Chapter Seventeen: Relationship Counselling

Disclaimer: The characters and settings belong to J. K. Rowling. The crazy plot is mine.

Chapter Seventeen: Relationship Counselling

Hannah Abbott and Theodore Nott sprang apart as the Potions professor passed the usually quiet niche they had chosen for their tryst. Breathing joint sighs of relief, they resumed their exploratory activities when they realised Snape had other things on his mind. Presumably, the bushy-haired Gryffindor who had run past a moment or two earlier.

Severus finally caught up with his surprisingly fleet-footed wife after she had burst out of a side door into a secluded courtyard. He watched, bemused, as she spun in circles and threw her hands in the air. Waiting until she was facing away from him, he moved closer and captured his witch in his arms.

"Stop! We need to talk, Hermione. I'm sorry... I didn't intend you to hear that. Please, forgive me. I don't want to pressure you... I don't want to be a burden..." he pleaded.

"Whatever are you talking about, Severus?" She smiled as she turned and forced him to meet her gaze.

"You ran away horrified at the thought of my love. I'm sorry..."

"You thought I was horrified? Oh, Severus!" She reached up to touch his face and caress away his frown. "Why would I be horrified at my dreams coming true?"

The barrier he had erected to protect his heart crumbled into dust at her words. He stared at the truth evident in her eyes. "You mean...?"

"I love you, too, you silly man. I didn't want you to feel under any pressure."

"Why did you run away? I thought..."

"I'm sorry. It was just so overwhelming hearing you say that, and Draco was there, and I wanted to run around and dance like a crazy person." She grinned, then sobered as she realised how badly she had hurt the man she loved. "I didn't realise you had noticed me outside your office. I had returned from the library and was about to ask you if you wanted a cup of tea. Oh, Severus." She punctuated her words with kisses as he led her to a bench in the corner out of view of the castle windows.

Several minutes and much intertwining of limbs and tongues later, Severus had the insight to suggest relocating to a warmer, more private spot. Preferably in their bed where he could demonstrate conclusively how bewitched he was by his wife.

"Hermione?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you really hate Valentine's Day?" Severus propped his head up on his hand and studied Hermione's sleepy face in the moonlight as she turned and snuggled into his chest.

"No. Not really. I just hated not being able to share it properly with the man I love. You had never seemed to like Valentine's Day and all it stood for, and I didn't want to be an annoying, clingy wife. Well, no more annoying than usual, anyway."

Severus smiled. "You ceased to be annoying some time ago, my dear."

"Was that before or after I relieved you of your innocence, husband mine?" she asked as an exploring hand found a stirring of interest at his groin.

"Well before, madam. Now, before you scramble my thought processes with those delightful fingers, I have something for you." With that, Severus arose from the bed, oblivious to her admiration of his naked arousal preceding him from the room.

A moment later, he returned with the silver package he had retrieved from his desk drawer. He sat on the bed beside Hermione. "I wanted to give you this yesterday, but it never seemed to be the right time."

"You bought me a gift? For Valentine's Day?"

All at once, Severus had an armful of deliciously nude witch, kissing and hugging him as she sat astride his lap. Much as his straining body wanted to close the short distance between them and plunge into paradise, he retained enough presence of mind to hand her the parcel, but lost the battle when she bounced up and down in excitement as she unwrapped the fancy paper.

"Oh, gods, Hermione, now look what you've done!" he exclaimed, red-faced, as he wiped away the sticky remains of his loss of control.

She giggled. "Oops. Sorry, I got carried away." She removed the lid of the small box and gasped as she discovered the treasure within. Looking up, she saw a rare expression of tenderness on her husband's face.

"Is this what I think it is?" Taking the exquisitely crafted ring from its velvet nest, Hermione examined it closely. A delicate, raised infinity design in gold over a silver background was studded with tiny but perfect emeralds and rubies. Inscribed on the inner surface were the words, My love, my life, my soul, my wife. "Oh, Severus, it's beautiful!" She smiled through a watery haze as he took the ring and placed it on her finger, sealing it in place with a kiss.

"Not as beautiful as you, my wife. You have changed my life for the better, and I wanted you to have a real wedding ring, given from the heart."

"But I didn't..."

His finger to her lips denied her protest. "I understand. Your presence here in my bed wearing that ring is all the gift I desire. I love you, Hermione Snape."

Lips met and heated skin sought ever-closer contact as she declared her love with lips, tongue, and relentless hands.

