Four

A/N: I don't own it. Really, I don't. I just like to play with the characters.

"Merlin on a Motorcycle" comes from a recent discussion on the Potter_Place Yahoo group where it was mentioned as a Wizarding substitute for "Christ on a bike". It made me giggle, so I decided to use it. As always, thanks go to my wonderful, patient beta, ScatteredLogic. She's crazy quick!

The evening found me ensconced in my room with Ginny and Luna, getting all tarted up. Well, Ginny and I were getting tarted up, at least. Luna (in her typical oddball style) was wearing vicar's robes, but in a very bright purple. I suspect she may have borrowed them from Albus. I was a bit put out that Luna could get away with vicar's robes, and I was stuck wearing this scrap of satin and lace that qualified as a tart's costume.

I stood with my foot braced on a chair as Ginny hugged one of the posts on my bed, and I tightened up her blue satin corset. Ginny was convinced her smallish breasts were going to benefit from the contraption, and from what I could tell that seemed to be the truth. I had escaped a corset myself, being less concerned about the state of my own breasts. I gave a final tug, tied the ribbons, and sat down to catch my breath a moment.

"Damn! I should have put my shoes on before I let you lace me up!" Ginny exclaimed. "I can't bend over now!" She sat down on the edge of the bed and poked her toe ineffectually into her stiletto-heeled shoe. Luna went to assist her with the shoes, and I went into the bathroom to finish my own preparations.

My costume did cover all the strategic bits thankfully. It was a nice shade of copper silk that I thought set off my skin and hair quite well. The skirt came down to about mid-thigh, and the top bit had thin straps on the shoulders. The best part about the costume, however, was the pair of thigh-high matching-hued heeled leather boots I had purchased to go along with it. There were a few inches of skin between where the skirt left off and the boots began, and I had to admit that I looked pretty good. I donned the short cape that the costume had come with, swiped a bit of tawny lipstick across my lips and made a moue at the mirror. Eat your hearts out, boys.

The party was in full swing by the time we made it down to the Great Hall, which had been charmed to look like a casino. I left Ginny to be drooled over by Harry and scolded by Molly and made my way over to where Remus was sitting. I slid into the chair beside him at the poker table and gave him a winning smile.

"Three-card stud?" I asked, brightly, as I saw Severus seat himself on my other side with a swish of black cloak.

"You look absolutely ravishing. I think you'd look even better in nothing but the boots," Remus said and swept my hand up to his lips to kiss it.

I did have the good grace to blush, and I looked over my shoulder at Severus with a smile. "Well, I did say I hoped someone would make me worthy of my costume."

"Indeed, Miss Granger," he drawled, straightening his collar. "I might say to you that the offer still stands."

I glanced at Remus, who was grinning wolfishly. There was Something Going On here and one of two ways to handle it. I could just ignore the two of them, but that didn't seem like very much fun. A wolfishly-grinning Remus is an almost ironclad guarantee he has something planned that I'm going to enjoy. Immensely. Considering the affable mood of the Potions master in conjunction with the wolfish grin, the second option of seeing where those two things could lead me sounded like a much better way to go. I nabbed a flute of champagne from a passing house-elf and sat back in my chair, my legs crossed as demurely as possible in the short skirt of my costume.

"So, gentlemen. What sort of game can I interest you in this evening? Cards? Dice? Muggle board games?"

I knew there were looks going over the top of my head, but I pretended I didn't notice. I had no idea if Remus and Severus were pretending to get on for my sake or if I just didn't know the whole story. What I did think was that they had some kind of Plan with a capital P. I just toyed with the stack of plastic poker chips in front of me, picking them up and letting them slide through my fingers. Before too long, I felt a long-fingered hand close over mine.

"Stop that infernal fidgeting. Cards it is, but I've already been at this party longer than I care to."

"That just leaves one thing to be settled, then," Remus remarked. "Private party in whose room?"

"Wait, wait," I said with a scowl. "One thing to be settled? Since when are you two so bloody chummy? And what makes either of you think I want to leave the party so soon? It's practically my party, isn't it? Seeing as I defeated the Dark Lord and all?!" I stood up, glass of champagne and stack of poker chips quite forgotten. I'd just got here, wolfish grins be damned! "Merlin on a motorcycle! I spent a small fortune on this scrap of silk, and I intend to get my money's wor..."

