Part Three

Not mine, as you know.

Part Three.

I should have got drunk on my own sooner; maybe I would have been in his bed sooner then. Then again, is just being in his bed what I want? No, I still need to figure plenty of things out before that will happen. It seems my rational mind is speaking up again, and the drunken haze is slipping away.

It is time for some plotting, but first I need to get Severus out of the memories he seems to be stuck in... Hmm, no response.

Ah, well, the memories are pretty good for me, so they should be damn good for him. I think I'll do a little reminiscing of my own, as that scene in the library is definitely not my favourite, not by a long shot. I still had quite a few problems with both Severus and Lucius back then. And even though I never really stopped hating Lucius, I was too shocked, and probably young, back then to appreciate a fine male specimen without looking at the personality I knew. No, that took maybe three more encounters.

I remember that fourth encounter the best, and it is by far my favourite. It was the first time I was able to look beyond the brutal personality of Lucius and, for the lack of a better description, the evilness of Severus. For the first time I could see two men, who for all intents and purposes, were day and night, who were so different and yet both beautiful to me. I could look at their bodies and listen to the story their moans told me. They told their very own love story, though no common love story by far.

It was my third year by then, also known as the year of the Time-Turner. I saw Lucius leaving the castle one night while I should have been asleep, in my bed, in the tower. Don't ask me why I wasn't nor what I was doing out of the tower that night, for I do not remember. All I remember is using my Time-Turner to go back so I could find and watch them.

I found them near the Great Hall, of all places, and watched them make slow sensual love with each other. I had never before, and would never again, see the two make love like that, worshipping each other. Caressing and kissing as if they would never be together again. As always, Lucius was in a submissive position, but they were facing each other. Severus had placed his cloak on the floor, and Lucius was lying upon it.

Oh wait, a response seems to be needed. Ah, we are leaving. Yes, we are definitely going to your place tonight. Though I know you don't have sex with me on your mind right now. That's okay because neither do I.

We pay and walk out together. You are once again lost in your own mind, so I pick up where I had left of.

As I said, or thought, hmm, maybe my mind is still split in two. Whatever.

Lucius was lying on that cloak, and Severus was already inside of him. Sliding in and out slowly, carefully loving Lucius. They were always either looking each other in the eye or kissing passionately. Unfortunately, I had found them in the last moments of their passion, and within a few minutes, they had both come. Yet, though it was short, it left me with a feeling of both sadness and happiness, for it was obvious they had at one point loved each other very much, and somehow I knew it was never meant to be that way for them. I could see and feel the love, but more than that the love they had lost.

To feel that love was enough for me to know that I would remember that night for the rest of my life. Maybe I should mention to Severus what happened the next day. I didn't pay attention to Lucius afterwards, I knew my other self would see him, so I more or less followed Severus, and the emotions in his eyes were enough; enough for me to want to see more, to not miss any emotion this man might feel. I didn't care for Lucius, but I started seeing a bit more of Severus.

My fascination, however, did not start completely until the next day. The Malfoy Eagle Owl landed in front of me with a short note. Ron and Harry didn't recognize him, but Malfoy did, and he gave me a smirk, thinking his father had something nasty for me, and for others it might have been.

The note simply said: "Hermione. Did you like what you saw? Lucius."

The answer was simple. No, I didn't like it, I realised I loved it. I also realised that Lucius must have seen me the night before and now thought to scare a thirteen-year old away by letting know he had, but my fascination already went deeper than that. I looked up at the Head Table, but Severus wasn't looking at me, nor did he seem to notice anything special at all. I guess I started loving Severus a bit then.

I decide to tell Severus of the note, another part of my secret.

"He knew, you know."

We are inside the castle now and are almost at the painting that I know guards his private chambers. His answer is an abrupt standstill. He slowly turns himself towards me, and I wonder if either of us is still drunk. The alcohol is there, yes, but other than that...

"What do you mean?" He quickly starts walking again and opens the portrait for us. I guess I should wait until I'm inside to answer that one.

Taking a seat, he gets us both another drink, something similar to what he had before by the looks of it, and I take the chance to look around his quarters. They are pretty similar to mine, though with more of the expected green in it, just as mine came with the expected amount of red.

He is now mixing a clear drink with some sugar and water. Absinth, my mind tells me right before he pushes the glass into my hands.

"Explain."

What?! Oh yeah, explain the note. "You know I had a Time-Turner in my third year, right?" Ah, no, it seems he didn't know that, but he seems to want me to continue explaining, rather than telling about any misdeeds I got up to that year. "It doesn't matter right now. Right, well," I continue in lecture mode, "I saw Lucius leaving the castle one evening and knew what it had to mean. I had seen you together a few times by then, and I didn't want to pass this opportunity by. I found you near the Great Hall and watched you two together, before following you towards your quarters, knowing my other self would see Lucius."

He suddenly sits down on the chair opposite me. It seems to be another shock for him, and I know he's realised which encounter this was. I allow him a moment to recover and take a careful sip of my drink. Not bad, though it's definitely an acquired taste, and there is a new feeling in my head. I will be floating around after a glass of this, I'm sure.

"That doesn't..." He takes a sip of his whisky. Apparently this wasn't something he expected, but there is still more to tell him that will shock him. He continues, "That doesn't explain that Lucius knew you were watching us."

"No, it doesn't. But the note I received the next morning, asking me if I had liked it, did."

