had invested this much just to prevent the magic from being freely available to the wizarding folk. They're as bad as Voldemort, if not worse, she mused.

Severus pointed out three cameras that were cleverly hidden in plain sight. "Before you do your charm work on those, let's try a little experiment," he said. He looked positively boyish with that smirk, which almost bordered on mischievousness.

He held out his hand and said, "Can I have an Orgonite muffin? Keep track of the time, so we'll know how long it takes those idiots to get here."

Hermione handed him the Orgonite, and Severus placed it within the tower's vicinity, in plain sight, carefully ensuring that the camera could record his actions.

"Okay, as soon as they turn up, I want you to do the exercise William taught us. And you can charm the cameras now...I'd rather not let them see where exactly I bury the Orgonite."

Hermione set to work. It took her much more effort than with the cameras on the previous tower. The magic seemed to be zapped out of her.

Severus busied himself digging small holes in the ground, this time ensuring that it was not within an angle the camera might record.

"I'm not sure how well this worked," Hermione said, feeling as if she'd just run a marathon and not a few minutes of spell-weaving.

Severus looked up at her and frowned. "You look exhausted," he said, concern evident in his voice. "Do you want to head back home?"

The suggestion sounded tempting. But Hermione had a feeling Severus wanted a confrontation with some bullies, and she admitted that she was looking forward to it herself. There was something liberating about outwitting bullies.

"Nah. I'll just sit down for a bit," Hermione said and grinned at him. "I know you're looking forward to some pin-stripe baiting." She sat down on the ground.

Sliding down next to her, he muttered, "You know me too well."

"You were my teacher for six years!" She laughed. "I can't imagine you see much of a difference between dunderhead students and dunderhead pin-stripes."

Severus looked thoughtful. "You know, I can't say I miss all the dunderheads who graced Hogwarts with their presence, but I do miss teaching worthwhile students."

Their attention switched to the sound of a car approaching. "Okay, I want you to start the exercise William taught us the moment they get out of the car," said Severus, his voice carrying the authority that had forced students in class to pay attention without effort.

A white van turned and came to a halt in front of the tower. Hermione sighed when she recognised one of the two recently Obliviated pin-stripes through the windscreen of the van. When both the driver, a bulky man clad in a grey suit, and the familiar stocky pin-stripe occupying the passenger seat opened the doors, Hermione started to gather her love power. She thought intently of her parents, mentally recalling situations that brought home how much love she felt for them. When she felt the energy rise, she imagined it a beautiful, rosy pink and started directing it towards the two guys. Yeah, pink will suit them ever so well, she thought, smirking to herself.

The pink-stripe approached them and addressed Severus. "What are you doing here? Surely, you could think of better places to take a young woman?"

Hermione was vaguely acknowledging her relief that he showed no recollection of their previous encounter, all the while directing the pink energy at both men, continuously focussing on the love she felt for the parents.

"I was not aware that there are laws about where we are allowed to rest," Severus said with an air of boredom. "Why don't you enlighten us?"

"There is no law," the pin-stripe sneered. "But you've spent a considerable amount of time here, and it looks suspicious. You've also placed something here that disrupts the rays, which will affect mobile phones!"

Hermione watched amusedly as Severus pulled himself up to his full height and towered over the stocky man.

"Pray tell, are you stalking us?" he asked the pin-stripe in a low voice.

"I don't need to stalk the likes of you. That's where CCTV comes in," the stocky guy said smugly and glanced at Hermione.

She had been watching him, and now, as their eyes met, she felt a surge of energy rushing through her. The pin-stripe suddenly started to squirm, looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Tsk, tsk, your upbringing leaves something to be desired...didn't you learn to use the bathroom before you go out?" Severus' expression changed from boredom to disdain.

"I... No... It's not..." the stocky man stuttered, still squirming.

"Having trouble hiding your scales?" Severus mocked while gazing at the man whose face was slowly changing to reveal a reptilian scaly layer, replacing the human skin.

Hermione watched, fascinated, as the previously human looking man slowly morphed into a reptoid shape. She desperately willed herself to produce stronger energy. Slowly, images of her parents faded to the background, and another figure approached the front of her mind.

The reptoid collapsed on the ground and motioned for his colleague to help him. "Let's get away," he rasped with difficulty.