I found myself unable to continue my tirade, as I had been tugged into Remus' lap and his warm hands were settled quite firmly on my arse as he leaned in and kissed my neck. "Hush," he whispered. "You will. I promise. It's your night, as you said. Nobody is trying to change that. A celebration with three can be just as fulfilling as one with a crowd, love."

"For one thing, you won't have Potter scowling at your backside all night," Severus noted with a smirk. "He's still rather put out about not fulfilling the prophecy. Or perhaps it's because you're the most delectable tart in the room and you're already quite, shall we say, taken?"

Taken? Oh, no, I wasn't. Not yet. But the way things looked to be going, it was a possibility for the evening.

********************************************

"I do believe you've had enough champagne, Hermione."

"Haven't had any such thing. Give it back, Severus."

"That's two hands you've flubbed in a row now. Winning is hardly enjoyable if it's by default."

All right, perhaps I was a little tipsy. More champagne, elf-made this time, had followed the first bottle. The fire in the hearth in Severus' sitting room was warm, it was late, and I was incredibly relaxed. Remus had dropped out of the game some time ago and was rubbing my feet, despite his earlier desire to see me in nothing but the boots.

"Well, go get me a vial of Sober-Up potion, then. The champagne is tasty."

Remus laughed from his spot on the rug. "Bossy even when she's tired and tipsy, isn't she?" His hands had moved up to my calves by then, gently massaging.

"I'm not bossy, Remus. I just know what I want. More champagne. And for you not to stop whatever it is you're doing, because it feels amazing."

Severus put the cards away and walked around behind me, slipping his hands onto my shoulders and rubbing them. "I think you should just forget the champagne and relax. For a tart, you seem to be all flash and no substance. A lightweight when it comes to your drink, too."

I tilted my head back to look at Severus, raising an eyebrow. "I'm new to the whole tart business, you see. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon. Maybe you could teach me, since you seem to know so much about it. If I put the boots back on, would that help?" I rested my head on the back of the settee, grinning.

I was still busy grinning and feeling smug when he leaned over the back of the couch and pressed his lips against mine. It felt like a question, one that I only wanted to say 'yes, yes, yes!' to. I opened my mouth enough to brush my tongue against his lower lip, and there was no turning back. Severus' mouth claimed mine, demanding, but not rough. Remus's hands left my legs, and he climbed up to the settee alongside me, leaving kisses along my neck and jaw, then along Severus'. When Severus broke our kiss to pull Remus to him in a kiss just as passionate, I knew there had been something going on I didn't know about. I was ready to forgive, though. I had two of the sexiest wizards I knew at my beck and call for the night, and I fully intended to enjoy it.

*******************************************************

I woke up the next morning slightly stiff and sore and curled between the two of them. Who knew Severus was such a closet hedonist? His bed was large enough to sleep six, never mind just the three of us. As I stretched, Remus woke and smiled at me.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. "Surprised?"

I laughed quietly, kissing him. "Quite. I think you have some explaining to do, but it will keep. What I really want to know is if this was a one-time thing or if there's potential for something more."

I felt another pair of arms curling around me from behind, the fingers stroking gently across my bare belly. "Can't we leave the deep discussions until after breakfast? I think that should be a household rule, if not a law," Severus grumbled, his voice scratchy and deep from sleep. "Then again, you always were an insufferable know-it-all."

Mischief managed!

For those of you who are groaning about the fade-to-black, I really apologize! I do have plans to write that as a supplemental cutscene at some point. It just wasn't forthcoming before the exchange deadline.

These are the prompts I was provided by Shalimar1981:

1. Parody of the final battle and what happens at the celebrations after that... Drunken blurting out of embarrassing secrets, wild shagging of the couple in the most unlikely places. Maybe a naughty game of dice? I will love you forever for hilarious but overly realistic shagging of the type of 10 habits of a highly effective Hermione by jgurlpunckrck (on Ashwinder)... And they lived happily ever after--well, as best they can, bickering and only just managing to keep their hands off each other! Would love lots of secondary characters make an appearance as well.

And

3. A threesome between HG, SS and Remus Lupin. Bring them together in a more unusual way than just working together or meeting at the Weasleys' or Grimmauld Place. Hot smut will be appreciated, but it would be great if it were not just a PWP. Happy ending a must. :) If DH compliant, I'd love to have a more unusual explanation for how Snape and Remus live.