"He wrote you a note." No emotion.

"Yes."

"Asking you if you liked it?" Still no emotion.

"Yes. But I think he was trying to scare me. You know, the big evil Lucius Malfoy is having sex with Severus Snape, so he must be evil as well."

"But it couldn't have stopped there. Lucius always liked to play with people, there has to be more to it than just the one note." A question, and just the tiniest bit of insecurity.

He seems resigned to this now. Maybe it is the alcohol, which is definitely still wreaking havoc within me, but he simply seems to become detached and wanting to know more. He is correct of course, there is more to it.

"No, it wasn't the end. I guess he was testing how much I knew, for the next time he was in the castle, he left me some clues. Simple things just a tiny bit out of place, meaning absolutely nothing to others, but obvious to me. I think I knew he was in the castle during the Christmas holidays, even before you did."

"I never knew Lucius to be reckless enough to leave out clues. Nobody knew; what if others had found his clues. Taking them to mean I was on his side." He seems to get a bit more anxious again. Maybe that's the kind of drunk he is, swinging from one mood to another. I know how to reassure him though.

"Nobody else knew, and nobody figured out the clues, we both made sure of that. By the time Lucius knew I was watching and willingly coming back to see more, he changed tactics. I think he even got a new owl for it, one that wouldn't be recognised as one of the Malfoy owls by both you and Draco. It was a little black thing called Second."

His reaction is instantaneous. "You mean to tell me that little black owl, the one with the single white feather on its wing, was Lucius'?"

Now it is my turn to be shocked, though Severus seems to be aware of what he has confessed to, as well. Second, named that way after Lucius found out I saw them for the first time in second year, wasn't recognised by anyone. Ron and Harry saw her, but she came randomly and infrequently enough for them to not notice my reaction to every message she bore. But, for Severus to notice her... I need to know.

"How do you know about Second? Not even Harry and Ron recognised her. Not once in the almost five years Lucius and I used her to communicate."

The confessions are flying back and forth now, and most of it has nothing to do with the sexual relationship I was witness to. Or maybe it has everything to do with it. He seems to realise something though, when I use the word communicate, indicating that I wrote to Lucius as much as he wrote to me.

"Sometime during your sixth year, Albus came to me, to warn me. He asked me not to go the next time the Dark Lord would summon his followers, begged me actually, because it would cost me my life. That was the only time Albus had ever seemed afraid of the knowledge he had gained, and he was willing to compromise his plans to keep me safe. I never found why he was so scared, and he never told me where he got the information, but somehow I suspected it to come from within the school. I haven't seen Lucius since, but I noticed many little things about certain students, things I hadn't before. One of them was a little black owl bringing you mail, an owl not noticed by anyone else. Every time that owl came, you would look at me."

I knew Severus Snape had been a good spy, but to have noticed Second, he must have been real good.

"Lucius was a cold bastard, that never changed. But I noticed that sometimes he did things that went against the cold bastard persona, sometimes he would do things that went against the Dark Lord's orders." I'm playing with the drink in the my hands, not looking up, not wanting to see those black eyes when he realises that Lucius Malfoy loved him until the end.

"He cared for very few people, but he did everything he could for those few. One of the things he did was to explain, to me, what would happen to you during the next summons. He even gave me the information I needed to get Albus to do as I told him to. After that, I never needed to explain anything to Albus, he just listened and did what needed to be done."

I haven't right out said it, but he realises it, we both know it. When I finally look into his eyes, they are filled with a new knowledge and sorrow.

"I knew it; I just never realised I was one of them." And there it is, the realisation of the last part of my secret; it is the biggest shock for him this evening, just like it was for me when I realised what had happened. "I never did understand why he stepped in front of that curse for you, a girl he professed to hate. Everyone thought it was an accident, but I knew it was deliberate; Lucius Malfoy took a curse intended for Hermione Granger because whether he liked it or not, he couldn't cut out his own heart."

I agree. "He knew he wouldn't make it through the battle alive. He was dying, and I think it was his way of thanking me for helping save your life." The silence is complete, and we sit there drinking, watching each other.

I watch as Severus gets up from his seat as he sheds the outer layer of his clothing. For a moment I wonder if his mind has turned back to our original conversation, but he simply walks into his bedroom, and I realise he is preparing himself for the night. It seems our conversation is over for the night, and I sure won't mind if it never comes up again. I'm about to walk to my own quarters when I hear him call out to me.

"Come to bed, Hermione."

He must know that I can't resist him, so my answer is clear to the both of us. I walk into his bedroom, shed my own clothing and crawl in the bed with him. Tomorrow when we are both sober again, we can see where this will lead.

AN: Wormwood or Artemisia Absinthium, is the main ingredient that lends its name to the drink known as Absinth. It is a clear drink with a green sheen to it, though from the distance Hermione sees it and the high quality I know Severus would use, it looks completely clear. You mix it with water poured over a sugar cube until you get a milky white substance.

In the old days it was said to give people hallucinations, but with the amount of thujone, most likely the working agent in Absinth, in legal versions of the drink it is not quite possible to obtain that level of delirium. This toxic substance does, however, give you a different feel than the amount of alcohol, which can go up to 73%, can give you. It can be rather similar to smoking a joint without the potential of getting nauseous. Very pleasurable.

http://www.absinth24.net/shop/absinthe_glossary/thujon.html