The bulky driver picked him up without effort, carried him to the van, and dropped him unceremoniously on the back-seat before sitting down behind the wheel. He roared the engine and took off at speed.

Hermione watched the events as though through a haze, only dimly realising the bullies had gone. The unbidden change of images of loved ones shocked her to the core, and what was more, she had felt the distinct surge of energy when it happened, leading to the collapse of the reptoid man.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" She lifted her head and looked straight into Severus' concerned face.

"I..." Hermione shook her head. "I can't say. Nothing is wrong," she whispered and buried her face in her arms.

It can't be. It was a mistake, a coincidence, just because he was here, she thought desperately, knowing deep inside already that she was merely trying to find excuses.

"What happened? You did brilliantly. It can't just be exhaustion. If anything, that exercise should have replenished your energy."

Hermione let out a shaky laugh. "It's not that." She was unable to look into his eyes, for fear he might read her correctly.

Severus surprised her once again at how gentle he could be if he thought the situation demanded it. "Come. Let's go home. You've been working hard. Take a break this afternoon. You deserve it," he said, tugging at her arm and pulling her up.

Hermione still felt shaky, but let him pull her up. The prospect of an afternoon of doing nothing sounded enticing.

They walked back to Spinner's End, and for the first time since they had started their daily walks, neither spoke. The silence grew increasingly uncomfortable, and Hermione felt immense relief when they reached the front door.

Once inside, Severus muttered something about picking up fresh supplies and visiting William, and before she could reply, he Disapparated right out of the front hall.

Hermione slowly made her way to her bedroom. She was surprised to see Parvati sitting in a chair reading, with Kingsley nowhere in sight.

Parvati looked up smiling, but frowned when she saw Hermione. "What happened? You look like death warmed up."

"Thanks," Hermione said dryly and let herself fall on her bed.

"Seriously, Hermione, what happened?" asked Parvati.

"Erm, an eventful morning, involving gifting, doing that exercise William taught us, revealing a reptoid; you know, just the usual kind of stuff one does," Hermione said, failing to sound as light-hearted as she attempted to.

"Details, Hermione, please. You look positively distressed, and you can't even hide it in your voice," said Parvati.

Hermione sighed. Parvati would not let up, no matter how much she would try to divert her attention.

"When I came downstairs this morning, Severus invited me to go along with him, gifting the next tower," Hermione started and told Parvati the events of the morning up until the gathering of the love power.

"And then the images I had in my mind shifted the moment I consciously wanted to increase the energy in order to completely reveal that reptoid guy," Hermione finished gloomily.

"What happened?" Parvati asked. "Did you see an image of Ron?"

Hermione swallowed hard and shook her head. "I haven't thought of Ron for ages, Parvati!" She rolled her eyes. If only it had been that easy.

"Okay," Parvati said, not in the least perturbed. "Was it Severus' image then?"

Hermione gaped at her. "How on earth..." she started to ask but was interrupted by her friend's laughter.

"Oh, honestly, Hermione. Even Draco noticed the tension between the two of you. I think the only ones who haven't noticed are Severus and you." She giggled at Hermione's incredulous expression.

Hermione felt at an utter loss. She had realised some time ago that she had come to like Severus a great deal more than she had ever been able to imagine. But to see him as someone to love? And not only that, but the surge in energy during her love power exercise suggested he had grown to be more than someone she considered merely loveable.

"Hermione, why don't you take a bath...I need a guinea pig for the relaxing bath oil Kingsley and I developed," Parvati said, smirking. Then she continued, serious again, "I know a hot bath helped me tremendously when I realised my feelings for Kingsley not long ago. I know it sounds tripe, but sometimes the simplest solutions work best." Her voice sounded soothing to Hermione.

Hermione looked at her friend. Yes, a hot, relaxing bath would help get her thoughts into order, if nothing else. She would be better able to face the world...and Severus...in a more relaxed state.

"Thanks, Parvati. I think I'll do just that," the young witch said and gave her friend a grateful smile.

* * *

Severus Apparated to the gates of a small farm in William's neighbourhood to pick up his weekly order of fresh, locally grown vegetables.

He had put the morning's episode, in particular the surge of energy that led to the reptoid's collapse, firmly out of his mind the moment he Disapparated from Spinner's End. No use dwelling on it until he had a chance to resolve it, and for now, he felt unable to do so, at least on his own.

The box of vegetables reduced and safely stowed away in his pocket, Severus walked the short distance to William's home.