Lying together as heartbeats slowed and breathing returned to a rate compatible with long-term existence, Severus once again spoke. "You are beautiful, you know."

"Flatterer," she replied with a laugh.

"Enchantress."

"Sex god."

"Sex god?"

"Oh, yes. You passed that course with flying colours."

"Must have been all that damned homework," he complained. "But still, there's always room for improvement. Perhaps some more research would be in order?"

Hermione yawned widely. "Sounds like a great idea, but not tonight. I think you've worn me out, Professor Sex God."

"I think I've worn myself out," he replied with a rueful glance at groin. "Actually, I think you've killed it."

"Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure," Hermione replied as she explored the novelty of her husband in a rare, unaroused state. "It's so soft and velvety like that."

Severus firmly removed her hand from his penis and extinguished the lights. "Sleep now, my love. Research later."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. "Mmm. Lots of research. Love you."

A soft snore was his only reply.

"Oh, Hermione, it's gorgeous!" Ginny cried as she inspected the ring. "So, I take it you two have finally talked."

"Well, it helped that I overhead him confess his feelings to Draco Malfoy. If I'd waited for him to tell me he loved me it might have taken forever. He was convinced I didn't feel the same." Hermione slumped back on Ginny's bed. "At least he's good at other things."

"You look exhausted. Exceeding your expectations, is he?" Ginny grinned.

"Oh, yes." Hermione's self-satisfied smile told her friend all she needed.

"So... does he? You know, like in his essay?" Ginny blushed furiously, but had to know.

Hermione's cheeks matched the bed curtains as she replied, "Let's just say he has found better uses for his tongue than berating students."

Several moments passed before the two regained their composure. Ginny sobered first and asked, "So, what's it like?"

"What? Sex in general or oral sex?"

"Sex. What's it like being naked together and touching his bits and having him touch you. What's it like when he's... inside? Doesn't it feel weird?"

"Oh, Ginny. Being with someone you love is incredible. It was only ever a physical thing with Jason. With him, the nakedness did bother me at first. But with Severus, I just wanted to get as close to him as possible. The sex is amazing, but the intimacy makes me melt inside." She frowned as she noticed Ginny's resigned sigh. "Don't tell me Harry is still playing hard to get?"

"Yes. I've told him straight out I want to take our relationship a step further, but he's still avoiding the issue. What shall I do?" she pleaded.

"I don't know. I think if I talked to him about sex, he'd be too mortified to hear anything I had to say. Do you think you could talk to one of the other boys? They might be able to get through to Harry for you."

"Hermione, that's a brilliant idea. I know just the person to talk to!" Ginny squealed with delight as she hugged her best friend and confidante.

A soft knock roused Severus from his latest Potions journal. Opening the door, he was surprised to find Ginny Weasley fidgeting nervously in the corridor. "Come in, Ginny. It's about time you found your way down here to visit Hermione. But I'm afraid she isn't here. She's doing some research in the library this evening."

"It's not her I came to see, sir. Do you have a few minutes?"

Severus was intrigued. Ginny was obviously anxious about something, but why she would come to him was beyond his comprehension. "Please, sit down." He indicated the sofa. "Yes, I know it's red. Didn't my wife tell you my weakness?"

His mild manner calmed Ginny as she looked around the room. "Er... no. She's never mentioned it. Has there always been red in here, or was that her influence?"

"No, I plead guilty to choosing red furnishings by myself. As I said to Hermione, I like red; I don't like Gryffindors. Well, I suppose I do like some Gryffindors now. But don't tell anybody, will you? My Slytherins would revolt." He was openly smiling now at her stunned expression.

"Professor! You made a joke!"

"Severus. When you're here in these rooms. I owe you an enormous debt, Ginny. Your advice last week proved invaluable. Hermione and I..."

"I know. She told me. And I'm so happy for you both. I think everyone could see you two were crazy about each other but yourselves. Just think of it as self-preservation. You were both driving me insane!" She grinned. "I don't suppose you have any tea brewed?"

"Oh, I apologise, my manners are appalling. Give me a moment." Severus busied himself preparing the tea as Ginny wandered around the room admiring the décor.

"I can see why Hermione loves it here. All these books."

"I'd like to think there were other attractions here than my books," Severus replied with a smirk.

"Oh, yes. I do believe she finds a certain appeal in the owner of the books. Can't think why," Ginny dared to tease.

"Thanks very much. I'll remember that. Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?" Severus settled himself in the armchair and studied Ginny as her expression became serious again.

"I thought... You being a man and all... You would know..." Now the moment had arrived, she had no idea how to explain her visit.

"You're making no sense at all, girl. Try starting at the beginning so I can have some idea what I am supposed to know."

Surprised at his gentle tone, Ginny relaxed and started again.

"It's Harry. I love him."

"I suspect the entire castle knows that. Even Mr... Harry." Severus made a real effort.

"Yes, well, that's not an issue. I love him, and he loves me. We know that. Unlike certain people, we sorted that out ages ago."

Severus suppressed a chuckle at her reference to his own incompetence in the communication department. "Then I fail to see where you have a problem, Ginny."

"Harry is a prude. Well, maybe not a prude, but shy. I want to, but he doesn't, or he wants to but doesn't know how or is too scared of what Mum would say or..."

"Ginny. Calm down. What does he want or not want to do?"

"Sex. He won't. And I want to. I'm of age, and we're getting married eventually. Everyone else is doing it. Even the ones you don't catch, so don't look at me like that, Severus Snape!"

Severus laughed outright at the indignant look on the young witch's face. "You mean I'm not the most effective means of contraception in this castle? I must be slipping!"

"You're the second-best contraceptive here. Filch's damned cat is the best. But in your defence, you have been rather busy lately. Lucky bastard."

"Did you just swear at me, miss?" The glint of amusement in his eye reassured her as she realised what she had said.

"Oops. Sorry. I meant, 'Lucky you, Severus, dear.' That better?"

Severus shook his head and smiled. "I do believe I've created a monster. What exactly do you want me to do about this little problem of yours, Ginny?"

"I wondered if you would talk to Harry. Find out why he's so reluctant. I'm sure he's interested; certain parts of him are, anyway. Please, Severus?"

"You want me to talk to Pot... Harry? About sex? What on earth makes you think he will listen to me?"

"I don't know. Give him detention or something. I'm sure he'll do something sooner or later to deserve it. Then he'll have to listen," she suggested.

"I am not risking my wife's wrath by issuing a false detention to anyone. But, I suppose I could politely ask him to see me after class. If I must," he reluctantly conceded.

"Yes, you must. I'm dying of frustration here. It's the least you can do when you're getting sex regularly and I'm not!"

"Fucking bossy witches. What did I do to deserve them?"

"It's your innate charm, Sev. And you swore! I'm telling Hermione!" She poked him in the chest only to find her wrist quickly grasped and turned behind her back.

"You snitch, Weasley, and I won't talk to your boyfriend."

"You... you... you bat!"

"Bat? Is that the worst you can do?" he taunted, releasing her.

"Git, prat, pillock..." Ginny collapsed onto the sofa as she tried to think of better epithets.

Severus landed beside her as he replied, "Heard it, heard that one too, and that. You lose, girl!"

Hermione stared at the sight of Severus and Ginny exchanging insults in her living room. Putting as serious an expression on her face as she could muster, she gave her best Dolores impression. "Hem, hem."

Severus looked up. "Thank Merlin, it's you, love. I thought for one awful moment that Umbridge toad had magically appeared in our quarters. I was about to hide behind the redhead here."

"Oi, Sev, that's not very gentlemanly!" the redhead in question countered.

"Who are you two, and what have you done with my husband and best friend?" Hermione asked, still bewildered by their antics.

"I am Miss Weasley's relationship guidance counsellor," Severus stated formally, standing and bowing.

"And I am Professor Snape's personal... er... castigator?" Ginny advised.

"I think the world's gone crazy," Hermione muttered as her husband soundly kissed her.

"Never mind, dear. I'm not sure I understand myself," he reassured.

"It's easy, Sev," Ginny explained. "You seem to have acquired yourself a sister. Don't worry, I've had loads of practice at bossing, teasing, whining, and telling tales. Just ask Ron."

"Does that mean I can torment you? I'm sure I'd be good at that. I've had plenty of practice at that," Severus replied with a wink as he tugged Ginny's hair.

"Now, now, you two. I'm all in favour of you getting along, but I'm not acting as referee. If you don't behave yourselves, you're on your own." Hermione grinned as she rolled her eyes. Who would have thought Severus could let his guard down so completely?

"I'm sure we can behave ourselves, my dear," Severus replied.

"Most of the time, anyway," Ginny added with a wink.

A/N: This story was voted third in the recent Variety Challenge. Many thanks to ladyinthecloak for the beta.