"Oi, mate! Just the man I want to see!" William called out from his front garden. "I've cleaned the beeswax; it's ready for use."

"Thanks. Parvati will be delighted," muttered Severus. He reduced the chunk of beeswax and put it in his pocket.

"What's up with you? Has your cat died or something?" William gave him a scrutinising look. "Let's go inside, and you can tell me over some tea what's bothering you," he said and walked ahead towards the front door.

Once both men sat down with steaming cups of fragrant green tea in their hands, William gazed at his friend. "What happened?"

Severus took a deep breath and started retelling the events of the morning, up until the point they had reached home and he'd immediately left. "I had to get away. She refused to tell me what'd happened, and I felt so bloody helpless," he said.

William smiled knowingly, which irritated Severus. It reminded him of Albus Dumbledore when he was in full scheming mode. "When those dingbats turned up, did you start gathering the love power as well?" he asked.

"Of course," Severus said indignantly. "I could hardly let Hermione do all the work."

William smirked at Severus' answer. "And whose image came to your mind when you gathered the energy?" He raised his eyebrow, looking questioningly at Severus.

"Have a guess, old man. I'm sure you know the answer," Severus said, giving William an irritated glare.

"Of course I do," William said, his voice soothing. "But I'm trying to help you figure out what happened, so humour me for now, will you?"

"All right." A long-suffering sigh was followed by the uttering of Hermione's name.

"Good. Now, tell me again. She was concentrating on gathering the love power to get the bad guys off-balance, and you were doing the same, albeit not as strongly because you were talking to the pin-striped bully."

"Exactly. And suddenly, I felt the energy soar, the pin-striped reptoid collapsed, the driver picked him up, threw him in the van and took off. And Hermione looked as if she were struck by lightening, wouldn't tell me what'd happened and didn't say a single word on the way back," Severus finished in a defeated manner.

William regarded him thoughtfully. "You know, I can think of only one explanation for this..."

"You can?" Severus felt hope rise within him. If anyone could make sense of the situation, it was William, with his clear mind and his ability to sort through and comprehend emotions and human behaviour on an intuitive level.

"You see, in energy work, you typically experience a surge in energy if two people combine, or merge, their energy."

Severus looked at him blankly. "What do you mean, merge energy? Didn't that happen when we both started to invoke the love power?"

William shook his head. "You were working towards the same goal, but in order to merge the energy, you would have to use each other's images to draw energy from. What I think happened is that Hermione started off by invoking images of her parents or other loved ones. And then the image of you took over...probably unbidden, judging by her reaction...so the energy merged with yours, which resulted in the surge that knocked down the pinhead."

Severus stared at him open-mouthed. "You're joking," he said flatly.

"I thought you knew me better than that, Severus," William said evenly. "Besides, what's wrong with my conclusion? I know you like her...you should be pleased that she likes you back."

"Fuck." Severus was at a complete loss. What now?

Severus frowned when William was unable to contain his amused laughter. "Surely, she wouldn't be your first, mate!"

"No," Severus said thoughtfully. "Not my first woman by any means. But the first woman in a long time I'm fond of."

"And you don't have a clue what to do." It was not a question. William knew him well enough to get away with blunt statements without risking being hexed.

"I don't," Severus said.

"All I can suggest is to follow your heart, you know," William said.

Severus sighed. Of course, that is the answer to everything.

"You could show her how much you appreciate her. You know her better than I," William added in a thoughtful tone.

The two men sat in silence for a while, tea long forgotten.

"So, who's doing the cooking tonight?" William asked eventually.

Severus groaned. "Nobody until I get home. We have no fresh food. I picked that up on the way here. I guess I better make a move and rescue my house mates from starvation."

"Why don't you phone and tell them to meet us at the pub?" William asked. "That way, you'll meet Hermione on neutral grounds, and we all can have a good time. Haven't done that in a long while, you know?"

"That's the best idea you've had in a while," Severus said and moved to pick up the phone. Yes, he'd phone and tell whoever picked up the phone to bring the rest of the gang to the pub. Parvati knew its location, and he was certain that they all would be happy to eat out and simply relax away from home for a few hours.

* * *

A/N

Grateful thanks, as always, go to Notsosaintly, beta-reader extra-ordinaire. Any mistakes that remain are mine alone.

Reviews, as always, greatly appreciated.